


A Collection of Small Moments From the Lives of Val and Al

by HuntingPeople



Series: Who Could Stop Us [2]
Category: Hazbin Hotel (Web Series)
Genre: Aftercare, Alastor is Bad at Feelings (Hazbin Hotel), Alastor literally can't talk without his microphone, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, And Velvet regrets ever becoming best friends with two dudes, Angel Dust and Alastor being bros, Angst with a Happy Ending, Arguments, Ass to Mouth, Barebacking, Biting, Blood and Gore, Blow Jobs, Bottom Alastor (Hazbin Hotel), Bottom Valentino, But Alastor is trying so hard damn it, Cannibalism, Canon-Typical Violence, Creampie, Deerskin rug, Dirty Talk, Dry Humping, Enemies to Lovers, Face-Sitting, Fantasizing, Fighting, First Dates, First Time, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gentle Sex, HELL FUCKING YEAH!!, Hurt/Comfort, Husk being crude, Husk is a tired old man, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Insecure Valentino, Lack of Communication, M/M, Mans is just hurting, Married Life, Masturbation, Murder, Niffty is a pyromaniac, One Shot Collection, Outdoor Sex, POV Multiple, Period-Typical Homophobia, Self-Harm, Sex Positive Alastor (Hazbin Hotel), Sexual Tension, Smoking, Somnophilia, Taxidermy, Tmw you ain't getting laid so your shadow fixes that, Torture, Val swearing, Valentine's Day, Valentino FUCKING chirps like a cicada, Valentino being sad, Valentino has a pierced dick, Valentino redemption, Velvet is Done, Vox and Alastor do NOT get along, Vox and Husk get a moment to be gross, Vox is a pissbaby, Voyeurism, Weddings, change my mind, guys being dudes, headcanons galore, hug him, like 90 percent self indulgent bullshit tbh, slight dub-con, top valentino
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-11
Updated: 2020-11-29
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:20:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 61
Words: 114,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22663882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HuntingPeople/pseuds/HuntingPeople
Summary: Just as the title says, this is going to be a collection of Valentino/Alastor oneshots that take place in the same universe as my fic 'Who Could Stop You'. Most will take place after the timeline of that fic, but it isn't necessary to read it beforehand!
Relationships: Alastor/Valentino (Hazbin Hotel), Valentino (Hazbin Hotel)/Alastor's Shadow (Hazbin Hotel)
Series: Who Could Stop Us [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1630462
Comments: 1283
Kudos: 828





	1. The Mysterious Apparition of a Deerskin Rug

**Author's Note:**

> EDIT*// This fic now comes with a timeline for anyone who wishes to read this chapters in chronological order, instead of the random, but soemtimes not so random order I've posted them in uwu [Who Could Stop You Timeline](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1q-_PHtt_3xeZvWRnXcfsqJ5Ivtzakh4Kkq4fEVneqjE/edit?usp=sharing)
> 
> bOOM, I'm not fucking done with this verse lads, I can't stop thinking about Val and Al! There were a bunch of little moments I was never able to fit in, and there were so many things I wanted to explore in that particular universe, and I've gotten so many more ideas since, and it makes me so sad because I want to explore those so bad, sO
> 
> Here's a collection of moments from the lives of Val and Al, some will be fluffy, some will be smutty, some will be gorey, there may even be angsty ones, who knows? (So the rating WILL change, but all smut will be contained within their own chapters for easy skipping, since a couple of ya'll told me you didn't wanna read that OuO)
> 
> (And before I forget: 'describe a generic deerskin rug' ended up becoming 'slip in a cameo of an OC', [so here's a ref for that rug lmao](https://toyhou.se/1259283.arrow#7609547)
> 
> EDIT*// This particular chapter takes place after the events of the main fic

_"You know I love you, but please ask before you start redecorating my office, 'kay sugar?"_ Valentino said before Alastor could even get a greeting in.

His ears twitched on his head as he huffed a soft laugh, and he leaned back in his chair to kick his feet up onto his desk, "I'm afraid I have no idea what you're talking about, my dear."

_"The deerskin rug. It's great an' all, really fits the room, but I still wanna be asked first, ya know?"_

Ah, so Alastor's presence was finally starting to have an effect. He glanced around at the skulls that decorated the walls of his room and hummed, "I still don't understand what you mean unfortunately. A deerskin rug? Can you describe it to me?"

A sigh from the other side of the call.

Alastor's grin widened.

_"It's white. Mostly. Has some splashes of blood. Poor fucker's got an arrow through the neck, and another one right through the eyesockets."_

Oh, that was _certainly_ interesting. Alastor had to get a look at it.

He promptly stood from his seat and let the shadows engulf him, only to spit him out in Valentino's office.

The rug was just as described.

"Well, it _is_ a nice rug, and it _does_ fit the room. I fail to see why you're complaining about it, darling."

Valentino let out a string of curses as he whirled around, dropping his hellphone in the process. Red eyes bore into the Radio Demon stood in the centre of his office, leaning casually against his microphone, and he let out a hiss, "Don't you fucking do that, gave me a God damn heart attack-"

"I just wanted to see the rug." Alastor shrugged, stepping closer. He crouched down beside the deerskin rug to run his fingers through the thick fur, "Yes, I can confirm that this is a remnant of my power."

The pimp frowned at him, "Care to elaborate?"

"It's not something I do consciously, there's just something about me, my magic, that manifests itself in this way if I spend a lot of time in one location. You must have noticed that my room at the hotel is filled with skulls? I didn't put those there. Well, I _did_ , but not by choice. I was actually wondering when something like this would happen-" Alastor gestured to the rug, "-it's about time honestly."

Valentino was watching him like he was crazy, "You're telling me that this just appeared here because you happen to spend a lot of time here?"

"That's exactly what I'm saying." Alastor confirmed, "I do hope you like deer, because you'll be seeing a lot more of them if I choose to hang around any longer."

"Right. That's... not too bad I guess, but I think I would have preferred if this was actually your way of saying I have poor taste in interior design. I'm not sure how I feel about slowly amassing deer skulls." Val said as he picked up his phone and moved to settle back in his office chair. "It's a bit too morbid for the office of a pimp."

Alastor followed him to perch on an empty corner of the desk, spinning his microphone in his hands, "If it's any consolation, it's not _all_ deer skulls." He reassured, "For example, you just got yourself a nice new rug. And I can recall a time when Husker was quite pleased to show off a giraffe skull I left behind, though neither of us knew that's what it was until much later. I think I've also left behind a sheepskin rug." He tapped a finger against his chin, "If you wanted it enough, I'm sure you might be able to manipulate things a little bit."

"I could try that." Val hummed, then grinned, flashing a single gold tooth, "Or I could keep you here until you finally manifested what I wanted."

The deer grinned right back, leaning forward into Valentino's personal bubble, "You could _try_ that, sweetheart." He placed a quick peck on his lips, "But I was right in the middle of work when you called, so I'm afraid I must be off."

Val waved a couple of hands, playfully shooing him away. "Get outta here. Let me figure out what I'm gonna do with this thing." He said, glancing at the rug.

"Take care of her. I have a feeling she's quite special." 

And with that, Alastor had disappeared, just as quick as he'd come.

-

"Feet off the rug."

"W-what?"

"Did I fucking stutter? I said _feet off the rug_." Valentino repeated with a deep growl, intense glare making the smaller demon standing across from his desk cower in fear.

"I-I'm sorry, I-uh, I didn't mean to, sir." He apologized, shuffling awkwardly as he moved to stand on an area of floor not covered by deer skin. "I just- I don't understand why you'd leave it there, if- you know, if you didn't want anyone to stand on it. With, um, all due respect, sir-"

A hand closing tightly around the demon's throat cut off his speech, and all he could do was tremble and gasp for air as the much larger demon loomed over him.

"If I want a God damn rug in my office that no one can fucking stand on, then I will have a God damn rug in my office that _no one can fucking stand on_. Do I make myself clear?"

"Very clear, boss." The demon wheezed, "So very clear-"

Valentino tossed the demon aside, muttering to himself, "I swear if you've stained it, I will take one of those arrows and poke them through _your_ eyes."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The image of Husk just hefting up this massive giraffe skull and showing it to Alastor like 'Yo what the fUCK is this, it's RAD' is so funny to me idk
> 
> ANYWAY, I have a BUNCH of ideas, bUT if you have some ideas of your own that you'd like to see, certain moments from Who Could Stop You that you want me to expand upon, some backstory you wanna see, or ANYTHING, feel free to comment or yell at me on Twitter @Hunting_People
> 
> Stay tuned ;o


	2. A Journey of Self Discovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In order for his next sexual encounter with Valentino to go smoothly, Alastor decides he has to explore himself a bit, figure out what feels good and get used to sexual contact, and he enlists the help of his shadow.
> 
> Basically, he masturbates while his shadow does everything but help

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wHOOPS, made some smut already, that didn't take long lmao
> 
> Nothing 'plot'-y in this chapter, just pure smut, so feel free to skip! 
> 
> //Also takes place after the events of Who Could Stop You

A small gasp escaped Alastor's mouth as he pressed his hand down. It was only a small movement, but it felt good, good enough that he repeated the motion, letting out another, slightly louder gasp as he did so. 

It wasn't his first time attempting to masturbate since he'd started his relationship with Valentino, but it was the first time he'd really gotten anywhere with it. Having a... fantasy in mind helped. If he kept his eyes closed tightly, he could pretend the hand covering his clothed crotch was Val's, and that he wasn't laying in his own bed, but was instead seated in the Overlord's lap.

Except he couldn't do that, because he was still seeing himself, even though he'd closed his eyes because he didn't _want_ to see himself. He let out a frustrated growl, snapping his eyes open to glare at his shadow, watching him with a wide grin.

"Stop _watching_." Alastor hissed lowly.

His shadow let out a silent cackle.

"If I could get through this without your help, that would be delightful- wait, no... maybe that would be better!" Alastor started, but then interrupted himself as he got an idea, anger at the creature slowly fading, "Perhaps- perhaps you can show me Valentino's point of view... yes, and then I can see if I'm doing anything wrong."

His shadow squinted at him.

"It makes sense!" Alastor insisted, "I'm not doing this for my own benefit." He lifted his hand to wriggle a certain ring clad finger, "I just want to make him happy, and it makes him happy to bring me pleasure. But being... the way I am, I don't even _know_ what brings me pleasure. And obviously I don't want to look awkward and... and I don't want to freak out again, so self-exploration is a must!" He explained, wildly gesturing around him as he spoke.

His shadow repeated some of the gestures and blinked at its master.

Alastor nodded, "Exactly!" He adjusted his position on the bed, tried to make himself comfortable again, "So, I will touch myself to figure out what I like, and you can tell me exactly how unflattering it all looks." He paused when the creature tilted its head, and his grin fell slightly, "You're right. Valentino _does_ think everything I do is sexy." 

A beat of silence, and then, "Think Val, but with higher standards!"

He received another silent cackle for that one and his grin widened again, a jolly little hum slipping out to accompany it. Though the mattress didn't dip, he felt his shadow glide up beside him, settle down to watch him properly.

"Right." Alastor muttered, "We can do this. Let's try to critique properly, not just self deprecate."

Cautiously, Alastor reached a hand down to his crotch, like it would shock him if he touched it too suddenly. He was still half hard, despite the interruption, and his breath hitched when he grasped himself through the material of his pants.

He could see himself through his shadow's eyes, and he tried to pretend it was Valentino watching him instead, the thought sending a little spark of heat straight to his groin. Alastor both saw and felt the way his hips tilted upwards into his hand at that. He let out a short breath, arched his back slightly and-

"Take my clothes off? I don't think so- well, I don't care if that's what Val would want! I may be doing this for him, but we're going at _my_ pace."

Alastor tried to focus on what he was doing, but he couldn't ignore how his shadow kept nudging at him.

" _Fine!_ " He eventually snapped, unzipping his pants and shoving his hand inside, biting into his bottom lip to stifle the moan at skin-to-skin contact, "Better?"

The answer to that was his shadow excitedly urging him to carry on.

So he did, pumping his hand once, twice.

It felt good. It really did. Alastor just couldn't get over how it also felt so extremely _awkward_ and _embarrassing_.

"Is this... sexy?" He asked quietly.

As soon as the question had left his mouth, he got a strong sense of ' _only one way to find out_ ' and he swivelled his head to take a look at his shadow.

The creature had a mischievous glint to its blue eyes as it waved Alastor's hellphone in the air.

Panic seized him with icy cold hands and he grabbed the phone, throwing it across the room, "Don't you _dare_." He ordered, voice dripping with venom as he levelled his shadow with a stern glare, "If you could take this seriously now, please, I'm growing quite annoyed with you."

It shrugged casually, as if it hadn't just suggested sending _pictures_ to Valentino, and gave its master an expectant look, motioning for him to hurry up.

Once again, Alastor settled down on the bed. How many times had he tried now? No, It didn't matter. Whatever time's the charm. He returned one hand to his pants and... what in the Nine Circles did he do with his other hand? Up until then he'd kept it clenched in his bed sheets, but it didn't seem right to keep it there. He wished he had something else to hold onto. A certain blue skinned pimp with red eyes and red teeth perhaps...

If Val was there, Alastor could fist his free hand in that ridiculously soft fur collar, hide his face in it too, let the fluff muffle the little noises that tumbled from his mouth.

_"That's it, sweetheart, you're doing so well."_

Valentino's voice echoing in his mind, courtesy of his shadow, had Alastor swallowing down a whimper. He lifted his free hand to bite down on that instead of his lip, but his shadow stopped him, pressed something into it.

The lube Alastor had acquired for situations such as that.

He fumbled as he hurried to coat his fingers in the liquid, then tossed the bottle aside and got a hand on himself again. "Please..." He whispered, finding himself growing desperate.

His shadow had no problem picking up the fantasy, playing it out like a movie in Alastor's mind, in _their_ mind.

In the fantasy, Valentino was seated in his beloved office chair and Alastor was settled on his lap, hardly an inch of space between their torsos. They were still clothed, but only mostly, Alastor's coat had been lost somewhere, and the bundle of fluff at the base of his spine was exposed. Of course, that meant Val had a hand on it, grasping it gently, fingers carding through soft fur.

Alastor's tail twitched where it was trapped between his rump and the bed, like he could really feel Valentino's touch. His hand squeezed his cock, his thumb gently prodded at the tip. He couldn't stop himself bucking into the touch.

All the while, fantasy Val whispered encouragement into his twitching ears, guiding him through it, the hand on his tail continung to tease, while another one squeezed at his ass. The other two held Alastor close, stopped him from wriggling away, not that he even wanted to.

_"So perfect for me, aren't you, Bambi?"_

Alastor found himself nodding along as he humped up into his fist, the arm that wasn't busy draped over his face, hiding how red it had gotten. 

His shadow was relentless, feeding him one idea after the other. Fantasy Valentino's hands were roaming everywhere, unrestricted, unrestrained. The imaginary mouth at his ear spewing all kinds of filth that Alastor would have torn any other demon apart for.

In all of the chaos, Alastor never noticed that his free hand had started to copy the movements of fantasy Val. So he jerked in surprise when a slick finger prodded at his hole.

A bolt of pleasure raced up his spine and his mouth dropped open in a silent moan as he came, covering his hand and ruining his pants.

He didn't say a word as his chest heaved, didn't open his eyes until his breathing had calmed down.

His shadow was grinning proudly at him when he finally looked, and its features appeared to glow brighter as Alastor's hand - now clean after being wiped on the sheets - caressed its cheek.

"You're a wicked little thing." Alastor growled, but his tone was fond.

He stood from the bed and made his way to his en suite, shedding clothes as he went, knew without looking that his shadow was noiselessly wolf whistling at his retreating form.

Alastor actively ignored the small part of his brain that reminded him that he and his shadow were one and the same, anything the creature wanted, the deer wanted too. Chose instead to focus on when he could see Valentino again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I imagine Alastor's shadow to be a much more raw form of himself AKA less guarded and a whole lot more open about its (their) emotions, so his shadow sits there like 'We wanna fuck Valentino' while Al sits there like 'I don't even know who Valentino is'
> 
> //Reminder that I'm open for suggestions for dumb shit ya'll wanna see these idiots get up to ;o


	3. Valentino's Valentine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Valentino plans a surprise for Alastor's first Valentine's day as a taken man. Though the Radio Demon has countless ideas for what it could be, he never expected _this_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just in time!
> 
> A nice Valentine's day fic for Valentino's day, set after the events of the mainfic uwu

Valentine's day was widely celebrated in Hell. Surprising for a holiday all about love, but things had never made sense in that place. Something told Alastor that even if it wasn't all that popular, the residents of the Happy Hotel would be celebrating it anyway, with how Charlie's excitement seemed to grow with each day that passed.

As the fourteenth of February approached, Vaggie was almost permanently attached to the Princess of Hell's side. Angel Dust was a rare sight, being completely booked for almost the entire month. Niffty was her usual excitable self, but with ten times the amount of gushing over cute couples. Husk was... just doing his best to ignore the goings on, disdain for the holiday clear.

Once upon a time, Alastor might have felt the same way, in life for example, but not anymore. Not when he had found someone who wouldn't shut up about Valentine's day, about how good he was going to make it, how special. 

And Alastor couldn't deny how excited he himself was to find out Valentino's plans. The pimp had convinced Charlie to give Alastor the week off, and as the hotel grew busier and busier, he was thankful for it. It gave Alastor time to relax, to prepare for whatever his surprise was going to be. He didn't doubt that it would be... tasteful, the other Overlord ever aware of just what Alastor's boundaries were at any given time. But it could be anything!

He spent a lot of time bouncing ideas off of his shadow, the creature then giving its opinion on just how likely those ideas would be. Any idea that was simple or mundane was immediately shot down with a head shake and a tongue peaking out of a jagged mouth. Most of the more sexual ideas were met with a similar reaction, though some got an enthusiastic nod accompanied by a strong feeling of hope.

After a while, the sessions usually became them seeing which one could come up with the craziest idea. None of them were plausible, but it was still fun to do, helped to pass the time until the day came. Would Valentino take Alastor topside to experience his first Valentine's with the living? Would he plan an orgy involving the entire studio? Did Valentino actually have nothing planned for the fourteenth? Was he actually planning something for the _fifteenth_? So many possibilities! And Alastor didn't have a single clue as to what would really happen. He did have his preferences, his fears, but in the end he was sure he'd be content with whatever happened.

So it was quite intriguing when Valentine's day rolled and Alastor received a text telling him to wear something he wouldn't mind getting dirty. It made him grimace, he hated mud, but he remained hopeful, Val knew what he did and didn't like. He picked out an old suit, one that didn't quite fit right and he had been meaning to throw away. It still looked good on him, Alastor wouldn't settle for anything less. He finished the look off with a small top hat that settled perfectly between his stubby antlers.

He checked himself out in the mirror on his door.

Poor Valentino wouldn't be able to keep his hands off him.

And Alastor would allow it.

The vibration of his phone caught his attention and he stepped away to check it.

_'Sending a car for you, should be there soon. I'll meet you at the destination XX'_

Alastor's smile softened to something fond, but he quickly scrubbed it away. He didn't want to wander into the lobby looking like a lovesick puppy, even if that would be a completely accurate assessment. 

He threw on his coat to cover his tail from anyone he happened to pass, intending to take it off when he met Valentino, depending on where he was being taken. 

"Well, I'm off!" He said aloud to the room, looking around at his collection of skulls after one last check in the mirror. The ram skull hanging just beside the door received a gentle pat as he passed it, "For good luck, of course!"

In the lobby of the Hotel, no guests were milling about, but Husk was dutifully tending the bar/front desk. Several empty bottles were scattered around the cat, and if he was actually the one to drink them all, he didn't show it. "Where're you going so late?" He asked in a grumble.

"On a date, my dear Husker! Did you forget?" Alastor answered, leaning against the bar. He took out his hellphone, checking for an update, but there wasn't any yet.

Husk snorted, "You're always on that thing."

"I'm not." Alastor rebuked, but Husk wasn't having it.

"I haven't seen you without it for, what? A month now?"

Alastor shrugged, "I can't help that Valentino talks a lot and gets worried if I don't answer."

"Right. Keep telling yourself that." Husk grinned, dodging the hand that would have smacked him upside the head, "You want a drink before you go?"

The deer shook his head, "I shouldn't. I don't know what Val has planned, and I don't want to potentially ruin it."

"One drink ain't gonna hurt. 'S probably got an orgy planned anyway."

A flat look was directed at the cat, "I can assure you that he hasn't, and the answer is still no."

"Suit yourself."

They sat in companionable silence for a little while, until Husk nudged the deer's shoulder to pull his attention from his hellphone. "I hope it goes well." He mumbled, not meeting the other's eyes, but it was a genuine statement.

"Thank you." Alastor smiled, reaching out a hand to gently scratch at his friend's chin.

A purr started to rumble out of Husk's throat, but he quickly realized what he was doing and batted away the deer's hand. "Fuckin' hate it when you do that."

"You don't." Alastor teased as he straightened up, "But you don't have to worry about admitting that now, it's time for me to go!"

"I better not see your face until morning!" Husk called after him, sipping from the newly opened bottle in his paws.

Alastor didn't turn back to him as he strolled towards the front doors, but he did lift a hand to wave over his shoulder, chuckling to himself.

-

Alastor was driven to a much gaudier area of the city, exactly Valentino's style and close to where he had taken him for their first date. So he suspected that dinner was most likely on the agenda for that night, but why Val had mentioned getting his clothes dirty, he had no idea.

Valentino was waiting just outside of the restaurant, usual coat missing to reveal the tattered outfit he'd chosen to wear for their Valentine's date. He eagerly gathered Alastor into his arms when he arrived, golden tooth glinting in the dim light, "You look ravishing as always, darlin'."

"Do I?" Alastor questioned with a raised eyebrow, "This old suit never fit me well and the shade of red is just a _tad_ off..."

"Stop fishing for compliments." Val huffed, pressing his lips to Alastor's forehead.

Alastor grabbed his shirt to pull him down into a proper kiss, melting into it instantly and trying to get closer to the pimp. But he didn't let it last too long, pulling away after just a few seconds to ensure they weren't caught. He wasn't sure he was ready to officially announce his relationship with the other Overlord to all of Hell just yet.

Val grinned widely at him, and stepped back so he could hold his elbow out to his partner, "Shall we go inside?"

The deer took it with a coy look that only made Val breath a soft laugh. As they made their way inside, he couldn't help but to comment, "I must admit, I... didn't think you would go for a simple dinner for today."

"I'm a fan of a simple sometimes, I thought that might be best for your first Valentine's day."

Alastor tried to ignore the fluttering in his stomach at that statement, "I appreciate that, thank you."

The inside of the restaurant was packed, every table filled with sinners of all shapes and sizes, except for one near the centre of the room, on a small stage that was most likely used for live music on a regular night. Everyone looked to be dressed their best, and Alastor felt somewhat out of place in his ill-fitting suit. Val wouldn't have... done that on purpose, would he? Make him look bad in such a public place? No, he wouldn't do that, after all he was dressed the same. How confusing.

"Your coat, sir?" Someone asked from behind Alastor.

Alastor turned to them, answered brightly, "I'd prefer to keep it, it's pretty chilly in here!"

The demon nodded and guided the couple towards the table on the stage. He was shooed away by Valentino after that, so the pimp could pull out Alastor's chair for him, then he pulled out his own right beside the deer's, instead of sitting across from him.

A couple of menus were already laid out on the table and Alastor picked one up to see what type of restaurant Valentino had taken him to, since he didn't recognise the place. It only took a single second of him scanning the menu for him to freeze.

He took another second.

Glanced up at Valentino.

The pimp was watching him over his sunglasses, chin propped up on his laced fingers, "See anything you like?"

"Val, what is this?" Alastor asked slowly, closing the menu and placing it on the table.

It was filled with names.

Valentino leaned close so he could speak quietly and still be heard, "This is your Valentine's surprise, baby."

Alastor frowned at him, smile falling slightly, "I don't think I understand."

Val wrapped an arm around his shoulders, "Baby, everyone in this room is someone who's been causing me more trouble than their worth, so go nuts." He placed a kiss on a soft ear, "That's my gift to you, a nice little bloodbath. I know it's been hard for you with the hotel and everything, but the princess isn't gonna find out about this." He lowered his voice further, "It'll just be our little secret."

Alastor's breath left him in a rush, his eyes going wide. He adjusted his monocle as he looked around the room, "Not that I care if any of them deserve it, but... _all_ of them?"

"All of them." Val confirmed, leaning back. "Every single one."

Alastor stood abruptly, shedding his coat as he did so, "Will you be joining me, my dear?"

Valentino shook his head, "I'm just here for the show. Here, allow me." He took Alastor's coat from him, draped it over one arm, and pecked him on the lips, "Go have fun, Bambi."

Alastor couldn't remember the last time he'd put on a performance, it had been so long. Oh, he couldn't _wait_ to get started. He manifested his microphone, used it like a cane as he circled the small stage, trying to figure out where to start.

Some of the other demons located around the room were watching them cautiously, nervously, obviously not entirely comfortable in the presence of the Radio Demon. As they should be.

While Alastor couldn't broadcast to the entire city like he used to, he could still broadcast for one. He sent a wink Valentino's way before stepping backwards off the stage, dropping down next to one of the tables on the floor. 

He grinned at them with far too many teeth, shadow writhing at his feet, antlers snapping and crackling as they grew, claws lengthening.

The demons scrambled up immediately, knocking over glasses and breaking plates, getting tangled in the table cloth in their desperate attempt to escape, but they were far too slow.

Alastor's mouth clamped down on the throat of the demon closest to him, tore it out, let out a moan at the waterfall of blood. His shadow grabbed onto the other two, holding them in place for Alastor to gut and behead. 

He'd only just gotten started and already he was drenched from head to toe, old clothes completely ruined, hair sticking to his face, but of course it didn't stop him. 

By then, the others in the room had realized what was going on, and they were running around frantically, but the doors appeared to be locked, and the restaurant didn't have any windows. They were trapped and at the mercy of the Radio Demon and the pimp who had set him loose on them.

Alastor reined in his excitement as much as he could, wanting to drag out the show for his lover. 

He slaughtered every last demon in that room using only his claws and his teeth, tearing limbs from torsos, exposing bones and organs to the warm air, swallowing down chunks of flesh as he went, eating his fill while he had the chance. Never stopping, never tiring. All the while he broadcast to his audience of one, providing commentary when he remembered, cracking clever jokes, asking for input and suggestions. 

Valentino himself acting as his studio audience, providing the laughtrack and the applause at the appropriate time.

It was hours before the life drained from the last sinner and Alastor finally came to a stand still, panting heavily, a manic grin stretching his cheeks impossibly wide. A steady _drip, drip, drip_ sounded in the air as blood slowly slipped off of his claws, his nose, his hair.

Valentino whistled sharply, "Spectacular show, my darling!" He jumped from the stage to make his way over to the corner Alastor was standing in, "Absolutely stupendous! That was so much better live than I was expecting! The way they begged, the way tried to make a deal, the way they screamed!" He swept the deer off his feet, spun them in a circle, "You never fail to impress, Alastor! Why I might just have to arrange something like this more often."

Alastor laughed as he was placed back on the ground, shoes squelching on the blood soaked carpet, "My dear, I hope you aren't just using me for my talents!" He pressed close, fisting hands in Valentino's stained shirt as he glanced at his lips expectantly.

For the first time ever, Val pushed him away, but he quickly reassured, "Cannibalism may be your thing, but isn't mine, I'll kiss you all you want when I can't see flesh stuck in your teeth." He looked around the ground at his feet, found what he was looking for, crouched, pulled something out of a demon's chest, "How about a heart for my Valentine instead?"

"Hmm, I guess I'll take it." Alastor huffed with a smile, plucking the organ from Valentino's outstretched hand. It was small enough for him to fit the whole thing in his mouth at once, so he did, chewing noisily. Once he'd swallowed he licked his fingers clean with a hum. "I assume you have a plan to deal with this mess?"

"Of course, baby, who do you take me for? Don't know what to do with those, though."

At Alastor's confused look, a hand closed around an enlarged antler, gave it a little yank to force the deer to tilt his head back, exposing his throat.

He growled, shook his head to dislodge the hand, strings of guts coming off with it.

"Leave them." Alastor said, "They'll shed soon enough."

Valentino nodded and pulled the shorter demon into a hug, top pair of hands cupping his face so he could look into half-lidded eyes, "Did you have a nice night?"

Alastor leaned into the touch, closed his eyes, his smile content, "The best."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not featured: The fact that Valentino most definitely throws exclusive parties every Valentine's day because that is HIS day (That may or may not devolve into orgies) and also the fact Alastor's little show gave him a raging boner


	4. Dead Air

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Valentino just wants to ask a question, but Alastor won't give him an answer unless he gets to ask his own. Personal things are shared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boi is that VALENTINO POV??
> 
> You bet yer left buttcheek it is. Just a sneakpeek of things to come, I really want to do more Val POV chapters! And to spice things up, this chapter is from early on in the relationship, not long after their first date AKA pre-Who Could Stop You? ;o

"You know I've always wondered..."

Alastor's rambling trailed off and he paused in his wild gesturing, focusing his attention on his partner, "Wondered what, my dear?"

Valentino propped an elbow on his desk and rested his chin in the palm of his hand, red eyes watching the Radio Demon from behind heart shaped glasses. He took a moment to just admire him, ask himself how in the Nine Circles he'd ever convinced Alastor to go on that first date.

"Is that your actual voice?" Valentino asked eventually, when he could tell that Alastor was beginning to grow impatient, "Or is it just something you put on? A part of the show?"

Alastor threw his head back in a hearty laugh, "A bit of a personal question, isn't it?"

"Is it?" Val countered, "I'm just trying to get to know you, baby. C'mon, indulge me why don't ya?"

"And ruin the mystery? The intrigue?" Alastor asked with a hum, tapping his feet on the ground. "Why would I do that, my good friend? No, I like keeping you in the dark! Making you work for it!" He snapped his fingers, and a laughtrack sounded in the air, "Think of how much more rewarding it will be when you finally have the answer you crave!"

The pimp bit back a sigh at that. Alastor's roundabout way of avoiding things he didn't like was endearing most of the time, but when it was Valentino trying to get a genuine answer from him, it ended up becoming quite frustrating.

"You want me to beg, baby? I can do that." He purred, plastering on a grin and sending a wink Alastor's way.

He didn't miss the slight twitch of that ever present smile, "God, no!"

Ah, dial it back with the innuendos then, Valentino noted. Alastor wasn't ready for it, and he wasn't about to scare him off, not when he'd finally gotten the deer right where he wanted him. Well, _specifically_ Valentino would want Alastor in his lap, not sitting on the other side of the room and refusing to come any closer, but baby steps.

Valentino leaned back in his own chair, "What do you want then?"

Red claws tapped at Alastor's chin, "Quid pro quo? If I answer this incredibly personal question, I expect to get to ask one in return."

"It's a deal." Val agreed, crossing both sets of arms, "I'd shake on it, but I'm not stupid."

Alastor pointed his microphone at him and winked, "Good choice." He crossed one leg over the other and tapped the base of the mic on the ground, hummed a quick tune to himself, "In all honesty, the answer isn't as exciting as you think it is! Unfortunately my verbal tick is a permanent feature I have no control over. I _do_ hope it doesn't get too grating!" The last part was dripping with sarcasm.

"I could listen to you all day, baby." Valentino reassured anyway, "Now what did you want to ask?"

Alastor spun his microphone around in his hand, the thing disappearing with a comical poof as he did so, then he clapped his hands together, "Oh, the possibilities! What _do_ I ask?" He jumped up from his chair, began to pace the room as he mouthed something to himself, his studio audience reacting to his silent contemplation with gasps and cheers and laughs. Finally, he came to a stop, directing an almost feral grin at the pimp, "Tell me, my dear, what was the great Valentino like topside?"

The question made Val freeze, eyes widening ever so slightly, hopefully hidden by his glasses. He shrugged it off, tried to act like it was nothing. He flicked his wrist and a cigar appeared in his hand, already lit. He took a long drag from it, blowing the smoke out slowly, "I think that's a bit more personal than just asking about a voice."

"Tit for tat. You agreed." Alastor reminded him.

"I didn't shake on it."

A record scratch, quickly followed by Alastor's howl of laughter. It went on for almost a full minute until he managed to calm himself down, gain control once again. Wiping tears from his eyes, he wheezed, "Oh, I like you, that was impressive! Excellently done!"

Valentino flashed red teeth at the Radio Demon, ignoring how his heart was trying to beat right out of his chest. "Why, _thank you_ , Al! Never thought I'd see the day when the Radio Demon himself complimented me."

"I give credit where credit is due." Alastor said airily, taking a step closer. He bent at the waist, a predatory glint in his eye, "Now, the answer to my question?"

Val blew the smoke from his second drag out of the side of his mouth, doing his best to make sure none of it went anywhere near Alastor's face. Something told him that would be a death sentence.

"Lil' Valentino was a fucking nobody." He said quietly, after he'd given himself a moment to think about it, "Broke and stupid. No friends to ask for help, not that he'd let go of his pride long enough, and a family that avoided him like the fucking plague. He died, cold and alone." He let out a bitter laugh, took another drag of his cigar, "Guess I was sent downstairs after that, 'cause I did some fucked up shit, just because I could, and I loved every God damned second of it.

"Now here I am. King of an empire I built from scratch with decades of hard work and dedication."

There was a flicker of something on Alastor's face, but it was gone as quick as it came. His smile didn't waver.

"I guess you and I aren't so different after all."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Isn't THAT interesting?
> 
> Tbh as much as I genuinely love the cajun Alastor fanon ( [God bless Ed for doing that voice request](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_Rml2FtvW4)) I'm just a dumb Brit who doesn't understand the first thing about American accents + I lowkey find it really annoying to read and/or write them (And that goes for ALL heavy acents tbh) I'M SORRY


	5. The Part Where the Villian Explains His Evil Plan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vox and Velvet invade Val's office to complain about his decision to cancel his annual Valentine's party to do something special for Alastor instead. Things escalate between the guys and Velvet has to step in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Velvet is just a mother with two incredibly unruly children.
> 
> Set a little before the Valentine's chapter!

"Are you fucking serious, Tiny? _Cancelled_? This better be a fucking joke!"

"Yeah! What were you _thinking_? I had the perfect outfit picked out and everything!"

"Do you know how long it took me to pick out the music? I spent _hours_ -"

"Will you both shut the _fuck_ up for five minutes?" Valentino snapped, interrupting the both of them. He risked a glance up and immediately regretted it, the bright glow of Vox's screen face too bright for his oncoming migraine, "Party's cancelled. That's it. End of story. I ain't gonna change my mind, so you can quit your bitching."

Vox scoffed, crossing his arms over his chest, "Just because your little boytoy has you wrapped around his little finger-"

"You're on thin fucking ice, Vox." Valentino hissed, holding up one hand to show his thumb and forefinger pinched together tightly, "I am _this_ close to shoving my cane through your face."

"Do it." The TV demon goaded, spreading his arms wide, "At least then I wouldn't have to see you bending over backwards to please that psychotic bastard. You know he's just using you, right? You know he's not capable of loving you? Of loving anyone but _himself_? The second you stop giving him exactly what he wants, the second you stop being _fun_ , he's going to cast you aside and leave you in the dust, and we'll be left to pick up the pieces of poor Valentino's broken heart-"

"That's _enough_!" Valentino roared, shooting up from his chair and slamming all four hands on his desk. The sheer intensity of his fury seemed to make the entirety of Porn Studios shake.

Vox was only silenced for a moment, "You're only mad because-"

"Guys!" Velvet interrupted, stomping her foot, fists clenched at her sides, "Stop fighting, for Lucifer's sake!" She turned to the TV demon, "Vox, you're just being a whiny pissbaby because you're mad the party was cancelled and _you_ -" She whirled around to face the pimp, looking like he was about to fly across his desk and strangle Vox, "-you need to stop switching to killer mode whenever someone talks shit about your doe. You ain't gonna keep it a secret for long if you can't control yourself. Nobody likes the Radio Demon, get used to it."

She turned to glare at Vox again, hands on her hips, "Well?"

Vox lowered his gaze, muttered, "You're mad about the party too."

"That doesn't sound like an apology, Voxxy."

"I'm sorry that Val is a little bitch that can't handle-"

" _Vox_!"

Vox threw his hands in the air, "Fine! Jesus _Christ_." His eyes met the pimp's, "I'm _sorry_ , Tiny. There. You happy, mother?" He turned to the much smaller demon.

She heaved a sigh and mumbled under her breath, "Ugh, _men_." Then she clapped her hands together and bounced over to Valentino, urged him to sit down, "Sooo, tell us what you're planning for Al! Is it super romantic?"

Val grinned, tongue peeking out between his teeth, anger completely forgotten at the opportunity to explain his plans, "Well..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Something about Vox just screams pissbaby to me idk, also he's super lowkey jealous that Val got to Al first, just saying. And he calls Valentino Tiny because he thinks he's fucking hilarious.
> 
> Reminder that I'm always open for suggestions for this 'verse and my Twitter is @hunting_people if you wanna yell at me ;o


	6. Weird Animal Facts with Al and Val

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alastor finds out what Valentino's seemingly useless antennae are for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry not sorry for the spam, I'm just trying to get all of the smaller ideas out of the way, so I can focus on the bigger ones ;o

"What are these even for? They never seem to do anything, just... act as decoration." Alastor asked, reaching a hand up to flick at one of the antennae on his lover's head.

"Wha- ah! Hey!" Valentino scowled, slapping the offending hand away and leaning out of Alastor's reach, "Don't do that! Just because I don't emote with them so openly like you guys with your ears, doesn't mean they aren't important!"

Alastor followed the motion of the antennae he just flicked, watching it vibrate as it tried to settle. His own ears lowered a fraction at Val's words, "I don't _emote openly_."

"Uh huh." Val hummed, watching said ears flick back and forth. Two hands reached up to grab at them, while his other two stopped the deer from escaping the touch. 

Alastor actually leaned into the touch, much to Val's surprise, but that didn't stop him growling, "I will bite all twenty of your fingers off one by one and take great pleasure in watching you struggle."

A chuckle bubbled out of the pimp, "Of course, baby, I believe you. I better make the most of this while I can, huh?" He rubbed the ears in his hands gently, enjoying the feel of soft fur slipping between his fingers.

By the looks of it, if Alastor could purr, that would be the exact sound he'd be making in that moment. As it stood, he just hummed a soft tune, eyes closed, smile small and content.

"Don't think I've forgotten about my question." Alastor mumbled quietly, hands fisted tightly in Valentino's coat, like that would stop him from falling asleep at the touch. 

God damn, he was adorable, and Valentino was so, _so_ smitten.

"I use them for scent mostly." The pimp eventually answered.

Alastor froze in his touch, eyes flickering upon. His gaze fixed on the subtly twitching antennae. "How queer. With all of the strange things Hell does to sinners, I never thought smelling with antennae would be one of them."

Val shot him a look, "Baby, that's not a weird Hell thing, it's a regular insect thing."

"It's _what_?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me, Googling: What the fUCK do bug antennae do
> 
> Google: Blah blah blah scent-
> 
> Me: I fucking KNEW IT-


	7. Glass Half Full I'd Prolly Just Drink That Too

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2 of Who Could Stop You? as told from Valentino's point of view

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay there is a SLIGHT trigger warning for the beginning of this, just because Valentino is a whole dumbass and he misinterprets the events of chapter 1 of WCSY, thinking it wasn't consenual (When it actually was) and he victim blames vAGUELY, but if that would be a problem for you, skip the first two larger paragraphs and start reading after that! ;u; 
> 
> And while you're here I just wanna say a HUGE thank you to everyone who's been commenting, and I especially love seeing familiar faces!! I don't always reply because I'm literally the WORST at talking, believe it or not, but I do read every single one, and every single one makes my day a little brighter! <33

Valentino was stupid. Valentino was _so. Fucking. Stupid._ He shouldn't have pushed Alastor that far, but what did the deer expect, acting like that- Nope. No, no. Valentino wasn't a God damn animal, he could control himself. He _could_ , but he hadn't.

Well, maybe Alastor was _slightly_ to blame. He had been giving off mixed signals the entire damn night. Saying he didn't want things, but then _not_ saying anything whenever Valentino made a move, letting it happen, then straight up _encouraging_ him. Alastor had literally said ' _take advantage_ ', and Valentino had even given him a safe word, for Lucifer's sake! And he could have used it, but he hadn't, even though he clearly didn't enjoy what had happened. 

Alastor had done a pretty good job of hiding just how traumatized he was, but he'd left far too quickly after making a meal of Valentino's ex-employee.

There was no denying he was done, finished, not coming back.

Valentino had fucked him up so bad that Alastor couldn't even bring himself to text him, _'It's over'_.

That was okay. That was perfectly fine. 

Except it wasn't, and Valentino couldn't pull himself away from his hellphone, just waiting for an answer, an explanation. He texted when the waiting became too much, apologizing over and over, begging Al to just reply to him, tell him what he did wrong so he could fix it.

It crossed his mind that maybe Alastor had just forgotten to charge his phone, it wouldn't be the first the time, but he usually remembered after a few days, at _most_. He'd never flat out forgotten for almost a _month_. No, it couldn't be a mistake, it was ghosting, plain and simple.

Still, the texts continued, and Val attempted to call him almost every night, leaving voicemails when he didn't pick up. Some of them were more like angry rants, but he couldn't help it. He was being pathetic, he knew he was. Stalker-ish. Maybe the deer had thrown his phone away, it _had_ been a gift from Valentino, and not even a nice one at that, why did he choose pink again? Red would have fit Alastor so much more, maybe he would have more readily accepted the gift then.

He was moping, that much was obvious, and he knew Vox and Velvet would have some things to say to him if they ever saw him like that. ' _I told you so'_ s and insults, before they shoved a bottle in one hand, a cigar in another, and some random whore into the remaining two, and told him to get the fuck over it. As it stood, he'd been as good at avoiding them as Alastor had been with him, claiming to be busy.

'Busy' was really just him locking himself in his office all day, using his computer to search up which employees had fucked up enough for him to take his frustrations out on them. Then retiring to his penthouse at night, where he would lay in bed and avoid sleep by staring at every sneaky picture he'd taken of Alastor. Most were old, blurry shots of a Radio Demon mid-broadcast, but some were newer, and they were Val's favourites.

Like the one where Alastor had fallen asleep on the couch in Valentino's office, shortly before _the incident_ , and the pimp had been so giddy over the fact that Al _trusted_ him enough to _fall asleep_ in his presence. Or the various shots he'd taken of Alastor rambling, moments where his ever-present grin seemed much more genuine and he was too distracted to notice Val pulling out his hellphone.

God, he was fucking in love with the demon. Hopelessly, utterly, completely _in love_.

It wasn't a new epiphany, that had happened a long time ago, but it was that realization one night, three weeks into his mopefest, that made him decide that no, he wasn't just going to let Alastor get away from him. Fuck that bullshit. He was going to fight for him, God damn it.

So he invited himself to the Happy Hotel.

The Princess was all too happy to let him in, and Valentino quickly asked her where he could find Alastor before she started rambling, their excuse that they were having discussions about Val being more involved with the hotel coming in handy. He was given directions and sent on his way, and _man_ did it feel good to have free range of one of Lucifer's properties. Valentino didn't hesitate to take his time looking around as he wandered the hallways, having only been in the common areas in his handful of visits in the past.

But eventually he reached Alastor's room and it occurred to him that he was actually going to have to talk to the deer. There was no backing out now, even if he had no idea what state Alastor would be in.

Well, he was ready to die if it came to that.

The jazz music that could be heard coming from the room was almost loud enough for Valentino to _feel_. He knocked, hard, trying to be heard over it.

He didn't get a reply.

And oh how that pissed him off. 

Alastor had the ears of a deer and the hearing to match, there was no way he didn't notice the knocking. And Alastor wasn't the kind of person to make it seem like he was home when in reality he was on the other side of the city. So he was ignoring Valentino.

The pimp knocked harder, longer, didn't care if it bruised his knuckles in the morning. He was there, he was ready to talk, and he wasn't going to leave until he'd done so. He leaned back, lifted a leg to kick the door in, and heard the music stop just as he threw his weight forward.

The door hit the wall and something crashed to the ground, but Valentino didn't notice, he was pissed, and he was hurt, and he couldn't take his eyes off Alastor. 

The Radio Demon looked perfectly calm, dressed only in a deep red robe.

Shadows seized hold of Valentino's legs, crawled up as high as his waist to keep him lodged firmly in place. The cane he'd brought with him was thrown across the room.

They yelled at each other.

Well. Valentino yelled. Alastor spoke calmly, hardly one to lose his temper.

But Valentino didn't want to fight, so he calmed himself down, and they _talked_.

And it was all just a big misunderstanding, because Alastor was fine. He'd just forgotten and he'd been genuinely busy helping out with the hotel, and Val wanted to laugh in relief, pull the deer close and smother him with as many kisses as he'd tolerate.

Valentino didn't do that, he took it slowly. He wrapped Alastor in his coat and asked him politely before he hefted him onto his lap, held him steady and explained, _'It's called aftercare, dumbass'_. He touched Alastor with reverence, and when he dared to make an innuendo, the deer grinned at him and the following _'I hate you'_ was playful and not at all true.

Then he'd asked Val to stay the night and the pimp could have cried as he accepted, more than ready to leave that little chapter of their lives in the past.

Alastor, perfect fucking Alastor, had taken his robe off then, leaving him in only Valentino's coat, before he led them to a room more accommodating to the pimp's size.

The brief interaction with Angel Dust along the way was enough to dispell the last dregs of Val's bad mood, even if it had ticked Al off a little.

Alastor cuddling up against his side, accepting his touch, was enough to cement his good mood in place. His heart soared when Alastor honest to Lucifer _nuzzled_ into the hand stroking his head, asking for more.

It was all ruined when Valentino's hellphone vibrated, and he couldn't ignore it because it was important work shit. He excused himself to the balcony, to at least have the illusion of privacy as he berated his men for their idiocy. He could swear that every one of them was completely competent before he hired them, then as soon as they became an official employee, common sense flew out the God damn window like it was escaping a house fire. At one point he even had to set his phone down, so he could use all four of his arms to gesticulate in the air as he chewed them out. It didn't stop him almost throwing it off the balcony when he was done.

Work shit dealt with, he manifested a lit cigar and took a long drag from it, releasing the smoke in a sigh as the strong taste instantly relaxed him.

Alastor joined him then, and Valentino appreciated the efforts to cheer him up, but felt he wouldn't be able to speak without snapping - how in the Nine Circles had they managed to fuck up a simple drug deal so badly? - that is, until Al stole his cigar. 

He smoked like he'd been doing so since the day he arrived in Hell, even though Val had never seen the evidence. He even knew how to blow smoke rings, which, admittedly, had taken even Valentino a while to learn.

Alastor finished the cigar off for him, and had no issues getting Val to share his second one with him. How was he supposed to say no when Al sat in his lap like that and kissed him so sweetly? And after that they simply sat. Valentino leaning back against the lawn chair, every one of his hands on the deer sitting so perfectly in his lap. He wished he could reach that tail, was desperate to run his fingers through the soft fur again, but his coat was covering it. He guessed he didn't mind too much, since the sight of Alastor wearing his favourite coat was one of the best he'd ever seen.

And that night was one of the best he'd ever experienced. In all of his decades in Hell, the thousands of nights he'd been through, this was the one he wished wouldn't end. He'd give anything if it meant he could stay in that chair for the rest of eternity, with Alastor right there with him. No one else but them.

Maybe it could be. Shit, they really could go for it if they wanted to. He wasn't stupid enough to take on the King himself, but any other Overlord? They wouldn't stand a chance if Al and Val teamed up like that, not when Valentino also had Vox and Velvet on his side, and those friends of Alastor's, Husk and Niffty, were pretty damn powerful too.

One day, perhaps, when they were married and-

The thought came to him so suddenly, Val might have jumped if he wasn't so relaxed. 

Married.

Why did that sound so natural? So right?

"It's late." Alastor said quietly, but neither of them moved. "Did you hear me, my dear?"

"Loud and clear. I don't want to move." Valentino muttered, opening his eyes and lifting his head. He sat there silently as he contemplated whether or not he was really about to propose, taking so long that worry began to work its way into Alastor's features.

Valentino was crazy enough and in love enough to just fucking _go for it_. 

"I don't want this moment to end." He admitted quietly, "This is the closest I've come to Heaven since I got down here and I don't want to give it up. Fuck _real_ Heaven, this is all I need. Just you and me, baby, Hell could be ours. Who could stop us?" 

They were the truest words the pimp had ever spoken.

"...What are you trying to say, Valentino?"

_Fuck it_.

"You're it for me, I don't want anyone else. Ever."

He could see the emotions rapidly flickering across Alastor's face, and he prayed to _God_ that Al would let him down gently if he came to that decision. Didn't think he could handle anything else.

"This sounds like a proposal..."

But he _hoped_ Alastor would say yes.

"What if it was?"

It was a lot to ask of the fucking _Radio Demon_. A guy who'd never been with anyone before, had never gone on dates, never had sex, never even touched himself, in the entire century of his existence on both Earth and in Hell. But he was also the guy that Valentino was ridiculously in love with.

"Call me old fashioned, but I'd ask for a ring."

That wasn't a no, but it also wasn't a _yes-_

"Baby, I'd give you anything. If you want a ring, I'll get you a ring."

Alastor let out a stuttering sigh that turned into a laugh loud enough to wake the entirety of Pentagram City, and Valentino's heart sunk all the way into his stomach. 

"Is this real?" Al gasped when his laughter began to subside.

"I fucking hope so!" Val laughed along, despite the war raging inside of him, "If I wake up, I'm gonna be pissed."

"Then yes."

He was so caught up in the storm of _I fucked up, he said no, don't cry, God don't fucking cry_ , that he just dumbly said, "What?"

" _Yes_!" Alastor repeated, backed up by the cheering of his studio audience, "I said yes. When can I expect that ring?"

Valentino surged up out of the chair, Alastor in his arms. He spun them around, unable to contain his sheer _joy_ , "I'll start looking in the morning, and you'll have it by night at the latest."

When they laid in bed that night, after one of the best orgasms Val had ever had, and the most heartfelt conversation, he thought that, while he was a sinner, sent to Hell as an eternal punishment, everything would be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing Val's POV is super fun lmao
> 
> NOW IT'S IMPORTANT QUESTION TIME YA'LL, how would you feel about me 'involving' Alastor's shadow in the relationship a little more? I got some ideas for some smut that would be Val/shadow ONLY (which I've already started writing because I'm a whore) so opinions?? Do you wanna see that? Or should I post that as a separate fic that isn't a part of this specific universe? (Remember that Alastor's shadow is literally just an extension of himself, and not a whole separate character or anything)


	8. Get Your Fucking Dog, Bitch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vox being his usual pissbaby self and Alastor trying so hard not to react for the sake of Valentino, until Vox takes it too far AKA a small chapter playing with the idea that Alastor physically cannot speak or make any form of noise without his microphone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been wanting to draw something based on this vine for ages, but I guess fanfic will have to suffice for now lmao
> 
> Also I can confirm that it's canon that Vox and Velvet almost exclusively communicate in vines
> 
> (This takes place some time after Who Could Stop You?)

"Get your fucking dog, bitch."

_Don't kill him, don't kill him, you're better than he is, do not rise to the bait, Val will not be happy._

Alastor forced his grin wider, clenched his hands tightly around his microphone stand. He'd promised Valentino that he wouldn't get into fights with Vox while in the Studio, or anywhere else they all happened to be, and he was determined to stick to that.

Fights elsewhere were fine, even encouraged, if it meant they wouldn't be at each other's throats when Val just wanted to hang out with his favourite sinners in peace.

Unfortunately, the inflammatory comment was made when the four of them, Alastor, Val, Vox and Velvet, were in the pimp's penthouse having a 'movie night'. 

Velvet was curled up by herself in a bean bag chair with a tub of ice cream, while the other three were on the couch. Vox seated on one end, Val and Alastor on the other, though Alastor wasn't cuddled up to the pimp as much as he would want, just slightly leaning towards him. 

They'd managed to get through the first movie without incident, it wasn't until the second one started that Vox apparently found himself growing bored and just had to start inching his way along the couch, towards the couple. Alastor had ignored it, until he'd started getting too close, then he'd manifested his microphone to jab the base of the stand into Vox's chest, pushing him back with a harsh whisper of ' _five foot rule_ '.

Vox, the incorrigible _bastard_ that he was, had chosen that moment, not to behave, but to liken Alastor to a _dog_.

And now Alastor was stuck pretending he didn't want to see how much force Vox's TV head could handle before it shattered.

"Vox, whatever you're doing, stop it." Val reprimanded from his side of the couch, just loud enough to be heard over the volume of the movie.

"I wasn't doing anything-"

"You were _invading my personal space_." Alastor interrupted, jabbing his microphone into Vox's chest again.

"If you poke me with that thing again, so help me _Lucifer-_ "

"Don't fucking make me sit between you two like you're _children_."

Alastor was ready to let it go, tucking his legs underneath him and leaning fully against Valentino.

Vox wasn't.

He snatched Alastor's microphone right out of his hands and jumped from the couch, held it in the air triumphantly.

Alastor stared at him with his most feral grin fixed firmly in place, "I will say this once and only once. _Give it back_." His shadow was itching for a fight, writhing at his feet, just waiting for its master's signal before it lunged. Alastor wanted to let it so badly, but Val was right beside him, and he'd be so disappointed.

"Guys!" Velvet whined, "Just sit down and watch the movie!"

But she went ignored.

"Vox, for fuck's sake-"

There was a snapping noise, followed by a deafeaning screech of microphone feedback.

Alastor stilled. He didn't blink, he didn't even breath. He stared at the TV demon with wide eyes and an even wider grin, while his shadow growled silently at his feet, gnashing teeth at Vox's ankles.

"The fuck you staring at, Rudolph?" Vox mocked, waving the two halves of the microphone, " _Husker_ got your tongue-"

He froze as the microphone in his hands slowly turned to ashes and fell through his fingers, ending up as just a pile of dirt on Valentino's immaculate floor.

Despite the company and the choice of activity, it had been a rather fun night up to that point. Alastor had been enjoying the domesticity of it all, something he and Val had never really been able to do with how busy they were, and Vox just couldn't put their differences aside for _one night_ -

Alastor disappeared with a snap of his fingers.

-

Knuckles rapidly knocking against the countertop is what drew Husk's attention to him. 

In any other situation, Alastor would have delighted in the horrified look on the feline's face when he saw the Radio Demon's murderous expression, but he was a bit preoccupied.

"You're usually more polite when you ask for a drink."

Alastor's eyes narrowed and his grin turned strained. He started the knocking again, but it was less rapid and more of a deliberate pattern.

"Wha- again? Al, you gotta be more careful with that thing-"

More knocking.

"Yeah, I guess I can tell him if he comes by, you focus on fixing your voice."

Alastor nodded his thanks and knocked Husk's hat aside to pat his head, much to the cat's chagrin.

-

_'Are you all right, baby? XOXO'_

_'Al?'_

_'If it makes you feel better I yelled at Vox enough that he actually feels kind of bad for what he did. XO'_

_'Velvet did too, and she did NOT hold back.'_

_'Alastor?'_

_'Please text me back. XX'_

_'Or call me if you prefer. X'_

_'Al, if you don't tell me you're OK, I'm coming over. Don't make me kick your door in again.'_

_'Alastor, seriously, you're scaring me. Answer.'_

-

_'I'm truly sorry for scaring you, my dear. I'm fine and I'm not mad at you in the slightest, but what Vox did is unacceptable and it's taking me a while to undo his childish tantrum. Please feel free to come over, I've missed you this past week.'_

_'XO'_

-

"Are you seriously giving me the silent treatment, Al? You said you were fine." Valentino growled, watching as Alastor only walked by him to leave his room.

His shadow looked back, crooked a finger to indicate for the pimp to follow them.

Valentino did so albeit reluctantly, "I cannot _believe_ you!"

Alastor led him downstairs and all the way to the bar where Husk was free of patrons and passing the time by consuming his own supply. 

He placed his bottle down when he spotted the pair, focused on Alastor, "You tell him yet?"

Alastor shook his head.

"Tell me what?" Val hissed, choosing to remain standing as Alastor took a seat at the bar.

Husk sighed, slid a glass over the bar towards Valentino. "Here. Blue Label. An apology for the involuntary silent treatment." He explained, "Alastor's microphone ain't _just_ a microphone, it's an extension of himself, like his shadow. If it breaks, he can't talk, can't make a _single_ fucking sound, until he can manage to cook up a new one. This ain't the first time it's happened, and I keep telling him to be careful-"

Alastor rapped his knuckles on the counter.

"You wave it around too carelessly! I can't keep acting as a translator whenever-" Husk paused to listen to more tapping, then growled, "I don't care! You even have a hellphone now, for Lucifer's sake, you could have texted him!" He dragged a paw down his face, turned to Valentino, "You'd think an Alastor that can't talk would be a blessing, but he still finds ways to annoy ya."

Valentino just blinked, too stunned to keep up with what was going on, "So- wait. Did that hurt you? What Vox did? Because if it did-"

Alastor vehemently shook his head, placing a comforting hand on one of Val's arms. He gestured for him to sit, then leaned against the pimp, welcoming the two arms that wrapped around him when he did, one around his shoulders and one around his waist.

"So how long will it take before he can speak again?" Val directed at Husk.

Husk shrugged, "Depends. A bit of damage can take a few days to a week to fix, but conjuring up a whole new one? A month, maybe less if he focuses."

Alastor slapped a hand down on the bartop, making them both jump, but Husk soon grinned.

"Wouldn't have to speak like you weren't here if you didn't _break your mic_ \- well, he wouldn't have done so if you didn't give him an opening!"

Val quickly interrupted them, squeezing Alastor against his side as he looked down at him, "So, I'm going another few weeks without hearing that beautiful voice of yours, baby? How're we supposed to talk?"

"If you know morse code, that's usually the way Alastor yells at me when he breaks his mic." Husk indicated the tapping on the bar top, "He also knows a bit of American sign language. If you don't know either, I suggest you start learning."

"I can learn." Valentino assured, leaning down to peck Alastor on the lips, "Damn, I'm gonna miss listening to your rambling."

Alastor began to knock on the bartop again and Husk translated as he went, "He says he's sorry he won't be able to call you- oh, Al, that is _nasty_! I could've gone my entire afterlife without knowing that!" The cat snapped, wrinkling his nose as he reached for his bottle, chugging down the remaining contents.

The Radio Demon doubled over with silent laughter, and Valentino couldn't help the grin that split his face as he sipped his whiskey, having a very good idea of what Alastor had just told his friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God fucking damn it Husk, Al just wants to tell his boyfriend he won't be able to call him Daddy, be a fucking professional.
> 
> (This idea brought to you by AwesomeInTheory, who also made me determined to write Vox as a character that NEVER uses Alastor's name and exclusively refers to him by the names of various fictional deer)


	9. A Shadow's Persuasion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Alastor's shadow is getting real tired of its master dancing around the topic of wanting to fuck Valentino, so it takes matters into its own hands, quite literally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LOOK AT ALL THEM NEW TAGS, AW YEAH, this ended up way longer than I expected it to, I have no shame lmao
> 
> THE SHADOW HEADCANON SHIT WE'RE WORKING WITH HERE:  
> Basically, its a shadow, so physically its like, made of shadowy shit? But it can 'solidify' its form and that's how it fights (Kinda hard to do that if you're just gonna phase through everything right?) and I feel like it can do this for a while, but after some time it does begin to expend a lot of energy. ALSO since its Al's shadow, Alastor can interact with it like he could any other demon, EXCEPT whatever happens to the shadow happens to him, because obviously they're the same being.
> 
> It's 2:30 AM, just take my depraved smut now, set some time after the events of WCSY like usual

The shadow didn't understand emotions. Sure it _felt_ them, knew what they were and what they were called, but it often found itself confused over the _why_. Why its master felt certain emotions at certain times, why they always seemed so contradictory, why its master never _acted_ on them.

For example, Alastor wanted to have sex with the Overlord Valentino, but those thoughts were always accompanied by feelings of fear, of shame, of embarrassment. Though they were nothing compared to the feelings of love, of trust, of contentment. So why did Alastor focus on the negative and not the positive? His feeling of happiness would increase if he did, yet he wallowed in sadness and self-loathing.

It was beginning to _frustrate_ the shadow, and nothing it did would convince its master to do otherwise. 

So it took matters into its own hands. If Alastor wouldn't go after the pimp himself, the shadow would take his place.

It snuck off one night, when its master was sleeping soundly, and made its way to Porn Studios. It headed to Valentino's penthouse first, only to be disappointed when there was no sign of the pimp. Waiting was an option, but the shadow didn't have the luxury of time, so, reluctantly, it made its way to his office.

-

Another long night at his desk was looking to be the way Valentino was going to spend that particular evening. He sighed, scrubbed his hands over his face, took a moment to rest his eyes from the glare of his computer screen. Perhaps it was time to hire himself an assistant or two, but with the stupidity that seemed to be surrounding his employees recently, he figured he could handle the heavy workload. _If you want something done right, do it yourself_ , as the old saying goes.

He blinked his eyes after a few minutes, ready to get back to work again. He cracked his knuckles and set his hands on the keyboard-

Then froze as something moved out of the corner of his eye.

Val turned his head towards the disturbance, squinting into the darkness of his office to try and make out what it was. He was tense, ready for a fight. One of his lower hands carefully reached for the cane that was leaning against the desk.

But there was no need, because it was only Alastor's shadow, the dark silhouette almost completely invisible in the dark, save for its glowing blue eyes and wide grin.

"Fucking Hell, you scared the _shit_ outta me." Val sighed, one hand rubbing at his chest as if it would help calm his heart. "What're you doing here anyway- shit, is Al all right?"

The shadow waved its hand flippantly as it slunk closer, coming to settle on Valentino's desk. It gently manoeuvered the pimp's chair until he was settled between its legs. Val was still taller, but only slightly.

He cocked an eyebrow at the creature, "If he's fine then why aren't you with him?"

Al's shadow shrugged and gave Valentino a sly look. It leaned back on the desk, spread its legs a little wider, used its feet to pull Val's chair just that little bit closer.

Valentino instantly felt his mouth go dry, and he clenched his hands at his sides, hesitant to touch even though he wanted to _so badly_. 

"What... is this...?"

The shadow gave him an annoyed look, reached out to grab the fur collar of his coat and tug him forward into a kiss.

Kissing the creature wasn't anything like Val thought it would be - not that he'd ever actually _thought_ of kissing Alastor's shadow before - its mouth was cool and surprisingly _wet_ , but it had just as much skill as its master. That is to say it had no skill, clumsily shoving its tongue into Val's mouth, clearly too desperate to care about doing anything properly.

Val suppressed a chuckle as he tried to guide the creature, reaching up a hand to cup its jaw, steady it.

Only to jolt back in surprise when his hand sunk _through_ it. 

It felt like moving his hand through cold molasses, combined with the fuzzy feeling of pins and needles.

The shadow scowled and Valentino swore he could see it solidifying right before his eyes.

When he touched it again his hand didn't sink through, just came to settle on its chest. He could feel the fabric of whatever Alastor was wearing, wherever he was, but the shadow was still, well, a _shadow_. Just a pitch black silhouette that Val could only make out the edges of, aside from its luminescent eyes and mouth.

Its claws drummed on the desk, making a rhythmic clacking noise as it watched Valentino.

Val watched it right back, "So, what? Al is off doing something and you thought you'd come visit?"

It seemed to think about that for a second before nodding.

"And you want toooo...?"

Its grin widened and a bright blue tongue poked out between its jagged lips, then it lifted a foot to plant it directly on Valentino's crotch.

The pimp cursed, several hands flying to clutch at the creature's ankle, stop it pressing down. "Warn a guy, why don't ya!" He hissed, gently shoving the shadow's foot away, "You wanna fuck? Is that it? Is Al all right with that?"

The shadow made a motion like it was rolling its eyes then nodded enthusiastically, reaching out to grab Val again. It pulled him into a kiss and refused to let him go, holding him tight.

Valentino gave in, unable to resist any longer. It wasn't quite Alastor, but it was a part of him, a version of him, and Val had never been able to say no to the Radio Demon. He stood and kicked his chair aside to give him more room, then pushed at the shadow until it was laying down on his desk, random bits and pieces shoved aside.

It pushed back, rolled its hips up to _grind_ against him, and shit, it was rock hard.

Val's lower pair of hands shot to the creature's hips, helped its grind, the other pair was tasked with holding his body up, stopping him from collapsing on top of it. "Fuck, baby, you really want it? Can Al feel this?"

It nodded in answer to both questions, hands scrabbling at the desk and mouth opening in a silent gasp when that earned it a particularly hard thrust from Valentino.

"Well, you gonna keep your clothes on?"

It stilled, blinked, like it hadn't considered that. Then it held up a finger, _'uno momento'_ , and disappeared.

Valentino stayed where he was, leaning over his desk, for a moment, two. When a full minute had passed, he dropped back into his desk chair, let his head fall back. _Looked like he was finishing himself off then._ God, Alastor could be so frustrating. He fumbled with his zipper, pulled it down and quickly took himself out, wrapped a hand around his cock, already leaking.

He yelped when it was wrenched away, black claws digging into his wrist.

Al's shadow grinned down at him.

Val could see that it was naked now and it didn't waste time making sure Val was the same. It tugged the pimp up by its grip on his wrist, then carefully removed his coat - Valentino could have snorted at that - then it was all but ripping his shirt from him, treating his pants the same way, along with his underwear. Lastly, his hat and glasses were knocked off his head to join the rest of his clothes on the floor.

The shadow's ears flickered back and forth as it ran its hands over Valentino's naked torso, smug look on its face. It backed up, pulling Val with it, until it hit the desk. It climbed up effortlessly and pulled Val into a kiss while one of its hands slid down between them to wrap around Val's cock. It stroked him teasingly, thumb flicking over the piercings.

Valentino growled, rocking his hips into the cool hand and reaching out with his hands to tangle his fingers in huge antlers, pleased with the fact that the shadow always had a fully grown rack regardless of the size of Alastor's actual antlers. He yanked on them, forced the shadow to tilt its head up, expose its throat.

Ears flattened but that grin didn't change, fingers continued to tease.

Val dipped his head down to mouth at the creature's neck, and its free hand came up to cup the back of his head. He hummed, moved a pair of hands to cup the creature's ass, taking full advantage of the fact that he could touch wherever he wanted. The other pair ran over the shadow's chest, brushed against nipples.

Its hand tightened on his dick and he cursed, clamped fangs down onto a shoulder. 

He realized his mistake instantly, and pulled back with an apology on his lips, only for the shadow to stop him.

"What are you doing? Al doesn't like it when I'm rough with him-"

He was cut off by the shadow pushing him away. 

It glared at him with narrowed eyes, and leaned back, keeping its balance with one hand while the other tapped at the desk, drawing Val's attention downward. It raked its nails against the surface of the desk, creating shallow grooves, and shook its head.

Valentino arched an eyebrow in confusion, "Yeah, I just said that. Al doesn't like marks-"

The shadow shook its head, rolled its eyes. It gnashed its teeth a couple of times and nodded, then it tapped the marks it created and shook its head.

Val spoke slowly, "You... _want_ me to be rough, because... it _won't_ leave marks...?"

The shadow brightened up, nodding its head and clapping its hands, chuckling noiselessly to itself.

"All right, no need to be condescending about it." Valentino huffed, shoving at the creature's chest to make it lie down. "Gonna need your help with this next part, Bambi." He mumbled, rutting against the shadow's crotch. "Do you need prep or anything?"

It shook its head, reached between them to guide Val's cock to its hole. It gave the pimp an impatient look and gnashed its teeth again.

"Yeah, yeah, you want it rough, I know." Valentino grinned at it, gold tooth reflecting a blue glow. He quickly rummaged in one of the desk drawers, pulled out a small bottle of lube and slicked himself up, then took a hold of the shadow's hips to stop it moving, "Ready?"

Alastor's shadow lifted a hand, used the other to tap the back of its wrist.

" _Needy_ little fuck." Val growled as he shoved forward, buried himself balls deep, delighted in the way the shadow's mouth dropped open in a silent gasp.

Its hands flailed as it struggled to decide where it wanted them, scrabbling at the desk then flying to Valentino's shoulders as he slowly pulled out, then covering its face as he thrust back in.

Val chuckled breathlessly at the display, decided to help it a little. He took one of the shadow's hands in his own, laced their fingers together and pinned it to the desk, the other cupped its cheek, while he kept his lower pair of hands on the creature's hips. He started up a slower rhythm, watched the shadow scrunch up its face in annoyance.

At a harsher thrust, it squeezed its eyes shut and lifted its free hand to bite down on its knuckles.

Valentino tutted, "Look at you. Dish it out, but you can't take it." He leaned down to peck its nose, "You're adorable." 

It glared at him, but quickly tried to cover its face when Val picked up his speed.

"No, no, sweetheart, none of that. Let me see your face."

It removed its hand to pull Valentino down by the back of the neck, pressed their foreheads together, looked right into red eyes.

"If only Alastor could see you right now." Val purred, "See what a _slut_ you're being."

The shadow nodded, and then began to gesture rapidly with it's free hand, pointing to its eyes and ears, patting its chest.

"Whoa, Bambi! Slow down, I don't get it."

A silent growl, then it repeated the gestures again, but slower. Pointing to its eyes and ears, patting its chest, nodding.

"Are you- are you saying that Al can see and hear... _all_ of this?"

An eyeroll and an exasperated nod in reply.

" _Fuck_." Valentino breathed, unable to stop from bucking his hips forward at the thought. The shadow had already confirmed the Alastor could feel what if felt, but he could also see _and_ hear the same things?

Where was Alastor right then? What was he doing? Was he laying in his bed, touching himself while Valentino fucked his shadow? Listening to every word, and watching through its eyes? Wishing he was in his shadow's place?

He cursed again, helplessly clutched at the shadow as he rolled his hips forward, again and again. Val kissed at the shadow's neck, licked and sucked, _bit down_ , reminded of the fact that Alastor could feel every last drop of pleasure and pain, without having to deal with any marks left behind. He was barely aware of the shadow shaking its hand loose from his grasp, but he definitely didn't miss the bite of claws digging into his shoulders.

Fuck, Valentino wasn't going to last long at _all_. 

He groped at soft ass cheeks, tugged at a fluffy tail, pulled hair, wanting to just touch everything at once, and for the first time since he arrived in Hell, he thought _four hands wasn't enough_. He also wished he had a way to watch the shadow's expressions, watch the way it writhed in pleasure, while also keeping his face buried in the crook of its neck, savouring every last moment of getting to bite as hard as he wanted.

"Are you feeling this, Al?" Val asked in a whisper, lips brushing the shadow's ear, "My hands on your body, my _cock_ in your tight ass? Are you reacting the exact same way as your shadow here?" He groaned, gasped, "Baby, I wish I could see you. But there's no rush, all right?" He kissed the shadow's ear, nipped it lightly, "I love you so much, Alastor."

Valentino slowed his thrusts, pulled Al's shadow into a proper kiss, dragging out the last few moments. He felt it shudder beneath him, dig its claws in harder and clench around him, and he knew it had finished. He followed soon after, emptying inside the shadow with a few final thrusts.

He pulled out, replaced his cock with two of his fingers, and huffed a soft laugh when the shadow slapped at him.

"Too much?"

It glared at him.

Val pressed a kiss to its forehead and cleaned them both up with a snap of his fingers. He stepped back to retrieve his coat from the floor and wrapped the shadow in it, then he picked the bundle up with ease and sat down in his chair, setting it in his lap.

The creature put up a fight for all of two seconds, before it settled down, snuggling right into his touch in a way he'd never seen Alastor do. He let out a soft chirp, then quickly leaned back when the shadow jerked up, almost poking his eyes out with its antlers.

It watched him with narrowed eyes, pointed at its throat and then gestured at Valentino.

"What? You never heard a chirp before?" Val asked with an arched eyebrow, repeating the noise.

The shadow's eyes widened and it gestured for Val to chirp again.

He did so, and Al's shadow lit up, jagged grin splitting its face as it snuggled back down, listened to Val chirp right into its ear as it relaxed.

"Such a weirdo, Bambi." Valentino sighed fondly, holding the shadow tightly, only breaking the chirp every now and then to tell Alastor how much he loved him.

-

The shadow grinned as it was slammed against the wall, oh so familiar hand squeezing tightly at its throat.

Alastor levelled him with a look that promised violence, and spoke with a voice that didn't tremble, despite cutting off his own airways, "If you _ever_ do that again, I will start keeping you on a _very_ tight leash." He hissed, but all traces of intimidation were lost with how dishevelled he looked, hair sticking up in every direction, face flushed as red as a strawberry.

The image the shadow sent him of Val keeping _him_ on a very tight leash only worsened it.

Alastor could be as threatening as he wanted, but he couldn't deny how much he'd loved that. How thankful he was for what his shadow had done, how satisfied, how loved and appreciated Valentino's aftercare had made him feel.

It watched Alastor knowingly, tongue poking out of its jagged mouth.

_You're welcome._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> VALENTINO!! CHIRPS!! LIKE!! A!! CICADA!!
> 
> This is canon now, don't @ me 
> 
> //Unless it's on my Twitter @Hunting_People in which case DO @ me about Valastor shit, thank you
> 
> Idk if any of this made sense, I'm tired, g'night ya'll


	10. SPEAKING TO FIANCE'S FRIEND AT 3AM GONE WRONG (SCARY)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Valentino is troubled and can't sleep, so he takes a stroll through the Happy Hotel and encounters a certain fiery little demon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter now comes with art! >> [Val and Niffty in the kitchen](https://twitter.com/MPeeniet/status/1266573942422151168)
> 
> I'm having way too much fun with these chapter titles idk if you can tell
> 
> More Niffty was requested, so I delivered, sorry not sorry for the sprinkles of angst that came along with it ;o

Valentino didn't think that not being able to hear Alastor's voice would really get to him, but there he was, unable to sleep, because he fucking missed his fiancé's inane rambling _so damn much_. 

Alastor had fallen asleep hours ago, cheek pressed against Val's naked chest as hands idly played with his hair, his ears. He looked peaceful, corners of his mouth ticked up ever so slightly, completely unbothered by the torments of Hell, by the things that had sent him there. He lifted a hand to his mouth, smothering the laugh that arose at the thought that Alastor could be reliving his sins right then, but they'd be the equivalent of the sweetest dreams. He made a note to ask Al in the morning, but then his face fell.

Because, sure, he could ask, but Alastor could only reply through text, or Val could attempt to decipher the mix of morse code and sign language with his incredibly limited knowledge.

But it wouldn't be his voice. It wouldn't have that haze of static. It wouldn't have the transatlantic accent.

Val sighed, carefully untangled his limbs from Alastor's and extracted himself from the deer's grip. Al's shadow took his place, giving him a questioning look.

"I'm not going." Val said quietly, "Just watch him for me, 'kay?"

It squinted at him, but eventually nodded slowly, turning its attention to its master as he shifted, resettled against the much smaller body that was now under him. He didn't wake.

Valentino shrugged on his coat, grateful that Alastor hadn't decided he wanted to sleep in it that night, then he turned towards the door, hesitated, turned back to the bed. He brushed Alastor's hair away from his forehead, placed a kiss there, then another on his cheek. Then he straightened up, left to take an early morning stroll through the Happy Hotel.

-

The pimp found himself in the kitchen, guided there by the smell of food and the need to find out who was cooking at three AM.

It was Niffty, the tiny demon darting about the room with endless amounts of energy as she prepared food, singing quietly to herself.

"It's a bit early to start on breakfast isn't it?"

She jumped at the sound of Valentino's voice, almost dropping the ladel she was holding, "Oh! Don't scare me like that!"

"Ah, my apologies, little lady, I didn't mean to spook ya." He said softly, stepping further into the room to lean against the counter, in a spot that was hopefully out of the way. 

"It's all right, Mr. Valentino!" She assured, carrying on like nothing had happened, "What are you doing awake?"

_I haven't heard Alastor speak in a month and I'm fucking sad about it._

He didn't say that. He tried to be more casual about it, shrugging all four of his shoulders, "Eh, couldn't sleep, too much work to worry about, ya know?"

Niffty nodded, "I can understand that, do you want to help me cook?"

Val chuckled, "If it's all the same, I think I should leave that to you, I'd only fuck things up."

"You can taste test for me then, since I'm trying out new recipes!"

"I'm not opposed to that idea." Valentino grinned, more than happy to spend his night trying out different foods and giving his feedback on them. Anything to take his mind off the reason as to why he wasn't spending his night sleeping.

"Say, little lady..." Val started, after he'd told Niffty what he thought of the third snack. "I don't think we've really had the pleasure of talking one on one."

The bug demon paused what she was doing, "I think you're right, Mr. Valentino!" She turned to the pimp, watched him with her one big eye, "Is there anything you wanted to tell me while we're alone?"

"Well-" Valentino started, then stopped, thought about it for a moment, "Hmm... if it's not too personal - feel free to tell me to fuck off if it is - but what exactly sent you downstairs? No offense, doll, but you seem a bit too... uh, positive?"

"I try to be!" Niffty hummed, "And Alastor likes it because he says it throws people off when I help him." Then, in a tone much too light for the topic, she admitted, "I beat my boyfriend to death because I found out he was cheating on me, then stuffed him in the fireplace where I burnt his body. I became a bit obsessed with fire after that, ended up getting caught in one of my own arson attempts."

Valentino sat in stunned silence for a beat, eyes wide, then he let out a guffaw. He never would have guessed she'd be in Hell for something so _brutal_ , figured it would be guilt that dragged her down, rather than any actual _sin_ , but what a fool he was! "Damn, little lady, I never would have guessed!" He clutched at his sides, desperately tried to control the volume of his laughing, fully aware that it was still far too early to be making such noise, "I feel like I should start calling you Cinderella after that!"

"You're more than welcome to!" She said chipperly, grinning up at him.

Val mirrored her grin, exposing a mouthful of sharp red teeth, "No wonder Al likes you so much, you're just full of surprises."

Niffty got back to her cooking, "You mustn't tell anyone though! Alastor wouldn't like that."

"Of course, its our little secret." Valentino assured, crossing his arms over his chest and stomach, "Hey, you made a deal with Al right? Can I ask about that?"

"I... don't think Al would be happy with me sharing the details of our deal."

"Fair enough, fair enough." Val backed off, "That's none of my business."

They lapsed back into silence, and Valentino watched the little bug work. God, she was so _tiny_ , she hardly came up to his knees, yet she sure was a little spitfire. A spitfire wrapped in mystery. Exactly the kind of sinner Alastor would be interested in.

The door to the kitchen opened just as Niffty was handing over a cookie that looked huge in her hands and tiny in Val's.

Alastor stood there in his robe, looking incredibly sleep dishevelled, monocle missing. He squinted at the pair, then gestured between them and lifted an eyebrow in question.

"I'm trying new recipes and Mr. Valentino is helping because he couldn't sleep." Niffty explained, "What do you think of that one?"

Val shoved the whole cookie in his mouth, chewed carefully, swallowed, stuck out his tongue. "Disgusting. Way too sweet. But even if it wasn't, I don't think that would save it."

Niffty nodded, scribbled something down in the cookbook she was using, "I'll scrap that one then."

"Good call."

Alastor made his way over to Valentino, pressed up against him and wrapped one arm around his waist. He used his free hand to rap his knuckles on the countertop.

"He's asking if you're all right." Niffty translated, not even looking up from her book.

Val hated that he even needed someone to translate for him, but he pretended it wasn't an issue, leaning down to kiss Alastor's hair, "I'm fine, baby. I just worry too much about the Studio when I'm not there."

Al nodded, pulled him down so he could bury his face in the fur collar of Valentino's coat. He stayed that way for a moment, then pulled back, nodded towards the door and gave Val's coat a tug.

"Yeah, okay, baby." Valentino said softly, stealing a kiss. He twirled Alastor around, began pushing him towards the door, following right behind, "It's been fun, Cinderalla, but I'm being called away, you let me know if you ever need my services again."

Niffty waved a hand distractedly, too absorbed in her book.

Val chuckled quietly, then as soon as they were out of the door, he scooped Alastor up in his arms and began to carry him, just to see him react. Pointedly ignored the stab of disappointment when the reaction he got was all flailing limbs and not a single shout of protest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO, there's barely any info on Niffty so this is pretty much all headcanon?? Coming from the fact Alastor pulled her out of the fireplace and she was covered in soot (Also hence Cinderalla because I'm hilarious) so I just imagine she would be this tiny little pyromaniac psychopath?? Then I combined that with the theories I'm seeing from other people about her death having something to do with men/lust/affairs etc. hope it satisfies??
> 
> I SWEAR I'm gonna post some more 'plotty' chapters soon too, they're just intimidating and I like doing the small dumb chapters, don't call me out, pleas e


	11. This Hotel is My Atlantis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Valentino has a small favour to ask of the Princess of Hell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set some time after the events of WCSY (Which is 100% pronounced whack-see)

"Hey, dollface, you got a minute?"

"Of course, Val! What do you need?"

Valentino looked up and down the corridor. Saw no one. He quickly pushed Charlie into her office, following right behind, and shut the door behind them. He grinned down at her, took a moment to savour the look of fear on her face, before he asked, "So, uh, think you can set up a meeting between me and your dear old dad?"

Fear instantly turned to confusion, "Wha- why?"

"Business." Val answered easily, "Overlord stuff. Nothing you need to worry your pretty little head over. Can you do it?"

Charlie frowned at him, "I don't even understand- Val, he's really busy, I shouldn't just-"

"Princess, this is _really_ important. I gotta-"

"What's the real reason you want to talk to my dad?" Charlie interrupted firmly, stern look on her face as she crossed her arms over her chest, puffing it out slightly.

Valentino sighed, slouched against the door as he threw all four hands in the air, "All right, fine! Fine! Whatever, if you _must_ know, it's about me and Al. About, uh, getting married."

She squinted at him, "I don't see why that needs to involve-"

"Because! We're not just a couple of imps tying the knot, we're Overlords. _Powerful_ Overlords. And your daddy has to know that this isn't us joining forces to overthrow him, and _maybe_ I got a small favour to ask, but that's not important." Val placed his hands on her shoulders, looked her in the eyes over his sunglasses, "Dollface, _please_ , I wouldn't be asking if this wasn't necessary."

"He's gonna say no."

"Well, at least you tried then, right?"

Charlie sighed in defeat, "I will ask him _once_ if he wants to speak to you, and that's it. I'm not going to bother him more than that."

Valentino grinned, wrapped the Princess in a bear hug and kissed her cheek, "That's why I love ya, dollface."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wonder what Lucifer has to say about that ;o


	12. This Could Be Yours, a Tale of You and Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Val and Al can't sleep because they can't stop staring at Al's engagement ring and they're lit just being gross bastards in love, that's it, that's the chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set literal hours after the end of WCSY

"At some point you're gonna have to stop staring at that thing and go to sleep."

Alastor huffed a soft laugh as a claw traced the small engraved V on his ring for the millionth time, "You're one to talk."

He felt the movement of Valentino shrugging before he spoke, "Sue me. I think it looks good, and I think it looks even better on your hand. I got good taste, right?"

Alastor just hummed, flipped his hand over to look at the sapphire embedded in the metal band. He twisted his wrist carefully, watched the colours dance inside of it. Arms tightened around him and he ignored the itch that flared up at the rough touch, glanced up at Valentino with a look of slight irritation.

"It... it _is_ good... right? I didn't fuck up?" Valentino asked, barely above a whisper. The worry was clear on his face, "I mean, you didn't give me any specifics so I figured I had free rein to do whatever and I- I don't know, I wanted to give you something that would stand out, but not be too much-"

"Val, darling." Alastor interrupted, humour in his voice, "I like it, I really do! It's a stunning ring, my dear!" He lifted himself up, placed his hands on the pillow either side of Valentino's head, "The engraving _was_ a bit... irksome, at first. But I know you, and I know that's just your 'style'. It isn't you making me an object, claiming your ownership over me, it's just a mark." He ducked down to press his forehead against Val's, admitted quietly, "Honestly, it... it reminds me that it's _you_. And I like that it's you."

Valentino let out a shaky breath, pulled the deer down to connect their lips.

It was soft, tender. Alastor didn't think he'd ever been so gentle with _anything_ , not even when he was a child. Always grabbing, snatching, shoving. He was scared to move for a moment, terrified, feeling if he so much as breathed that he'd break Valentino. That he'd shatter some sort of illusion and everything would come crashing down around him, and Alastor would be alone again. Oh so _alone_.

But then Valentino was tugging him closer, two hands cupping his face and two grasping his waist. He was holding him too tightly, but the way he trembled underneath Alastor was enough of a distraction.

"You're crying." Alastor noted, a hint of panic in his voice, "Why are you crying?"

"Happy tears, baby, don't worry." Val reassured, lifting a hand to dry his face, only to be stopped.

Alastor kissed him, then kissed him again, and again. Pressing his lips to every part of Valentino's face that he could reach as he gently wiped the tears away. He didn't stop until they were both breathless and his back was starting to ache from the awkward position.

"I love you so much." Valentino whispered.

"I have the evidence." Alastor whispered back, holding his hand up between them to show off the ring again.

Val took his hand into one of his own, kissed his knuckles. "We should sleep."

"Remember, you have to close your eyes in order to do that, my dear!"

"Shut up." Valentino huffed, swatting lightly at Alastor's rump and pulling the collar of his coat over Alastor's head.

Alastor only laughed as he settled down against Valentino's side, resting his hand with the ring on it on Val's chest so he could admire it some more. The gentle rise and fall was almost enough to lull Alastor to sleep, but he fought to keep his eyes open, keep them on that ring. His ring. The ring Valentino had given him.

"You're still looking at it." Val mumbled.

"I'm willing to bet you haven't even blinked."

"Ya got me. We might as well just start the day at this point."

"A few more minutes couldn't hurt."

Valentino just hummed, lifted a hand to lace his fingers with Alastor's, leaving them on his chest.

Neither of them closed their eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to stop writing this several times because I couldn't handle how gross and in love these idiots are.


	13. Tour Our Grounds and See Our Show

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Valentino has a favour to ask the King of Hell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last update before I pass the fuck out, and maybe the last update for a couple days because I have work on both Wednesday and Thursday lmao

Valentino did his best to remain confident, ignoring all of the nervousness he felt, the anxiety. It wouldn't be his first time in a room with the King of Hell himself, and wouldn't be his first time interacting with him - anyone who'd been an Overlord for a length of time had done so - but it would be his first time asking the King to do something for him. 

When he was finally let into the room, he had to smother a laugh at the sight that greeted him. 

Lucifer was stood in front of a huge stained glass window, staring through it with his back to the door.

How mysterious. How enigmatic. How cliche.

Val quickly composed himself, taking his hat off of his head and bowing deeply, "Your majesty."

"Get up, there's no need for that." Lucifer spoke without turning.

"Of course." Valentino said, clearing his throat and replacing his hat.

Lucifer stayed silent and so did Val, not daring to speak out of turn.

Eventually, the King turned, focusing yellow eyes on the Overlord looming in his doorway, "Valentino." He started, "The _King_ of Porn Studios. To what do I owe the pleasure?"

Valentino took a deep breath, straightened up, "I believe you already know the reason. Nothing happens in Hell without you finding out about it."

"That is true." Lucifer hummed as he crossed the room, coming to a stop in front of the pimp.

It felt _wrong_ to be so much taller than the King and Val didn't know what to do with himself. Would it be awkward if he asked to sit?

"But I want to hear you say it. Tell me why you went through my daughter in order to set up a meeting with me, why was it so important, Valentino? So urgent?" Lucifer questioned, hands tucked behind his back. His gaze was hard, eyes piercings right into Valentino's soul.

"Because I want to marry Alastor." Valentino answered firmly, holding the King's gaze, "Because I want you to officiate and see for yourself that this wedding isn't anything more than-... than two sinners in love. That's all we want."

"You want me to personally officiate a wedding between two Overlords? You want the King of Hell to publically show his support for the Overlord Valentino and the Radio Demon himself, over any other Overlord here?" Lucifer bared his teeth, "That won't go over well, I thought you were smarter than this. The both of you."

"It won't be public." Val rebuked, "Al and I want it to be a small ceremony, just us and close friends. No one will know you officiated if you choose to accept."

Silence fell again.

Valentino shifted from foot to foot and his lower hands gripped his cane hard enough to hear it creak.

"Come." Lucifer spoke up suddenly, "Sit down." He made his way over to his desk and took a seat in the oversized chair, gestured to the much smaller chair placed on the other side, "Convince me. This feels so sudden, you've only been together for several months. Forgive me if I'm a bit suspicious."

Valentino took the offered seat, set his cane down in his lap, "What do you want to know?"

"Everything, my dear!" Lucifer grinned, spreading his arms wide, "From the top! Don't miss a single detail. I'll have someone bring us food and drinks, I imagine we'll be here a while."

They were. 

Valentino had arrived in the early morning, and by the time he was done telling the King his life story, the sky was dimming. Surprisingly, it had gone well and Val... Val thought he might even be able to call Lucifer a _friend_ , despite how uncomfortable he'd been at all but being forced to spill his guts to the fallen angel. 

"So after all that, what's your decision?" Val asked, leaning back in his chair, "And don't you _dare_ tell me all of that was for nothing."

"Oh, no need to worry, Valentino!" Lucifer laughed, "I have just one condition if you want me to officiate this little wedding of yours."

"And that is?"

"Why I must be allowed to perform, of course!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Lucifer's performance at the wedding be like](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N9qYF9DZPdw)
> 
> The actual wedding chapter may take a little while, because I got PLANS and I also want to do two versions with both Val and Al's POV wHEEZE if there's any specific things you wanna see for the wedding let me know! I plan to doodle their wedding outfits at some point, 'cause I've already got that in mind, so that'll be linked in a few chapter whenever I do it lmao


	14. I Guess You'll Do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alastor has a special request for Husker.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Al's POV for the wedding is finished, it just needs to be edited and then I can start on Val's POV, so I can post both versions at the same time! (A separate chapter for each of them!) Until then I got a few ideas for some stuff I want to get sorted out before the big day!
> 
> So I hope ya'll like this fluffy little chapter, taking place in the week leading up to the wedding!

Husk was obsessively polishing glasses when Alastor approached the bar, after close to ensure the cat would be alone. He didn't look up until his friend had taken a seat on a bar stool, even then, he didn't say anything, only arched an eyebrow.

"I've got an important question to ask of you, Husker." Alastor said quietly, rapping his knuckles on the bartop.

Husk squinted at him suspiciously, "You dyin' or somethin'?"

Alastor let out a small laugh, "Nothing like that, my friend, it's about the wedding!"

"Oh."

"Mmhm."

"So... what? You wanna ask me to be the flower girl?"

"Do you _want_ to be the flower girl? I think Niffty would be upset that you took her role from her."

Husk punched his shoulder playfully, "Ask the damn question, Al!"

Alastor shifted in his seat and averted his gaze when his eyes met Husk's, "I... was actually wondering, Husker, if you'd... walk me down the aisle...?"

The record scratch was almost audible when Husk froze in place, orange eyes opened wide enough to look painful, mouth slightly parted. He shook himself out of it soon enough, reached for a bottle, popped it open and started drinking.

"Husk-"

The cat held up a finger, still chugging. He slammed the empty bottle down on the bar when he was done, stared at Alastor with narrowed eyes, "Were you being fucking serious?"

Alastor nodded silently, stunned.

Husk span around, paws supporting his weight on the shelf behind the bar. His wings and shoulders trembled, loose feathers shaking free and falling to the ground. He made a noise that sounded suspiciously like a sob.

"Dear, are you all right? I didn't mean to upset you." Alastor said slowly, ever present smile falling just a bit.

"I don't gotta make a speech or anything right?"

Alastor furrowed his brows, tilted his head to the side in confusion, "No, not at all."

"Good, 'cause I ain't got any nice things to say about you." Husk mumbled as he turned, scrubbing at his face with the back of a paw. The fur around his eyes was definitely damp. "I, uh-... I always wanted a daughter to walk down the aisle, never quite got around to that when I was alive... I guess you'll do."

"Is that a-"

Husk jumped across the bar to pull his friend into a crushing hug, face buried in his shoulder, "Yes, Al, it's a yes! I'll walk your ass down the aisle on your special day."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If ya'll follow me on Twitter [@hunting_people](https://twitter.com/hunting_people) you can see the art I post for this fic and HH in general, I've also been trying to post little updates on fic progress and small teasers! Which includes the current length of the wedding chapters ;o
> 
> Also, here's a fun fact! The title 'Who Could Stop You?' actually comes from something I've been saying a lot this year, which is 'Who could stop me? God?' and it basically just means 'Why should I hold myself back from doing something harmless that would make me happy, just because I think one or two people won't like it?'. That was the mindset I was in when I started spamming HH fanart on my deviantART, and that's the exact mindset I was in when setting up side ships in this wedding chapter.
> 
> So remember to do whatever makes you happy, because _who could stop you? God?_ I don't fucking think so.


	15. I Don't Want to Set the World on Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Val and Al figuratively spill their guts to each other, all while being the sappy, gross couple we all know and love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If this is riddled with errors it's because I insisted on listening to true crime while typing this out, and at one point my gf was sending me horse pics which required my full attention, and with all that being said, this chapter isn't very long but took me the whole day to write lmao
> 
> THAT BEING SAID, here's a 90% dialogue chapter of Al and Val telling each other their backstories in vague details, only pausing to do gross soft shit (The backstories being 100% headcanon of course, because I don't know JACK)
> 
> This chapter takes place in the week leading up to the wedding!
> 
> EDIT*// I COMPLETELY FORGOT THE TW, I'M SO SORRY, there's some period typical homophobia for Val's backstory, the word queer is used once, and he also references child abuse

If anyone asked Alastor why he settled himself in Valentino's office for some peace and quiet, when he could have let himself into the penthouse that was _actually_ empty and quiet, he would come up with some excuse that sounded perfectly valid. The reality was that he just enjoyed _existing_ in the same space as Val, even if that meant enduring music by people he'd never heard of, like Lady Gaga and Britney Spears and Gwen Stefani.

Alastor didn't know what a Hollaback Girl was and he didn't _want_ to know.

So on days when the Happy Hotel was just a little too much, and Alastor didn't have any important work to be doing, he picked up a book and stepped through the shadows to his home away from home. 

Valentino was more than happy to let him take over the couch, wordlessly turning his music down and getting on with whatever it was he'd been doing before Alastor arrived. Most of the relaxation sessions were spent without a single word exchanged between them, both of them too focused, other times, the music would be turned off and Alastor would take the cue to read out loud, complete with sound effects. Rarer were the times when Alastor would put his book down and Valentino would be willing to pick up whatever conversation was started.

On that particular day, the question had passed Valentino's lips before the deer had even fully closed his book.

"So what _exactly_ sent you downstairs? We're about to get married, and yet we don't even really know what the other was like topside."

Alastor set his book down on the couch, asked with a light hum, "Are you looking for a reason to change your mind?"

" _Alastor_!"

The sudden snap made the Radio Demon jump. Silently, Alastor stood. He made his way to Valentino's desk, took a seat on it, spoke quietly with a voice full of guilt, "I'm sorry, my dear, that wasn't a very good joke."

"Damn right it wasn't." Val growled, then sighed. He positioned himself between Alastor's legs, wrapped arms loosely around his waist. "I understand if it's a sensitive subject, Al, don't feel like you have to tell me just because I asked."

"No, you're right, you deserve to know." Alastor said quietly, lifting his own hands to Val's head, removing his hat so fingers could gently play with antennae, "But perhaps you could go first...?"

Valentino took a deep breath, "Yeah. Yeah, I can do that. What do you want to know?"

"Everything you're willing to share."

"Well, you already know some things..." Val trailed off as he gathered his thoughts, forehead pressed to Alastor's chest. He sighed, "So I started my life off in Chicago, and ended it there too. As for everything that happened in between, I was an orphan. Don't know what happened to my parents, and I've long since stopped caring, but when I was alive, that... mystery, that not knowing _why_ , fueled every decision I made. Made me quite the _'problem child'_ as they say..."

Alastor hummed, claws gently tracing patterns on the back of Valentino's head, "You know, we were practically neighbours."

"Yeah?"

"Mmhm, Chicago Illinois isn't that far from New Orleans Louisiana." Alastor explained, "I did travel around a bit when I was alive, found myself in Chicago once or twice."

"You don't say? I'm sorry I missed ya."

"You're forgiven if you continue with your story."

Valentino slumped further against Alastor, made himself comfortable, voice somewhat muffled by the deer's shirt, "All right, where was I?"

"Something about being a problem child orphan."

"Right." Val huffed a breath, "Problem child orphan ended up getting adopted by some rich family, which would have been every kid's dream right? Wrong. These guys adopted kids like they were adopting stray kittens. Kids came and went all the damn time, running away or getting old and moving out, and then more would get adopted... had to be no less than twenty of us at any given time. Ma and pa cared in their own way I guess, we were never hungry, we were never cold, we were never bored, but they could be strict, didn't tolerate anything less than perfect."

"A problem child sounds like he'd be less than perfect."

"Damn straight. Got my ass beat more times than I can count, never went a day without bruises somewhere, because I just couldn't stop acting out. I didn't want to do as I was told, I didn't want to play nice with any of my 'siblings' and I didn't want to do no shitty homeschooling." Valentino paused, pressed his face into Alastor's stomach until the need to breathe got the best of him, "Ma and pa had their priorities pretty backwards though."

"How so?"

Valentino leaned back at that, looking into Alastor's eyes as he spoke, "Because it didn't matter what kind of trouble I got myself into, how bad the shit I did was, nothing got my ass beat harder than when they caught me making out with one of the other boys. Go ahead, Valentino, smother kids in their sleep 'cause they got TB and you don't wanna get infected, hey, at least we don't have to care for them anymore, right? But don't you _dare_ go doing any queer shit."

Alastor tried to cover up a laugh, "That does sound pretty... _backwards_."

"You're tellin' me!" Val cried, gesturing widly, "I fucking _killed_ some of the other kids, Al, and the worst I got was a spanking, but they beat me half to death 'cause I wanted to know what it was like to kiss a boy! I didn't even know it was supposed to be _wrong_ \- not the incest part 'cause he wasn't even my actual brother - but the whole 'gay' thing. I'd just heard of kissing, and I wanted to try it, but boys and girls were kept separate. It's not like anyone _told_ me, so how as I supposed to know?" He growled, let his forehead drop to Alastor's chest, "Took me fucking months to recover from that punishment."

"So what about now?" 

"What do you mean?"

"The... gay thing. How do you feel about that?"

"You trying to ask who I prefer to fuck?"

Alastor scrunched up his nose, "If you want to put it so crudely."

Val shrugged and laughed, "I like having sex with attractive people, that's about as far as I've thought about it."

"I see... and am I on that list of attractive people...?"

"Baby, you _are_ the list." Val assured, capturing Alastor's lips.

Alastor hummed, indulged Valentino for as long as he wanted to. When the pimp finally pulled away, he asked, "So what did you do after you healed up? What happened to the other boy?"

"The other kid got beat just as bad, and I told him to stay the fuck away from me. Being punished had never bothered me before, but after something like that? I wasn't gonna risk it. Stayed there though. I was a kid, but I wasn't fucking stupid, I knew I wasn't gonna be able to survive Chicago on my own." Valentino trailed off, two of his hands sneaking behind Alastor, untucking his tail from his clothes and stroking over the soft fur.

Alastor arched an eyebrow, and Valentino just shrugged, not letting go. Alastor heaved a sigh, but allowed the touch, his own hands going back to playing with antennae.

"Anyway, I stayed there for a few more years. Pissed off ma and pa like normal, and took it upon myself to keep the other kids in line, guess you could say I was a bit of a bully, but I was just keeping 'em safe. Fucked off when I decided I was old enough though. Now keep in mind, I didn't actually _know_ how old I was, I was just a toddler when I was adopted and the kids in that house just kind of had a 'collective' birthday. I didn't even know my own last name.

"Couldn't get myself a real job without that info, not that I would have wanted one anyway. So gangster it was. I did odd jobs for whoever paid the most, but I was no professional hitman. I betrayed people left, right and centre, but it was never enough to put me on anyone important's radar. Like I told you before, I was a fuckin' nobody and that didn't bother me, but amongst all that was the occasional friend. A genuine friend. No idea how I managed it, with how big an asshole I was, but there ya go. I guess I cared about them too."

"Sounds like an interesting life you led."

"It was a life, I wouldn't call it interesting."

"And how long did that life last?"

Valentino pursed his lips as he thought about it, "About... twelve years? Something like that. I'd say I was maybe somewhere between twenty-nine and thirty-two when I kicked the bucket in nineteen-ten and it was no blaze of glory, I'll tell you that. It wasn't even the gang violence that eventually ended me." He let out a humourless laugh, "I'd taken up pick-pocketing when business was slow, and I picked the wrong guy to steal from." Val snapped his fingers, "Just like that, I'm bleeding out in an alley from a knife wound with only myself to blame. The rest is, as they say, history.

"The only regret I have is that I could have become a pimp much sooner if killing prostitutes wasn't my way of taking out my anger at the world. If I just asked them how much they made, maybe I could have lived a lot longer."

Alastor gently cupped Valentino's face, soft smile growing when Val leaned into him, "But if that had been the case, we might not be here now."

"Mm, you're right. No regrets then." Val grinned, leaning back in his chair. He stretched all four arms above his head, let out a groan, "Well, I haven't spilled my guts like that in a few decades, I think I deserve a cigar."

"I think I deserve a cigar too."

"For what? Sitting there and looking pretty?" Valentino asked, but he was already preparing two cigars.

Alastor crossed his arms, then his legs, "It might be hard to believe, but I didn't exactly enjoy hearing about you suffering."

"Of course, baby." Val passed him one of the cigars as he took a long drag of his own.

Alastor took it, and they both smoked in silence for a little while, until curiosity made the deer broke it, "Do you ever think about what happened to your friends, your family...?"

Valentino leaned back, let out a long breath, "I used to, but I stopped torturing myself with that pretty quickly. Do you?"

"I spared them a thought, once, when I first arrived here. Never again after that."

Val nodded, "So what's your story, Al?"

Silence as Alastor finished his cigar, stubbed it out in the ashtray Val had set on his desk. He uncrossed his legs, slid off the desk to lower himself onto the pimp's lap, but kept some distance between them. Hands came to his thighs and hips to stop him falling, and he leaned back against the desk, elbows resting on top of it. "This stays between you and me, Valentino, not even Husk and Niffty know the full story."

Val nodded, "You can trust me, Bambi, I got no interest in airing your dirty laundry."

More silence, until finally he began to speak without his usual enthusiasm, "I was born on August thirteenth eighteen ninety seven, in New Orleans, Louisianna, to parents that had very different feelings about raising a child. My father was an abusive drunk and my mother was just doing her best to give me a good life, and I think we all knew that the only thing stopping my father from being any worse was that I wasn't a girl."

"Huh..."

"What?"

Valentino waved a hand, "Nothing, just-... didn't think you choose to associate with someone like Husk if that's how your father was."

Alastor's smile twitched at the corners, "The issue with that logic is that Husker is _nothing_ like my father was. Alcoholism is the only trait they share, the comparisons after that are nonexistent."

Val stayed silent, offered up another cigar that Alastor took gratefully.

"So my mother teaches me all she knows how to do, which was only the typical 'houswife' things, cooking and cleaning and all that, since she'd never had a formal education. She taught me the basics of reading though, and the rest I was able to figure out. We were incredibly close," Alastor admitted quietly, "and I loved her. She always used to tell me to keep on smiling, no matter how bad things got, because that was strength, and I was _'such a strong boy, so brave_.'

"To an eleven-year-old me, getting rid of my father, the only source of our unhappiness, seemed like the right thing to do. He'd take me hunting sometimes, when he was sober enough to, which was his downfall. He shouldn't have been so concerned with how I only knew 'girly' skills and how I had to 'man up', because he gave me the perfect means to kill him." Alastor took a long drag of his cigar, blew the smoke out slowly, "Shot the bastard with his own rifle and didn't hesitate for a second."

"Cold blooded." Val snorted.

"He deserved it, but my mother didn't think the same. I thought she would have loved me all the more for it - I'd just freed us from our own little version of Hell - and yet, despite being the one to throw the body in the bayou, that was still her husband, and I'd just taken him from her.

"She distanced herself. There was no more cooking together, or reading together, it was all ' _not now, Alastor_ ' and ' _go play outside for once, Alastor_ '. At fifteen, I killed her too, but you must understand that it was all in self defense. Out of all the people I murdered when I was alive, she was the only one I truly never _wanted_ to."

"Shit, Al-"

"Don't."

Valentino fell quiet, but his hands stroked over Alastor's thighs in what he hoped was a comforting gesture. "...What did little Alastor do next then?" He prompted gently.

"Panic, mostly. I was terrified, I was heartbroken. I'd killed both of my parents, and with no other family that I was aware of, I was all alone. It took me too long to pull myself together, and yes, that meant to avoid starvation I did resort to consuming parts of my mother. Eventually, I got my head on straight, started running and I didn't stop. Apparently I was quite the charming young lad, I could get people to believe whatever I wanted, get them to give me whatever I needed. 

"Made my way through quite a few of the states in my travels. I didn't want to settle down anywhere for too long, didn't want to get comfortable, start feeling too safe, but I wasn't being looked for in the first place, I just didn't know that. I came back to New Orleans years later, a strapping twenty-four year old, left me old life behind and started anew. I found myself a job in the radio business and it didn't take long for me to become host of one of the most popular radio shows at the time."

"That's certainly something to brag about."

Alastor finished up his second cigar and dropped it in the tray, "Perhaps, but I wasn't satisfied. Don't get me wrong, my dear, I loved that job... but as much as I tried to forget the life I left behind, I couldn't forget the little _rush_ I felt when I killed my parents. How _good_ it felt to eat my mother's flesh. My radio show wasn't enough. I wouldn't be truly content with my new life unless I killed again.

"It was all so much easier in those days, as you obviously know, but that didn't stop me from overplanning, I didn't want to leave a single thing to chance. Between all the time I was dedicating to my show, and the socializing I forced on myself to keep up my charming persona, it left little time to pre-meditate. Of course that didn't stop me, I'm nothing if not an incredibly organized individual. 

"I took my first my real victim at twenty-six and I didn't stop until the day I had my own life taken from me."

Valentino blinked, "Oh? Always thought you'd have died of something more natural."

"Nothing natural about it, unless you count the fact it involved dogs."

"Well, now I'm just curious."

Alastor hummed, summoned his microphone to give it a twirl, "I got sloppy, as is the downfall of every serial killer. I was caught red-handed, literally, but I managed to talk my way out of any sort of punishment. As you can imagine, the people of New Orleans were not happy about that, so they organized themselves a little hunting party." The microphone disappeared and Alastor sat up, began to remove his waistcoat, followed by his shirt.

"Uh-" Val choked, "Al, what-"

"Don't get any ideas, sweetheart."

"I'll, uh, try not to."

Alastor's shirt fell to the floor, revealing his scarred torso. He leaned his elbows on the desk behind him again, letting Valentino have a good look, "I tried to escape, but there's no outrunning a pack of well trained hunting dogs. The people let them tear at my body, strip away the flesh, paint the ground with my blood. When they decided I'd had enough, they put me out of my misery with a single bullet to the head. I never stopped smiling throughout."

"God _damn_." Valentino breathed, fingers gently tracing over the myriad of scars, "God damn, that's fucking brutal."

"It was, but it was revenge they'd earned. I had taken the lives of their loved ones and cooked them up and ate them, all while acting like a perfectly respectable radio host, and outstanding member of my community. I imagine half of them had even turned to my show for comfort!" Alastor laughed, adjusting his monocle, "Oh, that must have _stung_!"

Val chuckled with him, "I just don't get how you seem so... unbothered by your death, it was way more traumatic than mine."

"Dear, it was decades ago, that's a lot of time to carry around pain for something that's done and over with and can't be changed. I woke up here and hanging on to a fear of dogs just wasn't going to aid in the plans I was forming." Alastor explained, then held a slender finger up in front of his grin, "I'd be lying if I said slaying dog shaped demons didn't give me a little extra thrill though."

Another chuckle, "Yeah, you fuckin' belong here, all right." Valentino ran his hands down Alastor's arms, took his hands into his own, "Right here with me." He whispered, placing a kiss to the engagement ring he'd bought.

"Right here with you." Alastor grinned, gently butting his forehead against Valentino's and leaving it there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alastor doesn't go into details about his serial killings 'cause that's a story for another day ;o (And I know (think) Viv has mentioned that Al's death has nothing to do with dogs _anymore_??? But I like that idea, so I'm rolling with it)
> 
> I also have one more chapter planned before the big wedding pair goes up! <3


	16. The Radio Demon Goes Clubbing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Val and Al have an important discussion about their relationship in Val's newly opened strip club, because that's just what you do

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> //Slaps roof of chapter
> 
> This bad boy takes place really early on in the relationship, like within the first two weeks, so Val and Al (Mostly Al) are still kinda dancing around each other as they figure shit out, still somehow manage to be gross

Alastor regretted his decision as soon as he walked into the club, a wall of scents slamming into him and assaulting his nose. Drugs, alcohol, _sex_. What had possessed him to go there again?

Oh. Right. He was trying to be the perfect example of a good ' _boyfriend_ ' to Valentino by agreeing to go to the opening night of his new club. Just the thought made his nose wrinkle in disgust. It only frustrated the Radio Demon further when getting past the bouncer was more difficult than it needed to be. The imbecile apparently not recognizing _the Radio Demon_ and somehow, miraculously, not knowing that he'd been _personally invited by Valentino_.

He'd spent too long waiting in the doorway, enough so that it made him late, and finally stepping inside wasn't the relief he'd wanted it to so desperately be. He was led through the club by a demon half his size that was trying its damn best to lose him to the crowd, but he stayed hot on its heels until they made it to the VIP area where Valentino was waiting.

"Al! I thought you weren't gonna show for a second there." Valentino called over the music when he spotted the deer, "Move over, darlin', make room." He shooed away a one eyed demon that had been clinging to his side like a leech.

She did nothing to hide her bitter expression as she stood and made her way to the opposite couch, snuggling against one of Val's other guests when she sat.

Alastor simply grinned as he sat in the space she vacated, ignoring how the couch was most likely covered in filth. "Well, you have your employees to thank for my tardiness!" He responded jovially, "I arrived at a perfectly respectable time, but there was a bit of a mix up at the door and I wasn't allowed in."

"Shit, you're serious?" Valentino asked, eyebrows knitting together behind his heart shaped sunglasses, "Fuck's sake, I'll get this sorted. Sorry, baby." He threw an arm over the back of the couch behind Alastor, signalled a waiter with another.

Though Valentino didn't touch Alastor, the proximity, combined with how familiar with the deer he was acting, was enough to make him tense up. Alastor grit his teeth against the feeling, pretended everything was fine, that his skin wasn't crawling, that the music wasn't making him want to flatten his ears in hopes that it would quiet it.

He didn't notice that Val was trying to get his attention until his claws were sinking into the hand that had grabbed his shoulder. 

The pimp didn't react, just took his hand back when it was released and gave it a little shake. He asked simply, "Do you want a drink?"

"Please. Something strong."

The corners of Valentino's mouth ticked up, "I like your style, Bambi." He said, passing on the order.

Alastor gave him a strained smile, tried to relax back into the couch, then sat right back up when his shoulders touched the arm still thrown over the back of it.

"Al, you don't gotta stay if you're not comfortable..." Val said quietly, leaning closer so no one else could hear him.

"I'm fine, my dear." Alastor insisted, forcing his grin wider. He crossed one leg over the other, let his hands fall to his lap.

Just as he opened his mouth to speak again, a scantily clad demon bounced over to them, screeching, "Daddy! Didja see me on the stage?" She dropped onto the couch and shamelessly threw a leg over the pimp's lap, cuddling right up to him. 

Alastor had no explanation for the storm of emotions that began to form within him, but he rapidly squashed it down, as he watched the demon pucker her lips like a fish, leaning close to kiss Valentino.

But Val backed up at the last second, grinned easily as he untangled himself from her limbs, "I sure did, baby girl, and you're gonna make me a lot of money tonight, aren't ya?"

"Mmhm!"

The pimp leaned close, grin gone, _"Then get back to work."_ He hissed.

Confusion flittered across her face, followed by fear. She pouted dramatically to cover it up and walked away on shaky legs.

Valentino heaved a sigh, _"Whores."_ He flicked his wrist and a lit cigar appeared in his hand. He turned to Alastor, "You don't mind if I smoke, do you?"

Alastor shook his head, "Of course not, my dear! Smoke away!" He was in serious need of a cigar himself, but he held back. Valentino didn't seem like the kind of guy who'd be willing to share his expensive cigars just because he asked nicely anyway.

"You know jealousy is a good look on you." Val smirked, taking a drag.

"Pardon?"

"You can't deny it, Bambi, I saw the way you looked at her." Valentino leaned close and Alastor's eyes were drawn to the way his gold tooth glinted in the club's bright lights, "Don't like people getting their hands on your man, huh?"

"Oh!" Alastor laughed, acting like he got it when he really didn't. What was the appropriate reaction? Did Valentino want him to be jealous? Did he like that? Or was it a... _turn off_? The way he acted suggested that he was amused by it at the very least.

Was Alastor actually jealous? He'd certainly felt something when that demon had put her hands on Valentino, he'd felt _many_ unpleasant things, but he didn't have any names for those emotions. 

Alastor made his decision quickly, and hoped it wouldn't look too intimate, highly aware that they weren't alone. He placed a hand lightly on the pimp's knee, ducked closer, "I... _might_ have been a little jealous of her."

Valentino took another drag of his cigar, turned his head to blow the smoke out, then fixed Alastor with cheeky grin, "Well you don't have anything to worry about, baby, I ain't interested in anyone else."

Alastor stiffened, "What?"

Val paused, then asked slowly, completely failing to hide the apprehension in his voice, "We're together... aren't we?"

"Of course!" Alastor reassured quickly, tightening his grip on the pimp's knee in a way he hoped was convincing.

"Then like I said, you don't have to worry." Val mumbled, tips of his claws brushing against the back of Alastor's neck, making him shiver. He didn't pull away.

"I... I'm afraid I don't get it." Alastor said dumbly, cringing at his performance.

Valentino sat up a little straighter, deposited his cigar in the ashtray placed on the table in front of him. "I know you don't do the whole sex thing, and I'm fine with that, okay? And if you never change your mind, I'd _still_ be fine with it."

Oh. 

That was... really sweet of him actually. Alastor hated that it made him feel so _valued_. 

He cleared his throat, "That's very thoughtful of you, Valentino, but I don't expect you to just be- be celibate for me. I know you're all about sex, you shouldn't have to-"

Val interrupted him with a bark of laughter, "Al, you make it sound like I'm some sorta sex addict!" He attempted to control himself, failed, tried again and succeeded, sucking in deep breaths to get himself under control, "Look, baby, I get where you're coming from, and it's nice that you care about how comfortable I am in the same way I care about you-" Alastor wouldn't call it _caring_ necessarily, "-but I _want_ to do this. I'm committed to you now, I don't want to be with a different whore every night."

The fingers that had been at the back of Alastor's neck moved up slowly, scratched at the shaved part of his head, made his ears twitch. He lifted his hand from Valentino's knee, brought it to his chest, over his rapidly beating heart, dug his claws in until he felt the sharp pain of them piercing his skin. 

Alastor didn't know what he was feeling, but he knew that he didn't like it one bit.

"Besides, if I ever need sex that badly, I do have four hands."

And just like that, Valentino had ruined the moment, waving the aforementioned four hands in front of Alastor and wiggling his eyebrows.

The deer scrunched his face up, back to emotions that he knew, "You're disgusting."

"You like it." Val teased, retrieving his mostly burnt away cigar.

"I _really_ don't."

Valentino ignored the protest. He leaned close, lips just inches away from Alastor's-

Then he remembered where they were and coughed awkwardly as he backed up, slumped against the couch to finish off his cigar.

Alastor straightened up too, let his hand drop back to his lap, "So, uh, what's the word? Exclusive...?"

"Yeah, Bambi, we're exclusive."

Something told Alastor to end it all right there, cut the relationship off before Valentino could make him feel anymore of those foreign emotions. 

But Alastor was curious and it got the best of him.

He thanked whatever deity was responsible for the fact he hadn't ended up with the attributes of a cat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who aren't following my Twitter when you really should be, the wedding chapters have been completely written out, I just gotta do some proofreads and they're good to go! Hopefully, ya'll are gonna get roughly 15k words as an update tomorrow <33


	17. A Real Red Wedding - Alastor's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The wedding from Alastor's point of view, that's it, that's the chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THEY'RE FINALLY HERE, LADS, THE WEDDING CHAPTERS I'VE BEEN SPEAKING SO MUCH ABOUT!! You are definitely going to want to read both, I did my very best to make Val and Al's POVs as different as possible, and Valentino's chapter even has some 'bonus' scenes at the end that weren't uncluded in Alastor's chapter! I would also recommend reading these in the order they're posted, Al first, then Val, since Al's chapter goes into a lot more detail that Val's doesn't <33
> 
> THAT BEING SAID, LET'S GET THE LINKS OUT OF THE WAY  
> The lovely couple's wedding outfits! [Twitter version](https://twitter.com/hunting_people/status/1230946453067091968) / [DeviantART version](https://www.deviantart.com/huntingpeople/art/Just-a-Kid-831260779)  
> [Bonus doodles of Val and Luci](https://twitter.com/hunting_people/status/1231910256839712769)  
> [Last minute smooch art because I'm trash](https://twitter.com/hunting_people/status/1232803172579774464)  
> [The first dance song that Lucifer sings](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ss_BmTGv43M)  
> [JK lmao this is the actual first dance song that Lucifer sings](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OiaAkUTVvOk)
> 
> P.S. I spelled Lillith with two L's throughout, but I'm seeing people use one?? Idk how it's spelled, I hope two L's won't bother you-

In hindsight, Alastor shouldn't have stayed up all night helping Niffty cater for the wedding, it was _his_ wedding after all, but maybe he was a little... obsessed with things running smoothly. He tried to tell himself he didn't care, that as long as he was married to Valentino by the end of the day, then everything had turned out perfect, but he couldn't stop stressing the details, because a small part of him reminded him this would only happen once. So, sure, being with Val was the most important thing, but might as well go all out and make this one time as special as possible.

He and Valentino didn't even plan to stick around long enough to enjoy the food, knowing exactly how they were going to spend their night and wanting to start as early as possible. Other demons would be there though, the _King_ would be there, and Alastor would be damned if he didn't put the effort in to make sure his time wasn't wasted.

So stay up all night he did. Cooking and baking until all the food needed for the wedding had been made and sent to the venue, and it was late enough for him to start on breakfast. That is, until he was half kicked/half dragged out of the kitchen by Charlie.

"What are you doing, Al? Leave that to Niffty! You need to get dressed!" Charlie stressed, "Husk has been waiting for ages!"

"My dear, I don't-"

"Hush!" Charlie interrupted, "Go to your room! Get ready!"

She shoved at him until he stopped growling at the unwanted touch and disappeared into the shadows.

Husk was waiting, just as Charlie had said, scowl on his face. "Fucking finally!" He hissed when he saw Alastor, "You were supposed to start getting ready an hour ago! Where the fuck were you?"

"I was cooking. Where's my suit?"

"Hanging on the door." Husk sighed, "Hurry up! We'll have to leave soon-"

"Don't _rush_ me!" Alastor grumbled, turning to check that his suit was indeed on the back of the door, before he started getting undressed. He had no issue doing so in front of his best friend, the feline having seen him in all states over the decades they'd known each other.

Husk only let out a harsh sigh as he waited for Alastor to get his suit on, before helping him with his bowtie. To the cat's credit, he did seem perfectly sober that morning, or at least was doing a damn good job of acting like he was. When he finished up with the bowtie, he urged the deer to turn around, look at himself in the mirror.

The suit Alastor had picked out for the day was entirely a pristine white, aside from the waist coat and bowtie, which were a rich red colour. His dress shoes were the only thing that didn't match, being black in colour. Husk had switched out his usual red bowtie for a white one for the wedding, foregoing any other clothes, but he had made an effort to groom his fur and his wings, looking the best Alastor had ever seen him.

"Doing anything with your hair or just brushing it?" Husk asked, handing over his hair brush.

"Just brushing- no! I _should_ do it up! What a brilliant idea, Husker!" Alastor decided, hastily pulling the bristles through his locks, not reacting at all when they snagged on knots, though it did earn a sympathetic wince from Husk. 

After a minute or so of the treatment, Husk snapped, "Gimme that, you're gonna rip your fuckin' hair out!" He took the brush from his hand, began to brush his hair in a much more gentle manner, careful of his ears and antlers. "Did you even decide any of this beforehand? Could have avoided all this damn hastle."

He hadn't, but Husk didn't need to know that. As soon as Valentino had gotten back to him with the news that Lucifer had agreed, Alastor felt that he couldn't wait any longer. They'd set the date for the following week and had rushed preparations, with how small the event was going to be they figured they wouldn't _need_ months to plan. Lucifer had been generous enough to lend his own ballroom for the ceremony, and had helped them with anything else they needed.

"Of course I decided earlier! But I can change my mind can't I, my dear Husker?"

"Not if it's gonna make you late to your own fucking wedding!"

"I won't be _late_!" The deer insisted.

"Do you have a hairtie?"

Alastor flicked his wrist and passed back the tie that appeared in his hand.

"Thanks." Husk huffed, carefully gathering up Alastor's hair into a neat ponytail. "There, you're done!" He gave his friend a slap on the back and stepped back.

"Didn't even take an hour, and I could have done all that by myself." Alastor commented, stepping over to the mirror to study his reflection closely, "How do I look?" 

"You're the most magnificent damn stag in the entire forest."

Alastor snorted at that, watched his shadow peek over his shoulder and give him a thumbs up, followed by an overwhelming wave of happiness and excitement. His grin grew so wide that it actually began to hurt his cheeks. He spun around, set his sights on Husk.

The cat could struggle against the hold, and he could grumble all he wanted to about the way Alastor rubbed their cheeks together, but he couldn't deny that it made him happy to see his friend in such an upbeat mood.

"Hug me back, Husker! This is just awkward otherwise!" Alastor laughed, giving him a squeeze.

Husk squeezed him back just as hard, large paws resting on his back, careful not to wrinkle the suit, "I'm so fucking happy for you, Al." He whispered.

"Thank you, Husker." Alastor whispered back, pressing his nose against the cat's, loving the way it scrunched up in annoyance. He tried to focus on that, the little moments, the good feelings, rather than dwell on the thought that he, Alastor the Radio Demon, was about to get _married_ and the fierce anxiety that accompanied it.

"Enough of this sappy shit, we gotta get you to your wedding!"

"Of course! Let's round up the family!"

-

Charlie hadn't been happy about leaving the Happy Hotel completely unattended for an entire day, and had only been placated by Alastor telling her that Vaggie was more than welcome to return early if she so desired. With that sorted, the couple were quickly ushered into the limousine that Lucifer sent for them, followed soon after by Husk, then Niffty, and lastly Angel Dust. 

The pornstar had been reluctant to leave the safety that the Hotel offered, in order to be in a room with his boss where anything could happen. Understandably so. Angel didn't believe a single word of reassurance any of them tried to say, but eventually he'd decided to go, realizing there was safety in numbers perhaps.

"You getting in, Al? This is _your_ wedding, ya know?" Angel spoke, peeking his head out of the open door.

"Give me a moment, sweetheart." Alastor mumbled, flashing him a wide grin. He turned to peer at his reflection, did some last minute adjustments to his hair and suit. Stalling, really. He felt like he was getting eaten alive by the butterflies in his stomach, and he wondered, not for the first time, if he could just... disappear into the shadows and not come back.

But a small tug inside of him reminded him that he didn't want to do that at all, not really. Reminded him that Valentino had been nothing but _good_ to him and deserved the same from Alastor.

Alastor mentally berated himself. 

Felt cold claws curl around his shoulders as his shadow reminded him of his excitement for the day, of his love for Valentino. He leaned back into the touch, sent a silent thank you across their connection. He looked down at his hand, where his engagement ring had been moved to his middle finger, and cupped his other hand under it, brought them to his mouth to press his lips to the ring. 

He loved Valentino, he was going to marry him, and it was going to be _perfect_.

-

Alastor watched as one by one, the staff of the Happy Hotel disappeared through the large double doors into the ballroom. He caught small glimpses of the inside, the decorations, the food, but he tried not to look too much, didn't want to see Valentino until he was walking down the aisle.

"Al, you gotta calm down." Husk whispered, closing a paw over the hand in the crook of his elbow.

"Hmm?"

"You're... _buzzing_."

He noticed it then, the loud fizzle of static surrounding him. "Oh." He took a deep breath, tried to soothe his nerves and relaxed when the static began to die down.

"It's gonna go great, Al!" Niffty beamed from beside him, small hand a comforting weight on his hip, the other clutching a basket of flower petals. "Even if you trip, no one's gonna think anything of it!"

Alastor chuckled quietly, "Thank you, my dear."

Niffty opened her mouth to say something else, but paused when the music coming from the ballroom shifted, "Oh, that's my cue!"

An imp pushed the door open a crack and Niffty scurried through, scattering handfuls of flower petals as she went.

"Are you ready?" Husk asked him quietly.

Alastor shook his head, "No. No, I'm not." He cleared his throat, tightened his grip on Husk's arm, "I don't think I'll ever _be_ ready, so just start walking when it's our turn and I'll have no choice but to follow."

"You're making it sound like you'd rather be anywhere but here."

"I do _want_ to be here, Husker, believe me, I'm just..."

"Scared?"

"Yes, I suppose. _Terrified_ might be more accurate!"

Husk lifted a wing to wrap around Alastor's shoulders, "It's... a big change, I don't blame you. Just think about your man, all right? Think about that big idiot just stood there waiting for _you_ , just you. You're all he's here for, you're all he wants to see. Think about the way his ridiculous face is just gonna light up when you walk through that door."

"I don't appreciate the insults to my soon-to-be husband!" Alastor growled softly, but there was no bite behind it.

Husk grinned at him, knocked him gently with his wing, "C'mon, let's go make that happen."

Alastor straightened up, glanced briefly at his friend beside him before settling his eyes on the door again, "How do I look?"

"As perfect as you've looked all morning, stop worrying."

"Right!" Alastor swallowed, brushed imaginary dirt from his suit, nodded to himself, "I'm as ready as I'll ever be!"

Two imps pushed the doors wide open, the volume of the music increasing dramatically, and with a small tug from Husk, Alastor began walking.

He looked anywhere but directly ahead. Taking in the decorations properly, balloons and ribbons and confetti, all in shades of red and white with small hints of blue. The tables piled high with food pushed against one wall, with the three-tiered wedding cake sat perfectly in the centre. The 'aisle' was just a strip of red carpet. A stage had been set up in one corner where the band was playing, a small area around it cleared to be the dancefloor.

On the left side of the room stood the Queen, right beside her daughter and her daughter's girlfriend, with Angel Dust at the end of the line. On the left was Vox, with Velvet beside him, and Niffty right beside her. They were all wearing their own clothes, but they'd made the effort to stick to the red and white theme.

There were only two chairs set up for guests. Those being Charlie's personal body guards, Razzle and Dazzle, of course.

At the end of the aisle was the King of Hell, apple topped staff held in the crook of one arm, hands clasped together in front of him.

Stood in front of Lucifer and slightly to the left, was Valentino.

The pimp had swapped out his usual coat for one that was pure white and entirely fur. Underneath that was a suit to match Alastor's, but with the opposite colour scheme. He finished the look off with a red tophat, a white ribbon wrapped around it with a small bow, and red-tinted heart-shaped sunglasses, different to his usual pink. Also on his face, was the biggest, goofiest grin Alastor had ever seen him wear.

Alastor's breath caught in his throat and his heart started beating erratically, he almost tripped, caught himself just in time. He was stunned by the overwhelming rush of affection that the sight caused, the amount of love, excitement, joy. He didn't realize that he was stood right in front of the love of his afterlife, until Husk was gently prying his arm loose from Alastor's iron grip. The cat squeezed his shoulder reassuringly before going to stand beside Niffty.

The Radio Demon turned to look up at his almost-husband, the wide, terrified, grin that had been on his face softening to a gentle smile. "I've never seen you look so handsome." He breathed.

"I could say the same to you." Valentino hummed, "You should wear your hair like the more often, I like it."

"Are we ready to begin?" Lucifer interrupted gently with an arched eyebrow. When he received a nod from both halves of the couple in front of him, he clapped his hands together, then tapped his staff on the ground to quiet the room and gain everyone's attention.

With all eyes on him, the ceremony started.

"Dearly departed!" Lucifer began, clearly proud of himself for the pun, "We are gathered here today to join these to Overlords in anything _but_ holy matrimony."

Alastor couldn't help his snort at the wordplay and it earned him an approving wink from the King.

"I may be the King of Hell, a fallen angel who enjoys the chaos of this land and the suffering of his people, all while staying far, far away from it. I have been so and I have done so for centuries now. But, on occasion, some light can form in all of that darkness, something so genuine and pure, and when it does I can't help but to foster it, support it, let it grow. 

"For as cruel as I can be, I can also be just as loving, my own family is testament to that. When good things happen to bad people, when I see that love blossom between two sinners, I do not want to interfere. 

"For these two before me, Alastor and Valentino, I can see that love. I can see that light. I can see that care. I've seen the way they act around each other, I've seen how they look at each other, I've heard how they speak to each other. This is a union I want to support - though that stays just between us here in this room - and I would like to take a moment to thank you for personally inviting me to officiate."

Valentino nodded in acknowledgement, standing a little straighter, a little prouder.

Lucifer continued, "Despite how different the two of you are, complete opposites really, I've never seen two souls more perfect for each other. I know that this is something that will last, and I'm not often wrong." He paused, gave everyone a moment to take in his speech, then clapped his hands again, "Now, if you'd please take each other's hands, we can get to the vows."

The couple did as asked, with Valentino tucking his lower pair of hands behind his back to hold Alastor's with his top pair.

A beat of silence passed, then-

"Shit." Valentino cursed, " _Shit_. I didn't write any vows."

"Neither did I." Alastor blinked, "Did we talk about writing our own vows? I don't remember mentioning anything about vows."

" _Did_ we?" 

They stood and stared at each other for a moment, two, before Alastor broke the silence with a laugh, "Smile, dear! It's not a good wedding unless something goes wrong!" He tapped his foot a couple of times, "On the spot vows it is, I'll start!" He cleared his throat.

"Lucifer was right when he said we were complete opposites, yet despite that fact, I found myself getting swept up in this whirlwind romance of ours. I won't lie and say there hasn't been moments where it all became too much for me and I wanted to just run... but I stuck around because, Valentino, I love you, more than I ever thought possible. It's... _petrifying_ , and I'm not used to such emotions, but I have friends that support me and-" Alastor stopped, let out a small huff, "And I have a _shadow_ that forces me to confront difficult feelings before they get too out of hand, and to remind me of the good things."

Alastor paused, gave himself a moment to think and to take a deep breath to compose himself. It may be his wedding day, but he wasn't going to let himself cry. Slowly, he continued.

"Valentino, I vow to never leave you in the dark, to come to you with all of my doubts so we can work through them together. I vow to spend every day of my afterlife showing you how much I care, proving to you that I'm serious about this. I vow to never use your love for me against you, to manipulate you in any way, shape or form. I vow to put up with your friends whenever we're together, as irritating as I find them." Alastor paused at that to commit Vox's scowl to memory, then carried on, "I promise you that I will continue to learn, to grow and to improve myself. In a purely relationship context that is! I know what I am and that isn't changing.

"Now, to steal the words you told me all those months ago. You're it for me. I don't want anyone else, ever. 'Til death do us part, as they say, though we're long passed that!"

Valentino squeezed his hands, let out a long shuddering breath, "Guess it's my turn now?"

Alastor squeezed his hands right back, and for a moment, everyone else in the room was gone and it was just them, "Go ahead, my dear, I'm listening."

"Well, where do I fucking start? I was a lost cause from the moment I heard your very first broadcast here in Hell. It may not have been love then, but it made me curious enough to pursue you, to try for _something_. Friends, business partners, archenemies. I would have settled for anything, you were an enigma, and I just wanted to be around you. And over the years, the decades, as our encounters grew in number, whether we were trying to kill each other or even having a rare civil conversation, I found myself growing to love you.

"It wasn't a new feeling for me, but anyone I had loved had left me or been taken from me, so I was bitter and I was scared. There were times when I tried to forget my feelings, to move on from something that had never started, throw myself completely into my work. I made friends that encouraged that behaviour, but I was in too deep, and when they realized that, I had their begrudging support.

"I didn't work up the courage to ask you until that moment a little under a year ago, and even when you said yes, that initial fear didn't go away. I was fully convinced it wouldn't work out, this is Hell after all, who's to say that you, that our relationship, wouldn't just be another part of my eternal punishment. But I've been proven wrong.

"So Alastor, I vow to never let my fear get in the way of loving you fully. I vow to never push you to do more than you're comfortable with, to go at the pace that you set and listen to how you feel. I vow to never let my emotions control me, to always think before acting, so as not to destroy this beautiful thing we've created. I vow to spend the rest of my afterlife making you the happiest sinner in this damned kingdom. It may be Hell, but it's _our_ Heaven." Valentino finally finished and turned to Lucifer, "Can I kiss this bastard now?"

"Give me a minute, boys." Lucifer croaked, "That was too beautiful." He dabbed at his eyes with a handkerchief. He tucked it into his pocket when he was done, sniffed, cleared his throat, "Where are the rings? Who has them?"

Vox stepped forward, cushion in his hand with two rings placed delicately on top. The smaller of the two was white gold, a pattern of alternating diamonds and sapphires making their way all around the band. On the inside, a small _V_ was engraved. The larger of the two was rose gold, with a ruby settled in the middle of an intricately twisting pattern. The inside of it had an _A_ engraving.

The couple each took a ring from the pillow and exchanged them, with only the slightest of fumbling.

Lucifer opened his mouth, coughed and cleared his throat, tried again, "I now pronounce you husband and husband. Valentino, you may now kiss this handsome devil to your heart's content."

Valentino didn't need to be told twice. He swooped down, gathering Alastor into his arms, and connected their lips in a passionate kiss to a chorus of cheers around them. A tap on his shoulder had Valentino breaking away to look up, only to see Alastor's shadow looking at him expectantly from over the deer's head. He chuckled, gave the creature its own kiss.

"So we're married now." He breathed when he finally left Alastor's face alone.

Alastor nodded, "We are."

"Fuck yeah."

Lucifer clapped his hands together again, "I would just like to take this moment to remind everyone, not just these two in front of me," His yellow eyes flicked to the other two Overlords in the room, "that I will not hesitate to _snuff_ out anyone who tries to overthrow me." He grinned, "With all that being said, I suggest you all help yourselves to some food before these two have their first dance!"

More cheers from the guests, then a cacophony of footsteps as they all made their way to the tables.

Alastor watched them go, watched as everyone tucked into the food, then turned back to Valentino, "Do you want to get out of here?"

"Soon." Val hummed, "Have you eaten anything?"

"Skipped breakfast, I wanted to save room for tonight." Alastor purred, pressing himself against his husband, hands stroking against the fur of Val's coat.

"Fuck, I can't wait." Valentino groaned, "But I'm _starved_ , and don't think you're getting out of that dance, baby."

"Wouldn't dream of it."

Valentino leaned down for a kiss, before wrapping two arms around Alastor and pulling him towards the buffet tables, "Come on, show me what the good stuff is."

"I didn't help too much." Alastor lied.

The reality was that as soon as he'd entered the kitchen, he'd completely taken over the cooking, Niffty left to follow him around and clean up his messes, only providing the occasional reply to his nervous rambling.

"Yeah? Damn." 

That didn't stop Valentino from piling up a plate with too much food and stuffing his face, directing all his compliments towards Niffty, and Vaggie who had helped before going to sleep at an appropriate time. The rest of the guests were making short work of all the food that had been laid out, especially Razzle and Dazzle, hoovering up the food like they had bottomless pits for stomachs.

Alastor couldn't help the little flutter of pride at his food being enjoyed by so many. Aside from Vox, who was physically incapable of eating and had chosen to hover at the edge of the group, looking quite jealous.

When Lucifer had decided that the demons had had enough time to eat their fill, he called for everyone's attention again and took his place on the small stage. "As per my conditions when agreeing to officiate, I will be performing some songs for tonight, the most important being the song our lovely couple will have their first dance to. Get over here you two!" Lucifer gestured for them to come closer and the lights dimmed, a spotlight appearing on the two Overlords. "I wasn't given a specific request for this song, so I chose my own, and I think I made a pretty good decision. It's called, _'Have I told you lately that I love you_ '."

Valentino bowed to Alastor and offered up a hand, grin splitting his face, gold tooth glinting in the light.

"You're ridiculous." Alastor snorted and took the hand, pressing close and hiding his smile in white fur.

"Only for you, baby." Val whispered, just loud enough for them to hear as they got into position.

Lucifer waved his hand and a violin appeared in it. He settled it under his chin, raised the bow, and nodded towards the band.

They began to play, and the couple began to dance.

Despite the height difference and the lack of practice, they effortlessly settled into a rhythm. Like they were made for each other.

Then Lucifer began to sing.

_Have I told you lately that I love you,_  
_Could I tell you once again somehow,_  
_Have I told, with all my heart and soul how I adore you,_  
_Well darlin' I'm tellin' you now._  
_This heart would break in two if you refuse me,_  
_I'm no good without you anyhow,_  
_Dear have I told you lately that I love you,_  
_Well darlin' I'm tellin' you now._

Alastor's breath left him in a shuddering sigh. He didn't recognize the song - and he liked to think he had pretty good knowledge of music that had come out when he'd been alive - but the lyrics... they were perfect. Lucifer _had_ done a good job picking, better than Alastor would have been able to.

_Have I told you lately that I miss you,_  
_When the stars are shinin' in the sky,_  
_Have I told you why the nights are long when you're not with me,_  
_Well darlin' I'm tellin' you now._  
_This heart would break in two if you refuse me,_  
_I'm no good without you anyhow,_  
_Dear have I told you lately that I love you,_  
_Well darlin' I'm tellin' you now._

He risked a glance up at Valentino's face and stumbled, but recovered easily. 

The look the pimp was wearing could only be described as _tender_ , and as he looked down at Alastor, moved them in slow circles, he mouthed along to the words. 

_Have I told you lately when I'm sleepin',_  
_Every dream I dream is you somehow,_  
_Have I told you who I'd like to share my love forever,_  
_Well darlin' I'm telling you now,_  
_This heart would break in two if you refuse me,_  
_I'm no good without you anyhow,_  
_Dear have I told you lately that I love you,_  
_Well darlin' I'm tellin' you now._

As the song came to a close, they were less _dancing_ to it and more just gently swaying. Alastor could feel his eyes growing wet against his will, so overwhelmed with emotion that was only amplified by his own shadow. He stopped moving, fisted his hands in fur to drag Valentino down into a kiss, full of desperation.

Val responded in kind, all four hands on Alastor's body to pull him as close as possible, stroke over him soothingly. "Are you all right, Al?" Val asked, almost inaudible under the sound of clapping and wolf whistling.

Alastor nodded hastily, "I'm just- I love you _so much_ , my dear."

"I love you too, sweetheart." Valentino whispered, placing kisses in soft hair and on even softer ears. "We'll get out of here soon, I promise, just let me have another dance or two."

"We can stay a bit longer." 

"Thanks, baby." Val grinned, pecking Alastor on the lips then turning to the stage, "Luci, do you mind if I steal your wife for a dance?" He called out.

"Only if I get to steal your husband." Came the King's reply as he jumped down from the stage.

Alastor shrugged, "Sounds good to me!"

Valentino immediately swept Lillith up in a fast paced dance as the band started up a new song, and Lucifer patiently waited for Alastor put his hands on him first before he started to lead him around, keeping a respectful distance between them.

"So, Alastor." Lucifer hummed, "It's been a while."

"It has."

"You've made quite the name for yourself here in Hell. It's hard to find a soul that doesn't recognize the Radio Demon."

"Is there a reason you're telling me this?" Alastor asked, lips stretched into a smile but a skeptical look in his eyes.

Lucifer shrugged, "Just wanted to say you've changed since we last talked. I never would have guessed that this would be your future."

Alastor spared a glance at his husband, barely suppressed a chuckle at the sight. Val and Lillith's dance looking more like who could get the other to trip and break their heels, but they were clearly having fun with it. "Yes, well." Alastor said, focusing on Lucifer again, "Things change. Hell is an unpredictable place."

"It never has been for me."

"Perhaps you're losing your touch."

Lucifer let out a chuckle as he dipped Alastor, "Perhaps I am."

They lapsed into silence, until right before the song ended when Lucifer called out, "Swap with me, darling!"

As the song faded into the next, he let go of Alastor and swapped places with his wife, took his place in Valentino's arms and continued the dance without a hitch.

"That's quite the husband you've got there." Lillith said quietly, her voice deep and smooth as silk.

"He is... certainly something." Alastor agreed, thankful that Lillith was allowing him to lead for the first time that night, "I could say the same to you. Lucifer is a strang one."

"He is." Lillith smiled, "You know, I find it hard to believe that this is our first time meeting, I feel we'd get along quite well if we found the time."

"I'll let you know when I feel the need to share stories over tea of the absurd situations Valentino gets himself in. That would be quite the bonding experience!"

Lillith lifted a hand to her mouth to muffle a laugh, "It's a date then, Alastor."

Alastor grinned, "I guess it is."

After the dance, Alastor took the opportunity to rest his feet, give himself a reprieve from the constant touching. He dragged a chair to one of the quieter corners, where he could watch the goings on and took a seat.

Velvet was darting around the ballroom with her hellphone in her hands, flash going off as she took picture after picture, and hopefully keeping them to herself and not- what was it called? Uploading? _Uploading_ them to any of those interweb things the newer residents of Hell seemed so obsessed with. At the risk of Lucifer's wrath though, he was sure she was behaving. The only one subjected to the results of her photography was Niffty, who was hot on the Overlord's heels, seemingly helping her with her shots. They looked to be getting on just fine.

The entire Magne family was on the dance floor, Vaggie being passed between Charlie and her mother, but she didn't seem to mind. In fact, that might even be a rare smile on her face. Lucifer and Valentino were still partnered up, but the King's feet were no longer on the floor as Val supported him with all four arms and span him around.

Razzle and Dazzle were still entirely focused on the buffet table, gradually clearing it of food, but as long as they didn't touch the wedding cake, Alastor was content to let them continue. Angel Dust was only making their job easier, nudging plates towards the edge of the table, like a cat seeking attention. 

Speaking of cats, Alastor's feline friend had expertly sniffed out the booze and was sipping from a bottle as he spoke with Vox.

Wait-

 _What_?

Alastor actually took his monocle off to polish it with a corner of his suit jacket before replacing it. 

Nope, he definitely wasn't seeing things. That _was_ his best friend talking oh so casually with the most insufferable demon Alastor had ever had the displeasure of meeting. And was that a _smile_ on Husk's face? It must be the drinks, there was no other explanation for it. Husk, of all demons, wouldn't enjoy Vox's company unless he was thoroughly intoxicated.

He must have been glaring hard enough for them to feel, because the pair turned to him at the same moment.

For a moment, the three of them just stared.

Then Husk was growling something and using his free paw to shove Vox towards Alastor.

Alastor stood, prepared for a fight. Though he'd not-so-vaguely threatened everyone before they'd left the Hotel, he wasn't sure if Valentino had done the same, or even if his friends would be willing to listen. They'd been pretty well behaved until that point, but Alastor wouldn't put it past them to change that at the drop of a hat.

"Prancer." Vox greeted.

Alastor narrowed his eyes, his distain obvious, "Vox."

Vox offered his hand, "Care to dance?"

"Not with the likes of you."

"Look, you prissy bitch," Vox snapped with a hiss, "any other day, I'd grind you into dust, you obsolete mother _fucker_ , but I'm not going to ruin Val's _wedding day_ for a grudge. So I'm calling a temporary truce. Are you gonna dance with me or not, fuckface?" He shook his hand in front of Alastor until he finally took it with a sigh that was much more akin to a growl.

"I'm leading." The deer said as they made their way to the dance floor.

" _I'm_ leading."

"Fine, have it your way."

"Think of it this way, Dancer, we do this _once_ and we never have to again."

"We don't even _have_ to do this once."

"Can you seriously not pretend for five God damn minutes?"

"You've never made an effort before, I don't get why you're making one now."

Vox scowled at him, "I just told you it's because it's Val's wedding day. I'm an asshole, but I'm not _that_ kind of asshole. As much as I hate you, I'm not going to pick a fight today. I just want one damn dance, Donner, can you do that?"

Alastor settled a hand on the TV demon's shoulder, "For Valentino's sake."

"For Val's sake."

They waited until the current song had finished, and started the dance when the next began - Lucifer taking up the microphone again - where Alastor reluctantly let Vox take the lead. They held each other loosely, touching as little as possible, and accidentally-on-purpose stood on each other's toes.

Alastor didn't fail to notice the way Vox's eyes would occasionally flicker to a spot over his shoulder, before settling on him again, and when they turned Alastor noticed Husk watching them.

"I'd appreciate it if you'd stop ogling Husker." He growled lowly.

"I'm not _ogling_ your friend."

"You are. What were you even talking about back there?"

"None of your damn business, you nosey bastard!"

"It _is_ my business if you're taking advantage of him-"

"Stop right there, Cupid-" Vox hissed, stopping their dance, claws digging into Alastor's hand, "-I don't fucking take advantage of anybody, so you can get your mind out of the damn gutter. Me an' Husky were just having a chat, about you and Val mostly, but the other shit's _none of your business_."

Alastor studied him closely, glanced back at Husk, then back to Vox. Well. Husk didn't seem at all bothered by his conversation with the Overlord, so Alastor guessed he would believe Vox, just this once. He got the feeling there was something more to it, but he didn't say anything as he guided Vox to finish the dance before the song was over.

Vox accepted the silent apology without complaint and the song reached its end without another incident.

"You treat him right," Vox said as his parting words, "'cause if you hurt him, I'll hunt you down like the deer you are, and skin you to make one of those rugs you keep leaving behind."

"If I ever hurt him that badly, I'd let you."

"Where's the fun in that, Bambi?" Vox asked simply, but he walked away before the deer could answer him.

"Al! Are you free now?"

Alastor blinked, looked down to find Niffty staring up at him, bouncing in place. 

"It seems that way." He said easily, "What do you want, my dear?"

"Can we dance?"

"I don't see why not! Go get Husker, we'll all dance together before I leave!" Alastor hummed, gently shooing her away. He really did need to leave soon. His lack of sleep combined with his lack of food was making him irritable, and he and Val _did_ have plans for the night they had to be getting on with. When he checked on his husband, he found the pimp being all but dragged around the dance floor by Velvet.

He beckoned him over when he caught Val's gaze, and when he was close enough, he pulled him down to peck him on the lips, "One more dance, darling, I'm eager to get on with the night."

"You got it, baby." Val winked, giving Alastor's forehead a kiss before wandering off.

Niffty came back, riding on Husk's shoulders, her hands gently clutching the fur on his head to help her keep her balance, but the cat was walking steadily enough that it wasn't needed.

"I'll let you lead," Husk said without slurring his words, "I'm sure you've had enough of following for the night."

"You'd be right about that!" Alastor hummed, taking the cat's paw. "This is why you're my closest friend, Husker. And you too, Niffty, of course!" He manoeuvered them into the right position carefully, Husk more than a little rusty, "I see you were having a fun time with Velvet?"

"Oh, yes!" Niffty said excitedly, "Miss Velvet is lovely, and she's got a really good eye when it comes to photography! Oh, Al, you _have_ to see the pictures! You and Mr. Valentino just look _amazing_!"

"I don't doubt it!" Alastor smiled gently, "I'm sure I'll see them soon enough."

"You and Vox looked like you were getting along really well." Niffty commented next, looking down at the cat, "What were you talking about?"

Husk bristled, "Stuff." He grumbled evassively, "Things. I don't know, I wasn't paying attention. He was talking my ear off while I tried to enjoy a drink. Anyway, I thought we were fucking dancing, not interrogating me!"

"Of course, Husker, just waiting for the next song to start."

Husk's frown had returned, he refused to engage in the rest of the conversation and Alastor didn't think his skills were rusty enough for him to stand on his feet _that_ many times. He was bothered by them asking about Vox, and Alastor didn't understand why, but it wouldn't be wise to push the cat right then, he could ask about it another time.

Vox himself was watching them closely, eyes squinted. In one hand was Husk's abandoned drink.

Maybe he'd say something to Valentino. 

Alastor made a note to ask in the morning.

The song came to an end and Husk quickly freed himself from Alastor's hold, helped Niffty climb down from his shoulders, then made his way back to Vox. He took his drink back, hovered for a moment, before distancing himself.

Vox shot Alastor a dirty look.

Alastor shrugged it off, forced himself to forget all about the pair's weird behaviour as he scanned the dancefloor for his husband.

Valentino was just letting go of Angel Dust when Alastor spotted him. The pimp grinned when his eyes met Alastor's and he gave him a thumbs up as he climbed onto the stage, took the microphone from Lucifer. "All right guys, listen up! Today has been the best day of my entire existence, and I'd like to thank the King once again for officiating! That being said, the only thing that could make it better is getting out of here to, uh, be with my husband, if you know what I mean." He wiggled his eyebrows and Alastor only rolled his eyes.

"Don't give them the wrong idea, sweetheart!"

Val waved a hand flippantly, "So. Anyway. We're gonna cut the cake and fuck off, but feel free to continue the party, 'cause Luci here is letting you use the room for the rest of the night."

So, the cake was cut, white icing giving way to red sponge, and after everyone was handed a slice, Vaggie and Angel Dust decided to return to the Hotel.

The newlyweds rushed their goodbyes to the guests and then Alastor was shadowing them away.

-

Alastor looked out over the city sprawled before him from his perch at the edge of Porn Studios's roof, crossed legs dangling in the air. He was perfectly comfortable, his microphone held loosely in his hands. Behind him, Valentino stood. Right beside Alastor, was his shadow.

The microphone snapped open its single eye.

"On air, in 3... 2... 1..."

 _"Good evening, Pentagram City! It's been a while hasn't it? Do you remember my voice, do you remember who I am? Well, let me remind you; it's your beloved Radio Demon, Alastor! Back with another wonderful broadcast for you! But this time I'm not alone, you see, I've been terribly busy in my time away! First I found myself in a relationship, then I was proposed to, and just this morning, I married my dear husband! Would you like to introduce yourself, darling?"_ He fell silent, let it drag on, before he lifted the microphone above his head.

Red fangs looked blood stained in the dim light, _"Good evening, Pentagram City!"_

The microphone was lowered again, held in front of the Radio Demon's sadistic grin, _"Well, isn't that a surprise, folks! I can only imagine the looks on all of your faces! Now I need you to understand that this isn't simply a broadcast for fun, that's only part of it. What it really means, dear listeners, is that two incredibly powerful Overlords just tied the knot, and they need a way to consummate that marriage that doesn't involve, well, consummating!_

_"I also need you to understand that neither I, nor Valentino, are going to tolerate opposition, and I think the best way to do that would be to put on a little demonstration. A little show to tell you exactly what will happen to anyone who doesn't agree._

_"So if you're anywhere near Porn Studios right now..._

_"Run."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've got nothing to say here except thank you all so much for 150+ kudos and 100+ comments!! That's the shit that really keeps me going, I can't wait to read comments every time I post aAAHH ;u; Now go take a pee break before reading part 2 lmao


	18. A Real Red Wedding - Valentino's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The wedding from Valentino's point of view, that's it, that's the chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Italics are for when they're broadcasting (This'll make sense near the end lmao) and a slight tw for this one for Valentino mentioning his past, and that's it, carry on reading~
> 
> Fanart for this chapter! [uwu](https://www.deviantart.com/moasarki/art/Just-Married-837602646) and [uwu](https://www.deviantart.com/moasarki/art/One-more-dance-837645890)

Valentino didn't sleep at all the night before the wedding, not without a lack of trying, of course.

Okay, so he'd tried for all of five minutes, but he _had_ tried, and that's what mattered. 

When he hadn't fallen asleep in those five minutes, he'd headed right back to his office and logged back onto his computer, putting his extra energy to good use. If he couldn't sleep, he might as well double check, and triple check, that Porn Studios could run smoothly while he was absent for his _wedding_. Shit, wasn't that a thought? The King of Porn, Valentino himself, getting _married_.

It was weird, putting Valentino and marriage in the same sentence, and the more he thought about it, the weirder it became. Valentino. Marriage. A pimp. A wedding. _Valentino_ getting _married_.

Fuck he was going insane, beyond insane. Was that a normal reaction? Should he be worried? He felt he should be worried. His heart was starting to beat too fast, and he was sweating and _shit, was he having a fucking heart attack-_

" _Tiny_!"

Valentino jumped at the sudden shout, snapping out of it with a gasp. His eyes flitted about the room until they came to settle on Vox and Velvet, staring at him from across his desk, "What...?" A blink, "What the fuck are you two doing here?"

"Uh, to help you get ready for your wedding?" Vox said, "Did you forget, dumbass? Is that why you're just chilling at your desk in your underwear?"

Valentino frowned at him, "Vox, it's like three AM."

Velvet shoved her hellphone in his face, "Actually, Sherlock, it's seven AM."

"Oh, _fuck_ -" Val jumped up from his desk, almost tipping the whole thing over.

"All right, to the penthouse with you." Vox said firmly, grabbing a hold of two of the pimp's arms, Velvet taking the other two. They dragged him across the Studio to his apartment, and shoved him down into a chair.

"Take a moment to chill the fuck out and have a drink." Vox said, passing over a glass of whiskey, "Vel, go make sure his suit is ready and get a shower running, while I sort out this mess."

Velvet saluted, "On it." She said and rushed away.

With a deep sigh, Vox crouched in front of his friend, "How you feeling, buddy?"

"Uh, anxious? Terrified? Like I'm gonna throw up and then die?"

"That's a bit dramatic, don't you think?"

The sound of the shower turning on filled the air, followed by the sound of Velvet preparing the pimp's suit for him. The drink, the conversation, the ambient noise, it all did nothing to soothe Valentino's nerves.

"Are you the one getting married today? No? Then shut the fuck up."

"Damn, Tiny, you gonna snap at your doe like that when he says _I do_?" Vox asked, "Get a fucking _grip_. This is your wedding day, the happiest day of your damn afterlife, stop acting like you're being sent to your execution."

Valentino's knee bounced as he took another sip of his whiskey, "Sorry. Sorry, I'm just-" He sighed, finished his drink, "I'm freaking the fuck out, Vox."

"Yeah, I see that. You want another drink?"

"No, I don't want to be drunk when I get married to Alastor."

That... was his first time saying it out loud, and shit, it sounded _good_. The tension melted away, along with the fear and the panic, giving way to the excitement and the joy.

"I'm getting married to Alastor." He repeated with a grin.

"You're getting married to Alastor." Vox confirmed.

"You're getting married to Alastor!" Velvet called out as she bounced back into the room, "Now go wash your ass! Showing up stinking and dirty isn't gonna look good."

Valentino huffed a laugh, getting to his feet, "Yeah, yeah, don't break anything while I'm gone. And leave my alcohol alone!"

"No promises."

"You can't even drink it, asshole!" Valentino called over his shoulder as he made his way to the bathroom.

"No, but Vel can drink enough for the both of us!"

Val shook his head as he closed the bathroom door behind him, smiling softly. God his friends were idiots, but he loved them.

And he also loved Alastor, the Radio Demon, the guy he was going to marry in just a few hours. Alastor was going to be his husband. Oh, that was something he'd _never_ get tired of saying. Sometimes he wondered if they'd moved too fast, but then when he thought harder about it, he realized that, no, there was nothing fast about it. It was just _right_.

He washed himself quickly and thoroughly, eager to finish getting ready, but he handled his suit with the utmost care, not wanting to wrinkle it. He was going to look his God damn best when Alastor walked down that aisle, and nothing was going to ruin that. And that meant fiddling with his top hat until it sat at just the right angle, spending so long on it that Velvet started knocking on the door, asking if he'd drowned in the shower.

"I'm alive!" Val answered, throwing the door open, "How do I look?"

"Get in the good light!" Velvet said, ushering him to the middle of the room, "Voxxy! Is our best friend the most handsome demon in all of Pentragram City, or is he the most handome demon in all of Pentagram City?"

"Why, Velvet, I think he looks so damn good that Blitzen's gonna be clinging to him like blood on an angel blade."

Velvet squealed with excitement, "Give us a spin!"

Valentino played along, putting his hands in the air and rotating slowly, showing off his suit from all angles.

Vox wolf whistled and clapped his hands, "Stunning! Sexy! Drop dead _gorgeous_!"

"Damn, you really know how to hype a guy up, don't ya?" Val snorted, smoothing down his suit. "Now did you see where I put my sunglasses?"

"You're wearing them." Velvet frowned.

Valentino frowned right back, "No, I had another pair."

"Does it matter?" Vox asked him slowly.

"Of course it matters! These are pink! The other ones are red and match my suit better." Valentino started to tear up his apartment as he searched for the aforementioned sunglasses, growing increasingly panicked when they didn't turn up. "What the fuck? I can't wear _pink_ , that's _ridiculous_ -!"

"Val! Here." Velvet waved the sunglasses she'd found in front of her friend's face, and he heaved the biggest sigh he could muster.

"Oh, thank _fuck_! You're a lifesaver, Vel." Valentino removed his pink tinted sunglasses to replace them with the red tinted ones, and used all four hands to smooth down his suit, "All right, are we ready to go? Where's my coat?"

Vox handed over the bundle of fur that made up Valentino's coat, "You know we don't have to go just yet? We got time, we can chill, eat breakfast and all that."

Valentino took the coat and slipped it on, letting it hang off of his shoulders, "I'd rather get there way ahead of time and have to wait, than end up being late because I left last minute and some bullshit happened. Besides, there will be food there." He made his way to the front door, took his favourite cane out of the umbrella stand. "Do we have-"

"Wait!" Velvet interrupted, bouncing in place, "Let me get some pre-wedding pictures!"

"...I guess, if we really have to." 

Velvet cheered, practically vibrating in place, "Okay, okay, let's start with just you, Val!"

She spent almost an hour taking photos of the three of them. Capturing their outfits from every angle, getting a mixture of them looking serious and also being goofy when she noticed that Val was starting to tense up again. She'd taken at least a hundred by the time Valentino was practically threatening her to stop.

"You know you can't share any of those, right?"

"I knooow!" She whined, clutching her hellphone, " _These photos stay just between us, blah, blah, any taken at Lucifer's home need to be checked by him, blah._ "

Valentino shot her an offended look, "I do _not_ sound like that."

Vox shrugged, "You kinda do."

"All right, assholes, go wait downstairs! I'm gonna call Luci and ask if he can send a car a little early, and while you're at it, remind everyone to stay inside tonight."

"You're not paying us~." Vox hummed, opening the door and letting Velvet skip out ahead of him, then following after her. He closed the door behind them before Val could get another word out.

-

"Valentino, what a surprise!" The King of Hell called out when the pimp entered the ballroom, "I didn't think you'd want to come early! We're just doing the finishing touches on the decorations, what do you think?"

"It looks great!" Valentino grinned, flashing his gold tooth and pulling Lucifer into a tight hug. "I seriously can't thank you enough for doing all of this for us."

"I'm always happy to help when I know someone deserves it." Lucifer pulled away, but kept his hands on Valentino's shoulders, "How do you feel, big guy?"

Val huffed a breath, "I'm constantly switching between unbelievably happy and overwhelmingly fucking terrified."

Lucifer barked a laugh, "Yeah, I know what that's like! Thinking about all the things that could go wrong, all the possible wardrobe malfunctions, what if someone dropped the cake? What if Lillith just didn't _show up_ -"

Val stopped listening pretty quickly after that, brain stuck on ' _Oh God, what if Alastor doesn't show up, oh no, oh fuck-_ '

"Luci! Leave the poor man alone! Look at him, he looks terrified! Oh dear, come here." Lillith spoke gently, interrupting her husband. She shooed the King away, wrapped an arm around Valentino's waist to lead him to a quiter corner, "Don't you listen to him, he's just being antagonistic for the sake of it."

"Yeah." Valentino wheezed, taking a moment to look around the ballroom as he attempted to calm himself down. He noticed Velvet bouncing around the ballroom, taking pictures of every little thing she saw, and Vox floated between staring jealously at the buffet tables and talking to the band of imps that were practicing on the stage. "Yeah, I, uh-" He coughed, "No offense, but your husband's kind of an asshole."

Lillith lifted her hand to cover her smile, "Well, you're not wrong." She began to untie Valentino's bowtie, redoing it to look a little neater, "Let's not think about the wedding for a little while, why don't you tell me about Alastor?"

"I- what...?"

"Tell me about Alastor." She encouraged, "Do you know what he's wearing today?"

Valentino cleared his throat, "A suit, like mine, but, uh, the colours are the opposite."

"Have you seen him wear it yet?"

Val shook his head, "We helped each other pick out our suits, but we didn't try them on in front of each other. This'll be my first time seeing him in it."

"That's exciting isn't it? I'm sure he looks _amazing_." Lillith grinned, patting the pimp's chest, "What else can you tell me about him? I can't say I've heard much about the Radio Demon that would make him such a great candidate for marriage, but then this _is_ Hell."

Now that was something Valentino could do. He was able to talk about Alastor for hours on end, go into detail about every reason he loved him, he just never had someone willing to listen. Vox and Velvet could only tolerate so much of his gushing. But Lillith was right there, asking, and the conversation was exactly what he needed to take his mind off of the dizzying anxiety, remind him that soon enough the love of his life would be walking through that door.

"Thanks, Lilly, I really needed that."

"No need to thank me, I just see no reason why one should be so stressed on their wedding day." The Queen said softly.

Valentino pressed a kissed to Lillith's forehead and pulled her into a brief hug, "Everyone else will be arriving soon, right?"

"Soon." Lillith confirmed.

"Okay, let's do this!"

Lillith guided him to the right spot at the end of the aisle, "Now you stay right there and look pretty, and let us worry about the rest, all right?"

"I think I can do that."

She patted him on the shoulders, "Good man."

Valentino watched as everyone in the room was rounded up and herded to their positions. Lucifer coming to stand right at the end of the aisle with him, while Lillith took her place to the left side. Razzle and Dazzle had popped out of nowhere, taking up the only two seats in the room. Vox and Velvet were on the right of the aisle, behind him. He couldn't help turning back, looking to them for that one last bit of support.

Velvet gave him a thumbs up and snapped a quick picture, while Vox opted to shoot him a wink, nodding down at the cushion in his hands where the wedding rings were sitting, waiting.

Fuck, it was happening. It was really happening.

Valentino couldn't _wait_.

The band began to play properly and outside the ballroom doors, voices could be heard. It didn't take long for Charlie and Vaggie to appear and walk down the aisle, the Princess giggling as she did so. They came to a stop beside the Queen, Lillith greeting them quietly. Angel Dust followed soon after, awkwardly holding his own arms as he tried to walk down the aisle without looking at anyone or anything in particular.

Val wanted to try and give him an encouraging smile, but coming from the pimp, it would most likely be anything but. He straightened up instead, fussed with his suit for the hundredth time that day, shrugged his shoulders to get his coat to settle more comfortably on his arms. Should he continue looking? It would be Niffty next, in her role as flower girl. Maybe Valentino could look away for a moment, give himself a break.

But even as he argued internally, his eyes remained fixed on the large double doors, unable to look away with the anticipation of who would be walking through it in just a few moments.

Then Niffty was being let into the ballroom, all but skipping along with her tiny legs as she happily scattered the flower petals in her basket. "You look great, Mr. Valentino!" She whispered as she passed him.

"Thank you, Cinderella!" He whispered back, giving her his most charming grin.

The music changed, picked up, and Val sucked in a breath, held it until the doors opened up for the final time to reveal Husk and the demon that was clinging desperately to his arm, Alastor. Poor cat was going to have bruises on his arm in the morning, but he didn't seem bothered, just a mixture of insanely proud and on the verge of tears.

Alastor himself was trying to look anywhere but directly ahead, ears swivelling erratically on his head, but that didn't stop Valentino watching him like a hawk.

He must have looked like an idiot, could feel the corners of his mouth stretching into his widest grin, and he did nothing to fight it. Alastor looked _divine_ and Valentino was utterly, completely, hopelessly in love. The white suit fit him perfectly, _suited_ him perfectly, and Val couldn't wait to see what it would look like that night. He'd even put his hair up! Valentino had never seen it in any style other than down, and he began to formulate ways to convince him to tie it up more often.

Then the deer's wide eyes finally landed on him and he stumbled just the tiniest amount, clinging to his friend just a little tighter. He continued down the aisle like he was in a daze, only snapping out of it when Husk began to carefully extract himself from Alastor's hands.

His grin softened as he looked up at Valentino, "I've never seen you look so handsome." He breathed.

"I could say the same to you." Valentino hummed, barely holding back from just showering the demon with more compliments, "You should wear your hair like that more often, I like it."

Lucifer interrupted them gently before the pimp could start gushing for the second time that day, and Valentino nodded absentmindedly to his question, following Alastor's lead. He was only half-listening to the King's speech, most of his attention focused on his soon-to-be husband. How good he looked, how Valentino couldn't wait to start their life together.

When Lucifer thanked him, he straightened his back and puffed out his chest, nodding in acknowledgement. Then Lucifer was directing them to take each other's hands, and Val did so, his lower pair being tucked behind his back, out of the way.

And then Valentino fully processed the second half of what the King had said.

Vows.

They were going to recite their vows.

"Shit." Valentino cursed, " _Shit_. I didn't write any vows."

Alastor blinked up at him, "Neither did I." He admitted, "Did we talk about writing our own vows? I don't remember mentioning anything about vows."

Val genuinely couldn't remember. They'd been in such a rush to prepare the wedding that it was possible they'd forgotten one of the most important parts. " _Did_ we?" 

Oh, fuck, he was such a _dumbass_ , he'd fucked up, the day was ruined-

But Alastor had started laughing, "Smile, dear! It's not a good wedding unless something goes wrong!" He tapped his foot a couple of times, "On the spot vows it is, I'll start!" He cleared his throat, and Valentino tried not to cry because God _damn_ , Alastor was so perfect, always knowing how to handle any situation.

Alastor went on to talk about his fears and his doubts and then onto how much he loved Valentino. Then onto his vows, where he just had to throw in the dig at Vox and Velvet, and all that was going through the pimp's head was a constant stream of _'I love him, I love him, oh God I love him so much'_.

He finished up by using Valentino's words from the night he proposed, and Val couldn't even be mad at the plagiarism. He just squeezed Alastor's hands and let out a shuddering breath, "Guess it's my turn now?"

Alastor squeezed his hands right back, spoke softly, "Go ahead, my dear, I'm listening."

Where the fuck did Val even start? Could he just... repeat what he'd told Lillith earlier? Would she call him out for that? Nah, she didn't seem like the type. 

He composed himself and, slowly, carefully, he began to speak, starting with how he felt the very moment he'd laid eyes on Alastor, moving onto how two certain Overlords had influenced him, and ending with vows he was one hundred percent committed to.

Then, just because he was certain half the room was crying and he didn't want to join in, he said, "Can I kiss this bastard now?"

"Give me a minute, boys." Came Lucifer's answering croak, "That was too beautiful."

He asked for the rings next and Vox stepped forward, letting the couple take the rings from the cushion before stepping back again. They were exchanged and then the couple was looking at Lucifer, waiting for their cue.

"I now pronounce you husband and husband. Valentino, you may now kiss this handsome devil to your heart's content." The King finally choked out after a couple of false starts.

Valentino swooped down, pulling Alastor close and capturing his lips, while their friends, their _family_ , cheered around them. A tap on the pimp's shoulder dragged his attention upwards, and he smothered a laugh with the shadow's lips, not at all surprised that it had wanted its own kiss.

"So we're married now." He breathed when he managed to leave Alastor's face alone for long enough.

Alastor nodded, "We are."

And all Valentino could think to say in response was, "Fuck yeah."

Lucifer took that opportunity to remind the couple of their place with a thinly veiled threat, and Valentino only just held back from rolling his eyes. 

He and Alastor had been planning to skip out as soon as they were officially married, but then Lucifer mentioned food and a first dance and... well, it wouldn't hurt to stick around, would it?

Thankfully, Alastor seemed to agree with him. Valentino was _starved_ and not even the deer's comment that he hardly helped make the food was going to dissuade him from clearing a whole table. The food was still good, and he made sure to let Niffty know that, and also Vaggie, when she mentioned that she had helped. He began to slow down eventually, feeling stuffed, and that's when Lucifer called for everyone's attention again.

"As per my conditions when agreeing to officiate, I will be performing some songs for tonight, the most important being the song our lovely couple will have their first dance to. Get over here you two!" Lucifer gestured for them to come closer and the lights dimmed, a spotlight appearing on the two Overlords. "I wasn't given a specific request for this song, so I chose my own, and I think I made a pretty good decision. It's called, _'Have I told you lately that I love you'._ "

Valentino's eyes widened. He knew that song, and holy shit, he couldn't think of anything more fitting. He turned to Alastor, offering out his hand as he bowed theatrically.

"You're ridiculous." Alastor snorted and took the hand, pressing close and hiding his smile in white fur.

"Only for you, baby." Val whispered.

Hearing the lyrics to the song again in that moment only solidified how perfect Valentino thought it was. He adored Alastor with all his heart and soul. His heart would break if Alastor ever left him, and that was something Val would never recover from. When the deer wasn't around, he missed him greatly, even if he was only a phone call away. Alastor was always on his mind, invading every thought, every dream, and there was no one in Hell, or Heaven, or even on Earth that Valentino ever wanted to love in the way that he loved the Radio Demon.

He mouthed along with the words as Lucifer sang them, and when Alastor finally lifted his head from his coat, Val saw it flush red, saw tears began to gather in the corners of red eyes. Then the deer was tugging him down into a desperate kiss. Val didn't resist, hands moving to pull him close, rub soothingly at his back. "Are you all right, Al?" He asked, just to be sure.

Alastor nodded hastily, "I'm just- I love you _so much_ , my dear."

"I love you too, sweetheart." Valentino whispered, placing kisses in soft hair and on even softer ears. "We'll get out of here soon, I promise, just let me have another dance or two."

Alastor was more than happy to stick around a little longer, and just as happy to dance with Lucifer while Valentino stole Lillith away.

"Try to keep up, darlin'." Valentino smirked, sweeping her up in a fast paced dance to go along with the jaunty music.

"I think you underestimate me." Lillith said quietly, eyes lighting up with mischief.

"Am I?" Val asked, cocking an eyebrow, "You do seem to be keeping up, but only _just_. I thought someone that's almost as tall as me would be able to do a lot better."

Quick as a flash, Lillith had hooked a leg around Valentino's, making him step awkwardly and stumble. He recovered from the fumble, only to find that the Queen had taken the lead from him. He let out a little laugh of disbelief, "That was a dirty trick, but I'll let it slide."

"That's very kind of you, Valentino."

"What can I say? I'm a true gentleman." Val shrugged, "While we're here, can I just be serious for a second and thank you again for calming me down, back there? Might have actually embarrassed myself without you."

"Flattery gets you nowhere." Lillith mused, reaching up to pat his cheek, "But you're welcome."

Valentino hummed, then pulled the same trick she'd used on him, making her trip so he could steal back the lead.

Lillith grinned at him and it didn't take long for their dance to turn into a game of _'who can break the other's heels first'_. A game that Valentino was going to win because he was wearing his favourite boots, and not even the damn Queen could make him play nice.

They started to wind down as the song came to a close, albeit reluctantly, they were both still ready to continue their little battle. 

"Swap with me, darling!" Lucifer called out, interrupting their little staring contest.

They pulled off the swap without a hitch, Lucifer trading places with his wife to get swept up in Valentino's arms.

"You seemed to be having fun with my wife." The King commented as greeting.

"Your wife is a menace." Valentino insulted good naturedly, "You both are. I hope you treated my husband better?"

"I was nothing but respectful, I can assure you, no need to defend his honour." Lucifer said, then frowned at their feet, "How did Alastor make this look so easy? Can you slow down?"

Valentino suppressed a snicker, "I _am_ going slow, this is a slow dance."

"Smaller steps then? Your legs are far too long compared to mine."

"With all due respect, your majesty, _fuck no_. Lilly's dancing just fine with Al, I think you can manage it."

"That's an unfair comparison, they're closer in height!"

A wicked grin split Valentino's face, "How about this then?" He unfolded his second set of arms from his back, wrapped them around Lucifer's waist and legs to haul him up.

It earned him a screech of fear and an almost concussion from wildly flailing arms, but they settled around his shoulders at last, and then Val had to look _up_ to meet the king's eyes.

Lucifer glared, crossed his arms over his chest with only Valentino's arms around him for support, "I hate this. I hate you."

"Not tripping anymore though, are you?"

"If you drop me, I will _crush_ you like the insect you are." Lucifer hissed menacingly.

"So scawy." Valentino cooed, then he winked and began to spin in a circle, picking up speed as he went.

Lucifer clung to him with a death grip at first, but as they continued to spin, he loosened up, then he was throwing his hands in the air and letting out a whoop. They had to stop just a few moments later, Valentino beginning to grow dizzy and nauseous due to his large meal.

"All right, down you go, buddy." Valentino wheezed, unceremoniously opening his arms and dropping the King to the ground.

Lucifer didn't mind despite his earlier threats, only clutching at his own stomach as he tried to control his laughing, "We really have to dance more often, my friend!"

"Christ." Val stumbled to the stage, took a seat on the edge of it, "I'm gonna need a couple years to recover from that."

The King gave him a sympathetic pat on the shoulder, before jumping up onto the stage, taking over the singing again.

Valentino took the opportunity to finally relax, letting his eyes slip closed. Damn, he was _tired_ , he and Al were going to have to leave soon if there was any hope of them getting through their night time celebration without him falling asleep. He removed his sunglasses and rubbed his eyes, smothered a yawn. Staying up all night really hadn't been a good idea, maybe he should have given himself an extra five minutes.

He looked around the ballroom, saw everyone gathered in their own little groups, having fun. He couldn't help the little flutter of giddy happiness and then he scrunched his face up in disgust. Valentino really was going soft, wasn't he? He shook his head, tried to focus on anything else, like how well Vox and Husk appeared to be getting along. 

There was nothing subtle about the way Vox was flirting, and neither was there anything subtle about the way Husk was _reciprocating_. Oh, that was _gold_. He could use this against Vox for years, any time he had some smart remark to make about Alastor. _'Hey, remember that time you shamelessly flirted with Alastor's_ best _friend?_ '

"Vox, you _dog_." Valentino whispered to himself, smug grin fixed firmly in place. He made a mental note to remember to ask Alastor in the morning how the cat's night had ended.

His amusement was cut short when Husk growled something and shoved Vox forward.

Right in the direction of Alastor, who had apparently also been watching them.

Oh no.

Valentino stayed where he was, but prepared himself to jump in any second. He'd told Vox countless times not to start anything - with any of the guests, but Alastor especially - and he'd been reassured every single time that the TV demon had no such intentions. Not that Val didn't trust his best friend, but this _was_ a matter of two Overlords with an infamous rivalry about to interact.

Vox came to a stop in front of Alastor and they had a hushed conversation, neither of them looking too enthused. Val briefly wondered if Husk had anything to do with Vox being the most civil with the Radio Demon that he'd ever been.

They made their way to the dancefloor, both too engrossed in their conversation to notice Val watching them.

The pimp began to relax as the chances for a physical fight decreased, but he still kept an eye on them, just in case.

Velvet chose that moment to skip over to him, "Val! I have _so_ many pictures to show you! Videos too! You and Alastor are just _disgusting_ together!"

Valentino chuckled, "Why don't you add that to the collection," He nodded towards where Vox and Alastor were dancing stiffly, "we might never bear witness to something like this again."

Velvet gasped, almost dropping her hellphone in her hurry to snap some photos of the two, "How did you manage _that_?"

"No idea, wasn't me." Val shrugged, "I think Al's feline friend might have had something to do with it. Or it's just the fact that it's our wedding day and not even Vox would be willing to ruin something like that."

"How much do you wanna bet-"

"Oh, don't even go there, I'm not making bets!"

Velvet pouted at him, "Boo, you whore."

Valentino huffed a breath, getting to his feet, "Here, I'll compromise. How about a dance?"

"You're too tall for me." She grumbled, but she soon brightened up. She tucked her phone away and grabbed onto Valentino's hands, beginning to drag him around the dancefloor in a childish rendition of a dance.

They'd barely begun when Alastor had caught Valentino's attention and beckoned him over. Velvet complained for all of two seconds before merrily going back to filling her hellphone with more photos.

"One more dance, darling, I'm eager to get on with the night."

A shiver raced down Valentino's spine. Those were the best words Al had said all night. Or, second best, after his vows.

"You got it, baby." Val winked, giving Alastor's forehead a kiss, before he wandered off. He knew exactly who he wanted his last dance of the night to be with.

Angel Dust was at the buffet table, picking at the food, but mostly dropping scraps for Razzle and Dazzle to devour like a pair of piranhas. He noticeably tensed up when he saw Valentino coming towards him. He stayed silent, waited for his pimp to speak first.

Valentino offered out a hand, "May I have this dance?"

The spider hesitated, eyes filled with fear.

"Just take my damn hand, Angel Cakes." Valentino said firmly, "You remember how to dance, don't you? I didn't spend all that money on lessons for you to learn nothing."

"I remember." Angel argued, "But it's been a while since I've done any high-end escort shit."

"I can easily fix that if you're complaining." Val said as he led Angel Dust towards the dancefloor.

"I'm not, my current schedule is fine."

"Then shut your mouth."

Angel did so, but it was obvious he still had some things to say, caught between lashing out and obeying his pimp to avoid trouble. He kept one hand in Valentino's and settled the other on his shoulder, repeated the position with his lower pair.

Val took a moment to appreciate how nice it was to dance with someone with a similar amount of arms. But it still wasn't perfect, "You need to loosen up a bit."

"Forgive me if dancing with my pimp makes me a bit fuckin' tense."

Valentino tightened his grip on the pornstar, "Just because you're protected under Lucifer's roof, doesn't mean you get to fucking talk back to me." He hissed lowly. "I still deserve some respect for all I've done for you, don't I?"

Angel looked away, "...Sorry, boss."

"I should fucking think so."

Silence surrounded them like a thick fog as they continued their dance. Angel Dust not showing any hint that he was out of practice, slipping into the routine flawlessly.

Valentino opened his mouth, hesitated, closed it. Then quietly he said, "You remind me a lot of myself sometimes."

Angel blinked up at him in surprise, "What? You tryna tell me ya used to be a whore?"

"No." Val chuckled, unable to hide it, "It's mostly your problem with authority, not wanting to ever do as your told without a fight. As hard as I've tried over these past few decades, I just haven't managed to break you and that's... exactly the way I used to be."

Angel was giving him an incredulous look, but Valentino didn't speak any further.

It was true that when Valentino had first laid his eyes on the spider, all the way back in ninteen fifty, he'd immediately recognized himself. The sinner's emaciated form and the way he still struggled with all his might against the group that was attacking him was a perfect reflection of the pimp. He'd come across that scene and instantly he was a teenager again, back in that house with his adopted siblings, enforcing the rules by beating them the same way ma and pa had. Because in his own twisted way, he cared, and he never wanted any of them to experience the pain he'd gone through.

Of course, by the time he met Angel Dust, he had had over thirty years to come to terms with the fact that there was nothing wrong with being queer. But he was also a well established pimp, and he knew that you never got anywhere by being nice, especially in _Hell_. So when he took the spider under his wing, he treated him the only way he knew how, all while using his newfound wealth to shower him with gifts. Investing time and energy into elevating Angel to almost the same status as him, to show him that he cared, in his own way.

The song they were dancing to came to an end and Valentino brought them to a stop. He gave Angel a brief squeeze, before letting him go, ignoring his questioning look to grin at Alastor, forcing the past few minutes out of his mind. 

Val gave his husband a thumbs up and climbed onto the stage, "All right guys, listen up! Today has been the best day of my entire existence, and I'd like to thank the King once again for officiating! That being said, the only thing that could make it better is getting out of here to, uh, be with my husband, if you know what I mean." He announced, wiggling his eyebrows, earning himself an unimpressed eyeroll from Alastor.

"Don't give them the wrong idea, sweetheart!"

"So. Anyway." Valentino carried on, before the fond laugh could escape his lungs, "We're gonna cut the cake and fuck off, but feel free to continue the party, 'cause Luci here is letting you use the room for the rest of the night."

The couple rushed through the cake cutting, and the goodbyes, and Valentino breathed a huge sigh of relief when they finally emerged from the King's castle.

-

Valentino stood stock still on the roof of Porn Studios, three of his hands held behind his back while the fourth held his cane at his side. In front of him sat Alastor, legs dangling in the air, looking as if he was simply sat on a couch in a cozy living room. Beside him was his shadow, perfectly mimicking his position. The anticipation rolled off of the creature in waves. 

It knew what was coming next, and it was just waiting for its master's signal.

Alastor's quiet humming fell silent.

His microphone snapped open its single eye.

"On air, in 3... 2... 1..."

Valentino kept quiet as Alastor began his broadcast, _their_ broadcast, and waited for his cue.

 _"Good evening, Pentagram City! It's been a while hasn't it? Do you remember my voice, do you remember who I am? Well, let me remind you; it's your beloved Radio Demon, Alastor! Back with another wonderful broadcast for you! But this time I'm not alone, you see, I've been terribly busy in my time away! First I found myself in a relationship, then I was proposed to, and just this morning, I married my dear husband! Would you like to introduce yourself, darling?"_ He paused for dramatic effect before lifting his microphone above his head.

Valentino's red fangs looked blood stained in the dim light as he leaned towards the mic, _"Good evening, Pentagram City!"_ He greeted cheerfully.

The microphone was lowered again, held in front of the Radio Demon's sadistic grin, _"Well, isn't that a surprise, folks! I can only imagine the looks on all of your faces! Now I need you to understand that this isn't simply a broadcast for fun, that's only part of it. What it really means, dear listeners, is that two incredibly powerful Overlords just tied the knot, and they need a way to consummate that marriage that doesn't involve, well, consummating!_ " He interrupted his speech to bark a laugh at his joke, then quickly continued on.

_"I also need you to understand that neither I, nor Valentino, are going to tolerate opposition, and I think the best way to do that would be to put on a little demonstration. A little show to tell you exactly what will happen to anyone who doesn't agree._

_"So if you're anywhere near Porn Studios right now..._

_"Run."_

The reaction was immediate. Screams could be heard from below them, mixed with the sound of slamming doors as people locked themselves away, and frantic footsteps as those far from home desperately searched for a place to hide.

Alastor held his microphone away from him as he tilted his head back to look up at his husband, "I presume the actual Studio is off limits?"

Valentino nodded his confirmation, "I told everyone to stay inside after the broadcast began so they'd be safe, but if anyone's stupid enough to try and leave, they're free game."

The deer got to his feet, and leaned close to his mic, gesturing for Val to do the same. He whispered his next words, like the rest of their conversation was meant to be a secret too, _"So, my dear, what do you think? Ten minutes headstart?"_

Val matched Alastor's sadistic grin, _"Five minutes."_

_"Did you hear that, folks? A five minute headstart from Valentino! That's five whole minutes to find the right hiding spot! Don't waste any time now!"_

Alastor's antlers began to grow, snapping and twisting until they were almost tall enough to make him the same height as the pimp beside him. 

_"Four minutes!"_

Valentino reached out a curious hand, fingers rubbing gently over the soft velvet that covered the newly grown rack. He jerked back with a curse when the deer shoved into his hand, foot stomping.

"Sorry, dear." Alastor mumbled, "Velvet itches, and that felt good."

"Warn a guy, next time." Val laughed softly, reaching out again. He rubbed against the velvet more firmly, didn't comment on the way Alastor shook his leg like a dog getting a good scratch, then grimaced as a strip of bloody velvet came loose. He threw it aside and wiped off his hand on his suit.

"That's enough now, I'd prefer to shed on my own." Alastor hummed, then, _"Three minutes!"_

Val tucked his hand behind his back again, shifted his weight to his other foot, then back again, growing impatient.

The shadow was the same, but it was much more open about its impatience, pacing the roof, tugging at its master, leaning so far over the edge it was a surprise it didn't tumble.

 _"Two minutes!"_ Alastor hissed into his mic, doing a good job of ignoring his shadow. He gave his head a shake, antlers swaying as he tried to deal with the itch without touching, perfectly keeping his balance even though they seemed to weigh a ton.

Valentino leaned down to press kisses to Alastor's cheek, his ear, anywhere he could reach. At the questioning raised eyebrow, he whispered, "Gotta get all the kisses in before you get bloody and gross."

 _"One minute!"_ Alastor announced, then tugged Valentino down into a proper kiss, nipping at his bottom lip to get his first taste of blood of the night.

Val groaned, tangled fingers around an antler to keep his husband in place, but he reluctantly let him go when he began to struggle. He had to hold back a cheer when Alastor looked him directly in the eye as he spoke into his mic, _"Time's up, Pentagram City! Ready or not, here we come!"_

Alastor turned back to the City, looked out over the empty streets below them.

His shadow looked at him, eyes wide, literally vibrating with its excitemet. If it needed breath, it would have been panting heavily.

Then Al nodded.

It jumped, mouth open wide as it silently screamed its excitement. When it landed, it began to dart around the streets surrounding the Studio, disappearing into the shadows, only to emerge a few feet away. 

Val knew when it had found their first victim because Alastor straightened up, his grin twisting. 

The deer's glowing red eyes flickered towards him for a brief second, then focused on the street again, "Are you ready, my love?"

Valentino nodded and winked. In his top right hand, he held his cane, but the other three each held a gun. A colt python revolver in his top left hand, a beretta M9 in his bottom right, and a sawn-off single barrel shotgun in his bottom left. He tapped his cane on the roof, "Let's get this party started."

Alastor took his arm, guided him through the shadows until they were on the ground, then he set off to find his shadow, knowing Valentino would be following right behind. He was the star of the show of course, Val was mostly just there to be a live audience, and to offer backup when Al asked for it.

Valentino dutifully followed his husband, listening to him hum to himself as he strolled along oh so casually. 

The stroll didn't last long, Alastor coming to a stop in an alley, where his shadow had a large bull looking demon pinned to the wall, shadowy tendrils coiled tight around the beast's limbs.

 _"And here we have it! Our first guest for tonight's broadcast! What's your name, good sir?"_ Alastor asked, holding out his microphone.

_"P-please let me go, I-"_

_"What an odd name! Folks here in Hell keep coming up with whackier and whackier things to call themselves!"_ Alastor dissolved into raucous laughter, the noise going on for a full minute before he composed himself, _"Don't you think, my dear?"_

_"Can't say I've ever heard that one before."_

_"As much as I would love to release you and let you go back to your pathetic existence, 'P-please let me go, I-', unfortunately, my antlers are getting ever so itchy, and it's driving me crazy, you see."_ Alastor's eyes flashed to radio dials, the radio distortion of his voice increasing, _"Hold this for me."_

The shadow obediently took the microphone, holding it up to the bull's face.

Alastor lurched forward without warning, head lowered. His impressive antlers pierced through soft flesh like a knife through butter, and every single one of the demon's screams was perfectly captured and broadcast throughout Hell. Al twisted his head, antlers tearing through flesh, and the sound he made could only be described as a moan.

Valentino had been confused by the action, but the harsh scraping sound Alastor had produced when he twisted his head made him realize. 

Alastor was using the demon's _ribcage_ to soothe the itch of his antlers and to scrape the velvet free. 

He twisted his head again, tore free more screams that ended suddenly with a snapping sound and a wet squelch.

 _"Pity."_ Alastor said with genuine disappointment, _"I didn't even get it all off."_ He shook the body loose from his antlers, viscera and velvet clinging to them like spanish moss. _"Come, Valentino! Let's find somewhere a little more populated! I want to see this suit stained red, and one on one violence will only do so much!"_

_"Lead the way, darlin'."_

The body was abandoned in the alley, and the shadow darted ahead of them, scouting for more victims.

Calling it the best night of Valentino's existence would have been a vast understatement, but he couldn't put in to words exactly how it made him feel. Even if he'd known more languages, the right phrase just didn't exist.

Trying to decide what his favourite part of the night was went about just as well.

The entire time they'd been in Valentino's territory, the sinners looked to him for help, ignoring the Radio Demon to beg the the King of Porn to help them. Like Val really had any sort of control over his husband, even in his own territory. Watching the hope drain from them slowly as they came to the realization that they were going to get torn apart by the deer was _delicious_.

There was also the small moment when Alastor had almost fully shed his velvet, and he was scraping the last bits off with his claws. He ate the scraps. Something that would have been disgusting to any other demon, it _was_ to the few others that had witnessed it, but Valentino just found it badass. Maybe a little hot.

He was fucked up, he was in Hell, it wasn't news.

Another contestant for the title of Valentino's favourite moment was when Alastor had handed over his microphone and left the pimp to narrate his slaughter like a sports commentator. Val didn't think he'd ever find something like that so fun, and that didn't change even when Alastor scolded him for swearing when he stumbled over his words. He could be forgiven, he wasn't exactly a professional like his husband, after all.

When they were done with Valentino's territory, they moved on to Vox's to wreak havoc. That particular area looking very cyberpunk, and Alastor really let loose there, not bothering to contain his power to save the surrounding buildings. Dust and debris clung to the wet blood staining his suit, only adding to Alastor's beauty.

The most entertaining part of invading Vox's territory was when the sinners that resided there thought they could threaten the couple, falsely believing that they didn't have the permission to do whatever he liked. Valentino had simply answered them by aiming his guns low, embedding bullets in thighs and knees so they couldn't run from his husband's teeth.

An honorary mention went to every time Valentino had kicked a door down for his husband, and the resulting panic it caused when Alastor reminded the sinners that they'd never explicitly stated that buildings were off limits.

Velvet's territory came last, and that's where Valentino took more of an active role, working with Al's shadow to bring down as many demons as possible for Alastor to devour. All while Alastor hovered in the air, looking down at them with his mic in his hands to excitedly narrate every move they made.

The carnage didn't stop until the early hours of the morning, when Alastor was full and not a single speck of white was visible on his suit. It was difficult to end their massacre, even though they were both exhausted and on the verge of collapsing. They compromised by walking home, instead of taking the fast way, delighting in the chaos they caused and fear they inspired.

Alastor hadn't ended the broadcast though, so their conversation could still be heard. Every compliment that Valentino showered Al with, every dark joke Alastor made, every laugh from the both of them as Val fired his gun at a sinner that had failed to hide.

Hours later, as the skies over Pentagram City were brightening, they made it back to Porn Studios. Valentino let them in, led Alastor through the winding hallways, snapped at his more dedicated employees to get back to work when they cowered in fear from the bloodied Radio Demon. Mocked the reactions when Alastor only tormented them with the click of his jaw snapping shut and a feral grin.

At the door to Valentino's penthouse, Alastor held his microphone close, _"Now it pains me to say this, Pentagram City, it really does, but I'm going to have to end our little broadcast here. Thank you for joining us tonight, and thank you for making it my best night in Hell! I look forward to many more just like it with my dear husband by my side. Do you have anything to say before we go?"_

_"Just that I hope everyone remembers the points we were trying to get across during tonight's broadcast, it would be a shame if all of our hard work went to waste. But then again, I'm sure you wouldn't mind repeating this particular lesson."_

_"You're absolutely right, my dear! Keep that in mind, folks! I'm all too happy to do an encore!"_ Alastor hummed, _"I'm Alastor, your friendly neighbourhood Radio Demon, and this is goodbye and goodnight for now, or good morning, I suppose would be more fitting, haha!"_

_"And I'm Valentino, the husband of your friendly neighbourhood Radio Demon, reminding you all to stay tuned!"_

-

"Hurry it up, you're getting blood all over my floor!"

"I'm just improving your interior decorating, my dear."

Valentino shook his head, tried to push Alastor towards the bathroom while touching him as little as possible. "If you get _guts_ on my rug, Al- don't you _dare_ -!"

Alastor looked his husband dead in the eye as he shook his head, splattering Satan knows what across Val's apartment. He startled them both when his antlers shed, dropping to the ground with a clack and a dull thud as one hit the cream rug, staining it red. Al looked quite proud of himself as he stood there, blood dripping from his drenched suit to form a pool at his feet.

Valentino crossed all four of his arms, "I want a fuckin' divorce."

"Nonsense!" Al chortled, grabbing onto his husband and continuing towards the bathroom, "You wanted to shower with me, correct? Can't do that if we get divorced, I'm afraid."

Val pretended to think about it, "You drive a hard bargain, Mr Radio Demon."

"I try my best." Alastor hummed, shedding his clothes and letting them hit the floor with a wet plop. The conjealing blood and stench of copper not bothering him in the slightest. He turned to Valentino with a raised eyebrow, "Well? Aren't you going to undressed too?"

The pimp swallowed thickly, lamenting the loss of the sight of Alastor's tail, still looking adorable and fuzzy, even crusted with dried blood as it was. "Of course, baby, just appreciating the view. Why don't you start the shower?" 

Al turned around again, presenting Val with the glorious sight of his backside. He knew exactly what he was doing as he twitched his tail, ears flicking back to catch the swear that Valentino let slip.

Valentino was so blessed.

"Are you going to stare all night or are you going to help me, dear? This _mess_ has lost its appeal and I want to be rid of it." 

"Yeah, I'm coming." Val breathed, kicking off the last of his clothes. He climbed into the shower behind the deer, but was careful not to press too close. It was the first time he and Al had been completely naked together and he was going to make sure his husband was as comfortable as possible. He gently cupped Alastor's face, "You know I wasn't being serious earlier?"

Alastor snorted, "Obviously, sweetheart! I'd be a bit concerned if you were that mad over a bit of blood, considering you should be quite the expert in bloodstain removal by now!"

Val huffed, gently scrubbed Alastor's forehead clean so he could place a kiss there, "Still bit of a dick move shaking yourself off like a dog in the middle of my living room."

"Compare me to a dog again and see what happens, Valentino."

Valentino grinned, "A drowned rat then."

Alastor hummed, "All right, enough chin-wagging! Help me wash up."

After a reminder that the deer could use his safe word at any point, because ' _it doesn't matter if it's not sex stuff, Al, we're still naked and I'm touching you'_ , Valentino began to scrub him down. He was as gentle as he possibly could be when trying to get dried blood and viscera out of hair, and it was beyond frustrating when clumps just refused to come out. It made him question why they didn't just use the fast method of clicking fingers, and looking down at Alastor's naked body wasn't enough to make him realize, _'Oh yeah, that's why'_.

"I'm craving my second death right now." Val groaned, burying his face in his pillow.

It had taken over an hour to completely rid Alastor of the gore from his bloodbath, and in just the time it had taken him to towel off Valentino had finished showering himself.

"I'm feeling... _brilliant_ , severe lack of sleep aside!"

"Well, of course you feel good, I practically gave you a full body massage! Baby, that took so much effort, I think I'm actually _tired_ of looking at your ass."

Alastor covered his mouth, hiding his amusement as he looked at Valentino, "A tragedy, darling!"

"That being said, though..." Valentino started in a serious tone as rolled onto his side, propping his head up on a hand to look at his husband sprawled contently across the bed, "I can find you something to wear for the night if you'd feel better with at least one layer between us."

"You mean wear one of this ghastly Hawaiian shirts of yours? I'm fine, Val, really." Alastor insisted, "And I wouldn't mind getting pampered like that again."

Valentino made a strained sound, dragged a hand down his face, "Bambi, I'll give you a proper massage any time, just say the word, but I am _never_ bathing you after a massacre like that again."

"Fair enough." Alastor chuckled, slipping under the covers and lifting them for Valentino to do the same, "May I say one more thing before we pass out?"

"Go ahead, baby." Val mumbled, pulling the deer against his chest so they could spoon.

"Good night my wonderful husband, and I hope you have the most pleasant of dreams!"

Valentino pressed a kiss to the back of Alastor's head, buried his face in still damp hair, "Good night, you _dork_."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wHEW, wasn't that a fucking adventure? Don't ever expect some massive chapter shit like this again because I am DEAD XD But that doesn't mean this collection is done!! I'll just be sticking to the smaller, far-less-effort-required chapters, and not 8,000 WORD MONSTERS
> 
> That being said, I really hope ya'll enjoyed this update! I had a LOT of fun writing it, despite how tiring it was, and I'm really proud of the outcome! <33
> 
> (And 100% Vox/Husk and Velvet/Niffty are both now canon couples in this verse, just call me the Crackship King I guess jghdjfkg (And I may or may not be planning to write a little miniature Husk POV that will be posted separately from this collection ;o))


	19. That Shit Hurted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Valentino has barely had a chance to wake up and already the anxiety induced by the following day's extermination is getting to him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't mind me, just setting up some angst because I feel kinda shitty, actual angst might not happen for a couple chapters though, dw
> 
> This takes place a few years after their marriage

"Are you sure you don't want to stay at the Studio this time?"

"I'm certain, Val."

The pimp squinted down at his shorter husband, "Are you _sure_ -"

"Why are you being so insistent?" Alastor growled, "You've never been this... _clingy_ around extermination day before, is something wrong?"

"No, I just-" Valentino cut himself off with a sigh, buried his face in the pillow, "It just sucks not seeing you because we're both so busy after."

It wasn't entirely the truth, only a small part of it. In reality, Valentino had only been awake for five minutes and already felt like his anxiety was suffocating him. It was stupid, there was no way the angels would think to even _look_ at them, even if they were alone. They wanted something easy, something that wouldn't put up a fight as they dragged out the torture, and Overlords definitely didn't fit that criteria. But still, Valentino couldn't help his worrying, because _what if?_

"I can pop in whenever you like, I just can't stay." Alastor said quietly, expression softening, "I know it's tough, I hate being away from you for so long too."

Valentino sighed again. He wrapped Alastor tightly in his arms, pulled the covers over their heads and closed his eyes, tried to pretend the world was just the two of them, "And what if I just want to spend the whole day in bed with you tomorrow?"

Alastor settled against his chest, pressed a kiss to his chin, "I think Vox and Velvet might be a bit upset that you were ignoring them."

"Fuck 'em. We spend every extermination day together, maybe I want to break tradition."

Alastor didn't say anything to that and Val knew there was no convincing him to stay. 

"Husk and Niffty staying at the hotel too?"

"They are."

Valentino opened his eyes to look at the deer curled against him. "Be careful." He pleaded, barely above a whisper.

Alastor kissed him properly then, long and slow, "I will."


	20. Video Killed the Radio Star? No, I Did

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Val and Al's first fight as a married couple, but it's dumber than you think

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Had a convo with AwesomeInTheory on one of the earlier chapters that resulted in coming up with the idea that Alastor would wear heavy cologne whenever he's mad at Valentino, and I FINALLY found the perfect reason for him to be mad, so here's something a little lighter after that angst foreshadowing <3
> 
> [Al's reason to be mad](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iwuy4hHO3YQ)

"Al, baby, please stop this! It's not as bad as you're making it out to be-"

"One step closer and you're going to start looking a lot more human."

Valentino let out a frustrated groan, trudged back to his desk to drop into his desk chair. He didn't know why he was surprised. Of course, the deer hadn't come there to reconcile, he was only there to give Valentino a headache with the sheer amount of cologne he'd doused himself with. It had seemed like such a funny threat when Alastor had said it in the past, after he found out just how sensitive the pimp's antennae could be. 

The reality was anything but amusing.

He buried his face in his hands, rubbed at this eyes, "It's just a _song_." He tried, not for the first time.

"I don't care." Alastor said simply, lifting his book to cover his face and snuggling further into Valentino's coat.

The piece of clothing was a lost cause at that point, Val didn't think there was anything he could do to remove the strong scent from it.

"So, you're just going to stay mad at me forever, is that it?"

"Not forever, just until you stop listening to that song."

Valentino swore that his jaw hit the floor at that. " _What_? Are you being serious right now?"

Alastor lowered his book to fix him with a menacing grin, "Deadly."

"Al, it's a good song, I'm not just going to-"

"It's offensive!"

"Video Killed the Radio Star is not an offensive song-"

"It is when your _husband is a radio star_ and his _enemy is a video_."

Valentino glared at him. He didn't even have the energy to laugh at the comical wording. "How many times do I have to say it's _just a song_! It doesn't mean anything Al, I love you and I love that song! I don't have some sort of secret agenda to fucking- fucking- I don't know! Make Vox kill you or some shit." He sighed as he ran out of steam.

Alastor finally put his book down at that, heaved his own sigh, "I'm not saying you have some... secret agenda. It's just... _hurtful_ to hear you singing that."

"If I promise to stop listening to and singing the song in your presence, will you stop this?"

"...I suppose that will suffice."

"Finally! Now do something about this scent, I feel like my head's going to explode." He grimaced, his antennae twitching impatiently.

-

"Vox? It's like two Am, why the fuck are you calling?"

_"Can't you hear that? Alastor is broadcasting Video Killed the Radio Star to every fucking radio in Hell! I'd find it hilarious if I wasn't freaking the fuck out! Tiny, what the fuck did you do-"_

Valentino ended the call so his friend wouldn't hear his scream of laughter.

Sounded like Alastor had finally forgiven him fully and even found himself a new favourite song.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Assert your dominance by singing your enemy's favourite song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JEhafz66LaU), what the FUCK are you gonna do now, Voxxy? Cry? Piss your pants maybe?


	21. Wakey Wakey Valentino Time To Get That Bread

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Valentino gets the best wake-up call he could have asked for

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I've been slacking with the smut and the ideas are building up, so here's a quick one, BUT not to worry for those who aren't here for this, the next chapter will be some WAYBACK backstory ft. Alastor~
> 
> There is a SLIGHT dubcon warning for this, because Alastor believes Val to be asleep, but it's all good dw <3
> 
> Also before I forget because I keep doing that, here's a rough timeline of their relationship:  
> Day 1 - First date  
> 3 months - Chapter 1 of WCSY  
> Just under 4 months- Chapter 2/3 of WCSY  
> Val and Luci met up about 6 months later, and then the wedding took place the week after that, so total relationship time is ABOUT ten months at this point

That was definitely an erection pressed between Alastor's butt cheeks. Not what he was expecting to experience the second he woke up, but also _exactly_ what he was expecting when sleeping naked with Valentino.

Val was still asleep, but that didn't stop him from lazily humping Alastor. His soft snores disturbed the fur of Alastor's ears, and his arms held the deer loosely.

Alastor wasn't sure what to do, he didn't necessarily _mind_ per se, but he'd also like to enjoy his moments in bed without a horny pimp rubbing off on him. He tried to extract himself from Val's tangle of limbs, but he only tightened his hold.

He flicked an ear in annoyance, let a little satisfaction slip into his grin when he felt it hit Valentino's face. 

Then he began to seriously think about how he'd extract himself from his current predicament. He wriggled and that was the biggest mistake he could have made, because Val groaned right in his ear and pushed his hips forward, less lazy and more determined. The tip of his penis brushed against Alastor's tail, wetting it.

Alastor tutted. Couldn't even stay clean for twenty-four hours.

Carefully, the deer tried to roll over so he was facing Val, and he only just managed to do it without waking the slumbering pimp. He tilted his head forward, gently butting his forehead against Valentino's chin, and almost instinctively he nuzzled into Alastor's hair with a content sigh.

Alastor lifted the covers and glared down at the offending erection. 

Really, he could just wake Valentino and tell him to sort himself out, and Alastor could get another hour or two of rest. But, upon a brief moment of reflection, he decided he didn't _want_ to.

He glanced up, forgot he wouldn't be able to see Val's face from their current position, then glanced back down. Slowly, he reached out a hand towards Valentino's penis. He withdrew his hand as soon as he touched it, acting like the heat had burned him. Alastor's eyes widened when the tiny touch made Valentino groan, roll his hips forward and let out another, more frustrated, groan when he didn't get the friction he'd expected.

Val didn't wake.

Alastor breathed a sigh of relief. He reached out again and didn't chicken out the next time he touched it, able to wrap his fingers around it fully. He stilled, waited for Valentino to wake up, but his only reaction was a languid roll of Val's hips.

Okay.

That wasn't too bad.

His shadow peeked over his shoulder, reached out its hand to join Alastor's, but he used his free hand to slap it away.

"Your hands are cold!" He hissed quietly.

It reminded him that Valentino definitely did _not_ have a problem with that.

Alastor scrunched his face up in disgust, "Leave yourself out of this, please."

It stuck its tongue out but did as it was told, shrinking back to leave Alastor to his quest.

Alastor pursed his lips as he thought about what to do. 

Valentino was pretty much taking care of himself, moving his hips in small thrusts. Still sound asleep, his breathing even. 

Alastor moved his hand, tried to time it with Val's movements. He watched as a bead of liquid collected at the tip, watched as it dropped to the sheets, creating a small damp spot. Another bead began to form and he collected it on his fingers, used it to ease the glide of his hand.

Val's breathing was getting heavier and Alastor was growing increasingly weary of the pimp waking up, but he didn't stop. He thumbed at the piercings, feeling the smoothness of the balls on either side of the bars, liked the way the black stood out against blue skin, flushed purple from arousal. He quickly grew bored of them though, and released Val's cock to move his hand just a little further South. 

A loud noise escaped Valentino when Alastor's slick hand fondled his balls, and the deer jerked back, let out a small noise of surprise. 

He leaned away, checking that Valentino was still asleep, relaxed when he saw that he was, though his expression was gradually starting to show his frustration at being denied release.

Alastor pressed his lips to his chin in a silent apology, returned his hand to his husband's erection. And he remembered that _that_ had become a thing, just the day before. He began to hum a little tune as he pumped his hand, kissing along Val's jaw as he did so, then moving to his neck.

The smell of sex was gradually becoming more noticeable in the air, as the damp spot on the sheets grew. Alastor figured it wouldn't be long before it was over and he picked up his pace, wanting that to happen sooner rather than later.

Valentino let out a strangled noise when he finally came, his arms tightening around Alastor, dragging him closer so the streaks of white not only got on the sheet, but his stomach too.

"Fuck, Al, I wouldn't mind being woken up like that more often."

The Radio Demon froze.

_Shit_.

He looked up hesitantly and was met with Valentino's half-lidded eyes and lazy grin.

"What did I do to deserve such a wake-up call, huh?" 

"I-" Alastor choked out, his heart beating eratically, "I'm sorry, I didn't-"

"Hey." Val said softly, hands reaching up to gently stroke over Alastor's cheeks, "You didn't do anything wrong. _Typically_ couples do talk about whether or not stuff like this is okay beforehand, but you're fine, baby." He kissed Alastor's forehead, then his nose, "You're fine."

Of _course_ something like that wouldn't have been okay, Alastor was so stupid, he shouldn't have done that. "It's not fine." He growled, "I'm sorry."

"It's all right." Val insisted, "I was awake the entire time, I could have stopped you at any point if I wasn't comfortable."

Alastor was taken aback by the reveal, "...The whole time?"

"Mmhm." Valentino hummed, "The second you hit my face with your ear I was awake, but I was too tired to move, and then you started shifting and I-... I was curious, wanted to see what you would do. I was _not_ disappointed." He kissed Alastor on the lips, held it until he was gently being pushed away, "For the record, you're welcome to do that any time you please, it's better than breakfast in bed, and I _love_ breakfast in bed."

Alastor snorted, his panic dissipating. "Well, for the record, I... don't think I'd like to be woken up like that in the future. Not _yet_ , at least."

"You don't have to worry about that, Al, I won't touch you unless you ask for it. I'm, uh-" The pimp let out a small amused huff, "I'm sorry if my dick woke you up today though, no control when I'm sleeping unfortunately."

"I don't blame you for that." Alastor mumbled, ducking his head down to press his forehead to Valentino's collarbone, letting his eyes close. "Hypothetically speaking... breakfast in bed would be something you're interested in?"

An odd mixture of a groan and a chirp came from the pimp, "Al, I already married you, you don't gotta convince me anymore."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gonna start working on the next chap now because I literally am so excited for it lmao ;o


	22. Operation Helter Skelter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> During the wedding, Lucifer implied that he and Alastor had met once before, this is that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WAY BACK BACKSTORY, taking place in the year of 1938, five years after Alastor took his trip downstairs!

Alastor had never cared much for Lucifer's little invite only soirées. Socializing wasn't something Alastor ever actually _wanted_ to do, it had only ever been a means to an end, a way to get something, a brief moment of entertainment to delay his next murder.

However, he figured it was about time for him to meet the Overlords of Hell, and whoever else the King had decided to invite to that year's party.

It was about time for him to see how much he could upset the carefully cultivated balance of Hell.

-

The ballroom was decorated with all manner of fancy decorations, no doubt incredibly expensive. The room was large, but with the amount of Overlords and other important figures, the space felt jam packed.

Alastor had no issue with his personal space, thankfully enough. The perks of his new demonic form seemed to come with the bonus of having an aura that just made sinners want to stay away. It also came with the bonus of a shadow that could separate from him, and it had done so the second Alastor had entered the ballroom, its task to listen in on conversations discreetly and send the information back to its master.

Thirty minutes in, Alastor had more information than he knew what to do with. He'd have to comb through it thoroughly later, but he already had a pretty good idea of who his potential first targets could be. 

The other guests were curious, unbelievably so, but he wriggled his way out of conversations with practiced ease. Everyone there wanted to know who he was, what he was, why the King had invited such a seemingly random demon. That was all for Alastor to know, and them to never find out, or at least, not for a long while.

"Alastor," Came a voice from behind the sinner, "I'm pleased that you finally decided to accept my invitation."

Alastor span around, overly wide grin on his face. He stopped when he saw no one was there, but then he glanced downwards and there the King of Hell himself stood.

"Lucifer!" He beamed, standing tall instead of dipping his torso in a bow, "Your majesty! A pleasure to be meeting you!" He looked at the hand that Lucifer was holding out for a shake and used the base of his microphone to push it down to his side. "None of that for me, thank you! Haha!"

Lucifer arched an eyebrow at him, perhaps judging Alastor for his lack of respect.

The demon's smile only widened.

"Would you be opposed to a little chat?" The King simply asked.

"Not at all, my dear! Let's find somewhere a little quieter, what do ya say?" Alastor suggested, spinning on his heel and not waiting to see if Lucifer was following before he set off.

The demons parted before him, clearing out a small corner that was perfect for a private conversation.

"So." Lucifer began when they'd settled, "You've been here for five years, steadily gaining power, and you've yet to make a single move. Should I be worried?"

Alastor barked out a laugh, turning a few heads in the process, "You're not one to beat around the bush!" He wiped imaginary tears from his eyes as he calmed down, still shaking, "Don't you worry about a thing, my dear! I'm simply biding my time until the right moment arises. When that happens I'm simply going to provide myself with a little bit of entertainment!" He held a finger up in front of his grin, lowered his voice, "I don't suppose you could share any interesting little titbits about our friends here?"

Lucifer looked him up and down slowly, the gears visibly turning in his head, "Well, I don't think I can share any _titbits _, but I don't mind naming a few individuals."__

__"That works just as well! Any information is useful information." Alastor grinned darkly, watched his shadow slink across the floor towards them._ _

__It rose up, loomed over the King, the large rack of antlers on its head making it appear so much bigger, the unnaturally wide, glowing grin on its pitch black face making it seem all the more menacing._ _

__"Ignore that!" Alastor laughed, using his microphone to prod at the creature until it shrunk back, "It has a mind of its own sometimes, you were saying?"_ _

__Lucifer cleared his throat, "As I was saying..."_ _

__He proceeded to point out almost everyone in the room, giving a very brief description of who they were, not giving too much away. Some Alastor recognized from his shadow's scouting, but most were brand new, and he soaked up the information like a sponge._ _

__"Who's that tall fellow over there?" Alastor interrupted, gesturing with his microphone, "He seems like quite the fascinating individual!"_ _

__Lucifer followed where he was pointing with squinted eyes. A look of surprise flitted across his face when he spotted who Alastor was referring too. "Oh! He wasn't here earlier, fashionably late as always, it seems." He gestured with his own staff as he continued, "That would be Valentino, or the King of Porn as we've started calling him. A title well earned seeing as he owns Porn Studios."_ _

__Alastor froze, a deafeningly loud record scratch sounding in the air._ _

__Lucifer shot him a look of concern._ _

__Alastor cleared his throat, shaking off his shock, "Apologies! That was... _very_ unexpected, haha!"_ _

__The King returned to his explanations, but Alastor had stopped listening, all of his attention on the much too tall demon talking amicably with a small group of others. The four scantily clad women he had hanging off of each arm should have been an indicator of his profession, but Alastor, being as completely uninterested in the act of sex as he was, just hadn't made that connection._ _

__He made a mental note to stay far way from Valentino's territory, not wanting to imagine the kinds of things he'd see there._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't decide which I like better: pre-relationship Alastor hating everything Valentino stands for, or present-relationship Alastor loving everything about his husband and just being so dam n so mf t
> 
> Anyway, next chapter is a long-ish porn one and I wrote it out before this and the previous chapter, so it's ready to go lmao ;o


	23. Like Hunting People...?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Valentino wants to take Alastor on a hunt except its not the kind that Alastor is used to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idea suggested by BOROS except it really got away from me so idk if it's really anything like what you were talking about
> 
> But here's a new smut chapter for ya'll!! Taking place sometime after the events of WCSY but before Val found out about Al's death, this KINDA plays out like a consensual non-consent kinda scenario with the boys being super rough, it's all good of course, but just be aware of that <3

"A hunt?"

"Yeah."

"Like hunting... people...?"

"No, like a- uh... a sexy hunt."

"...A sexy hunt?" 

Alastor simply blinked at his fiancé from across the desk. He still wasn't entirely sure he understood the concept.

"Yeah, it's... a thing we do at the Studio sometimes. For porn." Valentino fell silent as he tried to find the right words to explain, "So person A chases person B, and when they get caught, they fuck, _but_ -" He quickly said when Alastor made a face, "it doesn't have to end in sex, we can do whatever, it's just something I thought we could try. Feel free to say no now, or take some time to think about it first, whatever you like. I'll be fine with whatever the answer is."

Alastor sat in silence, thinking deeply about it. 

So, Valentino wanted to take him on a hunt, where, presumably, _Alastor_ would be the one getting hunted down. It gave him a strange feeling, the thought that he would practically be re-enacting his own death, but he couldn't deny that he was curious. "Can you tell me more?"

The visible tension in Valentino's posture began to melt away as he relaxed back in his chair, "What do you want to know?"

"Is there a strict set of rules to follow...?" Alastor asked slowly.

Valentino shook his head, "Nah, it all depends on who's taking part. What they're comfortable with, what they want out of it, all that. Some couples are super vanilla and want to take a more 'soft' approach to it, like they're just playing a fun little game. Others use the opportunity to go fucking _feral_ , no holds barred, bring your weapons, your teeth and your claws and don't hold back. Usually it's just two people, sometimes it's a whole group - that's usually the stuff the Studio produces."

"And... safewords are used for this?"

"Of course. Keeps it safe."

Alastor nodded, "So what would you want to happen exactly?"

"Well, _ideally_ \- and keep in mind I won't do anything you're uncomfortable with - I'd chase you through Pentragram City, and you'd do all you could to get away, but it wouldn't be enough. I'd catch you, force you to the ground, and you'd struggle all the way down, acting like you didn't want it even though we'd both know you wanted nothing more than for me to bury my cock in you. And I'd fuck you right there, wherever it was, and you'd _beg_ for more-" Valentino abruptly cut himself off with a cough. He gave Alastor an apologetic look, "Sorry, I got a bit carried away there..."

"No- it's, uh, fine. It's fine. Don't worry." Alastor hoped the way he crossed his legs was subtle enough that Val hadn't noticed.

It was certainly an... _interesting_ idea, this whole chase thing. Alastor couldn't deny that what Valentino had said was appealing to him, but he did have _some_ issues with it.

"If I were to do this," Alastor started, "there would be no penises going _in_ anywhere."

Valentino snorted, an amused smile on his face, "I figured. That's all right, baby. Any other conditions?"

"No marks, like we've already established, but you may be rough with me. If this is to take place outside, my clothes will stay on, you, however, are free to be as naked as you want. There will be no weapons of any sort, for either of us. If you want me to submit, you will _work_ for it. I do not beg, but we'll see how I feel at the time."

"Is that all?"

"For now." Alastor hummed, "But I don't want to take all of the fun out of it for you, we can discuss this at a later date, figure out compromises if need be?"

"Sounds like a plan." Valentino grinned, leaning over the desk to place a kiss on Alastor's forehead, "Thanks for indulging me, baby."

-

Alastor ran as fast as his feet would carry him. His breath left him in harsh pants, his body so unused to running. But he was having fun, so much _fun_! It took everything in him not to laugh, to give away his position, he could hear Valentino behind him, quickly catching up. Alastor ducked into an alcove, tucked his body in tight, covered his mouth when he heard the pimp slow down.

He hoped he wasn't spotted, he wasn't ready to get to the main event just yet.

Footsteps came close, too close, but then Valentino was cursing, turning around.

Alastor stayed in the alcove until he'd caught his breath, then ventured out slowly. He looked in the direction that Val went for a few seconds, then bolted the opposite way, disappeared in winding alleyways.

Their chase was taking place in a little corner of Valentino's territory, specifically reserved for shooting porn. It had been completely booked out just for them that night, so they could have the privacy that Alastor needed.

It was nothing like how Alastor had died - not taking place deep in the bayous of Louisianna for one, and also not involving dogs or guns - it was just him and Valentino.

Speaking of the pimp. With Valentino lost to the maze, Alastor let his pace slow, began to whistle quietly.

He froze when he turned a corner.

Valentino was stood in the middle of the road, looking right at him, a triumphant grin on his face.

The path Alastor had taken had lead him right to Valentino.

"Ready to submit, Bambi?" Val purred, taking a step closer.

Alastor took two steps back, "Not a chance, my dear." He took off again, putting all of his energy into making his legs _move_. He'd agreed and fully consented, but that didn't mean he was going to make it _easy_ , and Val had made it clear that it would be much more rewarding for him if there was a genuine challenge.

The only problem was that Valentino obviously knew the area far better than Alastor did, and also had much longer legs. He was gaining quickly, covering ground faster than the deer could put distance between them.

Time to pull out the dirty tricks. They'd agreed no weapons, but there had been no mention whatsoever of Alastor's powers.

Shadowy tentacles charged from either side of the street they were on, tripping Val and tangling around his legs. They kept him trapped just long enough for Alastor to hide.

"You can't lose me that easily!" Valentino called after him, "Time's almost up, Bambi! Why don't you make this easier for the both of us, huh?" His footsteps were slow, precise. 

Steadily getting louder.

Alastor closed his eyes, breathed slow and deep, did his best to stay as still as possible. When he opened them, his shadow was staring at him, their noses almost touching. He could feel the cold that the creature radiated, making him shiver.

"No!" He whispered harshly to it, "I will not give up, not yet!"

The shadow pressed closer, hand coming up to grip his chin, claws digging into his cheeks. 

It was impatient, eager. The anticipation it felt, that it _amplified_ , infested Alastor's body, made him feel weak. 

Made him want to throw himself on the floor in front of Valentino, let him do whatever he wanted. Images invaded his mind, of every fantasy Val had shared with him over the past week, of all the things the shadow had made up, that it wanted.

"I know you're here, poppet." Val said in a British accent, dragging the words out long and slow, and ending the sentence with a chuckle. A clear reference to something that Alastor didn't understand.

At the sound of his voice though, the creature perked up, its grin so wide that it was blinding. It began to gently shove at Alastor, pushing him out of the crevice he'd tucked himself into.

Valentino was getting closer. If Alastor stepped out of hiding, he'd be within arm's reach. He tried to tell the shadow _'soon, be patient'_ , but it wasn't listening, actively ignoring all of its master's protests.

The more it pushed, the more Alastor wanted to submit, but he fought with all of his might.

He was so focused on his shadow that he didn't notice the figure looming in the entrance of the crevice until it was speaking.

"'Ello, poppet." Val whispered, directly beside Alastor's face.

The deer was so caught up in his surprise and the cocktail of emotions coming from his shadow that he didn't respond immediately. It gave Valentino the opportunity to grab him, rip him from his hiding spot and throw him to the ground.

Alastor hit it hard and let out a loud growl, though it was mostly for show.

They'd discussed the encounter in great detail beforehand, they both knew exactly what was and wasn't okay.

Val was on top of him soon after, forcing his chest down onto the filthy ground with two hands. He used the free pair to position his lower body, bringing Alastor's hips up to force his back into a sinful arch. Then Valentino was tilting his own hips forward and grinding firmly against the rump he'd just put into the perfect place for humping, and he was so clearly aroused from their little hunting game.

Every part of Alastor wanted to scream that he hated it, but his shadow was right there, grinning from the ground beside him, to remind him that wasn't how he actually felt. Alastor still fought though, kicked out a leg until his shoe caught Val's thigh, but the pimp wasn't easily dislodged.

He leaned down to hiss in Alastor's ear, "Now, now, don't be difficult. Behave for Daddy, there's a good boy."

A hot flush began to creep up his face from the humiliation, and the realization that he _liked_ it. Alastor growled deeply, the sound filled with radio distortion. 

He tried to push up, claws digging grooves into the hard ground, but Valentino was a lot stronger than Alastor thought he was, and he didn't even budge. He grew desperate, thrashing against the arms around him, until the hands actually began to loosen up. Alastor glanced back, saw the slight touch of concern on Val's face and quickly worked to soothe him.

He pushed his rump back against Valentino, plastered on his most devious grin, "Getting a bit sloppy aren't we, Val? I almost escaped!"

Valentino's hands tightened again and Alastor rewarded him by parting his legs a bit, arching his back further, pretending it was all a part of his struggle.

Alastor could feel the heat of Val's body where it was pressed against his back, feel the heavy breaths ghosting against his ear. Hear Val's pleased chirps as he started up a steady grind against Alastor's ass, a grind that didn't exactly leave anything to the imagination, so to speak. Even through the layers of their clothes, Valentino's thick erection was obvious.

"Good boy, Bambi." Val breathed, nipping at the soft fur of an ear. Then he straightened up, wrapped one hand around an antler to drag Alastor with him, "Now are you gonna show me that pretty little tail of yours?"

Alastor huffed a breath, was about to tell Valentino to do it his damn self if he wanted to see that badly, but then he noticed the way the pimp had carefully positioned his hands. They were placed firmly over the top of Alastor's clothes, in such a way that any sort of slip wouldn't result in skin to skin contact. Alastor's heart fluttered at how considerate that was, how Val had really taken into account that he still had a slight aversion to skin to skin contact. He also didn't fail to notice that Val had phrased his little request as a question, giving the deer an out if he needed it.

Alastor moved his hands slowly, so Val wouldn't get the wrong idea, and carefully reached between their bodies to get at his clothes, lift them up out of the way so the little bundle of fluff he'd hidden could pop out.

Valentino cooed, moved one of his lower hands from Alastor's hip to grab at it. Use it as a handle to pull his rump back while he pushed forward.

They continued like that for a little while, Alastor just holding on to one of the arms around his waist as Valentino had his way. Pawing at him and tugging at him, being rough in a way that would satisfy him, but also satisfy Alastor's wishes for there not to be marks when they were done.

It was all still quite ' _vanilla_ ', as Valentino had described it, and Alasator was... craving something a bit more.

"Is that all you've got?" He provoked, "What a joke, my dear!"

The pimp growled, shoved Alastor down to the floor. He kept his grip on one antler, forcing Alastor to support his weight on his hands so he wasn't just hanging there. His other top hand came around the side of his face, pushed two fingers into his mouth to quiet him.

Alastor resisted the urge to bite down, taste blood. He still scraped his fangs over them warningly, but quickly wrapped his tongue around them, an apology for his little 'mistake'.

"Fuck, baby, you have no idea how much I want to know what that mouth can do to other things." Val groaned approvingly, hips jerking erratically against Alastor's ass.

He must have been close, Alastor surmised, giving his own hips a little wriggle and twitching his tail in Valentino's grasp. The move earned him a gasp and another curse.

 _'It's a bit rude of you to only care about your own completion'_ , Alastor wanted to say, but he still had those long fingers in his mouth. So Alastor took matters into his own hands, quite literally, and it didn't go unnoticed by Valentino.

Val apparently wasn't pleased with the decision, because he quickly removed Alastor's hand, "Oh _no_ , baby, if you wanna get off, you do it untouched."

Confusion flickered across Alastor's face, but he soon found out what Valentino had meant when he shoved a thick thigh between the deer's legs, and removed his hand from Alastor's tail to use both of his lower set of hands to guide his hips into a gentle grind. The motion dragged a ragged sound out of the smaller of the two and a burst of static fizzled in the air.

He'd never get used to how much his sexual encounters with Valentino made him feel, not just physically, but emotionally. He didn't get why he liked the rough treatment, or why he liked how humiliating it was to be controlled and used. Was that normal? Would Val think him weird for it? But then, knowing the pimp and his recent discoveries of just how _weird_ sex could be, maybe it wasn't so bad. Val didn't have any complaints in the moment, at least.

"Look at you, moving like a natural." Valentino purred from behind him, "You turn into such a little whore once you get into it, once we've broken past all that initial apprehension." He pulled Alastor up by the antler to place a kiss on his cheek, "Is that what you are, Bambi? A little whore for me?"

Alastor wasn't sure he'd even heard the question, too focused on rolling his hips into that perfect thigh, but he found himself nodding along anyway.

His shadow too was frantically nodding where it was half out of the ground, eyes squinted and grin lazy from the pleasure it was feeling from its master.

Valentino chuckled, took his fingers from Alastor's mouth and lowered his hand to a pale throat, wrapped his fingers around it. He didn't squeeze down, just used the grip to hold Alastor against him. The grip on the antler was no longer needed so that hand moved to wrap around Alastor's chest.

"How are you feeling?" He asked quietly, stilling his movements and Alastor just growled, tried to urge him to carry on, "Use your words, Al, you know how this goes."

"I'm fine!" Alastor hissed, irritation plain on his face despite the grin, "Get on with it!"

"What do you want, baby?"

Alastor's eyes widened, "Don't make me say it!"

"I'm afraid I can't continue if I don't know exactly what you want."

The hint of amusement in his voice told Alastor that Val was just messing with him, he'd most likely drop it if Alastor was adamant about not saying anything out loud. 

That just made him want to _try_. 

Damn Valentino, knowing exactly how to get what he wanted from Alastor.

Alastor's shadow was feeding him the words, letting him know exactly what to say, all Alastor had to do was repeat it. He could do that, he was good at talking.

"I want-" He started, then cut himself off. He took a deep breath and tried again, "I _want_ to c-cum and I-... I want you to cum too... _on_ me..." Alastor trailed off, face burning. He wished he could hide his face, but that fur collar was behind him, out of reach, he settled for burying a hand in it instead, tugging desperately.

"That I can do." Val said, and Alastor could sense the smug grin on his face. He let Alastor start moving again, "Go ahead, baby, get yourself off for me."

Alastor whimpered, held on tight as Valentino helped him out, whispered encouragement in his ear, helped to guide his movements so Alastor could get just the right amount of friction. It didn't take him long to finish, hips stuttering and a strangled moan escaping his mouth.

"You never disappoint, baby." Valentino praised, placing kisses to Alastor's ears, "Do you still want to continue?"

Alastor nodded hastily, pushed back against the pimp, "Just hurry up!" He could feel Valentino's hands moving between them as he freed himself.

"You want me to cum on your tail, sweetheart?"

"Please..."

Valentino hummed, "You gonna say that little word for me?"

Alastor wrinkled his nose, tilted his head back so Val could see it, "No."

Val pressed his lips to Alastor's forehead, "Please, baby?"

Alastor squinted.

Another kiss, "Pretty _please_."

A defeated sigh, "Fine."

Valentino grinned, "Say it like you mean it, or you might as well stay silent."

Alastor arched his back, bumping his rump against Val's hand. The fur of his tail was already wet and sticky. " _Please_ , Daddy, won't you cum on my tail? I _really_ want it."

"Fuck." Val cursed, all but collapsing on Alastor as he came, sullying his tail. "So damn perfect, thank you so much." He chirped.

"Hmm, I think you owe me for that."

"Oh? And what do I owe you, sweetheart?"

"A nice cup of coffee, I think," Alastor paused, twitched his tail, grimaced at the way the clumped fur tugged and pulled at his skin, "and some peace and quiet, _and_ your coat."

Valentino tangled his fingers around an antler, manoeuvered Alastor's head so he could press their lips together, "If you get us back to the studio, I think we can work something out."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> //Whips
> 
> I'm so not sorry for the POTC reference, those movies were my SHIT as a kid, so naturally as an adult I have to put it in my porn
> 
> Next chapter will be something fluffy, but I'm unsure what exactly it will be, follow my Twitter if you want to know, I may post it there lmao [@hunting_people](https://twitter.com/hunting_people), I've also been posting the most cursed fanart and I just remembered that my actual face is on there now too ;o


	24. Valentino's Heart Grew Three Sizes That Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Valentino has a conversation with Angel that was a long time coming, Al tries to help him with the aftermath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place a few years after the wedding

Valentino glared down at his desk, headache steadily pounding behind his eyes, wondering if he was really going to go through with his idea. The documents laid out in front of him seemed to mock him, taunt him, and he covered them up with his hands, a growl rumbling from his throat.

He hadn't told anyone about what he was planning, not Velvet, not Vox and not even Alastor. He hadn't wanted anyone else to influence his decision, determined to find the answer himself, and he'd done so. It had been difficult, had led to many sleepless nights, but he believed it was the right decision. Well, it really _was_ the right decision, morally speaking, though that fact had only played a small part in making his final choice.

A knock sounded from the door, followed soon after by a quiet voice, "Um, Boss...? It's Angel."

"Door's open!" He called out, removing his hat to scratch at his head, more out of nervousness than to get rid of an actual itch.

_Here goes nothing._

The spider demon opened the door a crack, slipped through and quickly shut it again. His footsteps were slow, hesitant, as he made his way to the pimp's desk, carefully avoiding the deerskin rug and its new twin.

"Al's been adding his own touch to the place, I see." Angel Dust commented, lips stretched into an awkward smile.

"Shut up." Valentino hissed, "And sit down. You're not here for small talk."

Angel flinched at the harsh tone, but did as he was told. All four of his hands were placed in his lap, fingers clenched tight with the anxiety he was feeling.

Val spared him the wait he usually forced on employees that had fucked up, not in the mood to watch someone fall apart due to their own panicking. He shoved the stack of documents across the desk and gestured for Angel to take them.

Gloved hands carefully picked through them and pink eyes widened, "This is my contract... Val, what-"

"Congrats, Angie baby, you're fired. Effective immediately."

"I don't..." Angel trailed off. Swallowed. Tears were gathering in the corners of his eyes.

"You're fired." Valentino repeated as he leaned across the desk, "And if anyone asks, it's because you've been a thorn in my fucking side since the day I brought you here, and you only got worse when I let you stay at that fucking hotel. You're more trouble than you're worth and I've had enough." He leaned back, pointed a finger towards the contract, "You take that and you get the fuck out of here. If you come anywhere _near_ this Studio again, you'll be forcibly removed, do I make myself absolutely clear?"

Angel was trembling in his chair, one hand covering his mouth while the other three clutched at his contract, crumpling it. It wasn't from fear though, he saw right through Valentino's lie.

It was relief. Joy.

Valentino would have been happy to let him have his moment if he wasn't so eager to just get it over with. "I said, _Anthony_ , do I make myself _clear_?"

The use of his real name made Angel jump, scramble to nod his answer. "Yeah- yes, Val. That's clear." He wiped at his eyes with the back of one hand, "But w-what about- I still owe you money, I-I can't get that if I'm not _working_!"

"Forget about it." Val said and then he heaved a sigh, lifted two hands to rub at his temples, "Just- accept it, all right? Stop fucking questioning, and stop _worrying_." He tried to forget about his annoyance and his anger for a moment, be comforting for once, "I'm doing this because I want to, and you don't owe me a thing. Take some time off, think about what you want to do, what you really want to do, and when you're ready to work again, let me know. I'll help you find something, if you want that."

Angel was quiet as he digested the information, then he asked, barely above a whisper, "No more porn?"

"If that's what you want."

Angel Dust all but threw himself across the desk to wrap his arms around his ex-pimp, to sob into the fur of his coat. The string of ' _thank you_ 's that left his mouth sounded more like muffled jibberish.

Valentino reluctantly wrapped his arms around the spider, gave him a tight squeeze, then he was pushing Angel away. "Get outta here, kid." He whispered, unused to the weird feeling of doing something genuinely good for once, without the incentive of any sort of reward.

A single good deed wouldn't make up for all the shit he'd done over the decades, but it was _something_ at least.

-

Alastor dropping by some time later was something that Valentino had completely expected, and yet no matter how hard he tried, he hadn't been able to prepare himself for it. He'd sat at his desk for hours, unmoving. Unable to make himself relax, unable to focus on work, unable to stop his thoughts that just wouldn't _shut. Up._

He felt the Radio Demon's presence behind him before he heard him, humming a familiar little tune to himself. Arms wrapped around his shoulders and a nose brushed against one of his antennae, followed by hot breath.

"Did you know that Angel Dust came back to the hotel with his contract in his hands? I hope he doesn't have to be punished for theft, that wouldn't look good on his record."

"I know. I'm aware."

"Ah." Alastor purred, "That was a very... noble thing of you to do then."

Valentino blindly reached up, wrapped his fingers around a stubby antler and _yanked_ , "Full offense, darling, but I will rip these cute little antlers right out of your skull if you keep that up."

Alastor shook himself free and pressed a kiss to the back of Val's head, then another to his cheek, his hands running soothingly over Val's chest, "Do you want to be alone...?"

Valentino clenched his teeth, nodded mutely. 

"Of course, my dear."

As he was pulling back, Val quickly grabbed a hold of Alastor's left hand, kissed at the rings he'd put there to let him know he wasn't mad. Not at him anyway.

Alastor's fingers clenched around his, letting him know he understood, "Take all the time you need, Val, I know it's difficult."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Valentino is a bastard, but he's trying, damn it
> 
> Al knows he's gotta leave Val to figure out that emotional rollercoaster all for himself, and Val's probably just going to sleep it off with a fourteen hour nap, which honestly doesn't sound bad right about now


	25. Are You There God? It's Me, Valentino

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The year is 1940 and certain demon just made his very first broadcast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some more way back backstory from Valentino's POV for ya'll <33

The year was nineteen forty, but the exact day escaped Valentino when he thought back on it. What he did know was that he was sat at his desk when it happened, working diligently as usual.

A sudden burst of static jolted his focus away from his typewriter, drew it instead to one of the drawers of his desk. His eyebrows knit together in confusion and he reached out a hand to the drawer, slowly opened it. The drawer contained an old radio he'd thrown in there some time ago, believing it to be broken. Apparently that wasn't the case.

Another loud burst of static, followed by a quieter, more continuous, fizzle. The sound of the dials turning themselves, as they searched for the right frequency.

Valentino picked it up and set it on his desk, ever so carefully, like he was handling a live bomb.

It was a few long seconds of nothing, before something else happened. 

A voice came from the radio.

_"-llo... Hello! Oh, it seems to be working, haha! Good evening to all nine circles of Hell! It's a pleasure to finally be introducing myself to you like this! The name's Alastor!"_

Valentino blinked owlishly at the radio. 

What... the fuck?

What in the _Nine Circles_ was that? Some type of new radio show? Val hadn't heard anything about it, if so.

 _"Now, please excuse me if I'm a little rusty, it's been quite a while since I've broadcast myself on the radio! This is more of a test truthfully, but I'll do my best to make sure the_ dead _air is worth it, haha!"_

The voice on the radio, Alastor he called himself, had emphasized the word _dead_ oddly, and there was just something so... eerie about the whole thing. The cheerful way he sounded made Val shiver, filled him dread, it didn't feel at all like something one would listen to as a way to unwind in the evening.

_"I do hope you all like the show I have planned, I've put so much effort into it these past few years!"_

Valentino settled back in his chair, stared at the radio on his desk as he listened to Alastor speak and impatiently waited to hear what happened next.

Muffled noises started to appear in the background, almost completely inaudible due to the poor quality of the radio's sound. 

The surprised shout was unmistakable. 

So was the sound of several guns cocking.

_"Gentlemen! There's no need for that now, we can have a civil chat, can't we? Entertain the masses-"_

_"Shut up!"_ Another voice growled, _"I don't know how the fuck-"_

_"Language!_ " Alastor reprimanded the other person, _"Don't you know that such foul words should not be said on the radio?"_

Underneath his words, amongst radio distortion, was a faint gurgling sound.

After that was when, pardon the pun, all Hell broke loose.

The sound of gunfire.

Angry shouts.

A loud snap.

A wet squelch.

Scared screams.

Over it all, Alastor's joyous laughter.

Valentino's eyes were glued to the small radio, his antennae twitching as he struggled to make out every sound, every plea for mercy, piece together an image in his head of what the fuck was going on.

The sounds began to die down, but they never faded completely into dead air. 

Alastor was humming a bouncy little tune as he walked about the room, or wherever he was, footsteps sounding like they were landing in puddles. 

Valentino had a pretty good idea of exactly what those puddles consisted off.

There was a shuffling noise, then someone begging quietly.

 _"Oh, quit being so pathetic."_ Alastor hissed, _"You're the last one left, have some class! Now, my dear, why don't you go ahead and tell our lovely audience what they just heard? I'm sure they're just_ dying _to know, haha!"_

A whimper that Valentino had to agree _was_ pretty pathetic. Then a loud cry and, _"Okay, okay- just- please don't hurt me!"_

 _"Time's tick-tick-ticking, my friend, you better get on with it. And none of those naughty words!"_ Alastor taunted, the tone of his voice suggesting he was having just a little too much fun, _"Go on, what did I do to your wonderful coworkers? And that boss of yours, the Overlord?"_

The pimp didn't have time to dwell on the word _Overlord_ , because Alastor's captive was stuttering out his reply.

 _"He killed them, oh_ God _, he killed them all an-and-"_ Some very unpleasant gagging sounds interrupted his speech, but then he continued on, _"He ate them, he just- just bit them and tore out chunks-"_

_"That's enough now, dear, you described it well enough. Unfortunately, I no longer have any use for you."_

_"W-wait, no! I-I can- I can work for you! Please don't-"_

A sickening snap ended the other voice's words.

Alastor's cheerful tone had turned dark when he next spoke, threatening, _"Everything my dear friend here said is true, I had myself quite the little bloodbath, and that Overlord was simply_ delicious." It switched back to his usual chipper tone just as quickly and Valentino was doing his best not to get whiplash, _"Now, I'm going to make myself quite at home in this radio tower, I hope you all don't mind! I may be silent for a while as I'm settling in, but not to worry! I'll be back soon enough with more broadcasts, all you have to do is stay tuned! If you enjoyed tonight's show, you'll love what I have planned for the future! That's all for now folks, I'll back to entertain you all soon!"_

Valentino's radio finally fell silent.

That was a lot to take in.

Someone named Alastor had appeared out of nowhere, seized control from the Overlord that ran the radio tower by killing and _eating_ him, and whatever lackeys he had with him, and was now making himself at home. 

Valentino didn't know many sinners with that kind of power, unless they had become Overlords themselves, so what the fuck was he? If Hell had another fallen angel to deal with, one that was pissed off and out of control, Val didn't have much hope for the place.

One thing was for certain, he didn't want a guy like that to be an enemy.

He reached for the phone on his desk and began to make some calls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'Hello 911 yes I need to marry the voice on the radio, please tell me who he is'


	26. You Are An Unjust Mother and I am Going to Scream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alastor needs Angel Dust's help to come up with an idea for his and Val's second anniversary, a slumber party ensues

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this out before work and intended to post it when I got back, but more ideas formed so I had to write them, chapter title comes from a meme that has no relevance, but makes me laugh
> 
> No smut in this chapter but a lot of sex talk uwu

Their two year anniversary was coming up soon - of their first date that is, not their wedding day - and Alastor wanted to do something special for Valentino. Namely, he wanted to have sex with him, properly, _all the way_ , so to speak. Even with all the time that had passed, Val had the patience of a saint, keeping all four hands to himself exactly when he needed to, and only going as far as Alastor allowed. Sometimes he still pushed, but he knew when the deer truly didn't want something, even if his shadow was broadcasting the opposite.

So, for their two year anniversary, Alastor wanted to let Valentino finally... _make love_ to him. And he was ready, had been for months, it was just a matter of holding back, practicing some restraint himself. 

The only issue he had was that he wanted it to be something amazing for Val, the absolute best. But Alastor still had a very limited knowledge of sex, only knowing of the few things he and Val had done. He hadn't been all that interested in looking into things, hadn't had the time, and he couldn't simply _ask_ the pimp, that would ruin the surprise.

Alastor came to the conlusion that he was going to have to ask Angel Dust for help.

There was no one else he trusted more, that knew Valentino better than his number one pornstar. The internet could tell him all about sex itself, but it couldn't tell him exactly what Val himself liked. 

It would be an incredibly uncomfortable experience for him, but at the very least, Angel would feel exactly the same.

He waited until after dinner one night to venture to the spider's room, knocking on the door after a brief moment of hesitation, "Oh, Angel~! Are you decent?"

"Two seconds!" Came Angel's immediate reply. 

There was the sound of someone hastily rushing about the room, attempting to tidy up at the speed of light, the occasional oink mixed in.

"Okay, I'm decent!"

Alastor opened the door slowly, eyes squinted, on the off chance that Angel was messing with him and had placed some offensive item in plain sight. He hadn't. Random items of clothing had been strewn about the floor, and the dressing table looked like a bomb had hit it, but other than that, the room was relatively tidy. No evidence of the more... graphic side of Angel's life was visible.

Angel Dust himself was sat in the middle of his heartshaped bed, oversized sweater covering his body, Fat Nuggets snoozing contentedly in his lap.

"What can I do ya for, Smiles?"

Alastor closed the door behind him as he stepped further into the room, began to adjust his bowtie and dust off his clothes as a nervous habit. "I was just wondering if there's anything you could tell me about this... job of yours."

Angel raised an eyebrow, "And why do you want to know about my _job_?"

"Well, I always left your care in the hands of Vaggie and Charlie, but I figured its time I stop being so ignorant, you aren't the only guest with this-this lifestyle after all, and I can't keep avoiding it." Alastor lied effortlessly, acting like the brief fumble didn't exist.

"Uh huh. Right. You wanna tell me the real reason you're here, Al?"

"That is the real reason."

Angel Dust shook his head, "You're a fucking terrible liar sometimes, you know that? Sit down, I'll tell you whatever you want to know about Val."

Alastor stiffened, cursed internally, "I don't-"

"Do you think you're the first person to ask me about what gets Valentino's dick hard?" Angel asked, giving his guest an exasperated look, "I was his star, I knew him better than anyone, I had countless- uh, _coworkers_ that wanted to take my place, and they thought seducing Val was the way to go about that, sleep their way to the top, as it were." Angel scooted up the bed to lean against the headboard, patted the pillows beside him with a free hand, "C'mon, I know way more than I care too, let me share my wisdom."

Alastor grimaced, stayed in place, "I don't like how crude you are."

"Get used to it, buddy, that's how I speak."

The deer didn't move, but his shadow - the traiter that it was - broke away from him and eagerly settled itself on the pillows beside Angel, watching the spider with wide curious eyes.

"I like this thing more than you." Angel said, patting the shadow on the head.

"It _is_ me." Alastor scowled, finally giving in and taking his shadow's place beside Angel. It draped itself over his shoulders instead, cool cheek pressed against his.

Angel Dust was clearly amused by the display, but he didn't say anything. "All right, what do you know already?"

"I-" Alastor stopped, cleared his throat, "This stays between us."

Angel rolled his eyes, "Yeah, yeah. Share your secrets on pain of death, I get it." He reached out to Alastor, but the shadow swiped his hand away, "Sorry, I- uh, forget sometimes, seeing Val touch you so much."

"Don't forget." Alastor growled firmly.

Angel held two of his hands up in surrender, "Okay, safe space. Spill."

"It's our anniversary soon - of our first date, not the wedding - and I... just wanted to do something special for him."

"Oh, that's-" Angel grinned, "That's fucking adorable actually. Now, get to the juicy bits."

"I don't understand why I have to tell you."

" _Because_ it'll be a lot easier for me to explain if I already know what you know." The spider explained, giving his pet pig soothing pats when it began to wriggle, "You've gotta know about the daddy kink right?"

Alastor wrinkled his nose and Angel burst out laughing, "Well that answers that! What else?"

The deer ran through everything he knew in his mind, his shadow helpfully supplying points he'd forgotten.

Valentino liked humping him, with and without clothes. He liked it when Alastor was on top. He had an obsession with his tail and his antlers, especially the larger rack his shadow sported. He liked their height difference. He liked when Alastor was _talkative_ , and when he showed off his body in his more confident moments. He liked when he was allowed to be rough, to be in control, appreciated it all the more because he knew it was tough for Alastor.

Alastor relayed those details and Angel listened intently, nodding along. 

He fell silent when Alastor had finished, stayed that way for just under a full minute, before he spoke again, "I'm surprised you haven't found out about his love of creampies." At the look of confusion he went on to explain.

Alastor stuck his tongue out in disgust. His shadow had a smug smile, eyes squinted into crescent shapes. It happily provided the images that its master refused to conjure up. Alastor smacked it, ignored the sting of pain that reflected on his skin.

"Well," He started, "That would be because we haven't gone _that_ far yet."

Angel's jaw practically hit the floor with how wide his mouth fell open, "You're kidding!"

"I'm really not."

"You expect me to believe that Val, Big Vee, _The Valentino_ , hasn't put his dick in you in the _two years_ you've been together?" Angel asked, looking at Alastor like the deer had just told him he'd been an actual angel this whole time, "Has he been with anyone else, at least-"

"Of course not!" Alastor snapped, "And if you're implying that he's cheated-"

"No! Nope! Nothing like that! Just- _really_ fucking surprised, I had no idea Val could manage something like that."

Alastor cleared his throat, "To be fair, he has... put his _dick_ in something, it just wasn't necessarily... _my_ hole..." He winced at his own words, glanced towards his shadow that was grinning proudly over his shoulder, and Angel's eyes widened.

"Oh, that is _kinky_!" Angel exclaimed, fighting down a laugh, "Damn, Al, I never would have guessed!"

"Can we get back to the topic at hand, please? I still need to figure out what I'm going to do for our anniversary."

"Yeah, of course, I'm sorry." Angel tapped his chin with his free hand, the other three smothering Fat Nuggets with attention. "Has he ever eaten your ass?"

Alastor was taken aback by the question, "That... doesn't mean what I think it means...?"

"Definitely not." Angel chuckled, "Honestly, Al, from what I've seen, you could do anything and Val would lap it up like a starving kitten. If it's really true that you haven't gone all the way yet, I'm sure just that would be enough for him." He pursed his lips, "He's actually quite the secret romantic. Light some candles, put on some smooth jazz, throw down some rose petals, the whole nine, he'd love that."

Alastor nodded, not entirely liking the answer, but that was probably the best he was going to get out of the spider. Of course it was a subject he wouldn't want to get too deep into.

His shadow appeared perfectly content with the lack of information, reaching out to the pig to pick it up, ignoring Fat Nuggets's protesting squeals to settle him in its lap. He soon settled under cool hands and the shadow let out silent coos as it showered the pig with affection.

Alastor glared at it, hated the thing for being such an open book. He turned his attention back to Angel Dust, asked softly, "So how does he treat you these days?"

"Hm? Oh- um, Val?" Angel drew his legs up to his chest, wrapped three of his arms around them while the fourth continued to pet Fat Nuggets, "He treats me a lot better now, he's more... lenient, even when we're at the studio, somewhere he can beat me without consequences. I'm still his property," Angel shrugged, "but it's not as bad as it was before... I guess I got you to thank for that."

"I don't think I'm much of a good influence on anybody," Alastor mumbled, reaching out a hesitant hand to put on Angel Dust's shoulder, "I stand by what I said before, about not caring to involve myself with how Valentino runs his business, or how he treats his employees, but... I'm _happy_ for you."

Angel smiled at him, something shy, and genuine. Then he scrubbed at his face with a hand, "Anyway, this is gross, can we get back to the sex talk? I liked it when you were more uncomfortable than me."

Alastor chuckled lightly, "I'd rather not, but we can talk about something else, if you'd like?"

"I'd like that." Angel said quietly, then his face lit up like a Christmas tree, "Oh! We could have a slumber party!"

"I... I'm afraid I don't know what that is."

"It's where a group of people get together and they stay up all night and watch movies and talk about boys and eat junk food. We used to have them all the time at the Studio, when enough of us had some time off. They were fucking _wild_." He paused and let out a thoughtful hum, "I suppose you wouldn't be much into that, but we can still give it a shot. Brainstorm ideas for your little date night."

"It's sounds very... childish."

Angel snorted, "Yeah, but it's _fun_. The most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off."

Alastor squinted at him, "That sounds like a reference I don't want to understand."

Angel Dust laughed as he shooed the Radio Demon away, "Go get changed into sleep clothes! Or something more comfortable than that suit anyway, and I'll get set up here."

Alastor's shadow looked at the spider with wide eyes, hugged the pig a little tighter.

"You can stay, buddy." Angel winked.

Alastor pinched at the bridge of his nose and sighed. He'd indulge Angel Dust just this once, he supposed he owed it to him for bringing up the awkward topic of his pimp. He stepped through the shadows to get changed in his own room, then returned in something that definitely hadn't come from Valentino's closet - Alastor _did_ in fact have his own collection of ugly, oversized Hawaiian shirts, thank you very much - and in the brief time he'd been gone, Angel had set up for their 'slumber party'.

The night was spent doing exactly as Angel described. Staying up all night to watch movies he called 'chick flicks', complaining about all the boys that had broken his heart while trying to get Alastor to _'spill the tea'_ on Valentino. Then he munched his way through cookies and chocolates, eating Alastor's half when he politely refused. The night came to an end when Angel fell asleep halfway through getting his nails painted.

Carefully, Alastor tidied up as much as he could, not knowing where the spider kept his things and not wanting to disturb his seemingly random organization of clutter. Then he tucked Angel Dust under the covers, without getting nail polish on them, and his shadow reluctantly tucked Fat Nuggets into his own bed.

"Hey, Al...?"

Alastor blinked, "Oh, I thought you were asleep...?"

"I was." Angel mumbled, "Gonna get back to that, but, um..." His next words were quiet, like he didn't quite want Alastor to hear them, "...Thank you. You didn't have to stay, but that was really nice, and I had fun."

The Radio Demon nodded, "I had fun too, Angel." And that was the most truthful thing he'd said in a while, not counting anything he'd told Valentino.

"Kiss me goodnight?" Angel suggested, wiggling his eyebrows and flashing his gold tooth.

Even Alastor's shadow stuck its tongue out at that, reaching out to cover Angel's head with the covers.

When Alastor returned to his room in the late hours of the morning, he found himself viewing Angel less as a simple object for entertainment. He found himself thinking of Angel as more of a friend instead.

A good friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alastor's shadow has only had Fat Nuggets for twelve hours but if anything happened to him it'd kill everyone in the Happy Hotel and then itself
> 
> Also Alastor's 'own collection of ugly, oversized Hawaiian shirts' is 100% stolen, he's a fucking liar
> 
> You should follow my Twitter where I rant about my writing and post dumb doodles, such as Al's shadow with Fat Nuggets and naked Vox but with added tail [@hunting_people](https://twitter.com/hunting_people)


	27. A Nap a Day Keeps the Angst Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alastor's really not good at the whole 'listening to your body' thing and ends up needing to take a week to recuperate, the only problem is he doesn't tell Valentino and it leads to one very upset husband

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ANGST >:O But it's not really that much and there's a healthy dose of gross husbands to make it better
> 
> sLIGHT TW!! For self harm in this one, but it's very brief and not overly detailed
> 
> bUT BEFORE YOU GO, I forgot to mention that I followed through with the Husk and Vox side fic so here's the link to that if you haven't already read it [Pussycat Pussycat I Love You](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23019277)

Alastor awoke with a jolt, his chest heaving with harsh pants. It felt like he had ants crawling over every inch of his skin- no, not over, _under_. Burrowing right into his flesh, making it burn and itch. He scrambled to get the covers off, remove the arms that had been wrapped firmly around his waist.

Valentino stirred from his slumber, blinking wearily, unused to such rough treatment. Alastor was usually so careful when he woke up first, wanting the pimp to get as much sleep as possible. "Babe?" He asked groggily, "Are you all right?" He reached out a hand and narrowly missed getting his arm caught in the black jaws of Alastor's shadow.

A low growl was rumbling out of Alastor, that alone giving the pimp the right information without needing to the see the way the deer's expression twisted.

"Al, please, tell me what's wrong..."

Alastor shook his head, hands clutching at his sides, claws digging in, trying to rip the ants out. He needed to go, to get away.

He didn't stop to listen to Val's protests, surging up from the bed, diving for the shadows. He ended up in a place he hadn't been for a long while.

His home.

Not his room at the hotel, but the place he'd resided in before.

A small cabin, with wooden walls and wooden floors, and furniture made from even more wood. It wasn't very big, and there was even less space due to the collection of rugs and skulls he'd built up over the decades.

But it was home, or had it had been. Alastor still held a lot of love for the place.

He wasn't able to focus on that fondness though, too caught up with the sensation of _crawling_. Even the shirt he was wearing was too much and he tore it off, let the scraps fall to the floor.

Alastor knew what the problem was. He tried to think back to the last time he'd been alone, _truly_ alone. Being by himself in his hotel room still left him in close proximity to other sinners, the same for being at the studio. And the _touching_. Touching others had never been a problem before, but with how close he'd been to Valentino, how much he'd been letting the pimp touch _him_. Every single day since the wedding, barely an hour spent apart.

It was all too much. Too much touching and too much interaction, and he just needed to be alone with no one but himself for a little while. To recharge, to recoop. He'd been too addicted to Valentino to realize it was getting to be too much, and now he had to deal with the consequences.

A cool hand settled on his shoulder, and it was soothing for all of two seconds.

Alastor whirled around, teeth bared in an ugly snarl, "Why didn't you tell me?" He demanded, "Why didn't you tell me it was too much, that I needed a break?"

His shadow snarled right back, reflecting his anger like a mirror.

Alastor turned away again, didn't want to think about the implication. 

That he'd been so deeply distracted that not even his _shadow_ had noticed.

He shivered in the cold of the cabin, wrapped his arms around his naked form and bristled at the itch that flared up. His ears pinned back against his head and he growled through tightly clenched teeth. It was a similar situation to all those months ago, when he and Val had first been intimate and it had been just a little too much for Alastor to handle.

In the shower, he stood just letting it run over his body, watching as some droplets seemed to follow the lines of his scars. The scars that he _hated_. His claws dug into his skin, created deep gouges in his flesh, breaking up the lines of scars, making the water run a deep red.

His shadow growled from over his shoulder, seized his wrists in its icy touch. Reminded him that that _hurt_. It didn't let go until it was certain that its master would start actually washing, rather than trying to skin himself.

When Alastor finally stepped out of the shower, the hot water had long since ran out. He didn't bother with a towel, just threw some logs in the fire place and got it going, then seated himself in front of it. His shadow sat beside him, not close enough to touch, but close enough that he could feel the drop in temperature.

They sat surrounded by only the sound of the crackling fire.

That is until the small radio on the dining table burst to life.

 _"Alastor? Where the fuck are you? Your husband is tearing up the fucking hotel right now- no, I'm not talking to him, I'm just- let me fucking concentrate! Al, send him a fucking message before I kill him, he's really pissing me off- I said_ let me concentrate! _Message. Now. We're all worried."_

It fell silent again and Alastor heaved a sigh. He'd forgotten that he couldn't just skip out like that without causing his husband grief. Without causing his _friends_ grief.

He waved his hand to summon his hellphone and fiddled with it until he pulled up the messaging app. 

_'Sorry.'_ He sent to Valentino after some struggling, then _'Need space.'_ And then, because he felt like that would only make him worry more, added, _'Love you, talk soon.'_ He turned his phone off as soon as the message had sent, let it drop to the floor.

The cabin remained occupied for the next week. Alastor had wanted to leave the next day, but had mentally berated himself. A being that was over a century old craving a _hug_ the day after he'd thrown a fit because a simple hand on him had been too much. No, he forced himself to remain in the cabin to make sure he was definitely okay, and his shadow helped enforce that decision.

When he eventually decided to end his self imposed isolation and return to civilization, he wanted Valentino to be the first person he saw. He stopped by his room at the hotel to pick out an outfit, going with something that had several layers and covered most of his body. He also picked up his spare monocle and enjoyed being able to see properly again, having spent the week half blind after leaving his usual one in Valentino's penthouse.

The pimp, surprisingly, wasn't at his desk when Alastor popped into his office. For once, Alastor found him already in the penthouse, in bed, to be exact, using his coat as a blanket. But he wasn't asleep.

Valentino was laying on his back, upper arms crossed behind his head, lower pair crossed over his stomach, and his legs were drawn up, one thrown over the other. His expression was troubled, Alastor's sudden disappearance having taken an obvious toll on him.

His antennae twitched when Alastor stepped closer and he cracked open one red eye. He shot up when he recognized the deer, but he didn't make a move to get closer, simply held his breath and watched his husband with wide eyes.

Alastor gave him a sheepish grin, "Good afternoon, dear."

Val frowned at him, and Alastor desperately wanted to smooth out the wrinkle between his brows. Wanted to completly erase the hurt he'd made him feel.

"Al..."

"I'm sorry." Alastor said quickly, "I got so caught up in everything that was happening, that I didn't realize all the touching was starting to become too much. I just needed a little time to myself, I'm sorry for making you worry." He approached the bed, picked up one of Valentino's hands to hold it against his cheek. He leaned into the touch, let his eyes slip closed.

"You're an idiot." Valentino mumbled.

"I am."

"I hate you." It was said too lightly to be taken seriously.

Alastor blinked his eyes open, grin widening, "I deserve that."

Val let out a huff, thumb stroking over Alastor's cheek, "You don't deserve that. Take care of yourself for once, why don't you?"

"I'm trying, I'm not used to this."

"I know." Val sighed, slowly lifting another hand. He waited until Alastor nodded before cupping his other cheek. 

"You can kiss me if you want..."

Valentino repositioned himself so he was seated at the edge of the bed, but made no move to get closer, "I don't want to. That's gross."

"Mm, are you sure?" Alastor asked, leaning forward and placing his own hands on Valentino's thighs for balance.

"Very sure." Val dropped his head, pressed his forehead against Alastor's, "Tell me next time, all right? I don't mind that you needed space, but I _do_ mind that you just vanished without a word and I had to go through Husk to talk to you. I was scared."

"...I'm sorry." Alastor whispered, really meaning it.

Valentino finally captured Alastor's lips in a kiss. "You're forgiven."

But was he? Was Valentino really going to let it go, just like that? After all, it wasn't the first time Alastor had - what was the phrase Val had used then? Ghosted? Either way, it wasn't the first time, and Alastor had promised he'd do better, and he _hadn't_. 

He clenched his teeth, tried to forcefully dispel the unwanted thoughts. He wasn't going to doubt Valentino's words, not then and not ever. Val didn't lie to him, and Alastor wasn't going to make himself believe that he would.

"I think I need aftercare." He admitted.

Val chuckled, grabbed his discarded coat to throw it around Alastor's shoulders. "You just want to be pampered after going a week without me."

Half true.

"Can you blame me?"

The pimp let out a hum, "Well, unfortunately, I'm a bit tired right now - a lack of sleep from worrying too much will do that to a guy - so I hope you'll settle for taking a nap with me instead?"

 _'Sounds perfect.'_ Alastor thought, but out loud he said, "I could go for a nap." He leaned against Valentino's chest and pulled the coat tighter around himself. As two arms gently wrapped around him to haul him onto the bed, he couldn't help but feel he'd really found himself the perfect man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHEN WILL YOU LEARN??? WHEN WILL YOU LEARN??? THAT YOUR ACTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES???? //Drop kicks Alastor
> 
> Also, as for how Husk contacts Alastor: I'm thinking he knows how to do some type of voodoo Hell magic to contact Alastor via radio, in case of emergencies like his husband showing up and trashing the hotel and borderline harrassing the staff when demanding to know where he is and if he's okay


	28. The Shadow Porn Chapter But From Alastor's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alastor's shadow doing the dirty with Valentino from Alastor's point of view. 
> 
> Alastor enjoys it until he doesn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since ya'll wanted this so much, you got it, have fun ya filthy animals XD

Hands on his body, touching everywhere they could reach, kneading at him, pawing. Lips on his, a hot tongue in his mouth, taking his breath away. A voice whispering in his ear, dirty things. Hips rolling against his, grinding, sending bolts of pleasure racing up his spine-

Alastor awoke with a gasp, shooting up into a sitting position.

His shadow stared at him with wide eyes, frozen midway through removing Alastor's shirt.

"What are you doing?" Alastor asked slowly, squinting suspiciously.

It gave him a lopsided grin, gestured to its master, then gave his clothes a light tug.

Alastor gave it an offended look, "Absolutely _not_. You can go apologize to-"

It cut him off with a pout, put on its best puppy dog expression, sent image after image of what Alastor had previously believed to just be a dream. With them, came feelings of _urgency_ and _need_ and _please, please, PLEASE-_

Alastor snarled, hastily began to tug his clothes off, "Go on." He snapped, "Go be with him."

The shadow's glowing grin turned blinding and it pecked Alastor on the forehead before disappearing.

The deer sighed once he'd finished undressing and flopped back on the bed, resigning himself to a sleepless night. He let his eyes slip closed, focused on his shadow to connect their senses, allowing him to see what it saw, hear what it heard, feel what it felt.

Immediately he saw black hands stripping away clothing to reveal blue skin and his mouth dried up with the anticipation. That would be his first time seeing Valentino naked, completely naked, and he wouldn't even be there to experience it first hand. A faint feeling of jealousy began to arise, that his shadow quickly squashed down as it put its hands on Val's body, ran them over his form.

One moved South, to wrap around a thick cock.

Alastor whimpered at the feel of slick flesh sliding through his fist, and resisted the urge to tilt his head to the feeling of antlers he didn't have being tugged on.

Hands cupped his ass and ran over his chest, brushed his nipples and Alastor bit down on his lip. Then he heard Valentino curse softly and felt sharp fangs sink into his shoulder. His eyes flew open from the pain, a small cry escaping him. His own hand reached up to his neck, his brain stuttering when he didn't feel the blood that surely should have been there if he'd actually been bitten.

He relaxed again, concentrated. He was granted a brief respite from the intense feelings when he discovered his shadow was tring to explain to Val how exactly its body worked as an extension of Alastor. It was shortlived though, because soon enough he was seeing the pimp slick his cock up and it was _huge_ , how was that supposed to _fit_?

" _Needy_ little fuck."

Oh.

 _Just like that_ , he supposed.

The feeling of being filled was unlike any other. It was amazing, exquisite, and Alastor wanted _more_. His hands fisted the sheets and his claws ripped holes as Valentino began to move.

Above him, above his shadow, Val chuckled, took a hold of one of his hands, pinned it above his head. He could have fought it if he really wanted to, but he allowed it, loved the feeling of Val's fingers between his own. Loved the feeling of the other hand that gently cupped his cheek.

Valentino started a slower rhythm, one Alastor was just fine with, but not his shadow, who had to taunt the pimp for more. The resulting hard thrust had Alastor biting at the knuckles of his free hand, in an attempt to stifle a loud moan.

A tut. "Look at you. Dish it out, but you can't take it." A peck on his nose. "You're adorable." 

His shadow tried to cover its face, but when that failed it reached up to pull Val down, look right into his red eyes.

"If only Alastor could see you right now. See what a slut you're being."

The shadow was quick to explain that yes, Alastor _could_ in fact see and hear everything. 

At the revelation, Valentino bucked his hips forward harshly, forcing a choked groan from the deer. His cock hit something that had pleasure flooding Alastor's veins, and after that, he was relentless, Alastor helpless to do anything except react. Gasping as lips kissed at his neck, yelping when fangs sank in, Val taking full advantage of the fact that he could be as rough as he wanted without leaving marks. Alastor couldn't keep track of all the hands that were touching him, Val moving so fast that it was like he'd sprouted an extra pair.

Not a single inch of Alastor's skin escaped the worship. That's what it was, no other word described it better.

"Are you feeling this, Al?"

He nodded frantically, though it wouldn't be seen, the echo of Valentino's voice in his head sounding like it was coming from right beside his ear. He thought that if he could see his ears, he'd see fur swaying in response to phantom breaths.

"My hands on your body, my cock in your tight ass? Are you reacting the exact same way as your shadow here?"

Alastor wanted to tell him that his _shadow_ was reacting the same as _him_ , not the other way around, but the noises that tumbled from Val's mouth after the question were far more distracting. Intoxicating. He wanted to hear more of them, again and again, every night.

"Baby, I wish I could see you. But there's no rush, all right?"

Alastor wanted that too, wanted Val to see _him_ , not the vague silhouette of his shadow. Wished it was his ears that Valentino was kissing, nipping.

"I love you so much, Alastor."

With just a few more thrusts, Alastor was cumming against his stomach and chest with a loud cry. He panted for breath, let out a small strangled noise when Val finished inside him, then pulled out to replace his cock with two fingers. 

"Too much?"

Valentino's tone was completely unapologetic and the shadow mirrored its master's glare. Val kissed its forehead, then cleaned them up and Alastor peeled himself from his bed to do the same, not caring for perfect and just giving his torso a quick wipe down.

He wrapped himself in blankets, and it would never compare to the feeling of Val's heavy coat covering him, but it was close enough. 

The noise that came out of Val's throat had Alastor's eyes snapping open. It had been similar to a purr, but not quite.

It was far better than anything Husker could produce.

Alastor curled up in the blankets, dozing softly to the sound of Valentino chirping softly to him, mixing in _I love you'_ s and _You're perfect'_ s. He could have spent the rest of the night like that, but his shadow had to return to him eventually, and when it did, he snapped out of the dreamlike haze.

A surge of anger filled him, because how dare it? How dare it take matters into its own hands, go against its master's wishes to do whatever it wanted? The fact that Alastor had enjoyed the ordeal, and wouldn't mind it happening again, was beside the point. His shadow should _follow him_ , his shadow should _obey him_.

He lunged for it, wrapped a hand around its throat and ignored the feeling of his own airways being constricted, "If you _ever_ do that again, I will start keeping you on a _very_ tight leash."

It only smirked at him, filled his mind with an incredibly graphic image of him on his knees, black leather collar wrapped tight around his throat as Valentino tugged him around with the attached leash.

Alastor knew he wasn't being intimidating, not with his mussed hair and flushed face, but that didn't stop him glaring.

His efforts only earned him a wide grin, the hint of a blue tongue poking out of a jagged mouth.

_You're welcome._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really don't have much to say for myself other than this was an easy thing to type out before bed ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


	29. Calling People Daddy is Gross

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Valentino's first meeting with Alastor doesn't go exactly as planned, but hey, at least he isn't dead? ... Right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Meant to post this after work, but my fingers slipped, whoops
> 
> Don't have much to say, so I'm gonna take the opportunity to abuse my audience and yell at ya'll to read [ckret2's HH fanfiction](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ckret2/pseuds/ckret2/works?fandom_id=20965191) because it's GOOD SHIT, the most recent one especially is EXACTLY how I picture the triple V's, and Cold Day in Hell holds the title as one of my all time favourite HH fics
> 
> EDIT*// The year is 1942 lmao

A voice and a name was all anyone had to go on for two whole years. Any idea of what the Radio Demon, Alastor, looked like was all speculation seeing as anyone who actually saw the demon never lived to tell anyone about it.

So it came as a great surprise when Valentino was the first one to discover what demonic form he'd taken, completely by accident of course.

The pimp had been taking a simple stroll through his territory, twirling his cane in one hand, whistling a little tune. He was also using the opportunity to check on his girls working the streets, making sure they weren't getting into trouble or slacking off. It was during that stroll that he came across the most wondrous of creatures.

A sinner that looked almost completely human, aside from the fluffy ears atop his head and the stubs of antlers between them. The tails of a tattered red coat swayed in the breeze as he all but skipped down the other side of the street.

Valentino's first thought was that he had to have him. In his bed, in his home, in his studio. Wherever he could get him. A sinner as fine as that was _not_ going to escape the pimp's grasp.

He picked up the pace to catch up with the deer, watched black tipped ears swivel in his direction. He grinned as he sidled up to the sinner - God, he was _tiny_ \- and wrapped a lower arm around his waist. 

The demon stiffened under his touch and Val quickly retracted the arm. No need to make him uncomfortable, not right then at least.

He took his hat from his head and bowed dramatically, holding it for a moment. As he straightened up and replaced his hat, he purred, "Pardon me, sweetheart, but I'm afraid I just couldn't help myself. What's an adorable little stag such as yourself doing wandering through my territory? Not looking for a job I hope, I'm afraid I'm terribly jealous." He lowered his voice, like his next words were meant to be a secret, "Just the _thought_ of any hands on you that aren't mine is making me feel downright _murderous_ , and we can't have that, can we?"

When the deer turned to him, Val got a good look at pale skin, red eyes and an unnaturally wide grin filled with golden teeth. 

Something poked into his stomach and he was immediately on high alert, but it wasn't a weapon, only the base of a microphone stand. 

He was pushed back firmly and he chuckled. How adorable. He simply leaned down and ate the distance between them easily, getting close enough for his breath to make a fluffy ear flick.

Eyes widened imperceptibly, and the deer took two large steps back, dropping his microphone.

Valentino took the hint, grinning with red teeth as he straightened again. Teasing the deer was too damn fun, but he had an actual reason for introducing-

"Oh, how rude of me! I never introduced myself properly!" Val cleared his throat and fussed with his coat, puffing up the fur collar. When he was satisfied with it, he purred, "Valentino, The King of Porn, owner of Porn Studios, at your service!" He winked, "But that's a bit of a mouthful, you can just call me Daddy."

The deer simply stared at him, looking like a- well, like a deer in headlights.

Val waited, and when the beautiful sinner didn't speak, he arched an eyebrow, "Cat got your tongue, sweetheart? Oh, tell me it isn't so! It would be remiss of me to walk away from this conversation without having heard what your undoubtedly _sinful_ voice sounds like!"

Still no reaction. 

One of the pimp's antennae flickered as his annoyance began to build.

"Need I remind you, my delightful little doe, that this is _my_ territory that you're in, and I don't take kindly to being ignored. Especially not when I've made the effort to be so polite." He tapped his cane on the ground, "An answer, dear, quickly."

The deer cleared his throat, twirled his microphone in his hand before letting it go, allowing it to disappear into thin air. He tucked his now free hand behind his back to join the one already there, and puffed up his chest, standing proudly and without fear. "My apologies, but I don't associate myself with _filth_."

Anger flared inside Valentino at the blatant disrespect, but it soon petered out when he registered exactly what the demon's voice had sounded like.

Like a very familiar transatlantic accent coming through a radio.

Stood in front of him was none other than the _Radio Demon_.

Amusement on his lips and murder in his eyes.

And Val had just _flirted_ with him without a care in the world.

A spark of fear lit itself under Valentino's skin, because he knew what kind of power that demon possessed, knew exactly what he could do with it, having listened intently to every single second of every single broadcast. He'd heard him taking out Overlords all over Pentagram City that had ruled their territories for centuries. Overlords that were far more powerful than Valentino himself.

And yet the Radio Demon hadn't gone anywhere near his territory, for what reason Valentino had no idea, but it had lulled him into a false sense of security. 

Like he had an attack dog working of its own volition.

Except now it looked like that attack dog had turned on him.

Anger began to boil again, squashing out the fear.

How long had the Radio Demon been going on these little reconnaissance strolls right in front of Valentino's eyes? How long had he been plotting? How close was he to being ready to enact his plan?

He clutched tightly at his cane. Prepared to fight the Radio Demon right then and there. He would lose, there was no doubt about that, but he wouldn't go down without giving his God damned all.

"Alastor..." He hissed lowly.

Alastor threw his arms wide, "Finally, he gets it!" He let out a laugh as he manifested his microphone again, "Well, that's my cue to leave, it certainly wasn't a pleasure to finally meet you!" He saluted with his microphone and slipped into the shadows.

And just like that, the Radio Demon had slipped from his grasp.

Valentino let out a creative string of swear words, clutching at his cane so tightly he heard it creak. When he'd ranted out most of his frustration to the empty street, he took a deep breath to try and erase the last of it, composed himself.

He had to think. Had to get back to the studio to figure out his next course of action. That wasn't how his first meeting with Alastor was supposed to go, not in the _slightest_ , and he could kiss any hopes of a proper partnership goodbye. 

He had one advantage at least, and that was finally having a face to match the voice he'd heard so much of in recent years.

It was going to be an all out war, and Valentino didn't plan on losing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alastor doesn't like being caught of guard because it distracts him for a period of time just long enough for certain pimps to do shit that make him realize 'Wait maybe he can stick around, he's entertaining'
> 
> [This is literally their first interaction summed up.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zW1uN0SjKPY)


	30. Insert Smooth Jazz Music

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alastor decides a blowjob is the perfect reward for Valentino putting up with all of his bullshit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New smut chapter aaaayyy
> 
> I don't really have anything to say for myself lmao just that this takes place a little after chapter 27

"I want to try something."

"Aw, baby, I love it when you talk dirty." Valentino purred, his hands giving Alastor's rump a squeeze.

Alastor did _not_ pout at that, "Can you be serious, dear?"

"Sorry, baby, what did you want to try?"

The deer hummed, adjusted himself in Valentino's lap. He pressed their chests together and idly played with the fur on the pimp's coat, "Just something."

One hand moved from Alastor's rump to rub at his lower back instead, "Are you trying to make me guess?"

"Working up the courage."

"Ah." Val pressed a kiss to a pale cheek, "Take your time, I'll be here all night."

"You will _not_ be here all night, because after I'm done doing what I'm going to do, you are going to sleep."

"Uh huh." Valentino mumbled distractedly, already focusing his attention back on the task at hand. The task at hand being one of his all time favourite things to do; finding out who owed him money and exactly how much. "That's if you even end up doing what you're gonna do."

"I'm _going_ to."

A small laugh bubbled out of the pimp, "I don't even know what we're talking about anymore."

Alastor huffed, buried his face into fur, pretended to be annoyed at Val's behaviour. That was far from the truth though, he actually appreciated the distraction, it helped to calm his nerves, remind him just why he was going to do this for his husband. Valentino, the ever so endearing idiot, with the patience of a saint, who put up with all of Alastor's... eccentricities.

Alastor decided it was time to reward him, thank him, for all he'd done. He tugged at the collar of Val's coat, pulled it down so he could start placing light kisses against the pimp's jaw.

In response, the pimp simply tilted his head to give Alastor more room to work, and the hand at his lower back pet him encouragingly. His upper pair of hands still clacked away at the keyboard.

That was fine, Alastor would have his full attention soon enough.

He began to unfasten Val's coat, push it aside to get to the shirt underneath. The shirt was, of course, one of the ugly Hawaiian print things that Valentino loved so dearly.

Alastor unbuttoned it quickly, kissed at a blue throat as he ran his hands over a bare chest.

A small noise escaped the pimp, but he still didn't drag his attention away from his work. Even as Alastor slowly slipped from the Overlord's lap, trailing his lips down Val's torso as he did so, coming to a stop when his knees hit the ground and his mouth reached the hem of black pants. His hands clutched at large thighs, just above the knee, then slowly glided upwards, pausing just before they reached the growing bulge.

Fingers tangled around one of his antlers, tugged it to get his attention.

Alastor blinked up at the pimp, perfectly innocent smile gracing his lips, "Yes?"

The fingers moved to his ear, began to massage at it, making Alastor sigh and drop his hands. He rested his cheek against one of Val's thighs as he took a moment to savour the touch.

"What are you doing, Bambi?"

"Just something." Alastor mumbled, eyes falling closed.

Valentino hummed, moved another hand to rub at Alastor's other ear, "Decided the floor was more comfortable, huh?"

"Something like that."

As enjoyable as the ear massage was, Alastor didn't want to fall asleep before he had the change to go through with his idea. He knocked the hands away, pushed them to Valentino's sides, then rearranged himself in a more comfortable position, pushing the pimp's thighs a litter wider and sitting properly on his heels.

From this angle, Valentino _towered_ over him, his size beyond intimidating. 

Alastor didn't stop to think about what other _things_ would be intimidatingly big.

He reached out, but Valentino stopped him.

He risked a glance up and he frowned at the expression on the pimp's face. It gave away what he was thinking like Val wasn't even trying to hide it, and Alastor could plainly hear the words he was struggling to hold back, _'you don't have to if you don't want to'_.

"If you dare say what I know you're going to, I _will_ stop and leave you here. So sit back, shut your mouth, and enjoy it."

"I-" Valentino coughed, guiltily looked away, "I was just going to say you look good down there."

"Nice save."

"I don't know what you're talking about." Val gave him a cheeky grin, bravely pulled Alastor closer to him by an antler, so a pale nose was brushing his clothed crotch, "Weren't you doing something?"

Alastor wiped the smug look off of his face by lurching foward, mouthing at the zipper of Valentino's pants. A musky scent filled his nose, gradually growing stronger the more he worked his mouth. The Overlord was trembling over him, letting out muffled curses, fighting the urge to grab at the deer between his legs, start humping his face.

Alastor didn't need to psyche himself up to move on to the next part, but he held off for a few more moments, enjoying the reaction. He didn't want to prolong the torture for too long though, this _was_ supposed to be a treat after all. His tongue poked out of his mouth, guided the zipper between his teeth so he could pull it down. 

He mentally congratulated himself when he pulled the move off without fumbling.

In true Valentino fashion, there wasn't any underwear in the way, so Alastor simply parted the fabric of his pants and reached in to free Val's cock. It was half hard, hot and thick, the tip damp with precum.

Alastor took a deep breath through his nose, licked his lips. When he let the breath go, Val let out a barely audible curse, hips jerking minutely. The deer took the opportunity to recite the conditions he'd thought of previously, "You can put hands on me, but only two, and _don't_ hold me down, or force my movements in anyway."

And with that, he licked a broad stripe up the cock in front of his face, starting from the base and going all the way to the tip, tasting the liquid there. It wasn't nice, but he wasn't going to let that stop him now. 

"Fuck, Al, look at you." Valentino breathed. He reached his lower hands out to the deer, gently brushed his hair out of his face.

Alastor batted his eyelashes, licked his lips again. He kissed the tip, sucked at it lightly, hummed when he felt a hand close around his antler. He paused, but when it simply held on he continued, tip of his tongue playing with the metal balls of the piercings on the underside of Val's cock. He could have continued toying with them, continued to merely taste blue skin, but he was growing impatient, wanted to get to the main event, wanted to prove to himself that he could do it.

So he backed up, glanced upwards to find Valentino watching him intently. Alastor didn't break eye contact as he leaned forward, took the tip of his cock into his mouth.

Val's breath hitched, but he kept his eyes locked on Alastor's. The hand on Alastor's antler moved to tangle in his hair, and the other cupped the deer's cheek, tips of his fingers pressing underneath his jaw. "You gonna take it all for me, baby?"

Alastor hummed in answer, took in a little more. He was hyper aware of the placement of his fangs, not going to be the one to ruin the moment by catching them on something.

Valentino was the one to break their little staring contest, his head tipping back into his upper pair of arms, crossed behind him. He slouched against the backrest of his chair, the action pushing his lower half forward ever so slightly.

The pimp was evidently enjoying himself and Alastor let the pride swell in his chest. _He_ was the one doing that, _he_ was making Valentino feel good, with his own hands and his own mouth. The affirmation that he was doing a good job pushed him further, made heat curl low in his abdomen. He let one of his hands fall into his lap while the other grabbed a thigh to help him keep his balance.

Another inch disappeared into Alastor's mouth, and was withdrawn just as quickly when he gagged.

Valentino sucked in a breath and he used his grip to guide Alastor away from his crotch, "I know I often talk about how much I'd love to see you choking on my cock, but please don't actually make yourself sick."

Alastor swallowed, huffed, "I'm fine, I just got a little ahead of myself." He gave himself a short while to recover, then took Val into his mouth again. He licked and sucked and kissed at the last few inches, getting used to just that much while his hand worked the rest that wouldn't fit. But he was determined to be able to take all of his husband, and he wasn't going to stop until he'd accomplished that.

Thankfully, Val had the stamina and the patience to allow for Alastor to work on it.

He bobbed his head carefully, and every now and then, he successfully took a little more without gagging.

There were moments when Valentino would groan and squeeze his eyes shut, but for the most part he was watching Alastor's every move, encouragement tumbling from his mouth unfiltered and uncensored.

"So fuckin' perfect for me, Bambi. Doing so well for your first blowjob."

"Sinful, that's what you are. You've got a _wicked_ little mouth on you. So fucking hot-"

"Never had a whore take me as well as you do so damn quick, you know that?"

"Daddy's so proud of you, baby. Daddy's so pleased- oh _fuck_ , Al, are you playing with yourself down there?"

Alastor's face was already burning from Valentino's words, but it felt like it would actually melt off when he was caught. He almost wished it would.

He let out a whimper as he glanced up at Val.

Valentino rocked his hips experimentally and Alastor leaned back, gave him more space to work with. The hand he had on Alastor's cheek moved down, touched his throat, and the pimp took a moment to feel the way it bulged as his cock slid in and out.

Another whimper escaped the demon on the floor.

"Carry on, baby, don't let me distract you. I'm close." Val stroked his thumb over a pale cheek as he spoke, "Let Daddy see you touch yourself."

Alastor rolled his eyes at the nickname. As long as Valentino was enjoying himself, that's all that mattered. Enthusiastically, he went back to work. As much as he was actually liking this, his jaw and lips were beginning to ache from being stretched around something so big for so long, and he was going to have to bring it to an end. 

"I love you so much, taking this like a fucking champ. Just a little more, Bambi, just- just like that, fuck yeah."

Alastor took a few breaths through his nose, then pressed forward and didn't stop until he couldn't go any further. He parted his legs, rocked his hips into his hand, like he was rewarding himself for his efforts.

Valentino cried out, clutched at him tightly, "Fuck, Al, I'm not gonna last. You're too good, too perfect. You gotta- gotta pull off before I-"

Alastor stayed right where he was, moaned around the cock in his mouth and held onto Val tightly, stopped him from pulling out. He delighted in the choked gasps that he drew from the pimp, the pleased chirps, the shameless moans.

The liquid flooding his mouth was a surprise, despite everything, but he did a good job of acting like he was ready for it. He coughed lightly when Val's cock slipped from his mouth and he quickly covered it with the back of his hands.

"Let me see- fuck, Al, open your mouth, let me see." Val whispered frantically, hunching over the smaller demon.

Alastor obeyed, tilted his head back, opened his mouth wide and stuck out his tongue, doing a good job of showing off just how much Valentino had cum. He held the pose for only a couple of seconds and swallowed soon after, then coughed. 

Val pressed his forehead against Alastor's as he caught his breath, "God damn." He gasped, " _God damn_. Not that I'm complainin', but what brought that on, baby?"

Alastor shrugged, wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, "I... I just wanted to do something nice for you, pay you back for all you've done for me these past few months."

"Did you get off?"

Alastor shook his head.

"Well, we can't have that now, can we?"

Effortlessly, Alastor was hauled off the floor and deposited on the desk. He yelped, "You don't-"

"Have to? Baby, I _want_ to." Valentino grinned, his lower pair of hands worked on tucking himself in, while his upper worked to take Alastor out. He pulled Alastor into a slow kiss, ignored his protests, "Do you want me to stop?"

Alastor shook his head, "No." He leaned back against the desk, draped his legs over Val's shoulder when he knelt down. "Just don't... mess with me."

"I wouldn't dream of it."

Valentino didn't waste any time, taking all of Alastor into his mouth at once, sucking hard. The inexperienced Radio Demon didn't last long at all, spilling everything he had down the pimp's throat. Val pulled off and swallowed, grinning like the cat that got the cream.

He smacked his lips and Alastor wrinkled his nose, "You're disgusting."

"You love me for it."

"Unfortunately."

Val stifled a laugh as he wrapped all four arms around Alastor, hugging him tightly.

"Did that... feel good for you...?" Alastor asked slowly, voice muffled by the collar of Valentino's coat.

"Baby, that was fan-fucking-tastic. You're practically an expert."

Alastor snapped his fingers to clean them both up and right their clothing, "Well, when you put it like that, I guess I don't need any more practice, do I?"

"Rude." Val huffed, flopping back down in his desk chair and dragging Alastor into his lap, "Are you gonna behave while I finish up my work?"

"I believe I did say it would be your bed time after this."

"I'm not a _child_ '"

"You act like one!"

"I'm older than you!"

"Debatable. Are you coming to bed or not?"

"Five minutes."

"Now, or I won't join you, and you'll have to lie in that big bed all alone."

Valentino scrubbed at his face, letting out an irritated groan as he did so, "God, what are you? My wife?"

"I'm your _husband_ and I care about you getting enough sleep. Go to _bed_ , you workaholic. I'm sure I can think of other ways to reward you for such good behaviour."

Valentino glared at him harshly, and didn't stop until Alastor was watching him expectantly from the open doorway. He stood from his chair with an exaggerated sigh and all but marched over, "For the record, that was manipulative as fuck and I hate you for it."

"I hate you too, dear." Alastor chuckled, taking his husband's hand.

His mental list of _'rewards'_ was already getting quite long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> //WONK
> 
> Listen you perverts, Alastor's rewards list is totally semi-composed of innocent things like breakfast in bed and stealing Val's coat less and letting him actually finish a cigar for once.
> 
> Also I have ideas for two separate HH fics, one will take place in this verse and be the story of how Val and Vox met, the other is completely unrelated and is just Valastor filth. No promises on when those will be out because I suck at writing lmao


	31. Not So Illegal Cigar Dealer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just guys being dudes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to write more about Al and Val sharing cigars and this was the result lmao
> 
> Takes place a couple months-ish??? Maybe??? After the wedding

The Happy Hotel had a courtyard, to everyone's surprise when Charlie unveiled it. It was small and incredibly rundown due to how long it had been sealed off, but with a little bit of TLC from the hotel's staff, it soon returned to its original stunning beauty. The courtyard was kept shut to the residents of the Happy Hotel, reserved as a space only for the staff, and those they personally invited.

Alastor found himself growing quite attached to the space, the staff having unanimously agreed that it would be a place for peace and quiet. The outdoor couches became one of his favourite places to catch up on his reading, or even take a short nap when he was certain no one else was around. Sometimes he shared the space with another; Husk looking for a quiet place to nap too, or Angel Dust looking for a place to think, or Niffty just passing through to keep the courtyard tidy.

On that particular night, Alastor was curled against Valentino's side on one couch, the two of them all alone. The pimp's lower left arm was settled comfortably around his waist, the upper two were thrown over the back of the couch, and the last one held the cigar that they were passing back and forth. 

Alastor silently held out his hand and Val took a quick puff of the cigar before handing it over for the deer to finish off.

"Another?" Valentino asked quietly when Alastor disposed of the butt.

Alastor nodded as he released the smoke from his lungs and tucked his legs underneath himself, leaning more heavily against his husband. 

Val pressed a kiss to the side of his head, flicked his wrist and manifested another cigar in his hand, already cut and lit. He handed it over along with another kiss.

"Got any more of those? Cigars, that is."

They both turned at the sound of the voice, found Husk standing right behind the couch.

Valentino squinted at him for a long moment, eventually sighed and passed over the requested cigar, "You're not surprised to see Mr. Radio Demon smoking?"

"Nah. We often had conversations over cigars and cigarettes, back in the day." Husk nodded his thanks and flopped down on the other couch, kicking his feet up on the table.

"Yeah? Did you share them?"

"Fuck no."

"Oh?" Valentino turned to the deer tucked against his side, "So you _can_ finish a cigar all by yourself, huh?"

Alastor shrugged, unapologetically blew smoke into Valentino's face, "Don't act like it bothers you. We always have two anyway, it makes no difference."

"I tease, baby." Val hummed, taking the cigar back when Alastor offered it so he could return the favour. It only made the deer lean closer, smug grin tugging at his lips.

"This is a no-gross-shit-zone." Husk piped up from his seat, puffing on his cigar.

"We were here first." Alastor reminded him, "If you don't like it, you can leave."

"There's never been a 'first come, first served' rule." Husk huffed, but let it go, relaxing fully against the back of the couch.

A comfortable silence settled over them, and the trio enjoyed the peace as they puffed on their respective cigars.

It was shortlived however.

"Are you three seriously havin' a party out here without me?" Came Angel Dust's voice as he trotted over to them, stopping in the middle of the sitting area. His upper arms were holding his pet pig, and one of the lower ones reached out, palm up, towards Valentino, "Hand over the goods, Boss."

"Christ, I ain't a fucking cigar dispenser! These are custom made ya know, and good shit too, I don't have an unlimited supply!" Despite Val's protests, he handed yet another cigar over to the spider.

Angel puffed on it smugly, took a seat beside Husk and threw his legs over the cats lap, set Fat Nuggets in his own lap.

Alastor pursed his lips, "If that's the case, I propose you don't go handing out anymore. I quite enjoy these."

"Oh, you don't say?" Val said sarcastically, snatching his cigar from Alastor's hand and placing it between his lips, "Buncha fuckin' leeches."

"Speakin' of expensive cigars an' all, I didn't take you for a smoker, Al." Angel mused, gesturing with a hand.

Alastor sighed, "Not usually, but if the opportunity presents itself, I will partake." His claws danced lightly over his husband's thigh, "Though I must admit, I have been smoking more often recently. Downside of marrying someone who encourages the habit, I suppose."

Valentino's arm tightened around him affectionately, "You make it sound like I'm actively corrupting you. I think you'll find, dear, that the reality of the situation is _you_ are making _me_ smoke more. Hard to keep track when you distract me so you can finish off my smokes."

Alastor grinned, reached up to place a kiss on the corner of Valentino's mouth, "Are you trying to say you don't think they taste better when we share?" He plucked the cigar from Val's lips and took a drag.

The pimp scoffed and playfully pushed Alastor's face away from his own, not so subtly tucking his chin into the collar of his coat, trying to hide the way his face flushed purple.

Husk made an exaggerated gagging sound, "What did I say about no gross shit?"

"Don't be a homophobe, Husky." Angel chuckled, lifting one leg to tap the toe of his boot against Husk's cheek.

"Oh, fuck off, you know that's not what I meant!" The feline growled, knocking the foot away from his face.

Angel Dust continued to tease until he dragged a proper hiss out of the cat, then dissolved into raucous laughter, "Now _that's_ what I'm talkin' about!" The force of his laugh jostled Fat Nuggets and the pig let out a surprised oink, began to fidget. Angel forced himself to calm down, ran his hands soothingly over the animal, "So anyway, I'm curious," he directed at the couple, "how's married life treatin' ya?"

"Well, to put it in a way that wouldn't offend our dear Husker, it's treating me quite well." Alastor hummed, trying not to show just how entertained he was by his best friend's distress.

"Bastards." Husk huffed and crossed his arms, his cigar held tightly between his teeth, "Gonna need so many drinks after this."

Angel Dust gently kicked him, "Don't be a sourpuss. What about you, Big Vee?"

Valentino's face lit up with a devilish smile, gold tooth glinting in the low light, "To put it as grossly as possible: Alastor is the best thing that's ever happened to me, better than anything I ever got topside, and I'm so fucking _in love with him_. I just wanna smooch his face, all day, every day. Just _looking_ at this handsome man is better than having sex-"

"All right, we get it!" Husk snapped. 

His tone was harsh but the corners of his mouth kept ticking up as he struggled valiantly not to smile.

"What about you, Husky? Got anyone that makes your heart flutter?" Val asked, the sly look on his face suggesting he knew something that Alastor didn't.

"I lost the ability to love years ago."

A snort from Alastor.

"One night stands then?" Valentino corrected, wiggling his eyebrows.

"I'm a virgin."

The deadpan way in which he said it startled a chorus of laughter out of the group, Alastor almost poking out his husband's eyes when he threw his head back. He quickly handed the cigar in his hand over to Valentino, who was much calmer, before he dropped it.

Val pointed the cigar at Husk. "A good Christian girl, I can respect that." He snickered, finishing off the cigar and crushing the butt in the ashtray on the table in front of him, "Your turn, Angie baby."

"I don't have time for that and you know it!" Angel pouted, finishing his own cigar, "Besides, I'm married to this little guy anyway." He cooed at Fat Nuggets until the pig was wriggling happily, snuffling at his hands. "I don't know how the fuck you managed it, keeping yourself tucked away in your office, twenty-four seven."

Valentino shrugged, "I'm irresistible."

Alastor gave the pimp a coy look, "I don't suppose you happen to have _one_ last cigar on you...?"

"Your heartless." Val sighed dramatically, "Cruel!" He draped himself over the back of the couch, his hat falling from his head at the action and tumbling to the floor, "Can you believe it? Al's just been _using_ me all this time! Oh, how will I go on-"

"You're an idiot." Alastor crooned, waving his hand to summon Valentino's hat to it. He tugged at his husband's coat until he was sitting up again, and placed the hat firmly on his husband's head, then gave his cheek a pat, "I was serious about the cigar, by the way."

"Heartless." Val repeated, bending down for a quick peck on the lips.

He did have another cigar to share with Alastor, and another two to pass off to Husk and Angel.

Alastor unabashedly stretched out on the couch, his back to Valentino's side, and took a hold of the hand that was settled on his waist, tangling their fingers together. When he tilted his head back, Val pressed a kiss to his forehead.

The thought of public displays of affection had never appealed to Alastor, made him itch, but there, with friends that he trusted, he felt comfortable enough to do so. 

It helped that it proved to be an incredibly entertaining way for him to mess with those around him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Val and Al just being downright disgusting, what else is new, Husk is me in this scenario
> 
> Don't smoke kids, it ain't worth it, and especially don't be That Bitch who gets custom cigars made specifically for him


	32. You Snooze, You lose... Or Is That A Win?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Valentino falls asleep in Alastor's lap and the Radio Demon isn't entirely sure what to make of that turn of events.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edit*// [Finished the art for this chap](https://twitter.com/hunting_people/status/1239332100760797184)
> 
> Had another chapter planned for today, but I lost steam for it, so you get this instead lmao
> 
> I also have some art sketched out for this chapter, but I wanna take my time finishing it properly so no link unfortunately (Thought I may post WIPs if ya'll are that desperate to see ;o)
> 
> For now, have some other art I've drawn, [like Val smooching Al's dumb face](https://twitter.com/hunting_people/status/1237157053023637521) , [or coat thief Al doing what he does best](https://twitter.com/hunting_people/status/1237726083421818881) , [OR, most importantly, Val wearing pantashoes](https://twitter.com/hunting_people/status/1237833657534087174)
> 
> This is taking place early on in the relationship, of course <3

When Alastor had suggested that Valentino take a day off from work, he'd explained that it was a little hard to get to know the pimp if he was constantly busy and barely had the opportunity to spare the deer even a glance. His actual motivations had been to just get Val away from his desk in the hopes that something would go wrong and he'd get a little show.

Valentino had agreed to leave his office alone for a single day to spend time with Alastor, but a show wasn't what Alastor got out of it. Well, not the kind of show he'd wanted, at least.

Val did his best to focus on Alastor, and the Radio Demon could tell that he was really trying, but it was obvious that his work was distracting him. With the way he wouldn't stop moving around his penthouse, checking his hellphone, offering Alastor drinks and snacks even when the deer had a mug of still steaming coffee in front of him.

His frustration would have been humorous if it wasn't just causing _Alastor_ a similar level of frustration.

"Dear, please." Alastor tried, "Sit down, you're making my neck hurt."

The pimp heaved a sigh, scrubbed at his face, "Sorry, babe, I'm just..." He trailed off, sighed again. He collapsed onto the couch where Alastor was sitting, fell sideways until his head was in Alastor's lap, "I don't mean to act like I don't want to be with you, it's just hard to be away from work when I haven't prepared for it."

Alastor made a strangled noise in the back of his throat, not expecting the touch at all. He glared down at Val, thankful that the pimp had his eyes closed and his head turned to the side, his cheek smushed against Alastor's thigh. He did his best not to growl. 

At least Val didn't have a hand on him, he wouldn't have been able to control himself then.

"Can you not just... pretend the Studio doesn't exist for today...?"

"I fucking _wish_."

Valentino lifted himself up on his elbows, and Alastor visibly relaxed, but Val was only removing his hat and sunglasses so he could more comfortably snuggle into the makeshift pillow of Alastor's lap.

Well then.

_Don't kill him. You need him. He's an endless source of fun. This isn't bad. You can handle it._

"Do you mind this, baby?"

"Not at all."

The lie was spoken through clenched teeth, but Valentino didn't appear to notice, only nuzzled Alastor's thigh and let out a content hum, "Fuck, this feels so much better." Val all but melted against the couch, tucking his two left arms against his body, while his top right curled under Alastor's thigh, holding it in place, and his bottom left was left to hang over the edge of the couch. He also draped his right leg over the arm of the couch, while he tucked the other underneath himself.

He was asleep in seconds.

Alastor tensed up.

_Oh no._

This was... not how he wanted the day to go. Of course, touching had been inevitable and he'd been bracing himself for it. But that was for hands on his waist, or pecks on the cheek, not Valentino _falling asleep on his lap_.

Should he wake him? Alastor should definitely wake him. Remove him. 

Resist ripping his throat out.

He reached out a hand to shake Valentino's sleeping form, but stopped as soon as he'd placed his hands on him. 

The tips of his fingers had brushed over the collar of the pimp's iconic coat and _wow_ he hadn't expected the fur to be so soft. He brushed his fingers through it again, traced over the hearts that had been dyed into the fur, idly playing with it until he accidentally grazed Val's cheek.

He gasped softly, drew his hand back like he'd been burned.

Valentino didn't react to the touch at all.

Bravely, Alastor reached out again, touched Val's face more firmly. He made a small, surprised noise at how smooth the pimp's skin felt, how it was just as soft as his coat.

Val began to snore quietly and Alastor didn't think there'd be much he could do to wake him.

The deer grew more bold the longer Valentino slept, exploring his face with his fingers. Tracing lightly over his cheek bones, his eyebrows, his feathery antennae, his lips... his own lips twitched at the thought of kissing them and he rapidly buried the thought. Nope. No. Absolutely _not._ He wasn't actually interested in the man, this was just a game, something to pass the time, cure his boredom.

He growled under his breath, stilled his hand and propped his cheek on the back of the other one, elbow resting on the arm of the couch beside him.

"How troublesome..." Alastor mumbled to himself.

A black hand reached over Alastor's shoulder and he let out a small huff as his shadow stroked a firm hand over Val's head, in the same way Alastor liked to pet Husk. It pressed its cool cheek against its master's, pointed out how stupid it was for the Overlord to fall asleep like that, pointed out just how easy it would be to kill him. How many ways they could do it without even needing to get up.

Alastor tutted, "So bloodthirsty." He gently knocked the shadow's hand away, replaced it with his own, "As appealing as that imagery is, we're in this for the long haul." He carried on with the petting, ignored how his shadow tried to turn his thoughts back to blood and gore.

Instead he let his mind wander to how peacful Valentino looked. All the stress caused by his work had completely vanished, making him look much younger, much more kind. Alastor might even go so far as to say that he looked quite... handsome. Paired with his charm, it was easy to see how he'd managed to drag so many sinners into his business.

Alastor wouldn't fall for it though, he was far too clever for that.

Valentino let out a small breath, then groaned.

Alastor's shadow shrunk back.

Val lifted a hand to his face, rubbed at his eyes as he rolled onto his back. He blinked up at Alastor, let out an almost silent, "Oh." Then, "Shit. How long was I asleep?"

"A little while." Alastor hummed, tip of his pointer finger drawing circles on a blue forehead, "Not too long."

Valentino gave him a sheepish grin, "Sorry, baby. Today was supposed to be about us getting to know each other more, and I just worried about work and then conked out."

Alastor shrugged, "I get it, you don't need to apologize." His finger moved to gently stroke over the skin where antennae met skull and Val shivered at the contact.

"That feels nice." He purred, leaning into the touch. Then he yawned and stretched out his long limbs, asked in a tired voice, "Do you mind if I pass out again? I haven't slept that well in a long time."

Alastor tapped at the space between Val's eyes, whispered, "Not at all, my dear."

And that time, he meant it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Al, so naiive
> 
> While we're here, can I just saying a big thank you to all ya'll that tag me in Valastor art on Twitter, I hardly ever check my actual timeline so I probably miss a bunch of shit, and ya'll send me that high quality material //Chef kiss <33


	33. If I'm Bambi, Then Who Was phone???

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alastor finally finds out where Val's beloved nickname for him comes from.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I lied, the steam came back.
> 
> Taking place when Al and Val are married, of course lmao.

_Bambi_ this.

 _Bambi_ that.

Alastor was getting sick of it.

He didn't hate the nickname itself. Hearing it come from Valentino, hearing it spoken in his soft voice, gave the Radio Demon a fuzzy feeling in his chest. But hearing it come from _Vox_ just filled him with the oh so familiar feeling of irritation, disgust, because he meant it in an antagonistic way, he wasn't using it as some friendly endearment.

Vox, in the usual fashion when they were together, had made it his mission to rile Alastor up until he snapped. 

To the deer's credit though, he had been doing quite well, even managed to rein his shadow in, even though he could feel it writhing with the need to tear at the TV demon.

The key word was _'had'_.

Because, like it always did, it had become too much and Alastor just _couldn't. Take. It._

He lunged for Vox, wrapped hands tightly around a thin throat and his shadow arched over his head, snapped its jaws an inch from Vox's screen.

"Careful, Bambi." Vox sneered, "Might hurt someone."

" _Shut. Up._ "

"And if I don't?"

"I'll-"

" _Alastor_!"

At Valentino's bark, Alastor loosened his grip, ears pinning back with the small amount of guilt that bubbled up, but he didn't let Vox go.

"I thought we were past this." Val sighed heavily, "Can I seriously not leave you unattended for five fucking minutes? What happened?"

"He started it." Alastor said, not taking his eyes off of the TV demon.

Vox gestured angrily as he argued, "I didn't do anything, I was just talking!"

"You kept calling me by _that name_."

"What? Bambi?" Vox arched an eyebrow, looked over Alastor's shoulder, "What the fuck, Tiny, did you finally tell him what it meant?" Then his eyes widened and he let out a low whistle, "Oh, whoops."

Alastor span around, eyes narrowed, and was greeted with the sight of Valentino frozen midway through gesturing at Vox to shut up.

Suspicion flared up inside Alastor and he glared at his husband, "If I find out you've been giving me some-... some _lewd_ nickname all this time-"

"No! Fuck no- it's just-" Val quickly interrupted, scrambling for an explanation to appease his husband, "It's from a- uh, a movie. Came out about nine years after you died, so that's why you don't get it, but, um. It's not lewd, it's- cute."

Alastor gave him a flat look, "Cute."

"Yeah."

"Oh, this is great. This is awesome. Can we have another movie night?" Vox asked with a grin, looking quite comfortable as he leaned against the wall, Alastor's hand still around his throat.

"I actually agree with him." Alastor said slowly, "I want to see this Bambi movie."

"Then it's settled!"

Valentino didn't look happy.

-

They decided to have their movie night later that day, Alastor wanting to find out the origins of his nickname as soon as possible. He also wanted the night to just be him and Val, and, reluctantly, Vox too, but the TV demon had gone ahead and invited Velvet, who'd invited Niffty along. 

Vox had tried to invite Husk too, but the cat had used the excuse that he had to work to get out of it. The disappointed look that passed over the TV demon's face had only been a brief flash, but Alastor had caught it. Whatever was stirring between those two, he didn't like it one bit, but his mind was more focused on the picture show at that particular moment.

The group of them were in Valentino's penthouse, as they usually were when spending time together. Vox and Velvet were preparing the food and drinks, while Niffty zipped around, cleaning and dusting, complaining about the mess and muttering about a _'lady's touch'_ all the while.

Alastor was seated on one end of the couch, and maybe it was petty of him, cruel even, but he'd banished Valentino to the other side and had stolen his coat, the heavy thing draped over his shoulders. He would have happily cuddled up to the pimp, but the thought of what the film would entail left him... on edge, almost, and the fact that Vox wouldn't allow Val to tell him anything about the plot only made it worse. He was preemptively getting angry and already punishing him for something that might not even turn out to be that bad, and yet he couldn't help it.

When Vox and Velvet finally finished up preparing the food, they brought it into the living room and set it up on the coffee table. Velvet all but _restrained_ Niffty to make the tiny demon sit with her on the bean bag chair, and Vox didn't dare sit between the couple on the couch, settling for taking up the armchair instead.

The lights were turned off and the movie began.

Alastor crossed his arms over his chest, prepared for... well, he didn't quite know. But he was prepared for it.

Except he wasn't.

Valentino had told him the nickname had _'cute'_ origins, but, somehow, Alastor just never thought that Bambi would be a little fawn. A clumsy, little fawn that was best friends with a bunny named Thumper and a skunk named Flower.

Alastor didn't see the correlation at all between him and the cartoon deer, aside from the obvious fact that they were both deer.

By the end of it, he supposed he _had_ enjoyed it, though the scene with the dog chase had made his heart skip a beat. 

As for what he thought of the nickname Bambi being used for him...

"If I'm Bambi, would that make you Faline, my dear?"

Valentino stared at him with a look of surprise and he opened his mouth to say something, but was interrupted by Vox's bark of laughter.

"Oh, that's fucking gold! Why didn't I think of that?" Vox wheezed, "Oh man, that makes Niffty Flower right? And Husky is Thumper? Ha!"

"That would make _you_ Ronno!" Velvet piped up.

Alastor furrowed his brows, "I don't remember that character."

"That's because he's from the second movie!" Niffty chimed in.

"There's a second one?"

"Buckle up, buttercup!" Vox chuckled, "We're watching that one too!" He hurriedly set up the second movie and pressed play.

Alastor huffed. He supposed he could sit through another movie of that silly cartoon deer.

He felt the couch cushions shift at his side and glanced over, saw that Valentino had carefully sidled up to him. 

Val put a hesitant hand on his knee, asked quietly, "So, uh, what do you think?"

If Alastor was feeling more sadistic, he would have launched into an in depth review of the picture show, but he knew Valentino was referring specifically to calling him Bambi. 

"I like it when you call me that." He mumbled, "But Vox can stop."

Valentino grinned widely, "I'll talk to him, Bambi."

"Thank you, Faline." Alastor purred, leaning into his husband to press a kiss to his cheek.

Val groaned, held Alastor tight against his side, "Please don't."

"I make no promises, my dear."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's amazing how well the other characters fit into this Bambi AU and I can't believe Valentino just whipped out the full name like that.
> 
> Also Alastor laughed at Bambi's mother's death because he's an asshole.


	34. Alastor's Adventures in the Art of Seduction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Valentino falls victim to Alastor's weird way of seducing him, he has no idea why Al suddenly seems hyper interested in sex, but hey, he ain't complaining.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDIT*// Made art for this chap, [it's safe for work lmao](https://twitter.com/hunting_people/status/1240443850205941763)
> 
> I was this fucking close to calling this chapter Nice Guys Finish Last, ya'll don't know how lucky you are
> 
> Anyway, I meant to get to bed early because I hardly slept before work but it's almost midnight now so
> 
> Take your porn and let me sleep ;O //Taking place in the months leading up to our favourite couple's two year anniversary

Alastor had an odd way of showing Valentino he wanted to be touched in a sexual manner, and that was coming from Valentino, who'd been around sex in Hell for over a hundred years. This _was_ Alastor though, trust him to find a way to communicate such a thing in a way the pimp hadn't seen before.

Val had discovered the method when he'd decided to stay at the hotel for a few days. He and Alastor had commandeered their usual room for Valentino's little vacation, and Charlie had simply rolled her eyes, told them they could just _have_ it, so the vacation doubled as a small celebration of them semi-moving in. Alastor still had his old room, but it would become more of an actual office for him.

All that being said, Valentino had stepped out of their hotel room for only a little while and had come back to Alastor laying on his stomach on the bed, legs stretched out behind him, tail sticking straight up into the air. Ears had swivelled in his direction at his light chuckle, and the tail flicked once, twice, like it was beckoning him closer. The deer didn't actually pull his attention away from the book in front of him though.

When Valentino took too long to step closer, the tail very pointedly dropped to lay flat against Alastor's rump, then slowly curled to stick straight up again.

Well, if Alastor was going to put it like _that_.

Val hummed as he practically skipped over to the bed and crawled onto it to settle over Alastor's legs. "Watcha doin' there, Bambi?"

"Reading." 

His tail flicked again.

" _Just_ reading?"

"Mmhm."

Another tail flick.

Valentino took a gamble, settled two hands on the sheets either side of Alastor's shoulders, and his second pair on Alastor's hips, then shifted his own to rock them against the deer's ass.

That little bundle of fluff twitched, then curled further to lay against Alastor's spine, and one long ear turned back to listen to the small breath he let out.

Val took that as his cue to continue. Though he was a bit miffed at the Radio Demon's seeming reluctance for verbal communication, he supposed he could settle for watching his body language closely for signs to stop. Besides, he did trust his husband enough to use his safeword if need be.

He rocked his hips again, bit his lip at the heat that lanced through his gut. Ignored how it only intensified when Alastor ignored him, letting him get on with it while he read. He bent forward, glanced over Alastor's head to see what he was reading, "Good book?"

Alastor's ears twitched and he nodded, "A bit slow though, I wish it would pick up the pace before I get bored of it."

The pimp understood that loud and clear, huffing lightly. The hands he had on Alastor's hips lifted him up a bit, gave Valentino a better angle to work with. Muffled as it was through the layers of the clothing, the friction was still _delicious_. He groaned, buried his face between Alastor's antlers as he let himself get lost in the feeling. His breathing picked up with the exertion, air leaving him in harsh pants.

"I think I'm really starting to like this book." Alastor hummed, tail twitching.

"Yeah?" Val chuckled, "From what I've seen, it doesn't seem to be that... _impactful_."

"Oh, it's definitely having an impact."

Alastor shook his hips until Valentino let him go, then shoved them against the bed, letting out a small gasp. 

Val grinned, sat more heavily on Alastor so when the deer rolled his hips again, the upward movement would grind him against Valentino's crotch. 

"Ah, I see what you mean now."

A sharp inhale, "That's good."

Valentino began to kiss and nip at soft ears, making Alastor shake his head, then try to lean into the attention, lifting himself up on his elbows more and stretching his neck. Val lifted an upper hand to massage at an ear, moved his mouth down to kiss at a cheek. His lower hands returned to his husband's hips to guide his movements.

"I'm-... I'm almost done reading."

Val bit back a moan, thrusts turning erratic. The heat inside of him was building rapidly, but he was determined to finish last. He eased a hand between Alastor's crotch and the sheets, gripped him firmly.

Alastor cried out, hips stuttering, and Valentino copied him soon after.

He gave Al a moment to calm down, then softly kissed the back of his neck, "I hope reading with you becomes a regular thing."

"It might." Alastor hummed, shifting underneath the larger demon, "I'll shower with you if you keep your hands above the waist." 

"Deal."

-

The second time Alastor had offered up his ass for humping, he'd been a bit more obvious about it.

"You all right over there, sweetheart?"

Alastor nodded from where he was bent over his desk, elbows resting on it as he wrote something down. "It's quite comfortable actually." He arched his back, widened his stance just a tad and rocked onto his toes, shamelessly presenting himself for his husband. That sinful little tail stood straight up in the air, flicked once, twice, just like it had the first time.

"Uh huh, I can believe that." Valentino hummed distractedly, venturing forward.

-

The third time it happened wasn't technically the third time, and that's when Valentino learned just how important the bundle of fluff at the base of Alastor's spine was.

Alastor had been bent over, ass up as he rummaged through the bottom drawers of a filing cabinet, but his tail had been flat against the curve of his rump, unmoving.

Valentino, the dumbass that he was, hadn't thought anything of it and had gone right for a firm grope.

The result had been an _impeccably_ aimed kick.

Needless to say, Valentino hadn't made the same mistake.

The actual third time it happened, Val had zeroed in on Alastor's tail with lazer focus, and, upon seeing it sticking up, had happily continued.

-

With each time it happened, Alastor allowed Valentino to go further and further until the pimp was able to grind his cock against that perfect ass and adorable tail without anything in between them. 

Alastor was doing his best to act completely indifferent to the current events, nose buried in his book, but his muffled noises weren't lost on the pimp. Especially not when Val leaned closer to hear them better, antennae vibrating on his head.

The deer's ears swivelled in his direction at the sound of a soft snap, following by a wet noise. They pinned back, then flicked up again. Alastor's tail twitched in the air, wagged side to side like it couldn't quite decide what to do, then eventually came to a stop resting against the Radio Demon's spine, welcoming what was about to happen.

Valentino moved slowly, gave Alastor a chance to safe word as he pressed his slick fingers to that tempting little hole. When no complaint was made, he proceeded to insert a single finger, listened attentively to the long drawn out moan that he caused.

"How's that feel, baby?"

Alastor just nodded, biting down hard enough on his bottom lip to draw blood.

Val licked the drop away, withdrew his finger only to thrust it back in with a little more force.

"Ah!"

He wondered if the sensation was the same as when he fingered Alastor's shadow. Could Al tell the difference? Was it clearer feeling it firsthand than through the connection he had with his shadow? Maybe he'd ask later, if he remembered. In that moment he had to keep an eye on his husband, look for any signs that he wasn't having a good time, since he seemed so reluctant to voice it.

"Are you ready for another?" Valentino asked gently, rocking his cock against Alastor's ass cheek, precum wetting pale skin.

Alastor nodded again frantically, pushed back onto the pimp's hand, "Please."

"Since you asked so nicely..." Val hummed, pushed a second finger in to join the first and delighted in the whimper that escaped Al's throat. He ran a free hand over Alastor's back, pushed his shirt further up so he could see more of his beautiful body, scars and all. He bent forward to place tender kisses on the marks, telling his husband without words just how stunning he thought he was.

The deer cried out and Valentino smirked, crooked his fingers again and got a repeat of the noise. 

"Is that your sweet spot, baby?" He asked huskily.

His only answer was Alastor impatiently stomping his foot.

The pimp chuckled, focused his attention on that one spot until Alastor was trembling, ears pinned back firmly and tail twitching wildly. A small puddle was starting to form on the floor underneath Alastor.

"Another!" Al demanded, pushing back roughly.

Valentino tutted, caught an ear between his teeth to give it a teasing bite, "Patience, I don't want to hurt you."

"I'm not made of glass!"

"If it's all the same to you, sweetheart, I'd still like to go slow."

Alastor grumbled and stomped his foot again wrestlessly.

"So _needy_." Val chirped, kissed the back of Alastor's head then moved lower to mouth at his neck. "Can you ask me for it nicely? I like it when you use your words, baby."

Alastor let out a huff, buried his face in his crossed arms. He bent more over his desk, wriggled his hips, "Please."

"Please what, dear?"

"Please... add a third finger?"

"And what's my name?" Valentino asked with a purr, pressing the tips of his fingers relentlessly against Alastor's sweet spot, "There's no wrong answer." He felt a small amount of sadistic pleasure at Al's internal struggle of figuring out what to call him through the haze of pleasure.

"Dad-darling-... Val, _please_." Alastor _whined_ and lifted his head from his arms to glare over his shoulder.

Val raised a hand to take a hold of Alastor's chin, hold it still so he could press his lips to a cheek without the other pulling away, "Thank you." He dropped the hand, slid it underneath Alastor's chest to toy with a nipple as he followed through with the deer's request.

"Ah- ngh!"

"Such pretty noises." Val cooed, not being gentle with his fingers in the slightest, thrusting them quickly and hitting Al's prostate hard.

Alastor's legs trembled, hardly able to hold his weight up from the onslaught. He was letting out an endless string of strangled noises, smothering them in an attempt to not be too loud, or as a way to hide just what Valentino was doing to him.

It only fueled Valentino to work harder, and he knew just the way to make Alastor _scream_.

He thrust his fingers a couple more times, made sure that Alastor would be loose enough, then removed his fingers and used the excess lube on them to slick up his cock, hissing at the feeling of finally getting some proper friction. 

The deer made a confused noise and Val hushed him, gripped pale hips to keep him still as he lined himself up-

"Jambalaya!" Alastor shouted, jerking away from him. His face was flushed and his chest heaved with his deep breaths.

"Hey." Valentino said softly, hesitantly reaching out to cup Alastor's cheeks. He took it as a good sign when the deer leaned heavily into his touch, "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine." He reassured, turning his head to peck Val's palm, "I didn't mean to startle you, we can continue, just not-... not _that_."

"That's all right." Val said, "Thank you for using your safeword, that was very good of you."

Alastor tried to hide his face, but Valentino didn't let him, placing a kiss to his husband's nose, his forehead, his lips.

"I know something we can try." Val smiled, lifting Alastor onto his desk and carefully removing his pants to more easily slot between his legs. His lower hands gripped at Alastor's ass to pull him close, while one upper hand wrapped around their cocks, the last one moving to cup the back of Al's head, pull him into a languid kiss.

Alastor mewled, fisted his hands in Valentino's coat and caged him in tightly with his legs. He set the pace for them, something slow and leisurely, and Val certainly wasn't complaining.

It wasn't quite what he'd been aiming for, but that didn't make it any less perfect.

They didn't pull apart until long after they'd finished, the tacky feeling of drying cum finally enough to make Alastor push the pimp away, grimace as he climbed off of his desk. He padded silently across the room on bare feet, sent a look over his shoulder when he reached the bathroom door and flicked his tail, "Are you coming?"

Valentino let out a ragged breath, followed after his husband like an overly attached puppy.

He had no idea what had brought on Alastor's seemingly sudden interest in sex, but whatever reason he had, it could only mean good things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No I don't have a dry humping kink, where in the Nine Circles did you get that ridiculous notion from????
> 
> I, too, use reading as a metaphor for fucking
> 
> JK I'm a virgin and I will murder you if you interrupt my book
> 
> Valentino be like, 'Why yes, I'm multilingual, I speak English, ASL, morse code and Alastor's ass'


	35. An Excellent Use of Wedding Photos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Valentino finds the perfect reason to have photos of his husband on his work desk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dumb idea I got when thinking that Al and Val wouldn't be the kind of couple to have pictures of each other on their desks, and then I was like 'Wait a minute'
> 
> Also, idk if I mentioned it before, but I am working with the headcanon that demons can die in Hell, but they just 'respawn' so to speak, unless the death is dealt with an angelic weapon, or they're unfortunate enough to have their bones crunched on by a certain Radio Demon
> 
> This takes place somewhere in the early months of their marriage <3

"Can-can you, uh, move that picture, B-Boss...?"

"Pardon?"

"The pho-photo, right there... can you, um, m-move it, please?"

"What? This one?"

"Y-yes, please, sir."

Valentino not so subtly turned the photo frame towards his guest with a single finger, "You realize you're in no position to be making demands, right? You haven't paid me in _months_ and are here asking for _yet another_ extension of the due date, while also asking to borrow _more money_. And now you want me to remove the one picture I have of my husband off of my desk, because- what? You think he's ugly?"

The demon stood across from him began to shake, frantically tried to talk himself back out of the situation he'd gotten himself in, "N-no! Not at all, Boss! I just- I, um, I think he- he's... it, uh-"

"Spit it out!"

"It's scary! I-I don't get why you- why you need it there!"

Valentino took a deep breath and covered his mouth, let it out slowly, hoped his grin wasn't showing. 

When he and Al had decided to do this, he thought it would be a little funny to see the reactions of the poor sinners forced to look at it, but he didn't realize the response would be so _golden_. The idea had stemmed from a conversation they'd had the other week, of things married couples usually did, one of those had been having pictures of the other on their work desks.

Alastor had expressed interest in having a picture of Valentino on his desk, but Val had been hesitant to return the favour. Not that he wouldn't _mind_ a nice photo of Alastor on his desk to look at when the deer wasn't actually there, but given his work, a cutesy photo might be a little counterproductive, unlike the skulls that had manifested to take up wall space. 

The compromise had been a great one, Val would have a picture of Alastor on his desk, but it wouldn't be a soft one. Instead Alastor had a fully grown rack of antlers on his head, his lips stretched into an unnaturally wide grin filled with far too many razor sharp teeth, and his eyes were glowing red radio dials, all captured in a frame that was perhaps a little too large for a desk.

Al had the typical wedding kiss placed on his desk, of course, given that his office was much more private.

"S-sir?"

Valentino blinked at the sinner, realized he'd been quiet for a little too long. He cleared his throat, straightened up to make himself taller.

"You don't understand why I'd want a picture of my husband on my desk?"

"I get _that_! What I _don't_ get, sir, is why it needs to be that picture!"

"I could call him, if you like?" Val hummed, reaching for his hellphone, "I don't think he's too busy right now, I'm sure he'd be more than happy to grace us with his presence if you're not liking the photo."

"No!" The sinner cried out, tremble in his limbs worsening.

Val leaned forward across his desk, smiled cruelly, "Too bad. I think I miss him pretty bad right now."

The sinner bolted, but the pimp was quicker. He was thrown to the ground, kept in place by a heel to his throat.

"Quiet." Valentino hissed, pressing down a little harder and delighting in the strained wheeze. He dialled Alastor's number and patiently waited for him to answer while the sinner clawed at his legs, tried in vein to dislodge him. The telltale sound of the call being picked up only made him grin wider, "Good afternoon, sweetheart! I hope your day's being going well so far? Oh? Hungry you say? Then you'll be happy to know that I might have gotten lunch for you~." He pressed his heel down again to get a squeak out of the sinner, "No no, I'm not telling, sugar, you're just gonna have to stop by my office and find out." He ended the call and let his hand fall to his side.

" _Please, sir_." The sinner wheezed, "Please, I can- I can get the m-money- ack!"

"Shut up." Valentino growled firmly, stomping hard enough to cut off airways, "Just sit tight, Alastor will be here soon."

He saw the demon's eyes widen and his struggle started up again, more desperate than before.

"Hello, dear."

"Hello." Alastor purred from behind Valentino, "You mentioned something about lunch?"

"I did." Val confirmed, "What do you think?"

"It's certainly very appetizing, dear, you didn't have to go out of your way to do this for me." Alastor hummed, tugging at the collar of Valentino's coat to get a kiss from him.

Valentino shrugged, "Eh, it benefits me too." He removed his heel from the sinner's throat only for Alastor to seize it in his hand, "Take that out of my office, I don't want to deal with the mess."

"Of course, my love." Alastor kissed him once more, then dragged the pathetic idiot into the shadows, kicking and pleading. 

The pimp returned to his desk to figure out what to do with the other mess the sinner had left behind. Hopefully he'd been hiding some valuable things in his home so Valentino could at least get some of the money he was owed.

Alastor returned an hour later, chewing on what looked to be a rib that he was holding on one hand. Dried blood coated his chin, his hands, and the front of his torso.

"Can't do anything neatly, can ya?" Val asked with a chuckle.

Al bit down on the bone with a sickening crunch and winked, "The mess is half of the fun, my dear."

Valentino smiled fondly at his husband, "Get out before you get blood all over my shit."

"I just wanted to stop by to thank you. Lunch was simply exquisite."

"You're welcome, baby." Val pulled Alastor down to place kisses wherever the blood wasn't staining his skin. "Now get out."

"Mm hm, I'll see you later. I love you."

"Love you too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alastor is a fat mood, I, too, like to cronch things, granted its not literal bones, but it's still fun
> 
> aLSO, this was brought up in the comments, so I just want to clarify in case anyone else misunderstood, this fic is tagged 'Valentino redemption' and that is ONLY in reference to Valentino learning how to treat those closest to him a little better (Like Angel Cakes) and it doesn't AT ALL mean this bad boy is gonna good deed his way into Heaven. His home is with Alastor in Hell, and that won't ever change (The same goes for all the other characters mentioned in this universe, I won't be tackling any sort of redemption with that particular endgame in mind!) 
> 
> If ya'll ever want me to clarify something, please don't hesitate to ask, you're not being rude, I do often have difficulty explaining things and I know I may not always be the clearest! <33


	36. Give It Up To Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Al and Val briefly discuss living together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suuuper tiny pre-wedding moment! <3

"Alastor! My darling, my dear Bambi, my wonderful, amazing, sexy soon-to-be husband-"

"I hope you're just complimenting me and aren't leading up to something, my dear!" Alastor chuckled.

The arms around his waist gave him a gentle squeeze and lips touched his ear, "I won't finish that sentence then."

Alastor huffed and leaned back against the chest behind him, "You can't leave me guessing."

"Well, since you're curious now, I was going to ask if, once we're married, you'd move into the studio...?"

"Nope!"

"That's what I expected, but it was worth it a shot."

Alastor twisted in the arms around him, brushed his hands over soft fur, "Well then, Valentino, my love, my devilishly handsome, incredibly considerate, simply _gorgeous_ soon-to-be husband! When we're married will you move into the hotel with me?"

Valentino pressed a kiss to his forehead, "Don't get your hopes up."

Alastor let out a soft laugh, "What was the point in this exercise? We already agreed that moving in together would be pointless. I much prefer the hotel and you don't want your permanent residence to be so far from the studio."

The pimp shrugged, "Maybe I just wanted an excuse to compliment you." He used his grip on Alastor to lift him and walk them backwards until he hit the couch. He fell with the deer in his lap, held him tightly for just a few moments then loosened his hold so Alastor could stand if he wanted, "I don't suppose you'd ever consider us getting our own place at some point in the future?"

Alastor hummed, adjusted his position to something more comfortable, "In the future maybe. The _far_ future. We'll see how things go."

"Much appreciated, Bambi." Valentino grinned, savouring the moment before Alastor decided he'd had enough of lap-sitting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Something short to tide you over, while I work on longer stuff ;o


	37. Playing With Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Valentino asks Alastor out on a date and the Radio Demon isn't quite sure what to make of that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, [here's that art for ch.32 I mentioned](https://twitter.com/hunting_people/status/1239332100760797184)
> 
> Backstory, woo! Also thanks for 300 kudos!! <33

Alastor was working in his room when his shadow returned from its scouting to notify him of a commotion in the lobby of the hotel. It wouldn't reveal exactly what was going on, but its excitement alone made Alastor curious enough to want to check it out. So he did, manifesting his microphone in his hand as he stood to step through the shadows.

He remained hidden at first, to see exactly what kind of show he was in for, and oh what a _show_ it was.

The Happy Hotel's entire staff body was gathered in the lobby, or perhaps lined up would have been a more accurate description. Angel Dust was at the back of the queue, Husk and Niffty side by side in front of him, Vaggie in front of them, spear in hand, Charlie in front of her, desperate in her attempts to calm her girlfriend. At the front of the queue, all but pinned to the hotel's front door, was Valentino.

Despite the threat right in front of him, he looked perfectly content, both sets of arms crossed over his torso, smug grin on his face. 

Upon closer inspection, Alastor noticed that no, perhaps he wasn't _perfectly_ content, there was a hint of something on his face, in his posture. Fear...? No, not that. He craned his neck to look closer.

The pimp was nervous. It was hardly there, wouldn't have been picked up by anyone with an untrained eye, but Alastor was an expert in these things, if he did say so himself.

His shadow urged him closer, and Alastor soothed it with a hand on its head, "Not yet, let's see what happens."

"I told ya, doll, I just want to talk to Alastor." Valentino said smoothly.

"And I want to know why." Vaggie snapped, pushing the tip of her spear against the pimp's chest hard enough to dent the material of his coat.

"And I've _also_ already answered that. Overlord business, you wouldn't understand." He winked and Vaggie cursed angrily at him.

He uncrossed two of his arms and held them up placatingly, while Charlie tugged at her girlfriend, knocked the spear away from the Overlord.

"Vaggie, _please _stop attacking everyone that walks through the door! We won't get any guests that way!"__

__"I don't trust him, Charlie!"_ _

__"A lot of people don't trust me, toots, you ain't special."_ _

__Vaggie hissed, moved like she was preparing to skewer the Overlord like a shish kebab, and that's when Alastor chose to step in._ _

__"Quite the intense scene for the hotel's lobby, don't you think?" He said in lieu of a proper greeting._ _

__Valentino's face lit up, "Alastor! Just the man I came to see!"_ _

__"Yes, I think I might have overheard that. Overlord business? Forgive me if I don't believe that."_ _

__Valentino slumped against the door comically, "Oh, come on! You're gonna make me say the real reason?"_ _

__Alastor tapped his microphone on the ground, "I would prefer the real reason to the excuse, yes."_ _

__The pimp tapped his chin, like he was pretending to think about it. The nervous air around him intensified._ _

__"Fine." Val turned to Charlie, "I'm interested in this little hotel of yours, princess. I like what you're doing with Angie, makes him a bit easier to handle, figure it could benefit some of my other employees, if they were into it."_ _

__That still wasn't the truth, Alastor noticed, but Charlie had started to bounce on her heels, hands clasped together in front of her, "Why didn't you just say that in the first place?!" She gasped, "C'mon, we can talk in my office! Oh, you're going to _love_ the hotel, Mr. Valentino!"_ _

__Valentino dug his heels into the carpet so he wasn't toppled by how enthusiastically the princess tugged at him, "With all due respect, dollface, I'd prefer to speak with Alastor. Alone." He smiled openly at her, gently patted her shoulder with a single hand._ _

__"Oh." She said simply, visibly deflating a little, "You don't mind, do you, Al?"_ _

__"Of course not, my dear!" Alastor grinned, tucked his hands behind his back and stood tall, "I'd love nothing more than to explain to our guest just how great the Happy Hotel is."_ _

__"Then it's settled!" Valentino announced, mirroring the Radio Demon's expression and throwing all four arms wide, "Can't wait to hear all you have to say, baby."_ _

__Alastor narrowed his eyes. He didn't trust the Overlord one bit and there wasn't a single part of him that was happy to be spending time with him alone, but business was business, he supposed, sometimes you had to deal with the inconvenient aspects to get to the fun. "This way then, darling!" He hummed, "Make room for our guest now everybody, don't be rude!"_ _

__The gathered group dispersed to allow Valentino to step further into the hotel. Vaggie was whispering harshly to Charlie, not sugarcoating just how unhappy she was at the idea, while Husk and Niffty watched on in silent curiosity. Angel Dust was doing his best to keep a barrier between him and his boss, taking a step each time the pimp did to keep up the distance and keep him in sight._ _

__Valentino seemed intent on getting on Alastor's nerves during the short walk to Vaggie's office - he wasn't about to let the pimp into his own seeing as it doubled as his room - with the way Val repeated the little tunes he whistled, and the way he tapped his cane against random things that they passed._ _

__"I hope you know you're not putting yourself in my good books by doing that!"_ _

__"Sorry, sweetheart, can't help myself."_ _

__Alastor didn't need to turn around to know he was grinning like an idiot._ _

__He hated him._ _

__They arrived at Vaggie's office and Alastor let them in with his master key, then firmly locked the door behind them. He twirled the key around his finger as he moved to settle in Vaggie's office chair, Valentino following awkwardly behind him, far too big for the small space._ _

__Now that they were alone, the pimp just looked even more nervous. Alastor took pleasure in his discomfort, but at the same he didn't like it one bit. What reason would the Overlord have to be nervous? And why was he so insistent on speaking to Alastor alone? He hoped he wasn't being asked to team up with him for one of those silly little turf wars the other Overlords seemed so keen on having._ _

__He leaned back in the chair, kicked his feet up on the desk and tapped his microphone on the ground, "Explain yourself quickly, dear. I have zero patience today."_ _

__Valentino trepeated the movement, but the rhythm of his cane's tapping soon turned erratic, "Surely you have at least a moment's worth of patience?"_ _

__"Not even that unfortunately."_ _

__"Cruel."_ _

__"Cruel would be making you explain while I slowly tear your limbs from your body, and I just _love_ doing that to sinners with more limbs than average." Alastor grinned wickedly, wriggling the fingers of one hand to indicate Valentino's second set of arms._ _

__Val visibly shivered, the clack of his cane stopping. He tried to play it off as something other than fear, shooting the Radio Demon a charming smile, "You always say the nicest things to me, sugar."_ _

__Alastor simply arched an unamused eyebrow._ _

__Valentino swore under his breath, removed his hat to scratch at his head. Then he let out a ragged sigh, scrubbed at his face. He tucked his cane into the crook of one arm and turned around, back facing towards Alastor. He looked like he was trying to psyche himself up for whatever he was about to say as he took several deep breaths._ _

__Alastor's shadow rose up in front of him, just so its master could visibly see its questioning squint._ _

__Alastor simply shrugged in answer._ _

__"Okay, I'm ready." Valentino span around, hat held tightly against his chest, purposefully made his way towards where Alastor was sitting at the desk. He bowed deeply, took another breath, lifted his head to look the deer in the eyes, "Alastor... would you do me the honour of going on a date with me...?"_ _

__The moment the words left his mouth, the entirety of Hell seemed to freeze, as if the very realm itself was waiting for Alastor's answer._ _

__He held his breath, scanned the pimp's face for any signs that this was a joke. He _prayed_ that Valentino wasn't being serious. _ _

__A date? With him? The _Radio Demon_ and the _King of Porn_?_ _

__It was _laughable_ , his instinct was to tell him that, but Alastor did his best to squash down that reaction, wait until he'd gained more information._ _

__Alastor lowered his feet from the table, and straightened his back, fully on guard. "What are your intentions? If this is another one of your ploys to try and get me to help you-"_ _

__"Nothing like that." Val interrupted him softly, coming out of his bow, but it looked like he was making an effort to keep his form small, "I would simply like to go on a date. To be honest, a relationship with you is... something I've wanted for a while now." He cleared his throat, nervously scratched at his head again, antennae flicking wrestlessly, "It's completely up to you, Al. If you say no, I'll leave ya alone, no hard feelings."_ _

__Silence descended again as Alastor figured out how to proceed, "How long have we known each other?"_ _

__"Almost eighty years." Val answered, without missing a beat._ _

__Alastor hummed, "Do you remember how, when we first met all those years ago, you offered me a job working for you and told me to call you _'Daddy'_?" He spat the last word with such vitriol that the much larger demon flinched._ _

__"Please don't remind me. I never would have approached you that way if I'd known who you were, and I hate that I made you so uncomfortable."_ _

__He stood from the chair, twirled his microphone in his hand, "So what in the Nine Circles makes you think this could work? You, a demon so obsessed with debauchery, and I, a demon that would rather face his second death than get involved with any of that."_ _

__Valentino swallowed thickly, "You could have just said no, Al."_ _

__"I'm not saying no." Alastor quickly amended, "I'm just trying to understand."_ _

__"What's there to understand? I'm just asking you on a date." Val grasped his hat tightly, "It doesn't have to mean anything if you don't want it to."_ _

__"And if I _do_ want it to?"_ _

__Valentino's breath hitched, "Then you'd make me the happiest sinner in all of Hell."_ _

__Something about the way Val had spoken it so earnestly made something... tighten in Alastor's chest._ _

__"You like entertainment right?" Valentino continued, "I promise you it won't be a boring night and I-... I've picked out a place for dinner that I know you'd like and I've got it all planned out, all you need to do is say yes." He dropped his hands to his sides, "Or no, and we can forget this happened. Go back to semi-seriously trying to kill each other every now and then."_ _

__And that gave Alastor such a _dastardly_ idea._ _

__The Radio Demon chuckled, "Well, you've made me curious now, my dear, I suppose I'll have to say yes."_ _

__The pimp brightened up, shifted his weight to the other leg in a way that made Alastor think he was hardly restraining himself from bouncing up and down like a child. He placed his hat on his head, bowed forward again with one hand outstretched, palm up, "May I?"_ _

__Alastor carefully placed his hand in Val's and resisted the urge to rip out his antennae when lips brushed his knuckles._ _

__"Thank you." Valentino murmured, hot breath ghosting across Alastor's skin. Then he released Alastor's hand and reached into an inside pocket of his coat, pulled out a slip of paper and handed it over, "Date and time. I'll send a car to take you to the location."_ _

__Alastor took it with a nod, "I can't wait!"_ _

__"Neither can I." Valentino grinned lopsidedly, gold tooth reflecting the light._ _

__-_ _

__Once Valentino had left the hotel, Alastor returned to his own room. As soon as he stepped through the door, he was all but assaulted by his shadow._ _

__Alastor blinked at it, "A bad idea? No, my dear, you don't get it! Don't you see the opportunity we've just been presented with?" He waved a hand nonchalantly, swaggered away from his shadow, "This will be such a unique way to tear an Overlord down, one we've never used before! Just think! We can weasel our way into his little undead heart and just _shred_ him from the inside!" He tittered, "And when we've broken down his trust, we can shower ourselves in his blood! How wondrous it will be!"_ _

__He grinned proudly at his shadow, but it watched him with an unamused expression._ _

___You are playing with fire and it is going to consume you. Consume_ us._ _

__Alastor's eyes widened._ _

__It wasn't a secret that his shadow could actually communicate with words - not actual _words_ , but sentences that echoed in Alastor's head - they were just rarely needed. Sending over thoughts, feelings, images, or just simply looking at him with a specific expression were usually enough to get the creature's point across. It only used words when it felt its master wasn't understanding, was purposely ignoring the gravity of a severely dangerous situation._ _

__"Nonsense!" Alastor argued, "Preposterous! I'm quite non-flammable!"_ _

___Kill him quickly or you'll regret it._ _ _

__"Oh, don't rain on my parade dear! You're really over thinking things now, we'll be fine!" Alastor pulled his chair out from his desk and sat down in it, began to sort through his work._ _

__He _did_ have his doubts and wasn't particularly looking forward to what pretending to be in a relationship with Valentino would entail, but it wouldn't end as badly as his shadow was making out. He was sure of that._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alastor's shadow knows something is up already and it is Not Pleased
> 
> This was also going to include the first date originally, but I'm cruel >:O Hope Flustered Val and overconfident asshole Al was enough for now though lmao


	38. Hand Me My Shovel, I'm Going In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alastor discovers Husk's and Vox's hidden relationship and he snaps, perhaps a bit harder than he meant to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slight warning for Husky using the forbidden C swear word, personally I love saying it, but I know not everyone does so, just a heads up
> 
> Takes place I'm thinking about nine months after the wedding~

Alastor clenched his fists hard enough that his claws drew blood from his palms, so much of it that it began to run down his fingers and drip onto the floor. He felt betrayed by all of those closest to him. Angry that they all knew and that they'd all chosen to keep it a secret from him. Looking back, perhaps he could have figured it out himself, but still. No one had told him.

He felt... _hurt_.

"I can't _believe_ that you would- all these years we've known each other-" He cut himself off, clenched his teeth hard enough to hear them click, "You _traitor_ -"

"We're just fucking, Al! Stop making it sound like we're plotting your downfall!" Husk interjected, all but slamming his paws down onto the bar.

"You might as well be! What reason would you have for secrecy otherwise?"

"Uh, maybe _this_?" Husk gestured at him wildly, "Look, you're literally fucking hurting yourself over this, for fuck's sake, _stop_ -"

Alastor stepped back when the paw reached out for him, glared harder and clenched his fists tighter just to spite the feline.

Husk glared right back, fury making his breaths heavy.

It had been such a calm morning, until Alastor had come downstairs to see Husk all but making out with Alastor's enemy. Granted, Vox didn't have a proper mouth, but there still hadn't been a single millimetre of space between his screen and Husk's lips. A part of Alastor wished he could go back to before he'd walked into the lobby, wait until after Vox had left before entering so he didn't have to see. Another part of him wanted to arrive earlier, see more, get to know the full extent of their relationship.

"You're being a real cunt right now, Al, you know that?"

The words snapped Alastor out of his thoughts and his eyebrows furrowed deeper, the corners of his mouth twitched, wanting so badly to dip downwards, "You know I hate that word."

"I don't care!" Husk spat, "It's fucking true! Alastor, you're being a _cunt_ , you- God, I fucking _know_ there's obviously a reason why you're in Hell, you don't get here by being a fucking saint, but-" He stopped, scrubbed at his face with his paws, took a few deep breaths, "You're supposed to be my fucking friend! You're supposed to support me! I _never_ went off on you this bad when I found out about you and Val!"

"If it's just _fucking_ , then why are you having such a strong reaction to my disagreement?"

"Why are _you_?" Husk growled, bent further over the bar, "Do you think we discuss this when I'm balls deep in his ass? _'I just thought of the perfect way to initiate Alastor's downfall, now where do you want me to cum?'_ Or do you think the only way Vox can get hard is when I describe ways to hurt you?" He took a moment to catch his breath before continuing, "I got some fucking news for you, Al, the world doesn't revolve around you! I ain't doing this to fucking give your enemy all of your secrets, and Vox isn't using me to get to you!

"Maybe, just fucking _maybe_ , I _like him_!" Husk let out a long shuddering breath, repeated with more conviction, "I like him."

Oh.

_Oh._

"Husker-"

"Piss off." The feline hissed firmly, "I ain't interested in talking until you pull your head out of your God damn ass." He slumped against the counter, lowered his head, "It was fucking naiive of me to think that I'd tell you, and you'd be so damn happy for me when you heard that things were finally going great..." He laughed humourlessly, "Just... get away from me, Al."

He covered his face and his shoulders began to shake, before his form was obscured by his wings wrapping tightly around his body.

Alastor reached out a hand, lowered it just as quickly. The deep cuts in his palms began to sting, the drying blood tugging at his skin not helping the feeling. 

He let the shadows shroud him, carry him somewhere else, anywhere but the hotel. He couldn't find it in himself to be amused that he'd ended up in Valentino's office, the pimp diligently clacking away at the keyboard of his computer.

Valentino didn't even notice that Alastor was there until the Radio Demon was lifting up his arm, crawling under it to make himself comfortable in the larger demon's lap. He clutched tightly at that coat, ignoring the pain in his hands and the fact that he was staining the material.

"Whoa, whoa! Hey!" Val chuckled, loosely wrapped a couple of arms around Alastor's waist, "I missed you too, baby, but I was kinda in the middle of something... Al?" He tightened his arms minutely, "Al, what's wrong?" 

Another arm joined the two already around him, and Alastor drew his legs up, tried to make himself as small as possible. Valentino carefully adjusted him into a more comfortable position, and once he was happy he squeezed him tightly, like it was the only thing stopping Alastor from crumbling. The one hand that wasn't wrapped around Alastor cupped the side of his head instead, thumb gently carressing his temple.

"Baby, please, I can't help if I don't know what's going on." Val's lips found Alastor's hair, kissed at the base of ears that were firmly pinned back.

Alastor heaved a dry sob.

"Okay, Al... okay. There's no rush, take your time." Valentino whispered soothingly, hands running soothingly over his husband's body, holding him tightly when his shaking grew worse. He waited patiently until Alastor finally decided he was ready to speak, what felt like hours later.

"I saw Vox and Husk today."

Val stilled, "Oh, I... I take that it didn't end well...?"

"We yelled at each other, Husk and I." Alastor clenched his fists just a little, "And I'm mad at you by the way, for keeping this from me." He felt Valentino tense under him and he sighed, nuzzled the fur collar of Val's coat, "But I don't want to fight."

"I'm sorry." Val whispered.

"I know."

Valentino still pressed apologetic kisses to Alastor's hair, "Do you mind if I ask what happened exactly?"

Alastor heaved a sigh, "I came downstairs and saw them kissing. Vox left before I snapped out of my initial shock, but I imagine he knows that I know by now... Husk was the one who bore the brunt of my emotions and I-" He leaned back, looked down at his chest, was half surprised when he couldn't see his heart with how hard it was pounding at his ribcage, "I _regret_ it, and that's... new." He fell forward again to hide his face, flicked his ears until Valentino took the hint to start rubbing them.

"Did you apologize to Husk?"

A head shake, "He sent me away. Truthfully, I... I don't know if I'm ready to apologize just yet. I'm still trying to wrap my head around the idea of them... together."

"That's fair. I'm sure he won't mind you taking your time, as long as you say sorry eventually."

Alastor stayed silent for a moment, then asked slowly, "How long has this been going on, how long have you known?"

Valentino swallowed thickly, "They hooked up on our wedding night, I knew from the start."

Alastor did his best not to react to the stab of pain that didn't come from his hands.

"You gotta understand, Al, they thought- we _all_ thought that it would be best for you to be kept in the dark for the timebeing. At first... it _was_ just sex for them, and there was obviously no need to let you know about that. But then they got more serious, and, well, the hotel had started getting so busy, and you were working so hard, it... didn't seem necessary. Knowing how you'd react on a good day, we just didn't want to cause you any unneeded stress." Valentino rambled on, almost all in one breath. He sighed when he was done, slumped back against his office chair.

Alastor took a moment to process the information.

"I still would have liked to know."

"Judging by the state you're in, you didn't react well-"

"That's not the _point_." Alastor snapped, then quickly tried to calm himself, "What am I supposed to think when you all go behind my back like that? I'm not an idiot, I knew _something_ was going on, but I just figured-" His breath hitched, "I figured you would tell me. But you didn't. And it _hurts_." He pulled back again so he could look the pimp in the eyes, "I might have been mad, and I might have screamed and yelled, but I wouldn't feel nearly as-as _screwed over_ as I do right now. And for _you_ of all people, to be complicit in this-" Alastor snapped his jaw shut.

He could see the way Valentino's expression changed, the way it hardened as he geared up for a fight.

"Stop." Alastor interrupted quickly, "I don't want to fight any more today, I just... just stop."

They stared at each other until Valentino's hellphone started vibrating in the pocket of his coat.

The pimp reached for it slowly, waiting for permission from Alastor. At a nod, he pulled it out of his pocket, checked the screen, "Text from Vox."

"I want to see."

Valentino hesitated for just a moment before turning the phone towards him.

_'Better slap some fucking sense into your doe before I do.'_

"He's pissed."

Alastor frowned at the screen, "How can you tell?"

"Vox likes his shorthand and ignoring proper punctuation. He doesn't usually break out of that habit unless he's barely restraining himself from causing the entirety of the Pentagram to black out."

Alastor nodded slowly, "Is he with Husker?"

"I assume so. Want me to call him?"

"No, there's no need for that, but... is he all right?"

"Gimme a second."

The response was almost immediate.

"I- well, to put it nicely, Vox says no, but he's handling it-" He stopped, frowned down at the phone screen as another text came through, "All right, there's a fucking line." He muttered under his breath, thumbs flying over the screen.

"What's he saying?"

"He's being a bitch, hold on."

Alastor impatiently watched Valentino's thumbs fly over the screen, hoping he'd get a glimpse of the conversation, but Val only slammed the phone down on his desk when he was done. 

Val dragged a hand down his face, "Well, I could go for a break, and something fucking strong. Get up, baby." He gently shooed Alastor off of his lap and stood, stretching out his long limbs. He headed to the fully stocked mini bar in the corner of his office, began to pour himself some bourbon, "You want anything?"

"No thank you, I-... I'd like to do some thinking with a clear head."

"More for me then." Valentino downed the glass and poured himself another, taking that and the bottle with him back to his desk. He groaned as he sunk into his chair, placing the items down. Then he manifested a cigar, already cut and lit, and took a long drag from it.

"If you don't mind, I'd like to stay here for a little while..."

"You know I don't mind that, Al." Val said softly, leaning back to give Alastor the room to sit in his lap again.

The deer just removed Valentino's hat to place a kiss on his head, then dropped it back into place. 

Valentino caught his hand when he began to back away. He brushed his thumb over the cuts on Alastor's palm, "What happened here?"

"I was mad. It was an accident." Alastor tried to pull his hand back, but Valentino held him firmly, "They'll heal soon enough."

"Your other hand look the same?"

"...Yes."

Val tutted, pressed his lips to Alastor's palm, repeating the action with the other hand, "Be more careful, sweetheart."

Alastor silently took his hands back and crossed the room to sit on the couch.

Valentino watched him for a moment, then kicked his feet up and enjoyed the peace as he alternated between smoking and drinking.

-

Alastor didn't return to the hotel until late that night, using the front entrance for once as he tried to prolong the inevitable by getting a lift from Valentino's chauffeur.

Charlie was waiting in the lobby when he opened the door, trying desperately to stay awake. Every couple of seconds, her chin would fall to her chest, and then she'd jerk up again, rub at her eyes, and repeat the process.

"You should get some sleep, my dear." Alastor said as softly as he could manage, but the sudden noise still made the princess jump hard enough that she fell to the floor.

She scrambled up, fixed him with the angriest expression she could muster, which wasn't at all that angry or initimidating. 

Alastor knew it wasn't from the jumpscare.

"I'm sure there's nothing you could tell me that I haven't already been told, whether by myself or by Husk."

Charlie's shoulders drooped, then she all but collapsed onto Alastor, throwing her arms around him tightly, "I know that this whole hotel is just a game to you, but _please_ Al, _please_ just _try_."

Alastor swallowed thickly, wrapped his arms around the demon, "I'm sorry, Charlie."

"Don't apologize to me. You _really_ hurt Husk, apologize to him."

"I'm going to." He whispered, placing a kiss in her hair.

They held each other until the unfamiliar touch started to become too much for the Radio Demon and the princess was practically falling asleep on her feet. He urged her to go to bed and followed his own advice soon after, deciding to stop by Husk's room on the way. Might as well get the apology over with before he chickened out.

Except he paused when he reached the feline's room, the voices that could be heard inside making him curious. He glanced at his shadow where it was cast on the wall, and it stared right back. Alastor had been keeping it on a tight leash throughout the day, not letting it act on the wrath he'd felt, lest it destroy everything around them.

But he slackened his grip then, just enough for it to slip inside the hotel room.

Husk and Vox were sat together in the hammock Husk preferred over his bed. They were facing each other, Husk's legs dangling over the side of the hammock, Vox sat between them, his own legs crossed.

"I still say we blow this popsicle stand, Winnie." Vox was saying.

"Stop being so dramatic, Mew." Husk replied, arms crossed over his chest, "I like it here, and Al-... he'll come around, just give him time."

"He's fucking lucky he's got both you and Val protecting him, I woulda skinned him alive for what he did-"

"Vox, stop. He's still my friend, I don't want to hear that." Husk grunted, reached out to cover Vox's hands with his much larger paws. "You said Val was talking to him, right?"

The TV demon sighed, "Yeah, said Al showed up not long after your fight, looking pretty upset. Can't imagine what he has to be upset about though."

"I said some things, I think he... I think he realized how serious we are."

"Yeah?" Vox grinned, leaned forward, "I'm pretty crazy about you, Pussycat."

Husk shoved him away, but it was playful, the movement making the hammock rock, "I'm crazy about you too, you fucking _dork_." He pulled Vox close again, only to gently butt his head against his screen, "Enough of that now c'mon, you're always hounding me about playing cards, now's as good a time as any. How's your poker face, Mew?"

Vox wriggled his eyebrows, then there was a click and his screen went black.

Husk blinked at him, beyond confused, then when it finally hit him, he let out a guffaw, "You fucker, that's cheating! Turn your fucking face back on and play like a man!" He smacked Vox's chest with a paw.

Out in the hallway, Alastor had a hand on his chest, clutching it tightly. He'd heard Husk laugh before, of course he had, they'd known each other for almost fifty years, but... never quite like that. Never so... happy and carefree. He shook his head, focused on his shadow's senses again.

Vox had switched his face back on to reveal his cheshire grin, "You think I'm hilarious."

"I don't."

Vox leaned closer to Husk, "Gonna gimme a kiss, Winnie?"

"Dim the lights and I'll think about it, you're making me go cross-eyed."

The bright glow of Vox's face dimmed and he looked at the cat expectantly. Instead of a kiss, Husk dragged his tongue across Vox's screen, top to bottom, then let out an exaggerated _mwa!_

"Bastard!" Vox yelped, scrubbing at his screen with a sleeve, "Do it properly!"

Husk chuckled, grabbed either side of Vox's screen and pressed his lips to the TV demon's face, right over where his mouth was, "How was that?"

"Nice, but you can do better than that."

Husk hummed, kissed Vox again and moved to lay down in the hammock, taking Vox with him.

Alastor took that as his cue to finally leave them alone, not wanting to interrupt such an intimate moment. He could apologize in the morning, a few more hours of waiting wouldn't hurt.

Safely back in his own room at last, Alastor stripped himself for bed and climbed under the covers, phone in hand. He called Valentino, his husband picking up on the second ring.

_"Bambi? How'd it go?"_

"I haven't spoken to him yet." Alastor said quietly, quickly adding, "They were having a moment, I didn't want to ruin it. Tomorrow, I promise."

_"What's the call for then, sweetheart? Not that I ain't happy to hear from you."_

"Talk to me until I fall asleep?"

_"Mm, what about?"_

"Anything you'd like."

_"Mind if I rant about work? Calmly, of course."_

Alastor snuggled up in the blankets, placed his phone on the pillow beside his face, "Darling, I'd love to be lulled to sleep with stories of how incompetent your employees are."

-

When he apologized the next morning - a simple 'I'm sorry' all he could muster without rambling for the entire day - Husk cursed at him, but pulled him into a tight hug, and Alastor knew he'd been forgiven.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Highkey teared up writing this lmao but everything's good!! They're still friends!! I hope I didn't make you cry too, but if I did, then hopefully the fluffy moments made up for that uwu
> 
> There's also a story behind the nicknames Vox and Husk have for each other, but that's for another day~
> 
> Also!! Super sweet father/daughter moment with Charlie and Alastor, I love those idiots


	39. Dreamworks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alastor's first experience with a wet dream and Valentino is there to help him out with the aftermath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope I get sued for the chapter title, that'll be a fun court case
> 
> I stayed up all night, I'm so sorry if there are mistakes, set some place in early marriage???

Alastor whimpered at the feeling of four huge hands roaming all over his body, not missing a single inch. The touch felt muffled somehow, despite there not being a single layer between them, but that didn't make it any less intense, any less intoxicating. Valentino hadn't even reached anywhere intimate yet, but Alastor was already leaking, desperately rolling his hips into nothing.

"Please touch me." Alastor urged desperately.

A down right _cruel_ chuckle from his husband, "I am."

"No you're _not_!" Alastor huffed, "You know what I mean!" He grabbed at Valentino's... shirt? Since when was he wearing a shirt? Alastor swore he'd taken it off. 

He pushed the odd feeling down, wouldn't put it past Val to get away with still being dressed with as foggy as he'd made Alastor's mind. He groaned, tried to direct one of Val's hands where he wanted it most, but the pimp escaped it easily, continued rubbing at the deer's sides and chest.

"Daddy, please!" 

What in the Nine Circles? That had just... slipped out, completely unprompted. Alastor didn't know what had come over him, he just... he felt so _hot_. Perhaps he was sick. He should let Val know, tell him to stop.

"Please." He begged, unable to control what came out of his mouth, "Please, touch me." He rocked his hips against Valentino's thigh, and it felt so good but it _wasn't enough_. Alastor whimpered again and Val leaned over to him to whisper something in ear, but he couldn't quite make it out.

"What? I can't hear you." He growled, frustrated.

"I said _wake up._ "

Alastor's eyes snapped open, accompanied by a comical record scratch.

"He finally wakes." Valentino chuckled, "Can I have my leg back?"

Alastor frowned, looked down between them to see that he had his legs clamped tightly around one of Valentino's thighs, the tent in his underwear pressed firmly against it. Val's own erection was pressed up against his hip, and his hands were hovering over Alastor's skin, barely touching him. Alastor's hands were fisted tightly in the pimp's shirt, and when he finally looked back up at Val's face, it was flushed purple.

Well.

That explained everything.

He shifted, tried to put some distance between them, but the action caused some friction and he gasped, one hand flying to his mouth so he could bite down on his knuckles.

"Are you all right, Bambi?"

Alastor swallowed, nodded.

"You act like you've never had a sexy dream before."

Alastor shook his head, hid his face in junction between Valentino's neck and shoulder.

"You _never_ \- okay. That's okay, that's all right, sweetheart, what do you want to do? Sort it out? Leave it?" Valentino questioned carefully, a single hand gently rubbing at Alastor's clothed back.

"...Can I talk about it?"

"Yeah-" Val coughed, "Yeah, if you want."

"It was... confusing. You were touching me, but you weren't _touching me_ , and I kept asking and I-" Alastor stopped, face heating up. He decided not to tell Val just what dream-him had been saying, "It was weird." He finished lamely.

Valentino made an odd noise, like he was trying not to laugh, "That isn't what I was expecting."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize, Al."

"Okay." Alastor pressed closer to Valentino, still a little frustrated from the dream, "Can you touch me? Like-" He rolled his hips as an example, dragging a ragged sigh from his husband.

"Yeah, darlin', I can touch ya." Val breathed in his ear, "Gimme some space to work."

Reluctantly, the deer pushed back, and Valentino rolled them so Alastor was on his back and he was kneeling over the smaller demon.

The pimp ducked down to capture Alastor lips and he quickly turned it into something hungry, something messy. Three of Val's hands supported his own weight, while the fourth hastily shoved Alastor's shirt up and his underwear down so he could wrap a hand around his leaking erection.

"Fuck, baby, you're _soaked_." Valentino chirped, mouthing at the corner of Alastor's jaw, then his throat.

Alastor held the larger Overlord tightly, claws digging deep scratches into his back as that talented hand worked his cock. He worked to gain more leverage to thrust his hips, hooking legs around Valentino's waist.

Val took the added weight easily, a hand moving to the deer's lower back, keeping him steady, "Careful, Al, don't want you to hurt yourself."

"Not going to." Alastor growled petulantly.

"If you say so." Valentino mumbled, returning his lips to Alastor's throat, sucking at it lightly, careful not to leave a mark.

Alastor jerked into his fist and Val tightened it slightly, earning himself a loud moan. "I-I'm close." Alastor stuttered, the heat inside of him building, "I'm so close- ah!"

"What do you need, baby?" Val asked, speeding up his hand.

"That!" Alastor cried out, "Just that, please-" He stopped being able to form coherent words, so he pulled Valentino into another kiss, all teeth and tongue. He came not long after, painting his scarred stomach, his shirt thankfully pushed out of the splash zone by his ever so considerate husband.

"Look so fucking hot when you cum, Bambi, never gonna get tired of that face." Valentino whispered, hand milking every last drop from the deer underneath him.

Alastor slapped the hand away from his crotch, moved to sit up with his back to the pillows at the head of the bed, removing his shirt as he did so. When he looked at Valentino, he saw the impressive tent he was pitching and he felt his face heat up, followed by another bolt of heat striking through him. Before he had too much time to think on it, he said, "Can you- can I-... can I watch you... take care of that...?" He winced, thinking that Val would think of him as some sort of freak, but he only grinned cheekily.

"Been a while since I've put on a show." Valentino crawled over him and straightened Alastor's legs so he could carefully lower his rump to sit on them.

It was almost humourous, having the much larger demon sitting in his lap like that, but the laughter died on his tongue when Valentino shifted again.

The pimp swiped one of his lower hands through the mess on Alastor's stomach, and used that to slick the glide of it on his newly revealed penis. His other lower hand reached into his underwear, shoved it out of the way so Alastor could see the way he palmed his balls, fat and round.

Alastor wondered if it was possible for his mouth to go dry and water at the same time. He let out a strangled noise and covered his face.

"Hey, none of that now, Bambi." Valentino said softly, nudging his hands away to cup a pale cheek, "What's wrong?"

Alastor wrinkled his nose, "I'm weird. I'm asking you to do weird things. I'm sorry."

The bark of laughter from Valentino wasn't what he was expecting.

He glared at him.

"Sorry, baby, that's just- voyeurism is so _tame_." Val wheezed. He placed a kiss on Alastor's forehead, still shaking with mirth, "It's fine, Al, really. Sex is new, you're curious, I'd tell you to watch porn, but well, hard to find vanilla shit in Hell." He smothered a chuckle with another kiss, "Chances are you aren't going to ask something of me that I haven't done before and don't thoroughly enjoy. Jacking off in front of an audience is nothing in the grand scheme of things. Ain't no shame in asking."

Alastor was silent as he thought about the pimp's words, then, "If you would be so kind as to continue..."

Valentino let out a small huff, fond smile on his face, "As you wish." He kept his upper hands on Alastor's shoulders, using them to poke at him when his eyes strayed away, the lower pair carried on with the attention he was giving himself. He tugged at his cock, fondled his balls, letting out breathy gasps all the while.

Alastor ate it all up, not missing a single detail. He wanted to learn everything. What Val liked and how things should be done and a small part of him hoped he'd be that confident one day, to be as eager as the pimp to... perform. Not in front of others of course, just Valentino, but that still required skill and assuredness that Alastor didn't possess.

Yet.

If he kept watching, he'd get there eventually.

"I like-" He stopped, not sure exactly how to word it, "I like watching." He said quietly after a moment of deliberation, "I like seeing your hands on... you." His eyebrows furrowed and the corners of his lips twitched at how awkward he'd sounded.

Val didn't have anything to say about it though, murmuring a genuine ' _thank you_ ' into his cheek, lips brushing his skin before he placed a proper kiss there.

Alastor tilted his head into the touch, hesitantly reached his hands out to Valentino's thighs. 

The reaction he got was a muffled curse and Valentino's hips stuttering into his hands, thighs trembling in his loose grip.

"Don't be afraid to hold a little tighter, baby." Val spoke, leaning back so Alastor would see his wink.

Alastor did so, just barely digging his claws in.

Valentino let out a helpless groan, his thrusts losing their rhythm, " _Fuck_ , I'm not gonna- I- where do you want it? Quick!"

"Where...? What?"

"My cum, Al, where-"

"You decide."

Valentino tutted, "Your face?"

"If you want- ah!"

Alastor was pushed down without warning, Valentino straddling his chest. He only had a split second to close his eyes before hot liquid was splattering on his face. He kept them closed as a hand took a hold of his chin, another one wiping at the corner of his eye.

"You're good."

"A little warning would have been nice."

"I told you to be quick."

Alastor snorted and snapped his fingers to clean himself up and Val made a noise, "What?"

"What'd you do that for? I was enjoying that sight."

"You should have taken a picture. I heard they last longer."

"Real fucking funny." Valentino huffed, dropping to lay down and pulling Alastor against his side, "Wait... would you actually let me take a picture?"

"Perhaps. But only one."

"I love you, have I ever told you that?"

"Once or twice."

"I'm gonna say it more fucking often."

Alastor breathed a soft laugh, kissed Valentino's chin, "Are you getting up?"

"Fuck no, it's too early. I need five more minutes, and you need aftercare."

"I don't need aftercare."

Valentino tightened his hold, not allowing Alastor to squirm out of his arms, "I came on your face and you didn't like it, you need aftercare."

"I didn't say I didn't like it, I just said I wanted some warning. It wasn't... _that_ bad." Alastor argued, but settled against Valentino's side.

" _'Wasn't that bad'_ , he says." Val parroted, "Let me take care of you, dumbass."

Alastor snapped his fingers again, but that time it was put Valentino's coat on without moving, "I'm ready." He yawned, snuggling closer, using the fluffy collar of the coat as a pillow on Valentino's chest.

Valentino sighed beside his ear, but Alastor could hear the dopey grin in it.

Alastor drifted off to sleep to the sound of Valentino's usual soothing nothings and soft chirps, but that time it was mixed in with reassurances that his curiosity was fine and welcomed and nothing to be ashamed of. He wasn't entirely sure if he managed to get out the _'I love you'_ he planned to say before finally succumbing to sleep, but if the arm around his shoulders giving him a small squeeze was any indication, Val understood him just fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How did all those feelings get into my porn? >:O
> 
> Anyway, a reminder that ya'll should follow me on Twitter because I just surpassed 100 followers which is pretty dope, and I post all of my HH fanart there + talk about writing sometimes + retweet dope shit from other people in the fandom [@hunting_people](https://twitter.com/hunting_people)


	40. You're Gone, But Still With Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Valentino has a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I drew the [sad man](https://twitter.com/hunting_people/status/1241187640998846465) in case ya'll need help visualizing the pain 
> 
> Also 300+ kudos?? Ya'll are fucking WILD and I love you
> 
> Small warning for graphic torture in this, but that's pretty par for the course lmao, takes place some time during married life <3

"A small stroll won't hurt, my dear." Alastor said from his place in front of the window.

Valentino frowned at him, ignored his words, "Come sit down, Al, watch another movie with me."

" _No._ I'm bored of your pictures shows, and I'm growing restless!" Alastor growled and stared out of the window longingly, even going so far as to put a hand on the window. "Just ten minutes."

Val sighed and stood from the couch, crossed the room to wrap two arms around his husband, "Are you feeling all right?"

"I'm _bored_." Alastor repeated, "I thought spending time with you would be fun, but it _isn't_."

That.... _hurt_. 

"Damn, tell me what you really think."

Alastor slumped against him, "Sorry, I didn't mean to snap." He turned in Val's hold, "A short walk, we don't have to go far. We could even just walk around the studio. The outside of it, that is." He pleaded, "Please, Val, if I don't do something soon, I may just slaughter your entire staff, and that defeats the purpose of keeping them inside today, doesn't it?"

Valentino's frown deepened. Alastor had been acting strange ever since they'd woken up, ever since he'd suggested spending extermination day at the studio, really. Val should have fought him on it, insisted he stay at the hotel like he usually did, especially when he made it clear that he didn't want Vox and Velvet to be at the studio when he stayed.

Now here he was, all but demanding that Val go outside with him, when angels were out there, massacring every poor fucker they came across.

And yet, as hard as he tried, Valentino couldn't say no to him.

"We don't leave my territory, and you stay by my side. Ten minutes, not a second longer."

Alastor's grin widened impossibly far, "Thank you, my dear! This'll be so _exciting_!" He reached up and plucked Valentino's hat from his head, "Insurance." He winked, and grabbed a hold of Val's hand, lifted another to wrap around his shoulders. Then he was off, dragging a reluctant pimp with him.

They reached the door and instead of opening it, Alastor pulled him through the shadows. 

When Val regained his bearings he looked around, very quickly came to the conclusion that they weren't anywhere in his territory. Weren't anywhere in _Pentagram City_ , and he liked to think he new the whole city pretty damn well with how long he'd been there.

"Al-"

"This way! It sounds like someone's going on!" Alastor exclaimed, letting out an almost psychotic sounding laugh as he trudged onward.

"Alastor, I don't like this." Valentino tried, digging his heels in, but Alastor dragged him on like it was nothing, "Let's go back, we don't have to watch another movie if you don't like. You can put the radio on, we can play a game."

The evidence of the angels' presence was all around them, sinners reduced to unrecognizable masses of blood and gore.

"Don't be silly, my love! We're out here now- shh, do you hear that! Oh, wonderful _screams_!" Alastor dissolved into laughter again, his grip on Valentino's hand unyielding as he dragged them to what was undoubtedly some poor bastard getting tortured by an unforgiving angel. "Isn't this fun? So much better than beeing cooped up in your penthouse, I'm sure!"

Val tugged hard enough on his husband's hold to make him stumble, "You're scaring me, what's going on with you?"

"We're going for a walk." Alastor said simply, "Don't you like our walks?"

"That's not what I mean and you know it."

"Fine." Alastor huffed, "Go back then. I'm staying out here." He let go, dropped Valentino's hat at his feet, and began to walk away.

Valentino lunged for him, but he was already too far out of reach and out of the corners of his eyes, Val could see it. 

An angel.

Coming right for them.

"Alastor!"

The deer stopped in his tracks, turned towards the winged creature.

And he grinned.

"Good afternoon, sir!"

He didn't move, even as it flew towards him with incredible speed. He only seemed to realize the danger when it was too late, outstretched spear stabbing right into his stomach and coming out through his back.

Hell seemed to freeze for a split second, before moving again when Alastor spoke.

"No-" He whispered, eyes wide, smile twitching, "No, this- this isn't supposed to happen, they always leave me alone!"

Angels often left the most powerful of Overlords alone - perhaps feeling some sort of kinship with how good they were at ' _population control_ ' - and on quiet nights, Alastor regaled him with stories of his little extermination strolls. How the angels ignored him in favour of much easier prey, remarked on how, possibly, they were even _scared_ of him. He was arguably the most powerful demon in all of Hell, royal family aside, Valentino didn't doubt that he could dispatch an angel with ease.

As it turned out, that wasn't the case.

Valentino attempted to lunge for him again, but something caught the back of his coat.

He turned, saw another angel behind him, its masked face grinning at him. It didn't make a move to hurt him, just held onto his coat tightly and pointed in the direction of Alastor.

He was just in time to see Alastor collapse as the spear was wrenched from his guts, splattering black blood onto the streets. 

The angel plunged the spear into him again, a little above the previous wound. Alastor was kept standing with a hand clenched tightly around his throat.

Maybe they'd just been waiting, biding their time, before they finally dispatched the troublesome Radio Demon.

"Al!"

Alastor turned to him, tears in the corners of his eyes, black blood dripping from the corners of his mouth that he fought so hard to keep turned upwards, "Help me-"

"I will!" Valentino reassured him, renewing his struggle against the angel, but it felt like he was moving through molasses, "Just hold on!"

A third angel appeared, sauntering over to Alastor and its friend. It bent over, reached out for something on the ground, as it straightened up, it took Alastor's shadow with it, the black mass writhing like an angry python.

"Leave that!" Alastor hissed, his head snapping back at the same time the third angel yanked at the shadow's antler. "Stop it!" He yelped, clawing at the angel that was holding him, hands scrabbling at the spear he was impaled on, further worsening the wound.

All Valentino could do was watch as Alastor, the man he loved more than anything, was slowly torn apart by the bloodthirsty beasts.

The angel that was holding Alastor kept him firmly in place, while the angel that had caught his shadow pierced the creature with its claws, created deep scratches that reflected on its master. His clothes tearing, staining.

Alastor turned to him again, "Help me, Val! Why aren't you helping-"

He was cut off by the spear withdrawing again, and he was left to slump to the ground. He hissed, tendrils of shadow rising up around him and shooting towards his attackers, but they were easily swatted away like harmless little flies.

The shadow had its throat squeezed, and Alastor coughed and gurgled on the ground, his hand coming up to gouge at his throat, carving deep scratches into his own flesh as he fought for air.

Val could see the way his movements were becoming sluggish, having lost far too much blood. Not even Alastor was immune to that.

The angel attacked the shadow again, grabbing its ear and tugging, tugging, _tugging_ , until it came free, the sickening squelch coming from Alastor as his own ear fell to the ground. He let out a blood curdling scream, pawed at his head, but it did nothing to stop his blood from soaking red hair.

"Stop!" Valentino begged, whirling around in the angel's grasp, "Do you hear me, you bastard? Fucking _stop!_ Let him go!"

Its masked face didn't change. It took a firm hold of his chin, turned him to look at his husband.

One angel held the shadow still but its antlers, the other raised a hand and swiped it faster than Valentino could follow.

Alastor shouted as he was blinded.

The deer trembled on the ground, wheezing and gasping, coughing up more tar like blood.

Hot tears ran down Valentino's face and his legs buckled underneath him. The angel let him fall and when his knees hit the ground, the pain was nothing compared to the pain he was feeling in his chest. 

His heart was tearing open and it was a wound that would never heal.

Alastor had started to ramble incoherently, but Valentino could make out the occasional ' _help_ ', the intermittent shout that may or may not have been his name. The poor dear fought as hard as he could, but with his shadow trapped, and his power dwindling with each second that passed, there was nothing he could do.

"Al, baby, can you hear me?" Val called.

Alastor's remaining ear twitched on his head.

Valentino took it as good sign, "Listen to me, Bambi. Listen to me closely. You're going to get through this, you're not gonna let one of those winged sons of bitches take you out, are ya? Of course not! You're so fucking strong, Al! We're gonna- ack!"

A hand closed around his throat, cutting off his words.

Alastor, who had been meekly nodding along, froze, "Val...? Val, where are you...? Where'd you go...?" 

He was roughly hauled to his feet by one of the angels and Valentino was able to get a good look at his face.

Three deep slashes oozed blood, sealing both of his eyes shut. The hair on one side of his head was matted together, drenched, hiding the stub of his missing ear. The remaining one hung limp. His legs couldn't hold him up, and so the angels had to help him, four hands roughly manhandling his body upright. The abandoned shadow was left to sink into the ground, where it remained motionless

Valentino wanted to scream at them so badly, _leave him alone, he doesn't like to be touched_. But he couldn't.

He sobbed helplessly as Alastor wriggled and tried to twist away from the fingers that were cruelly poking at the holes in his torso. Gasping, only to choke.

If he begged them to just kill the deer, end his misery, would they? Valentino would do anything, sell his own damned _soul_ to get them to stop, whether it meant releasing Alastor and giving him a chance to heal, or giving him a swift, painless death.

When one of the angels produced a knife, Val thought they had read his mind, but it was only used to rid Alastor of his clothes. 

Valentino wanted to throw up with how little respect the angels had for him.

One angel took a hold of Alastor's wrist, bent it at an awkward angle, then the other one tugged at Alastor, and a loud _crack_ echoed in the air.

Val flinched and Alastor screamed, cut if off halfway with a sob and then a hacking cough.

The angels didn't waste much time after that, evidently growing bored. They traced along his scars with their knives for a little while, acting like toddlers with a piece of paper and a crayon. 

Then they shrugged and simaltaneously plunged their blades into Alastor's chest.

And that was that.

The trio of angels left, leaving two sinners to crumple to the ground.

Except one didn't get back up.

" _ALASTOR!_ "

Valentino jolted awake, almost slamming his forehead directly into Alastor's. His husband was straddling him, hands on his chest, terrified expression on his face.

"I-... I couldn't wake you..." He whispered, swallowing thickly.

Valentino studied him through the haze of tears stinging his eyes. 

Alastor was there, whole and healthy and _alive_. Not a single drop of black blood covering him, both ears sticking straight up on his head, no scratches on his face, no holes in his torso, no broken bones. Whole. Healthy. Alive. And wrapped quite snuggly in Valentino's coat.

A relieved sob escaped the pimp and he reached out all four of his arms to wrap the deer in a tight embrace. He drew his legs up too, tried to envelop Alastor completely, protect him from everything Hell had to offer. He felt Alastor shift and struggle, but he couldn't let him go even if he wanted to, he needed the reassurance too badly, that his husband was still right there with him, in his bed, in his penthouse. Extermination day was months way.

It had all just been a nightmare. The worst nightmare of Valentino's almost century and a half of being, but a nightmare nonetheless.

Eventually, Alastor settled, wrapped his own arms around Val, stroked over his back and his head, soothing him. "I'm here." He murmured, "I'm right here, my dear, I'm not going anywhere."

After some time had passed and Valentino felt he was ready to explain, he took in a deep shuddering breath, and only manged to say ' _angels_ ' before he was sobbing uncontrollably again. It was enough for Alastor to understand.

"Bastards." He said softly, but Val was far from able to appreciate the novelty of Alastor swearing, "Don't you worry, darling, those pathetic excuses for holy beings will never take me down. Even if they tried. I'm too powerful and they know that." He placed small kisses to what little parts of Valentino he could reach, "You're stuck with me, I'm afraid. Forever. I'll make damn sure of that."

Valentino nodded minutely, doing his best to ingrain the words into his brain. _Forever. I'll make damn sure of that._

Soon enough, his arms began to ache from how tightly he wound them around Alastor, how tensed his muscles were. He loosened them enough for Alastor to lean back, gently cup his face and lift it up.

Alastor tutted at him, used his thumbs to dry the tear tracks on his cheeks. A useless effort, as they only reappeared when the larger Overlord leaned heavily into his touch. The deer made a soft noise and gave up, started to kiss at his face instead.

"'M sorry for squeezing you..." Val mumbled.

"Don't you _dare_ , Valentino." Alastor said sternly, "You've clearly just had a very bad experience and you needed that, you _never_ have to apologize for emergency cuddles."

Valentino let out a watery laugh, covered Alastor's hands with his own, savoured the warm touch.

"There it is. That stunning smile!"

Val let out a small huff, turned to hide his face, placing a kiss to the palm of one of Alastor's hands.

"Are you ready to talk about it...?"

A choked sighed, "I guess I need to at some point."

"We can wait, dear."

"No- no. Now. Before I just... don't."

Alastor nodded, "Is there anything you'd like me to do?"

"Just sit there and look pretty, sweetheart."

Alastor grinned, "I'm good at that."

"You're the best." Valentino said quietly, only able to manage a half hearted smile. He stayed silent as he struggled to find the right words, idly repositioned Alastor as he did so, pulling him closer, guiding the deer's legs to wrap loosely around his waist. He dropped his forehead to Alastor's shoulder as he began to speak, "It was odd, you were acting odd, but it all felt so _real_ , every single second of it. You spent the day, extermination day, here, but you-... you kept insisting that we go out, and you wouldn't take no for an answer...

"I gave in, like the idiot I am, because I love you and trusted that everything would be fine, and as you can tell, it didn't turn out fine." He began to shake, but he fought through it, "Angels came. Three of them. You wanted to fight, but they- God Al, they fucking _tortured_ you, right in front of me, and I couldn't do _shit_.

"One of them held me back while the other two... had their way. They-... they stabbed you twice with a spear, drove it right fucking through-" He stopped, unable to recount the pain they'd inflicted on Alastor. He was still able to see it all so clearly in his mind's eye and he forced his head up to look at Alastor's face, remind himself it wasn't real. His fingers traced along phantom wounds, one hand massaged at an ear that was supposed to be gone.

"You begged me for help and the noises- I never, _ever_ , want to hear those noises come from your mouth." He was crying again, the salty tears staining his cheeks but neither of them moved to dry them, "I was so fucking helpless, I just- I would have begged them to kill you if I could have, Al, that would have been so much better than seeing you covered in so much of your own blood. They did kill you in the end, but it wasn't because I asked, that's when- that's when I woke up."

Alastor gave him a moment, pressed kisses to his forehead, "I woke up a little before you, you were... it was like you were fighting something I couldn't see and I heard you talking... You wouldn't wake up when I tried-" He swallowed, tears gathering in the corners of his own eyes, "It was so scary..."

"I'm sorry."

"No, dear, no, it's okay." Alastor pulled Valentino into a proper kiss, sloppy with teeth and tongue, further reassurance that he was _alive_ , "I'm okay, and you're okay, and we're both _fine_." He spoke firmly, "I'm not going anywhere, Valentino."

Val cupped his cheeks with two hands, held him steady to look into his red eyes, "I love you. Please _never_ do anything so stupid, all right? Promise me."

"I promise." Alastor spoke with as much conviction as he could muster, "I swear it. I love you too."

"Thank you." Valentino pulled Alastor into another suffocating hug as the tears stung his eyes again.

They stayed that way until what passed for Hell's sun began to rise.

"I have work to do, but I can stay if you need me. Just say the word."

Valentino nodded frantically, "Please. I need- I just need you here right now."

"Okay." Alastor kissed him, "Let me get my phone, I'll call Charlie." He grabbed his phone from where it was placed on the bedside table and snuggled up to Valentino's side with it. He called the princess to let her know what was going on, then threw his phone to the side, "What a precious dear, she's given me the rest of the week off. What would you like to do?"

Valentino gave it a brief moment of thought, "Watch movies?" He suggested, "With you in my lap so I can hold you."

"That sounds quite pleasant." Alastor grinned, gently guiding Valentino to his feet and tugging him towards the living room.

"You-... you won't get bored...?" Val asked, just to be absolutely _certain_.

Alastor gave him a funny look, "Of course not. I may not like your choice in picture shows all that much, but I could never grow bored around you, my dear!"

"That's good to hear." Valentino grinned, the last ounce of tension leaving him. He dived forward, scooped Alastor off of his feet bridal style and gave him a little spin, much to the deer's chagrin. 

It might have been a shitty night, but he could tell it was going to be a good day at least.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry not sorry uwu
> 
> I can't believe I never thought of nightmares before lmao they're fucking perfect for delivering angst, I also wanna take this opportunity to say that there will NEVER be any sort of 'permanent' angst in this fic, characters that fight will make up, characters that are hurt will heal etc. etc. <33


	41. It's a Love Story, Baby Just Say Yes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The story of how Val got that engagement ring.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A small fun one uwu
> 
> Also sorry if writing is a bit slow, I've been spamming [my Twitter](https://twitter.com/hunting_people) with Valastor art lmao I've also been working on some longer chapters/fics 'behind the scenes' so to speak, so yeah <33 
> 
> I do have another fun little chapter in the works though, this one of course takes place during the last chapter of WCSY

A ring.

Valentino had to get a ring.

Because he'd _proposed to Alastor_ and Alastor had said _yes_.

But only if he got a ring.

He let out a giddy laugh, covered his face with his hands like that would make him seem less insane.

Alastor! His fiancé! It was such a surreal thought. He never would have guessed four months ago when he finally worked up the courage to ask Alastor on a date, that it would end up like that. They would be getting _married_! That's if Alastor didn't get cold feet- he banished that thought as soon as it came, he wasn't going to think about shit like that.

He needed to get a ring.

Valentino pulled out his hellphone and immediately called his chauffeur to come pick him up, then set about trying to contact his usual jeweller.

Two to Four weeks, he said, for a custom engagement ring.

_'I don't fucking think so.'_

His chauffeur knew the address and was already taking the pimp exactly where he needed to go before he even ended his call with a frustrated growl.

The wait would have been nothing if he was just asking for a regular old ring for himself, or something for one of his girls, but he promised Al he'd get him a ring by the end of the day, and he was damn well going to do that. 

They arrived outside of the small business, and Valentino stepped out of the limo, told his driver to wait, then stepped inside of the building.

"Bobby! How's the wife?" He called out as he entered.

A small imp scrambled out from the back room, "That's not-"

"Don't care." Valentino grinned, "What was this about a ring taking-"

"Sir, you know-"

" _Don't_ interrupt me." Val growled, stretching up as tall as he could in the small jewellery store. 

The imp still cowered despite the slightly awkward posing and Val's smile returned.

"So what was this about two to four weeks?"

"That's how long it takes!" The imp cried, "Sir, I just _can't_ make a fully custom ring in less than a day. If it was a simple resizing, I could be done in ten minutes, but-"

"Let's raise the stakes a bit then, shall we, Gary?" Val suggested, "Get the ring done today and I _don't_ snap your spine like a twig."

"Sir-"

"Gettin' real tired of your complaints, Shirley."

The imp swallowed thickly, "...Do you have an idea in mind, at least?"

"I'm glad you asked!" Valentino threw an arm around the imp and guided him towards the backroom, "Here's what I had in mind..." He went on to describe the ring he was thinking of in excruciating detail, making sure the imp understood perfectly. "You got all that?"

"I-I think so..."

"Excellent! You get it done by midnight, I'll pay you triple what I usually do." Val patted the imp on the head, "If not, then..." He cracked his knuckles, delighted in the way the tiny creature flinched, "A pleasure doing business with you as always, Jerry!" He turned around with a flourish and headed back to his limo.

As an afterthought, he took his hellphone out to text Angel Dust, see how the spider was doing after he fled breakfast.

-

Valentino flopped down in his desk chair with a heavy sigh, dragged a hand down his face.

At least that whole fiasco with his most troublesome employee proved to be a great distraction. The ring he'd asked for had been dropped off just moments earlier, and immediately he'd texted Alastor.

Now all he had to do was wait for him to arrive.

So he could see his fiancé's reaction to his ring.

Val took out a cigar to calm his nerves, let all of his muscles relax, all but melting into his chair.

At the knock on his door, he scrambled up and crossed the room in just a couple of long strides. He dragged Alastor inside and slammed him up against the closed door.

The deer let out a small gasp and for just a second Valentino wondered what it would be like to slam him up against the door in an entirely different context.

"Don't you _ever_ do that again, sweetheart." The pimp growled lowly, in lieu of dragging him into a heated kiss.

The threat earned him an incredibly unimpressed look.

He dropped Alastor on the ground, only to scoop him up a moment later and walked them back to his desk.

Alastor happily settled down in his lap, asked slowly, "We're good... right?"

"We are." Valentino confirmed, pressing a kiss to his deer's forehead, then to his cheek, "Anyway, I brought you here for a reason." He reached into the pocket of his coat and pulled out a small box, "I believe I promised to get you a ring."

Alastor's breath caught in his throat and Val's heartbeat began to pick up.

Time to reveal the ring and pray that Alastor liked it.

He slipped it onto the deer's finger, watched his face closely for any indication that he didn't like it. 

Alastor studied the ring for several long moments, the blue tinted band, the sapphire, the small engraved V. Eventually he let out the breath he'd been holding, "It's beautiful."

"Hmm, not as much as you."

Alastor's reaction was perfect, as it always was, and Valentino couldn't help laughing. He felt so relieved, so _light_ , like he was floating, and there was nothing that could tear him down.

Not even the confiscation of his beloved coat.

He wrapped the deer up, nice and snug, watched Alastor burrow himself further into the heavy material, completely obscuring his face. 

Alastor leaned against his chest, perfectly content, and Valentino did nothing to stop his goofy grin. He wrapped his lower hands around the deer, held him tightly and pressed a few kisses to his hair, before he returned to work, intending to get the most urgent things completed so they could go to bed and snuggle properly.

Valentino couldn't wait to see what the future would bring.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boys being gross, my favourite >:O
> 
> Press F for Valentino's poor jeweller


	42. Puttin' on the Ritz

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The coat thief strikes again and Valentino snaps, but he's quickly forgiven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Art for this chapter~! [Coat AND shirt thief Alastor](https://twitter.com/hunting_people/status/1242173262257434625)
> 
> This chapter gets a bit saucy towards the end, but all they do is smooch <3
> 
> Taking place some time after marriiiaaaggeee~

"Stop doing that!"

"Doing what?"

" _That!_ " Valentino repeated, gesturing wildly at Alastor with all four of his hands.

Alastor frowned at him, "Darling, I'm afraid you're not making any sense."

Val marched over to him, grabbed at where the extra sleeves of his stolen coat were tied neatly around Alastor's waist, "You wrinkle them when you do this and it's a bitch to deal with!"

"Oh." Alastor said simply, letting his husband untie the sleeves and inspect the imperfections in the fabric, "You're going to hate what I've done with your shirt then."

Valentino put a hand over his mouth, tried to quell the rising frustration, "Baby, you know I love you, but you make it _so damn hard_ sometimes."

Alastor gave him a smug grin, always one to find amusement in others' anger, "You _definitely_ don't want your coat back-" His words were cut off by a yelp when Val grabbed him, began to unfasten the coat and pull it from the deer's shoulders.

Underneath it, Alastor was wearing a Hawaiian shirt. It was dark purple, with a pattern of white flowers and leaves. Definitely one of Valentino's shirts that had disappeared months ago, and yet there was something... off about it.

A closer inspection revealed that Alastor had _removed_ the second pair of sleeves from the shirt.

"Al, what the fuck?"

The deer shrugged nonchalantly, not seeing the problem, "I didn't want anyone to know that it was yours."

"They'll know it's mine because you're fucking _drowning in it!_ " Valentino snapped.

He instantly regretted it when he saw the look on Alastor's face. The deer seemed to deflate, curling in on himself, his smile twitching, turning lopsided and he refused to look up at Valentino.

"Oh." Al mumbled, "I'm sorry, I'll stop."

Valentino mentally berated himself for being such an asshole.

"No, baby, I shouldn't have yelled at you." Val sighed, "I can deal with the wrinkles, but maybe ask first before you tailor my clothes to suit you better, all right? I can't exactly wear them again when you remove a very important part."

Alastor nodded, "I can do that if it means I still get to wear your things." He said slowly, "Baggy clothes are surprisingly comfortable, I've found... And they smell like you, which is nice."

Valentino let out a small huff, cupped Alastor's cheeks to hold him still so he could place a kiss on his forehead, "I do like seeing you wearing my stuff, especially-" He lowered his voice, "-when it's _just_ my stuff." He placed a lower hand on the back of Alastor's bare thigh, lightly ran his fingers up until he reached the crease where thigh met ass. 

Alastor shivered under his touch, gently pulled away to seat himself on Valentino's desk, "Maybe... you'd like to take this off...?"

Valentino took in the sight of him. The baggy shirt with the top few buttons undone, revealing just a slip of Alastor's tantalizing chest. The way his coat slipped off of Alastor's shoulders and the expanse of material pooled around and under him, framing him perfectly. The way his legs were spread just enough to look natural, disguising the invitation Val knew it to be. His eyes were drawn to the spot between his legs, where the shirt protected Alastor's modesty.

"Maybe you can keep it on for now." Val said with a strangled groan. He positioned himself between those pale legs and swooped down for a kiss, glad he was forgiven.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You might as well go the whole nine and steal his hat and glasses Alastor, you've already come this far
> 
> //Continuation? ;o


	43. First Dates Suck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The long awaited first date of Al and Val, from Alastor's POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOO, I wrote the entirety of this in one whole sleep deprived night, and only read through it twice, so if there's any mistakes I'm so sorry, but here's that first date ya'll have waited so patiently for! <33
> 
> I made exactly two references in this chapter, and if ya'll manage to get both, I'll love you so much XD

A date.

Alastor could do that, no problem. He'd totally been on a date before, he knew how they worked. Absolutely _no problem_.

He paced his room, wracking his brain for any tiny titbit of information he could find on first date etiquette and what would be expected of him. 

Okay, so, he hadn't actually _gone_ on a date before, but he'd certainly heard enough about them back when he was alive, from acquaintances and colleagues and listeners of his radio show. He was supposed to dress nice and be polite and just acting like himself was apparently a bad thing.

Was he remembering that right? He was certain he was, but it sounded stupid. He'd never understood the appeal of wanting to date someone, he quite enjoyed being by himself, being able to do whatever he wanted at any time, not having to consider the feelings of someone else. And he'd never understood the dressing up aspect, if someone saw you at your worst and decided they liked you enough to ask you on a date in the first place, then what was the point?

If he wanted his plan to work though, he was going to have to make Valentino believe he was one hundred percent behind the idea of dating him.

And that meant going all out.

So he pulled out his best suit - not dissimilar to the one he usually wore, with it's deep red colour and paler red pinstripes - and carefully brushed out his hair, making sure not a single strand was out of place. He even put the effort into making his tail look good, despite the fact that he would just be tucking it under his clothes and didn't plan to let Valentino get even the tiniest glimpse of it. 

When he was satisfied with how he looked, he still had some time before the car Valentino had sent for him would arrive, so he decided to make the trekk to the lobby and wait there.

However, Alastor was stopped by his shadow grabbing tightly at his arm, giving him its best dissatisfied look.

"You're going to ruin my suit, dear." He said calmly, "Just have some patience, this'll pay off soon enough. How do you think _insect_ tastes?"

It narrowed its eyes at him, reducing them to thin blue slits, but Alastor knew he'd appeased the creature for now.

In the lobby, Alastor perched himself on one of the barstools, leaned an elbow on the bartop and propped his chin up on a hand. The other he used to gently scratch at the cheek of his sleeping feline friend beside him, "Oh, Husker~"

Husk made a soft noise, sleepily leaned into the touch as a purr rumbled from his throat. It abruptly cut off when he awoke properly and he jerked away from Alastor, glaring hard. "Bastard." He grumbled, then turned his attention towards the bottle in his paw, giving it a shake. When it didn't make a sound he sighed, slipped off the barstool and made his way around the bar, began rummaging about.

"Don't be rude." Alastor grinned, "Now that you're awake, can you be a dear and tell Charlie I'm going out tonight?"

"Why can't you do it yourself?" Husk asked, settling on a drink and popping open the bottle with a long claw, "You want anything?"

Alastor rapped his knuckles on the bartop, "Because I'm asking nicely, and no thank you, Husker."

Husk shrugged, took a sip, "Suit yourself, when can we expect you back?"

Alastor pursed his lips, "I'm not sure. Before midnight, I presume. I don't plan to stay out too late."

"...Can I ask what you're doing, or do I not want to know?"

A mischievous grin, "You certainly don't want to know, my dear!"

There was a honk from a car horn outside and Alastor jumped down from the stool, "It was a pleasure speaking with you Husker, but I'm afraid I must be off now! Thank you for talking to Charlie for me!" He all but skipped off towards the hotel's front doors, throwing it wide and stepping out into the cool night air of Pentagram City.

Valentino's pink limousine was waiting there, one of his lackeys standing beside an open door.

"Thank you, dear~" Alastor said sweetly, plastering on his widest grin. He stepped inside, cringing inwardly as he touched the seats, actively blocking out the thoughts of all the possible things that could have taken place in that limo.

The door slammed behind him and he did _not_ flinch at the sound.

He could do this. It was just a date.

A date with the Overlord Valentino, Hell's King of Porn.

But still, it was just a date.

Alastor would survive.

-

The car ride lasted approximately thirty minutes and with each one that passed, Alastor became more and more anxious. Perhaps he should have accepted that drink from Husker, help to calm his nerves just a tad before leaving, but he wanted to be fully in control, without any alcohol clouding his system. 

Satan knows someone like Valentino would be more than happy to take advantage of that.

Alastor wondered if he'd have any of his whores with him, the ones that seemed permanently attached to his many arms. 

When Alastor spotted the pimp standing outside of a familiar looking restaurant, he was all alone, wearing his usual iconic coat, hat and sunglasses.

Alastor was let out of the vehicle and at a nod from Valentino, the limo was driven away.

"Alastor." Val breathed, bowing in greeting, "I'm glad you could make it, you look... well, stunning is a vast understatement, but that's the only word I can think of."

Alastor let out a small chuckle, put a hand on his chest, "Well, you certainly know how to make a man feel special, Valentino."

"I hope so. You deserve to feel special, sweetheart." Val smiled at him, gave him a wink.

"I- oh."

The deer was at a loss for words and he could feel his shadow digging its cold claws into his back at the same time something in his chest fluttered.

"Uh- thank you." Alastor coughed, patted his chest lightly, calmed the rising panic caused by his erratic heartbeat, "So... the restaurant? I never took you to be one who enjoys the pleasures of the flesh in this particular context."

Valentino chuckled, scratching at his cheek, "That's because I don't. I just thought you might like this place, I heard it's the best cannibal restaurant in the city."

Alastor looked up at the building, simply named _Meiwes_ , "I have heard that, yes, I've never quite found the time to dine here though."

"Then I'm glad I was able to give you the opportunity." Valentino winked, placed a hand on Alastor's lower back to gently herd him towards the door.

Alastor was quick to remove it, as gently and as politely as he could. That was much too familiar for comfort, especially in such a public place. Instead, after a quick look to make sure no one was around, he placed his hand in the crook of one of Valentino's elbows, "Shall we?"

Valentino handled the denial exceptionally well, much to Alastor's surprise. He didn't make a fuss about it, didn't try to force his touch upon Alastor, he just accepted it, and guided them inside.

The restaurant was... completely empty, aside from one single imp that scurried about, taking their coats from them and directing them to their seats.

Underneath his coat, Valentino wore a dark blue suit, something that complimented the colour of his skin exceptionally well. He looked dapper. And charming. And handsome. He wondered what the pimp had looked like in life, was he extremely tall then, too? Did he have the same eyes, ones that appeared to look into your very soul and instantly know everything about you? Did he have that same dashing smile, complete with a gleaming gold tooth?

Alastor cleared his throat, looking away, "I can't say I was expecting this."

"I booked the place out for the evening, thought you'd appreciate the privacy."

There was that flutter in Alastor's chest again, "I _do_ appreciate that, thank you."

"Anything for you, sweetheart." Valentino purred, pulling Alastor's chair out for him.

Alastor all but collapsed into the chair, shaking legs unable to hold him up any longer.

"I hope you don't mind that I also took the opportunity to order for you?" Val asked, sitting opposite the deer.

"No, I don't mind, but I suppose I'm a bit surprised that you know the menu of a cannibal restaurant better than I do."

"What can I say? I just made sure to do my research to ensure you'd have a good night."

Alastor blinked, "What will you be having tonight then? This place doesn't exactly have a vegetarian menu."

Val shrugged, "Don't worry about me, I ate before I left. I hope that isn't too weird...? I promise I won't just stare at you the entire time you're eating."

"As long as you can provide some interesting conversation, I don't have any complaints."

"I can certainly do that."

The imp chose that moment to reappear from wherever it had disappeared to, depositing a wine glass filled with a non-wine liquid in front of him, then hurried off again. 

Alastor took the glass in hand, lifted it to his nose to inhale deeply and only just managed to stop the moan. That was the freshest demon blood that Alastor had smelled in a long time, and he glanced towards the kitchen doors, wondered what poor sinner they were draining dry in there. The taste was even better, and the struggle to not let his pleasure show was a hard fought battle. One that he lost.

The reaction his little moan got from the pimp was the widening of his eyes behind his sunglasses and a small intake of air.

Alastor cleared his throat, realized he should try a lot harder to control his reactions. Best not give the pimp the wrong idea.

"That's... some really good blood!" He chuckled stiltedly.

"I'll take your word for it, sweetheart." Valentino grinned right back, easily brushing away the awkwardness.

The imp cleared his throat from beside their table, looking more than a little nervous for having interrupted them. He directed his attention towards Alastor, "How do you- uh, how do you like your steak, sir?"

Alastor's grin turned sadistic and he leaned closer to the small imp, "Completely raw, if you don't mind."

"C-coming right up, sir!" The imp squeaked, quick to rush off back to the kitchen.

Valentino let out a bark of laughter once the imp was out of sight, slapping a hand on the table, "Oh, baby, I _love_ it when you get all threatening! His face was _priceless_! Ha!"

Alastor found himself snickering along, "I do so enjoy inciting terror!"

"I've noticed! I told you I'm a fan of your broadcasts, right?"

Alastor took another sip from his glass, "You did mention that when you tried to patch things up after our first meeting, never missed the opportunity to compliment me on them after that."

"Don't make me sound like a creepy fanboy." Val jokingly reprimanded, then continued, "Speaking of broadcasts, it's been a while." He leaned back in his chair, crossing one pair of arms over his chest and leaving the lower pair to drum fingers on the table.

Alastor winced, "That's a bit of a sore spot."

Valentino shot him an apologetic look, "I'm sorry."

"No, no, it's fine." Alastor reassured, waving a hand, "I just hate to disappoint my fans, but it's this whole hotel business, I'm afraid. Can't exactly have the hotel's sponsor going off and broadcasting his slaughter of half of Pentagram City, it wouldn't look good. The best I can manage is one quiet kill in the dead of the night, and of course, I still enjoy that, but it isn't nearly as fun."

The pimp flashed his gold tooth, "Damn, any chance for a private show?"

Alastor paused. A private show? That... wouldn't be too difficult, not for someone like him, but he'd have to think about it. 

His shadow prodded at his mind, not so subtly hinted that if they couldn't eat Valentino, then the _imp_ was looking particularly tasty.

"I guess we'll see how dinner goes." Alastor said quietly, running his tongue over his sharp teeth, "Hopefully you don't disappoint."

Valentino uncrossed his arms, placed all four hands on the table to lean closer, "Baby, is that a threat or a promise?" He purred.

"It's... whatever you want it to be." The deer spoke slowly, nervously sipping on his glass of blood again. 

What were they doing? Was this flirting? Was _Alastor flirting_? Was he really responding to the pimp's innuendoes with the promise that something could actually happen? 

"Sorry." Alastor said quickly, "I shouldn't lead you on like that..."

Val gently put a hand over Alastor's and when he didn't pull away, he carressed it gently with his thumb, "Al, don't worry. It's just a bit of harmless flirting, I don't expect anything more than that." 

The deer looked at their joined hands, took note of how much larger Val's hand was compared to his own. How it engulfed his complately, made it feel pleasantly warm, nothing like the usual uncomfortable itch Alastor felt when being touched.

The pimp gave his hand a small pat before pulling it back, "Your steak's here."

"Oh." Alastor took his own hand from the table, held it in his lap, tried to recreate the warm feeling.

His steak wasn't so much an actual steak as it was just a huge slab of meat slapped onto a large platter, blood pooling underneath it. Despite the lack of presentation, it was still one of the most appetizing things Alastor had ever seen.

He licked his lips, watched the imp make himself scarce, then glanced at Valentino, "May I?"

"Tuck in, baby, you don't need my permission."

Alastor nodded, picked up his knife and fork to cut off a hearty chunk. The scent of the meat was familiar, but something was a little off about it, it didn't quite smell the same as the demon blood.

When he took a bite, he understood why.

It was _human_ meat.

Not some sinner seasoned by many years in Hell, but an _actual_ human, straight from the living world.

He shoved the chunk of meat on his fork into his mouth unceremoniously, covered the lower half of his face with a hand as if that would do anything to muffle his pleased moans. Oh, that was _good_. Demon flesh was amazing, but there was nothing quite like the taste of longpig, and now, being a demon himself, he was able to eat it raw without any repurcussions, experience the _true_ flavour of it.

"I'm sorry." Alastor said once he swallowed, voice strained, "I'll try my best to control myself, but this is _exquisite_."

Valentino put his hands up, "Hey, no worries. You enjoy yourself, darlin', that's what I brought you here for."

It took everything in Alastor not to grab at the slab of meat with his bare hands, tear of chunks with his teeth, and his shadow certainly wasn't helping things. _Remember your manners_ , he scolded himself. The pimp might have been having entirely positive reactions, but there had to be a line somewhere. He surely wasn't going to find Alastor stuffing his face attractive.

"Some background noise would be nice, my dear." Alastor hummed, drinking some blood before going for another bite. The distinct flavours blended nicely in his mouth.

Val arched an eyebrow, "Got anything particular in mind?"

Alastor tapped at his chin with the handle of his knife, "Perhaps you could... tell me about yourself? That's what usually happens on dates, isn't it...?"

"My name's Valentino. I'm an Aquarius. I enjoy sunsets, long walks on the beach and frisky women." Valentino grinned at him and Alastor just blinked, "Shitty joke, sorry."

"No, I'm... sorry for not understanding."

"It's a modern thing, sweetheart, don't worry about it. You'll get it one day. Maybe."

Alastor nodded, "Tell me something more serious then, I'm genuinely curious to learn more about you, Valentino."

"Yeah? I guess I can think of a few things to say..."

Valentino launched into talking about his work, avoiding the more _explicit_ topics, and focusing on the more business like aspects.

Alastor listened intently as he ate, as he drank glass after glass of demon blood - the imp scurrying back to refill it every time it emptied - and the deer learned many things. Like the fact that Valentino really enjoyed his money and he could be incredibly ruthless when it came to acquiring it. Like the fact that when he was passionate about a subject, he would gesticulate in the air around him with all four hands and Alastor found that it was quite endearing. Like the fact that he was so ridiculously considerate of Alastor and his feelings, with how he'd acted up to that point and how he continued to act, respecting the deer's physical boundaries and constantly reassuring him.

It wasn't anything like the Valentino he'd expected to be going on a date with. A pimp that couldn't take his mind off of sex, that would be hanging all over Alastor, pawing at him with too many hands. Someone that would be rude and loud and disrespectful. It wouldn't be anything that Alastor couldn't handle though, it would just make his end goal that much more rewarding.

This was somehow more difficult. Alastor had no idea how to react to a Valentino that was gentle and polite and understanding. Alastor wasn't used to _soft_. Soft couldn't be met with threats and violence, because then he'd seem like the worse one, and that may just drive the pimp off, depriving him of one of the greatest opportunities he'd been presented with.

To top it all off, Val made him _feel_ things. Made his heart do gymnastics and his guts twist themselves into knots, and Alastor didn't understand why those were _good_ feelings, when all signs would point to them being negative.

The more he thought about it, the quicker he tried to get through his meal, deciding that he'd only be able to handle Valentino in small doses, not for long periods of time.

He felt almost high, and he decided to blame that on the countless glasses of demon blood he'd drank, even though he knew it didn't have that sort of effect.

"Sorry, I really rambled for a bit there, didn't I?" Valentino chuckled, embarrassed. He'd removed his hat to rub nervously at the back of his head. "My work can't be that interesting to ya."

Alastor licked his lips, savouring the lingering taste of his meal, "Nonsense! You don't need to apologize _at all_ , my dear! I didn't realize just how smart one had to be to run an operation like yours!"

Valentino gave him a sheepish look, "Still. I should have let you get a few more words in."

"Val, honestly." Alastor tutted, "I was too busy eating to keep up my end of the conversation, and talking with your mouth full is just plain rude. I must say, by the way, that that is one of the best meals I've had in a _long_ time! I have to thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking me here!" A small part of him hoped Valentino would get it in his head to invite him out for dinner there again, there was no way Alastor would pass up another opportunity to eat something else that spectacular for _free_.

"Well, if you put it like that, baby." Valentino purred, "You ready to get out of here?"

Alastor's grin turned sly at the question, "I had a question about the imp, actually... I assume he's not going to tell the entirety of Hell about our little date once we leave?"

"He's sworn to secrecy." Valentino answered, miming zipping his mouth shut with a single hand.

"But one can never be too careful..." Alastor said slowly, giving the pimp a look.

The pimp stood abruptly from the table, "I like what you're suggesting, sweetheart. Make it quick and don't worry about leftovers." He flashed his gold tooth, "And most importantly, don't forget to have fun."

Alastor got to his feet, straightened out his suit, then he summoned his microphone and spun it in his hands, "Stay here and listen closely. It won't quite be a private broadcast, but I hope it will suffice."

Valentino tipped his hat to him in acknowledgement, watched him make his way through the empty restaurant towards the kitchen.

The deer let his shadow finally have its fun and it made short work of the imp, but was careful not to ruin its master's suit with the bloodstains. Short as it was, Val had enjoyed what he'd heard, if the muffled clapping and whistling coming from the dining room was any indication.

Alastor exited the kitchen and gave a deep bow, "Thank you, thank you! Oh, you're too kind, my dear!" He straightened up, "Now do you have any idea where our coats were placed?"

Valentino laughed, held out Alastor's coat that he'd already gathered for him, "You know, I'm amazed that you managed to eat so much, it doesn't even show."

Alastor stuck his tongue out between his sharp teeth, "Hell has gifted me with a black hole for a stomach, I get to eat as much as I desire and never feel full, haha!"

"That doesn't sound like a blessing."

"Depends on the day!" Alastor hummed, taking his coat and shrugging it on. He cleared his throat, suddenly nervous, "It was... truly a pleasure going on this date with you, Valentino. Thank you for inviting me."

"Any time, darlin'." Val said quietly, genuinely.

Alastor's face flushed and he looked away, adjusted his monocle.

He opened his mouth to say something else, but Valentino quickly continued, "Do you mind if I walk you back? I-... I'm not quite ready to say goodbye just yet." He scratched at the back of his head, "I-uh, I know some less populated routes to take if that helps."

Alastor swallowed. It was a bad idea, he should say no, his shadow was telling him to say no, and yet-

"I'd like that."

Valentino offered his elbow and Alastor took it easily.

-

The walk back to the hotel was spent mostly in silence, but a comfortable silence. Occasionally one of them commented on their surroundings, but for the most part, Alastor just... enjoyed being with the pimp, as crazy as that was. He even kept his hand in the crook of Valentino's elbow the entire time, save for the few brief moments when Alastor saw a sinner on the streets and would quickly retract his grip. Each time, a disappointed look would cross Val's face, but it would vanish as soon as Alastor touched him again.

Eventually, they had to arrive back at the hotel, and Alastor felt... dismayed? And he wasn't sure why. It was a great night, should he not feel happy at least? Pleased that his plan was going exactly as, well, _planned_?"

"I had a really fucking great time tonight." Valentino admitted quietly, covering Alastor's hand with his own, the same way he'd done back at the restaurant, "I hope you did too...?"

"I did." Alastor reassured, "I wouldn't use your exact wording, but I had a great time tonight as well!"

Val grinned at him, but there was apprehension behind it, "So, I-I actually got you a little something."

Alastor raised a questioning eyebrow, "Oh?"

Valentino rummaged in an inner pocket of his coat, pulled out a rectangular object and handed it over to the smaller demon.

Alastor took the object in both hands.

It was a... phone?

"I know you're all about the older technology, but it would be nice to actually be able to contact you, ya know?"

"Val, I can't accept this..."

It wasn't the fact that it was a phone, as much as he despised them, or the fact that it was pink and gold in colour, but the fact that it looked expensive, and Alastor didn't feel right owning something worth so much. And why would Val just _give_ it to him?

"Don't give me that. Just take it, Al, please." Val urged, moving behind Alastor. He reached over the deer's shoulders to point at the phone, "Here, press this button to turn it on."

Alastor frowned, face heating up at the warmth he felt against his back. He did as he was told, and after a moment, a picture of Valentino appeared in the screen. He was using his lower hands to hold the phone, while his upper two pointed middle fingers towards the camera.

"That's inviting."

Hot breath ghosted across his ear and Alastor flicked it at the touch, face flushing further when he accidentally smacked Val with it and dragged a chuckle out of him.

"That's not directed at you baby, don't worry, it's directed at any nosy fuck that tries to go poking around in your business."

Valentino went on to walk Alastor through the basics, all of it going directly over Alastor's head as he nodded along, pretending to understand. The wallpaper, as Val had called it, was much tamer, at least. Being a simple picture of Valentino winking at the camera, making a peace sign with two slender fingers.

"Did you get all that?"

"Uh huh."

Val sighed, patted his shoulders, "It's not too difficult to figure out, you'll get the hang of it." 

He stepped back and Alastor missed the warmth, but then Valentino was gently taking a hold of his chin in one hand and bending down until their faces were inches apart. He had a question in his eyes that Alastor barely had a chance to answer before he was closing the distance between them.

The pimp's lips were soft against his, but Alastor couldn't stop the growl rumbling up from his throat at the unexpected, unappreciated touch. Instinctively, he bared his teeth and bit down on Valentino's bottom lip as hard as he could.

It did not have the intended effect, however.

Valentino growled right back, then pushed harder against Alastor.

The deer tasted blood, nothing like the demon blood he'd been drinking all night, but something... so much better. Alastor grabbed at the fur collar of his coat to pull him closer, only to shove him back a moment later, panting harshly. His tongue slipped from his mouth to chase the taste of blood, and Valentino mirrored him, his own lip bruised around the teeth marks in it.

"Fuck..." Val breathed.

"That's an accurate statement."

Val snickered, "So, uh, it's getting so late that it's getting early. I guess I'll call you... to, uh, set up another date...? Or just- talk, if you'd prefer. Whatever is fine."

Alastor nodded, and then because he couldn't help himself he grabbed Valentino's coat again, dragged him down for another quick kiss. Just to taste that blood again, he told himself. 

"I'll wait for your call. Goodnight."

"Goodnight." Val smiled, looking at Alastor for just a little while longer before backing away, manifesting his cane to twirl it in his hand as he walked.

Alastor's shadow rose up beside him and he waited until Valentino was out of sight to turn to it, bright grin on his face.

It was worth considering that Valentino was playing the exact same game as him, but Alastor hadn't detected a single hint of deception throughout the night, so that only left one option.

"My dear, I think it's safe to say that we are well and truly _fucked_!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Language, Alastor, that's your fucking husband >:O
> 
> Poor imps though, I abuse them so much, I swear I like them wHEEZE
> 
> Also! I've been thinking of making a WCSY server on Discord, OR a Valastor in general server OR a Hazbin Hotel crackship/rarepair server, please let me know if you'd be interested in that!


	44. Bleeding Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A late night conversation that Alastor starts and Valentino reluctantly takes part in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The boys being gross some time after the wedding~

"What do you love about me?" 

Valentino blinked sleepily at him, eyebrows furrowed, "Hmm?"

"What made you fall in love with me? What reasons did I give you?"

"Al, baby, it's two AM." Val groaned, rubbing at his eyes, "What's with the third degree?"

He rolled onto his back and Alastor used the opportunity to straddle his hips and lay down on his stomach, crossing his arms over Val's chest to watch his face. 

"What brought this on?"

"I can't sleep, it's too quiet." Alastor admitted barely above a whisper, "And I was thinking."

"Do you want me to talk to you until you fall asleep?" Valentino asked softly, hand reaching up to rub lazy circles into Alastor's back.

The deer shook his head, "I just want to know the answer."

"To why I fell in love with you?"

"To _what_ made you fall in love me." Alastor corrected, "I've never really seen myself as a lovable person, so I guess I just- don't understand."

Valentino closed his eyes as he thought about it, stayed silent long enough that Alastor assumed he'd fallen back asleep, so it startled him when Val spoke up again, eyes still closed.

"Well, from your very first broadcast I admired your confidence, your showmanship, how enigmatic you were... you were a puzzle I would stop at nothing to solve. Even now, I don't think I have you totally figured out, but I love that you keep me on my toes." He began to rub at Alastor's ear as he continued, "I love how unafraid you are, and I love how you can make a joke out of anything, and I love how so damn hard you've been trying for me." Val cracked open an eye, brushed his knuckles against Alastor's cheek, "And it helps that you're just about the sexiest sinner I've ever laid eyes on."

Alastor hummed, let his chin drop to his crossed arms, closed his eys to the touch, "Is that everything?"

Val chuckled, "Baby, if I told you everything we'd be here all night, and I _do_ want to sleep."

"Hm, can I tell you what I love about you first?"

"I guess I can stay awake a bit longer." Val mumbled through a wide yawn.

Alastor began to lightly trace patterns over Valentino's chest, "I tried so hard not to love you, you know? But you didn't give me a choice." Two arms lightly squeezed at his waist, and Alastor grinned, "The biggest thing was how much you cared, how much effort you put in to making sure I stayed comfortable even when I felt it was unnecessary. You try to keep up this cold, unfeeling persona, but you have one of the biggest hearts I've seen outside of that little hotel."

The pimp scowled at Alastor and his grin turned smug. He stopped tracing patterns and instead laid his hand flat on Valentino's chest, felt his pounding heart. He loved that he could do that to the larger demon with such ease.

"You're cute." Alastor whispered, "And you're an idiot. I love that." He moved his hand to place a kiss in its place, "And you're very passionate about your hobbies." A kiss to Valentino's throat, "And I know you like to sing when you think I'm not around, but I wish you'd stop because I'd love to hear you properly." A final kiss to his lips, "Because I love you."

Valentino grunted, rolled onto his side with all four arms wrapped tightly around his husband, Alastor's face smushed against his chest, "Go to sleep, Bambi."

"Sing for me?"

"In your dreams."

Alastor pouted, but reluctantly settled down, throwing one of his arms around Val's waist. 

Just as he was drifting off he heard, _"Have I told you lately that I love you, could I tell you once again somehow..."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Made it to the end? Need more Valastor content? LOOK NO FURTHER, the Discord server is open for business! Just add me @ SugarPimp#7472 and I'll invite you to the server! Which ya'll should definitely do because we're all idiots and it's a lot of fun >:O


	45. You Have Been Summoned to the House of Vibes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Valentino finally gets his time to shine in the hurting people department, Alastor likes it a bit more than he thought he would.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is 99% blood and gore with a tiny bit of sauce towards the end ;o
> 
> You've all been asking for this, so I hope it satisfies uwu taking place sometime after the wedding as usual

"So let me get this straight, I so graciously allow you to produce your drugs in my territory, in return for twenty five percent of the profits and the product, and now you've just- just- what was it you said?"

"Deal's changed."

"Deal's changed! _Deal's changed!_ " Valentino barked a disbelieving laugh, "Do you _really_ think you can just _change_ our deal?" He stood from his chair, placed his lower hands on the desk and used his upper pair to grab at the sinner sitting across from him, "Tell me you're not that fucking stupid, sweetheart. Tell me this is a joke, and we'll laugh about it, and then you'll give me the money you owe me."

The shark shook his head, "Ten percent. Take it or leave it."

"C'mon Brucie, I really don't want to do this." Val growled lowly, giving the shark a little shake, "Just give me. My fucking. _Money_."

"No can do, chief."

Valentino tutted, threw the sinner to the ground, "All right, the hard way then, since you _insist_ -"

The shark gave him a grin, "Gonna sic your doe on me?"

Val opened his mouth.

Snapped it shut.

That had been exactly what Valentino had been planning. It's not like Valentino _hated_ getting his hands dirty, he just had people to do those things for him, and ever since Alastor came along, it was just so much nicer to feed him all of his problems. It made Al happy and that, in turn, made Valentino incredibly happy.

Val supposed he could pull out the old apron if it really had to come to that.

"Oh, no, sweetheart, he's far too good for you. You'll have to settle for me unfortunately." Val winked at him, "Hope I don't disappoint." He all but skipped around the desk and when he reached the shark on the floor, he cracked his cane down hard on the poor sinner's head, knocking him out cold.

-

It was a familiar routine, transporting a business partner in need of a little persuasion from his office to the warehouse, and Valentino fell into it easily despite how long it had been. He took his time getting ready as he waited for the shark to stir, readying his instruments, making sure his apron was tied tight, mentally preparing himself - not that he needed to psyche himself up, he was more deciding on a plan of action.

Bruce began to stir just as Valentino was lighting a cigar for himself. He picked up the glass of water from the table beside him and chucked it on the shark, delighted in his surprised shout.

"Nice of you to finally wake up, I was about to start without you." Val remarked casually, taking a drag and letting the smoke out slowly, "All right, let's cut the bullshit, you know why you're here. You had a lapse in memory and forgot who you were dealing with, but that's fine, we can work through that. I'm sure you're not really trying to change our deal to _ten percent_."

"I am." The shark said simply, glaring defiantly, "I ain't doing twenty five anymore."

Valentino took his cigar in hand and scrubbed at his face, "Well. I tried. Let's get down to the fun part." He gave the shark a once over, ran through the ideas he'd thought up, settled on something simple to start with. He tucked his cigar back between his teeth, gently took a hold of the shark's left hand.

"Ain't that romantic? Doe's not gonna be jealous is he-" Bruce's words were cut off by a scream when the pimp wrenched his finger back, breaking it.

Val looked down at the ring on his finger, then to Bruce's face, twisted in a pained grimace, "My husband's not a part of this, sweetheart, don't involve him." He broke another finger to emphasize his point, "The only words I want to hear out of your mouth are an apology for trying to go back on our deal, and if you keep giving me _shit_ , I'll make it thirty percent. Do I make myself clear? Just a nod will do."

The shark didn't move, just kept his teeth bared in a snarl.

Valentino harshly patted the damaged hand, earning himself a pained hiss, "Let's move on then." Another drag of his cigar, "I've noticed you got a lot of tattoos, and there's lots of fun ways to remove those. Any preference?"

"Ten percent, Val."

"That's not what I asked." Val dismissed, pulling out his lighter and flicking it on, "I could burn those off, if you'd like." He shut the lighter and reached for a scalpel, "Or we could go for an old fashioned skinning, but that's a bit messy, and I'm trying to stay clean, if I'm honest. _Or_ , there's option three: sandpaper."

Bruce gave him a look, clenched his undamaged hand into a fist, "C'mon, Val, you're smarter than this. Settle for ten or lose the deal completely."

"I can be a real dick and make it fifty fucking percent if I want to. You keep forgetting who's in charge here, do you _like_ the pain? I wouldn't be surprised." Valentino sneered, leaning close, "I may just let Al have at your corpse when I'm done, you know you won't come back from that right? He can have a piece or two and that'll grow back no problem, but take too much? And that's it, no more Brucie." He bared his teeth in a feral grin at the way the shark flinched, tried to put distance between them, "Tell me, are you ready to _die_ for this deal?"

A shaky breath, then, "Ten percent."

Valentino let out an exaggerated groan, took a long drag of his cigar, "God fucking _damn_ , you are a stupidly stubborn bastard!" He finished off his cigar, stubbed it out on the shark's shoulder. Then he flicked the butt away and produced another cigar, already cut and lit, "We can get through all three methods I'm thinking, there's a lot of cover up work to do. No safeword for you either, sweetheart, if you're making me start this, I'm gonna finish it too-"

"There you are!"

Val whirled around at the familiar voice, eyes landing on Alastor.

The deer rambled on, "Darling, I've been looking everywhere for you-" He paused when he spotted the shark, stripped down and bound to a chair, "Oh? Having fun without me?"

"I didn't want to bother you." Valentino answered, "How did you find this place, I've never-"

"Like I said, I've been looking everywhere, and I stumbled upon Vox who happily told me the location of your warehouses. Said you didn't use them much these days, but I might find you here." Alastor hummed, glanced at the shark again, "I see that you're busy!"

Valentino shrugged, "A little bit. What did you need me for?"

"Husband-y things!" Al said simply, plucking the cigar from Val's hand to take a drag of it before handing it back, "I can go though, if you don't want to share this one."

Val fought the fond smile from stretching at his lips, "Pull up a chair, you can watch, but keep your hands to your damn self."

"I thought you said the doe wasn't-"

"He isn't." Valentino snapped, glaring down at Bruce, "Shut your mouth."

The shark was visibly shaken by the Radio Demon's presence, but he was still putting on quite the impressive act. 

Alastor shattered his control pretty quickly when he bent down to get in Bruce's face, "Watch your tone. One thing you need to learn is that Valentino doesn't control me." His grin was malicious as the static buzz around him thickened, his eyes flickering to radio dials for just a flash, "If you insult me, you will face the consequences. You don't have the protection of my dear husband just because he has business with you." With that, Alastor waved a hand and summoned a comfortable looking armchair a good distance away. "Pardon my interruption, dear, please continue."

"Much obliged, sweetheart." Valentino grinned, dipping into a small bow, "Now where was I?" He asked, turning to his captive, "Oh, right. Tattoos." He pulled out his lighter again, and flicked it on, "I did consider just setting your whole arm on fire, but that sounded too messy. Slow and precise is much better."

He hummed as he held the lighter to the shark's skin, close to the burn he'd created earlier, and slowly puffed on his cigar.

The bindings around the sinner were tight, keeping him held firmly in place as Valentino carefully melted away the tattoo inked into his skin. He was whimpering and crying, but he kept his mouth clenched shut firmly.

"So by _husband-y things_ , what did you mean exactly?" Val turned towards Alastor, found him leaning against one arm of the chair, with his legs thrown over the other, and he huffed a soft laugh.

Alastor grinned at him, stretched out on the arm chair, hands behind his head, one leg crossed delicately over the other, "You know what I mean. A kiss or two, a cigar, _lunch_!"

Bruce cried out and Al scrunched up his nose, "I suggest you cut out his tongue at some point, I can see myself getting very annoyed if he continues to interrupt."

"'Fraid I can't do that, we're negotiating." Valentino looked at the shark, "How do we feel about that deal?"

" _Ten_." Spoken through gritted teeth.

"That's disappointing." Valentino sighed, flicking his lighter closed, "Not that I'm not enjoying this, because I _am_. And the new audience is a bonus." He turned to the table, ran his fingers over the instruments until he reached a large butcher knife. "You hungry, baby?"

Alastor flashed his teeth, "Always."

"Good." Valentino stated, then brought the knife down hard on Bruce's uninjured hand, severing his little and ring finger. He plucked them up and threw them in Alastor's direction.

The deer, of course, caught them easily, "Is this all I get?"

"For now. Ink isn't a problem for you is it?"

"Just a bit of added flavour." Alastor hummed, popping the little finger into his mouth, teeth crunching through bone like it was a simple potato chip. "Mmm, I love it when they're still warm!" He made short work of the other finger and licked his own clean of blood, followed by his lips.

"L-like a dog..."

Alastor's head snapped up, and he squinted at the bound sinner, "Care to repeat that?"

"You're like a dog... Val tosses you scraps... and in return you scramble to please him like some st-tupid _mutt_. I bet you just bend right over for him too, like a bitch-"

"That's _enough_!" Valentino roared at the same time that Alastor stood from his chair, "I was willing to let you keep your tongue, but I can tell you're not going to change your mind and now you want to mouth off." He dropped his cigar and grabbed at Bruce, holding his jaw tight, squeezing his cheeks to force his mouth open. "This has always been the problem with you, you just don't know when to _shut up_!"

"Would you allow me, my dear?" Alastor asked softly, removing Val's hand to replace it with his own.

Valentino clenched his jaw, looked like he wanted to argue, but stepped back silently, gave his husband room to work.

Alastor worked quickly, despite the struggling and the screaming, holding Bruce's mouth open with one hand, and reaching between his rows of sharp teeth with the other to rip out his tongue with his claws. For a moment, Val thought he was going to eat the muscle, but Alastor dropped it to the ground instead, crushed it beneath his heel with a wet squelch. Then he was roughly tilting the shark's head forward, making his body strain against the tight rope as he coughed up mouthfuls of blood.

Alastor kept him that way until the shark's lap was thoroughly soaked, then tilted his head up again and summoned a flame to his hand to cauterize the wound. The task was completed with more screams of agony, and once Alastor was done, he reached down to Bruce's hand - the one with the broken fingers - and ripped the little one off, popping it into his mouth to slowly chew it just a foot away from Bruce's face.

"He's all yours." Alastor said, licking his lips and wiping his bloody hands clean on Valentino's apron. He pulled Val down to peck his cheek, "Do hurry up, I'd like to get out of here."

"No promises, sweetheart, but I am getting tired." Valentino said, then tapped his cheek, giving Al an expectant look.

Alastor rolled his eyes, but gave him another kiss before returning to his armchair.

"All right, let's get this over with." Valentino sighed, picking up his scalpel. He slowly, painstakingly, carved around the edges of the tattoos, peeled the skin back to expose raw, bloody flesh, and tossed the chunks to Al. Little piece, by little piece, the artwork disappeared between Alastor's teeth, the deer lewdly licking his fingers clean of blood after each bite. Licking _Val's_ fingers clean when he felt daring enough.

After the brief distraction, Alastor gave him room to untie Bruce, let him collapse to the floor.

"He's lost a lot of blood." The Radio Demon commented.

"That tends to happen." Val hummed, "Gonna have to wrap this up soon, but there's one last thing I want to do." He picked up the sandpaper from the table and crouched down beside Bruce. He held the paper to the shark's back, pressed down hard and began to rub.

Straight away, the skin turned red, raw, gave way to blood and raw flesh and Bruce was too weak to do much besides groan.

Valentino scrubbed until he grew bored, leaving half of the back tattoo still in tact, but Bruce was near dead and there wasn't much point in continuing. He got to his feet with a groan, brushed off his knees, then removed his apron and gloves.

He glanced at Alastor, saw the deer watching him with wide eyes.

"Al?"

Alastor blinked, "Hm?"

"You okay? You zoned out for a moment there, sweetheart."

Alastor grabbed him, tugged him down into a heated kiss, and before Val could ask what it was about, something hard was pressing into his thigh. 

He grinned into the kiss, deepened it, didn't mind the faint leftover taste of copper as he pulled Alastor closer to grind against his thigh, "Seeing me inflict pain really gets you that hard, baby?"

" _Yes_." Alastor hissed, "Do you need to clean up?"

"We can leave it."

Alastor didn't say anything, just dragged Valentino through the shadows.

The pimp was just fine with that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bruce failed the vibe check.
> 
> Alastor's biggest kink is seeing Valentino hurt people, totally didn't help that he was feeding him too


	46. It Would Never Take My Breath Away the Way You Do Tonight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been two years since their very first date, and Alastor has something special planned for the anniversary.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it guys, the chapter with the butt stuff, Al finally lets Val smash. 
> 
> I'm so tired lmao it's 6 AM
> 
> Of course taking place exactly two years into the relationship uwu
> 
> //Also thank ya'll kindly for four fucking HUNDRED kudos, ya'll wild and you're what keeps me going, and a special thank you to the Valastor Appreciation Club for your continued support!! <33

To say Alastor was nervous would actually be... not true at all. He wasn't worried, or anxious, just a bit lost on what to do. He'd spent countless hours speaking with Angel Dust on what to do for his and Valentino's anniversary, so much so that the spider had eventually just told him to make up his own mind.

So Alastor had lit some candles, put on some smooth jazz, thrown down some rose petals, the whole nine, just as Angel had said on that first night.

And then he was left standing in the middle of Valentino's bedroom, wondering if he should leave his clothes on or take them off. He waved his hand and his clothes disappeared with a rustle of fabric, then he looked down at his bare body, peeked over his shoulder to look at his twitching tail.

Valentino would certainly get the right idea if the first thing he saw upon entering was a naked Alastor.

But he also liked undressing the deer.

With a finger snap, the clothes were back on.

Much better.

The pimp would arrive soon, if he didn't keep finding things to work on, but given that Alastor had promised him a _special surprise_ , he figured Val would be punctual.

All Alastor had to do now was wait.

He perched awkwardly on the edge of the bed, covered in rose petals, and idly waved a hand, adjusting the radio to the perfect volume. Loud enough to be heard, but quiet enough that they could speak lowly without trouble.

When Valentino finally arrived - just a few minutes early - Alastor wasn't sure if he should stand to greet him or stay where he was, and he ended up standing in an uncomfortable half way position.

"What's the occasion, Bambi?" Valentino asked with a soft chuckle, locking his bedroom door behind him as he stepped further into the room.

"You know!" Alastor replied easily, "I told you I wanted to do something special."

"Wouldn't our wedding anniversary make more sense?"

Alastor shrugged, "We've already done something for the first, and I... had a particular idea in mind for today..."

Val watched him curiously, "Oh? Do tell?"

Alastor bit his lip, looked Valentino in the eyes and then quickly glanced away again, "Kiss me first?"

Alastor's chin was taken in a gentle grasp and lips brushed against his own. He immediately deepened it, grabbing onto Valentino's coat and tugging him closer. He wanted to take it slow, ease into it, but at the same time he wanted to- not _get it over with_ per se, but just _get to the good part_. He wanted Valentino to know that he was ready and that he could- could finally _fuck him_.

He made a soft noise and Valentino groaned in response, pushed Alastor down into the mattress, tried to pull away while the deer chased the taste of cigars and coffee.

"Baby...?" Valentino asked breathlessly, "What're you tryna say? C'mon, use your words."

Alastor took a deep breath, reached up to cup Valentino's face, thumbs stroking over smooth cheeks. He made sure their eyes were locked before he whispered, " _Fuck me_."

Val let out a ragged breath, "Al-"

"I mean it." Alastor said firmly, "I'm ready, I want- Val, _please_ , I want it, I've made you wait long enough."

Valentino straightened up, breathing deeply. He dragged a hand down his face, looked around the room, eyes flicking between the various lit candles.

For a moment, dread filled Alastor, but then the pimp was giving him a look, one that was a strange mixture of , _'You don't have to if you don't want to'_ and _'I'm barely holding back from ravaging you'_.

Alastor pointedly spread his knees and then Val was diving forward, easily lifting Alastor and moving him up the bed, letting him settle with his head against the pillows.

Val swooped down to capture his lips again, tongue slipping into his mouth, hands cupping his face. "Gonna make you feel so good, Al." He breathed hotly against Alastor's lips, then captured them again, not pulling away until they were both struggling for air. "What do you want? I'll do anything, _anything_ Bambi, just tell me-"

"Whatever you want."

The pimp made a helpless noise, "Okay." He wheezed, "Okay, let's take this slow." He pressed kisses to the corner of Alastor's mouth, to his chin, to his jaw, as he worked to undo his bowtie, loosening it and then throwing it off the bed. Deft fingers worked to slowly undo the buttons of Alastor's waistcoat, then his shirt, Valentino mouthing at the deer's neck all the while.

Alastor whimpered, clutched at his husband's coat, "Val, hurry up-"

"No no, sweetheart." Valentino purred, "Gonna take it slow for your first time, all right?"

"No."

Val arched an eyebrow, chuckled at the pout Alastor was wearing, "Thought you said I could do whatever I want, baby?"

"You _can_ , but I thought you wanted to..." Alastor trailed off, unable to say it again, "I thought you'd be... all over me."

Valentino kissed Alastor deeply, "Baby, I'm barely holding back. I could just- just fucking _take you_ , but I ain't gonna ruin this by going too fast and hurting you, and you went through all this effort to make it nice and romantic. Just let me treat you right for tonight, Al."

Alastor frowned to himself, he'd been expecting Val to rip his clothes off the second he got the okay, and he was prepared for that. 

He wasn't prepared at all for _slow_ , for Valentino to want to pay more attention to him than to himself.

"Just lay back, baby, we don't need to rush to the main event."

After a moment of consideration, Alastor nodded, "But I want to know that you're feeling good-"

Val effortlessly lifted his husband's hips clean off the bed, pressed them against his own, "You feel that?"

Alastor gasped and nodded frantically.

A grin, "You make my dick happy, Bambi."

Alastor slapped a hand over the pimp's mouth, "Dear, even I know that was _terrible_."

"Mm, true though." Valentino said, voice muffled as he rolled his hips, dragging another loud gasp out of the smaller demon. He kept his lower hands on Alastor's hips, holding him up steadily, while his upper hands moved to shove clothes out of the way, expose a smooth, scarred chest.

The deer could do nothing except fist his hands in thick fur as that talented mouth kissed over every inch of skin that was revealed, paying special attention to every scar. And that wasn't an exaggeration. Valentino made sure each one got a gentle kiss, the more sensitive ones had Val latching on, sucking at them, tracing his tongue across the thin lines until Alastor was trembling. Every time he made a noise, it earned him a harsh thrust against his hips, Val's dick lodged firmly beside his own through the layers of fabric.

"Val- _Daddy-_ ah!"

Alastor's words had been interrupted by a particularly strong jerk, fingers gripping him just a little too hard.

"Breaking out the nickname that early, huh?" Valentino rasped.

The deer nodded, "It's just a name, and you like it, so..." He shrugged, "I don't see the problem with using it more."

"Gonna kill me again." Val groaned, "You're perfect, baby. You're so sexy." He gently rocked against Alastor as he spoke, face buried in the crook of his neck. "Fuck, baby, you haven't even done anything and I already feel like I'm gonna cum."

"Please don't, I want you to finish inside me."

Valentino moaned loudly against Alastor's neck, making the deer shiver at the heat of his breath and cling to the pimp.

"Did you-"

"No, but I'm so fucking close."

"Oh." Alastor said simply, "So I shouldn't..." He rolled his hips and Valentino hissed loudly, the sound devolving into a chirp. There was no doubt that his fingers were going to leave bruises on Alastor's hips before the night was over.

Val panted harshly, pressed wet kisses to Alastor's shoulder.

"You can leave marks too, if you want?"

There was a brief pause, and then a sharp pain in the deer's shoulder as teeth pierced his skin.

Alastor gasped, scrambled to hold Valentino's head in place. "Harder." He demanded and the pimp delivered, biting down like he intended to tear out a chunk of Alastor's flesh.

Alastor didn't think he'd complain if that was the case, but Val let him go, soothed the new wound with his tongue and his lips. When he pulled back, Alastor didn't give him a chance to catch his breath, locking their lips together so he could get a taste of his own blood, rolling his hips until Val stopped him, growling into his mouth.

Valentino let his forehead rest against his husband's, one of his hand's wandering underneath Alastor's body, slipping past fabric to grip a handful of the deer's ass cheek, "Is there anything you want to try before you can't think clearly enough to request it?"

"No, just-" Alastor started with a whine, then stopped himself, thinking back to all the conversations he'd had with Angel, "Actually, um- there might be something, dear."

"I'm all ears." Val hummed, flicking his antennae. He placed two hands on either side of the smaller demon's head as he repositioned him, gently lowering him back to the bed and groaning as the pressure on his crotch was lost. "Tell Daddy what you want, Bambi."

"I want- can you-... can you eat me...?"

Valentino blinked at him, "Eat you...?"

Alastor shook his head hastily, "No, that's not- Angel mentioned it-"

A wide grin split the pimp's face in half, his gold tooth glinting in the candle light, "Baby, do you want me to eat your ass?" He asked, giving Alastor's rump a light smack.

"I don't know what that means exactly, but yes."

"Oh, sweetheart, you're gonna love this." Valentino purred. He rid the deer of his shirt and waistcoat, distracted him with kisses as his hands worked to remove the rest of his clothes, then busied himself with sucking more bruises into his skin. 

"But what is it? Angel never-"

"Shhh." Valentino hushed, "Just trust me, it'll be good." He chuckled, kissed his way down Alastor's torso, "What's all this talk about Angel Cakes, anyway?"

Alastor's fingers tangled in the sheets, "I needed help planning tonight, and I didn't know who else to ask. Can we not talk about him right now?" He huffed.

"Of course." Valentino grinned, pecking Alastor's chest, "I'd rather be eating your ass anyway." He held onto the deer's hips, massaged apologetically at the small bruises that were forming and mouthed at the base of the cock beside his face, "Sorry for neglecting this by the way."

A breathless gasp, "You're forgiven."

"Thank you kindly." A light tap to Alastor's thigh, "Roll over for me."

"I don't see why I-"

"Because as much as I love your little cock, baby, it gets in the way a bit." 

Alastor let out an indignant breath, "Not _little_."

"Compared to me you are." Valentino snickered, "Love it though. Now roll over."

Just to be annoying, Alastor obeyed him, but did it in his own time.

Only to have Val grab him by the waist and flip him over in seconds.

The manhandling did _not_ have him dripping onto the sheets as he was expertly positioned. Chest down, ass up. He curled his tail down over his rump, looked over his shoulder to catch Valentino looking at him with an eyebrow raised in question, noted that Val had removed his hat and sunglasses in preparaton for what he was about to do.

"What?"

Alastor just stared at him with a pout on his face as he folded his arms under his head and shuffled his knees into a more comfortable position. He didn't quite like the stance, feeling much too exposed, but if Val liked it... he supposed he could deal with it. After giving himself a moment to build up his confidence, he flicked his tail up until it lay flat against his spine.

Valentino took a deep breath, then dived forward, used his long tongue to lick a stripe from Alastor's balls all the way to the base of his tail. 

The deer let out a shout, lurched forward, but Val held him firmly in place with two hands placed on his hips, and the other two holding his ankles. 

"Val!"

"Stay still, baby."

"What are you doing?!"

"I'm eating your ass." Val breathed, the cool air against the wet trail on Alastor's skin making him shiver.

"I didn't know it was _that_!"

Valentino kissed at the base of his tail and Alastor squirmed.

"What did you think it was? It's literally called _eating ass_."

"I don't know! Sex acts have odd names!"

"Do you like it?"

"It's dirty!"

"But do you _like_ it?" 

Before the deer could even answer, Valentino was going back for more, long tongue licking across Alastor's hole. 

Alastor whimpered, buried his face in his forearms and curled his toes at the odd feeling. Val's tongue, hot and wet, licking over him _there_ , where he'd only had fingers before, and even that had only just started happening recently, was still a strange, new feeling he was gradually getting used to. He felt fur brushing his spine as his tail twitched, not knowing how to lay still, and he fought the urge to kick out his legs, get away from the sensation of Valentino licking him.

Not that he could have anyway, with how tightly Val was holding him, forcing him to take it all.

"Val..." 

"Hmm? What was that, baby?" Valentino hummed, close enough to skin for Alastor to feel the vibrations, "You got a safeword you want to use?"

Alastor shook his head with a breathy noise, " _Please_..." He jolted forward as that wicked tongue dipped into the ring of muscle, "Stop!"

A firm lick, followed by his tongue dipping in a little further, "I'm not hearing a safeword."

Alastor clenched his fists, claws digging into his palms. As much as he wanted to complain, as much as he _wanted_ to dislike it... he really couldn't. It was a good feeling, the thought of what was actually happening was _nasty_ , but it was _good_. It was confusing. It was always confusing and Valentino always told him to stop thinking so hard about it, but how could he not?

 _How_ could that feel so good? How could Val enjoy doing it?

But Val did enjoy a lot of things Alastor didn't understand, and he'd gotten used to that, had accepted it, so-

A hard slap to his rump had Alastor yelping, whipping his head around to glare at his husband, "What was that for?"

"Don't get lost in thought when I'm trying to please you, that's so rude."

Alastor arched his back further, wriggled his tail, "I'm sorry, _Daddy_ , can you go back to-... to eating my ass, _please_?"

Valentino groaned, "Al, baby, you're gonna kill me."

"Mm, I'd hate that."

Val gave him another slap, "Don't be cheeky."

Alastor grinned wide, revealing his too sharp teeth, " _Make me shut up_."

Valentino narrowed his eyes at the smaller demon, licked his lips and accepted the challenge. His long tongue slicked up Alastor's rim, lips sucked at it, kissed up and down his crack. He mouthed at Alastor's balls, while another hand snuck up to grab Alastor's tail, thumb massaging at the base of it oh so deliciously. Then he was going back to his hole, and sticking his tongue in as far as it would go.

The deer surprised himself by pushing back against it, trying to get it deeper, whimpering and gasping all the while, cock dripping precum into a puddle underneath his hips.

The pimp didn't stop until he was thoroughly soaked and had been pushed right to the edge.

"Do you need a moment?"

A nod in answer, and a small moan muffled by his arms, chest heaving with each breath he took.

Valentino hummed as he kissed his way up Alastor's spine, hands sliding up to rest on his hips and thighs. He reached the bite mark he'd made earlier and gave it a gentle kiss, "That might scar."

"That's fine." Alastor mumbled, "I want it to."

"Yeah?"

"Mmhm." The Radio Demon eased onto his side, looked at Valentino with a blissful expression on his face, "You're still dressed." He noted.

Val pressed a kiss to his chin, then his cheek, "Was a little busy, want me to fix that?"

"Let me." Alastor insisted, sitting up.

Valentino leaned back, allowed Alastor to grab at his coat, begin to unfasten it. He cupped the deer's face, brought him closer, just to look into his eyes.

Alastor paused his movements, "What are you doing?"

"Admiring your beauty." Val hummed, pecking his lips, then pulling him into a deeper kiss. He tugged Alastor into his lap, helped him to get his coat off of his shoulders, and once it was gone, they moved right onto his shirt, removing that too.

Before working to remove his pants, Alastor rolled his hips down in a slow, dirty grind, getting a ragged moan for his efforts.

"You're a slut."

"Only for you."

The pimp chuckled into their kiss, "Ain't I damn lucky?"

"Just a tad." Alastor purred, pushing at Val's chest to pin him down to the mattress. He received some complaints, but Alastor just grinned down at the larger demon, kept his hands on his chest and rocked against that impressive bulge in Valentino's pants. Hands grasped at his thighs, his hips, his ass, his tail, and the deer revelled in it, soaking up every noise that the pimp made, taking every thrust up against him.

"You're teasing me, you little whore."

Alastor arched an eyebrow, pushed back _hard_ , "Am I?"

Val thrust up hard enough to make Alastor lose his balance, "You gonna ride me properly, Bambi?"

"I might..." Alastor trailed off, his confidence growing by the minute. He leaned forward to cross his arms over Valentino's chest, raising his ass as he did so, much to Val's chagrin. Alastor kept his voice low when he continued, claws lightly tapping against blue skin, "...but I kinda wanted to get my mouth on you first." He kissed at a chin, "Ask me nicely for it, Daddy."

That earned him a frustrated groan, and the loss of one of Val's hands as he scrubbed at his face, "Baby, I'm gonna cum whether you get your mouth on me or not if you keep that up."

"I appreciate the compliment, but that doesn't sound like a 'please'."

" _Please_ get your mouth on my cock, let me fuck your face, sweetheart."

More hands fell from his body and Alastor wriggled his ass in the air, wagged his tail, folded his ears back to catch the rustle of shifting fabric. He licked his lips, watching Valentino's face as pants were removed and kicked to the ground.

He gasped when his rump was tugged down again and a bare cock slipped between his cheeks, left his tail damp.

"Did I beg pretty enough for you, darlin'?" Valentino asked in a low growl.

"I suppose that was pretty enough, my dear!" Alastor grinned, then hummed a little tune as he shimmied downwards until Val's thick cock was beside his face. "Hello." He greeted cheerfully, "I'm very sorry for ignoring you until now."

Val groaned, tangled his fingers in Alastor's hair, "C'mon, baby, get me nice and wet."

The pimp's cock had been intimidatingly large when he first saw it - and it still was - but by now Alastor had figured out his way around it. He curled one hand around the purple shaft, the appendage looking comically small compared to the girth, but he knew that that little fact just drove Valentino _crazy_. He watched Valentino's expression closely as he kissed the head, took it into his mouth to lap at the precum, saw it shift from a pinched frown to something more relaxed, jaw going slack.

"Fuck, Al." Val gasped, head tilted back, his own eyes closed, "That's it, take it."

Alastor bobbed his head on the last couples of inches, trying his absolute best to do what he knew his husband liked, then pulled off with a wet pop, "I thought you wanted to fuck my face?"

"You gonna let me, baby?" Val asked in return, rolling his hips up into Alastor's hand, who clenched his fist just a little tighter, "Gonna let me show you how good I fuck? Give you a little _taste_ of what your ass is in for?"

Alastor placed another kiss to the head, then removed his hand, "Well?" He repositioned himself, allowed Valentino to do the same, the larger demon raising up onto his knees. He let his mouth drop open, stuck his tongue out and Val grabbed him roughly, tangled fingers around the stubs of Alastor's antlers.

"How rough am I allowed to be, Bambi?"

"As rough as you want, I'll tap you if you need to stop." Alastor hummed, giving Val's thigh a quick couple of taps as an example.

Valentino bit his lip, "Okay, baby, get ready, I ain't gonna go easy."

"That's what I'm hoping for."

Val growled dangerously, held Alastor still as he thrust his hips forward, cock bumping his cheek and smearing precum on it. He spared a hand to keep his cock steady and gently fed it into the deer's willing mouth, rubbed the head against a wet tongue until Alastor was impatiently trying to take more in. "Exercise some patience, sweetheart."

"Maybe you need to exercise some urgency. The fact that I can still talk means you aren't doing a very good job, _Daddy_ -"

Alastor was shut up by Val ramming half of his cock past Alastor's lips, making him gag slightly. He glared up at the pimp, squeezed at his thighs, but didn't tap out. He sucked on the flesh in his mouth, swallowed around it, felt the heat, obediently took everything that Val had to offer.

The pimp started out slow at first, easing Alastor into it despite his earlier words, and the deer appreciated it, but almost wished he wouldn't. He wanted Valentino to do exactly as he said, to just take and take and _take_ , to use Alastor up until he was nothing but a pathetic wreck, indistinguishable from one of Valentino's many whores-

A loud moan bubbled out of his lungs without his permission, making Val's hips stutter, push his cock deeper into Alastor's throat, and he took it like a champ, silently begged for more. He looked up at Valentino with wide red eyes, flicked his tail side to side.

"What's got you so eager all of a sudden, huh?" Val asked quietly, one hand slipping down to cup his husband's cheek, tenderly stroke the skin underneath his eye.

Alastor sighed through his nose, leaned into the touch, giving himself just a moment to indulge, before he dug his claws into Val's thighs, urged him to continue thrusting. 

"Let me know if you need a minute." Valentino murmured, then grabbed Alastor's antlers in an unrelenting grip, set up a punishing pace. "Fuck." He gasped, head tilting back, "Fuck, baby, you really are perfect. Just take my cock like a natural, hardly even needed any practice." 

Another gasp, and Alastor had to brace himself for harder thrusts, a more erratic pace. He swallowed around the length in his mouth when he could, tongued it when he couldn't, made sure those piercings weren't left without attention.

"Want me to cum in your mouth, Bambi? Or do you want to save it?" Valentino asked gruffly, "Use that pretty tail of yours. Wag it side to side if you want it later, or up and down if you want it now."

Alastor hastily wagged his tail from side to side, thankful that Val pulled away immediately upon seeing the action. He wiped the drool from his chin and tried to work the ache out of his jaw, glancing up at Valentino, "Was that good...?"

"Yeah, Al." Val breathed, "Yeah, that was fucking perfect." He carefully brushed stray hairs away from Alastor's face, wiped away tears the deer didn't know existed, "How do you feel, sweetheart?"

"I'm good." Alastor rasped, then blinked, surprised at how rough his voice sounded. He touched his throat, swallowed, "Next time I want you to go harder, Daddy."

He didn't miss the strong jerk of Valentino's dick.

"The _mouth_ on you, sweetheart, are you sure you're not plotting my demise?"

Alastor tugged Val down, pressed their lips together in a brief kiss, "Perhaps... but who will pound me into the mattress if you're dead?" He was thrown down at that and he let out a breathless chuckle, having completely expected it.

Valentino was over him in a second, "All right, you little minx, let's get you ready to take my cock." He gave Alastor's ass a slap, then reached into the top draw of the bedside table to pull out a good sized bottle of lube. He liberally coated two fingers of his lower right hand, lowered it between Alastor's legs to rub teasingly at his entrance.

"Dear, I'm really starting to lose my patience." Alastor huffed, digging his claws into the pimp's shoulders.

"Sorry, Al, but we can't rush this." Val kissed his nose, his cheek, his forehead, held Alastor still as he squirmed, "I'm big, and that's not just me bragging. I don't want to hurt you."

"I'm not made of glass."

"So you've said, but that doesn't change the fact that you've only ever had a couple of fingers and my actual dick is a lot more than that." Valentino sighed, placed another kiss on Alastor's forehead and let his lips linger, "I love you. I'm not going to hurt you, not for your first time."

Oh.

Alastor turned his head away. His voice was quiet when he spoke and there was a slight tremble to it, "Will you ever not make me _feel_?"

A hand moved to gently take a hold of his chin and his face was smothered with more feather light kisses, "Do you need a moment?"

"No, please-" Alastor threw his legs around Val's waist, held him tightly, "Please-"

Valentino shushed him with a kiss, ran his hands reverently over Alastor's body as he eased a finger inside, "I love you, baby, I really do, and I want to just _ravage_ you, but there will be time for that another day. Tonight is special, tonight is a time for taking it slow, and I want to show you just how much I care. Don't mistake that for any sort of reluctance, because that is _far_ from the truth." He explained as carefully as he could, red eyes watching intently for any sign of distress from his partner, "Let me make love to you, Alastor."

The deer didn't know what to say so he didn't say anything, just wrapped his arms around Valentino's shoulders, held him close and just _felt_. Every brush of lips to his neck, to the bitemark that had been left there, every scratch of claws to his sides, every slow, slick thrust of that finger in his hole. Then his nipples became the centre of attention and he couldn't help but to cry out, hold on tighter with his arms and his legs, "Val!"

"Was there not another name you had for me, sweetheart?" Valentino asked, closing his lips around a nipple and sucking hard. One of his free hands wandered to the neglected nipple to pinch at it, roll the nub between two fingers.

Alastor gasped and arched his back, the movement shifting the finger inside of him so the tip brushed over that special spot. He gasped again, followed it up with a sob. No matter what he did, which direction he moved, Valentino was everywhere, bringing with him that all consuming pleasure.

"Dear, I- ah!"

A second finger had been slipped in beside the first while he was distracted, and Alastor began to feel that familiar burn. He pushed back against the feeling and Valentino steadied him, "Easy, sweetheart."

"Stop that."

Valentino glanced up at him, "Stop what? Preparing you?"

"Stop- stop- just- ugh!" Alastor gave up, pouted at his husband.

"Now you're just complaining to complain."

"So what if I am?"

Val gently butted his head against Alastor's, spoke lowly, "I may just spank you until the only words coming out of your mouth are _'Please, Daddy, more.'_ "

"I thought you weren't trying to hurt me tonight?"

"A red ass is different to a torn asshole, and you don't want to know _exactly_ what the difference is." Valentino punctuated his statement with a light swat to Alastor's rump, "Now stop being a _brat_."

"Maybe I want you to bend me over your knee and spank me raw- mph!"

"Do me a favour and put that tongue to better use." Valentino said in a tone that implied it wasn't a suggestion, two fingers of his upper left hand having found their way past Alastor's lips.

Alastor growled, applied pressure to the fingers in his mouth, only to have Valentino raise an eyebrow at him. Such a simple action, but it had Alastor's face flushing a bright red, releasing the fingers from his fangs to lick over them apologetically.

"That's a good boy." Val purred, pressing down on Alastor's tongue, "Focus on that while I prep your other hole, okay, sugar?"

Alastor took a hold of his wrist, held his hand in place to suck on his fingers and flirtatiously batted his eyelashes at his husband. 

Valentino crooked his fingers and Alastor's eyes went wide at the feeling.

"Did I find your sweet spot, baby?" The pimp asked sweetly.

A warning nip.

Val chuckled, "You're so needy, baby. Soon. I promise."

"How much longer?" Alastor asked, pushing Val's hand away, "I want you."

"And I want you too." The pimp whispered, pressing kisses to Alastor's neck, "But preferably you'd be taking four fingers pretty well before I even think about trying to squeeze my cock into that hole, three fingers at the very least, baby." He focused his attention on that spot, not giving Alastor a second to breathe, "Have I ever told you how beautiful you are?"

Alastor let out a shaky breath, fisted the sheets as he rocked back onto Val's hand, "You have. Several times."

"Hmm. Have I called you gorgeous before?"

"Yes."

Val's mouth moved to his hair, buried kisses in the soft locks, then trailed to his ears, "Stunning?"

Alastor whimpered, squeezed his eyes shut, "That one too."

"Captivating?"

"That-... that one's new."

"Ah." Val grinned, "Then you're captivating, Al. Utterly captivating. I can't take my mind off of you. Ever. It's a problem."

The words did wonders for distracting Alastor from the third finger entering alongside the previous two, and Valentino made sure to start attacking his prostate straight away. He was also doing a damn good job of acting like the one with all the patience, but Alastor could tell he was slowly losing it, succumbing to the desperation.

Valentino was moving his hips, humping the air as he fingered Alastor, and it didn't go unnoticed by the deer. The pimp's face was buried in the crook of his shoulder, Val lazily mouthing at him as he worked his hand, and Alastor got a good view over his shoulder of the expanse of his back, muscles rippling under skin with each small jerk of his hips.

Not to mention the chirps. Stilted and muffled sounds that Valentino was clearly trying to hide, and might have just come across as a regular old groan or an odd breath if Alastor hadn't come to know him so well. He'd found out that one night that Val would chirp when incredibly content and if he felt safe enough, but Alastor had also come to learn that he'd chirp when he was incredibly _horny_.

The horny chirps were the ones that Val often tried his best to smother, not wanting Alastor to feel uncomfortable or pressured in any way, but Alastor liked them because it meant he was doing something right.

"Let me hear you." He pleaded.

"Hmm?"

Alastor dug his claws into Valentino's sides, "Your chirps. Stop hiding them. If you want me to be more vocal, you're going to have to do the same."

Valentino took Alastor's hands from his sides, pinned them to the pillow on either side of his head. He grinned just inches from his small husband's face, then leaned up to his ear, let out his loudest chirp at the same time as he thrust his three fingers as deep as they could go, hitting that sweet spot so perfectly-

Alastor came with a stuttered cry, fists clenching, hips bucking, and Val teased him through it, fingers abusing his prostate. He whimpered and gasped, tried to get words out through the haze of overstimulation, "Stop, stop-!"

"Safeword?"

Alastor snapped his jaw shut and shook his head, shivered as he rolled his hips.

Soothing kisses were placed to Alastor's sweaty neck and he shivered again as his wrists were released.

"Do you need a moment?"

"Please." Alastor sighed, letting his spine relax from its tensed arch and all but melting into the sheets. Val's fingers were still inside of him, but they weren't moving, weren't trying to stimulate him in any way.

Val's free hands caressed Alastor's torso, running from his chest to his hips and back up again, "I didn't think you'd be so into that, me chirping right in your ear."

"It-" Alastor paused, swallowed, "It's very hot, my dear."

"Yeah?" Valentino questioned, chirping again while looking right into the deer's eyes. "Lucky for you, I can chirp all night."

Alastor covered the pimp's mouth with a hand, felt the vibration as Val chirped again, and he huffed.

One final long chirp from the larger demon had his antennae rattling on his head and Alastor supressing a soft chuckle. He took his hand away, shook it out.

"Do you want to stop for the night, sweetheart?" Valentino asked softly, fondly, bringing a hand up to cup Alastor's cheek, stroke his thumb over the skin underneath his eye.

Alastor's soft gaze turned to a harsh glare, "Don't you _dare_ , Valentino. I want you inside me."

Val let out a long breath, caught Alastor's lips, "I can do that." He removed his fingers slowly, drawing out a hiss from Alastor, and then, before he could be stopped, he lapped up the cum that covered Alastor's stomach.

"You're disgusting."

"I'm amazing."

He was. He really was. Amazing. Spectacular. _Perfect_.

"I love you."

Valentino gave him a triumphant grin.

Alastor tried to cover the pimp's face with his hand, but it was too small. He pouted, "Don't ruin it."

Val's face softened, "Okay, sweetheart, I'm gonna need you to relax for me now. I want this to be as painless as possible for you."

It suddenly felt all the more real that they were really going to have _sex_ , properly, for the first time ever. The nerves hit Alastor then, his heart speeding up with the anxiety and he let out a shaky sigh.

"Al, we don't need-"

"Stop. I'm fine. I worked _hard_ for this, I'm not going to back out just because I got a little nervous." Alastor growled, then sighed, "I appreciate the concern, Valentino, but please." He replaced his legs around the pimp's waist, tried to pull him down to get some friction.

"You tell me if it hurts, all right? If you need a moment, or you want to stop, you tell me as soon as you possibly can. It doesn't matter how far we get, Al. _Any_ time."

"I get it, darling, thank you." Alastor mumbled, kissing his husband, "Can we get on with it before I fall asleep?"

Valentino nipped at his lips in reprimand, used his lower hands to lift Alastor's hips off the bed, hold him close to rut his leaking erection against Alastor's soft cock. His upper left hand reached out to Alastor's right, tangled their fingers together and pinned it to the bed, he also used the grip to hold himself up. His last hand was tasked with coating his cock with lube, slicking it up perhaps a little too much.

Alastor placed his free hand on the back of Val's head, pulled him down, "I trust you." He whispered, "I'm ready."

"If you gotta scratch me up, you can." Val said quietly, "Feel free to bite too." He winked, wiped his hand clean on the sheets, cupped Alastor's chin to stop him turning away. He freed up his right lower hand, left one supporting Alastor's weight, and used it to tightly grip the base of his cock, press the tip to Alastor's waiting hole. He gave the deer a questioning look.

Alastor nodded, squeezed his hand and pulled Val down to kiss him. As Val pushed forward, getting, just the head inside, Alastor bit down on his bottom lip, earned himself a strangled mix of a groan and a chirp.

"Okay?" Valentino rasped.

"Okay."

Just the head wasn't so bad, but Alastor knew the stretch was going to get worse before it got better. He tried to stay relaxed, but still held on tightly with his legs. Val's lip was released, just so Alastor could give him a brief kiss, and then bite down again, harder.

"Trying to scar me, baby?" Val asked, lip still caught between Alastor's teeth, "Honestly, that would be pretty hot."

Alastor increased the pressure enough to get a pained hiss from the pimp. He hummed an upbeat little tune, licked and sucked away the blood, moaning at the taste.

Valentino shifted his hips, pushed a little deeper and distracted Alastor from the movement by initiating a passionate kiss, tongue fighting for dominance, smearing the blood, the taste of copper strengthening. "You're doing so wonderfully, Bambi, I love you so much."

"Thank you." Alastor said in what he hoped was a seductive purr, but judging by the soothing stroke to his cheek, it came out more shaky than he meant it to. He grit his teeth, rolled his hips, "More."

Vall pulled out, then pushed back in smoothly, going just that tiny bit further than before, a wet sound accompanying the movement that made Alastor wrinkle his nose.

"How're you doing?"

"Dandy, my dear! You don't have to keep checking in."

"What kind of husband would I be if I didn't, hm?" Valentino asked, thumb caressing his skin faintly, "How does this feel, baby? Any pain?" 

Alastor shook his head, "It feels... a little weird. But no pain."

Val pressed their lips together, "Do you want more lube?"

"Please."

The pimp hummed as he fumbled around, managed to drizzle more lube over his cock with only a little difficulty.

Alastor hissed when the cool liquid touched his hole, claws digging into the back of Val's head.

"Sorry." Valentino murmured, easing in a little more, "Still good?"

"Still good. Can you start moving properly now?"

"Mm, I can, let me figure this out. Any preference for position?"

Alastor pursed his lips as he thought about it. Hands and knees might be best, it would save Valentino the trouble of having to hold him up to be able to actually get access to him, but... he liked it as they were, being able to see his husband's face, to be able to kiss him with ease.

"Can we stay like this...?" He asked timidly.

"Of course we can, baby, whatever you want." Valentino assured, "You just so happened to pick the perfect position." With as much care as he could muster, he repositioned them, his top two arms moved to rest his forearms on the pillow, either side of Alastor's head, his lower hands tasked with the job of holding the deer up. Then he spread his knees, the stance much better for leverage, balance and control.

Alastor hesitantly placed his hands on Valentino's cheeks, "Is this all right?"

"You put your hands wherever you want to, Bambi. Ready?"

Alastor nodded stiltedly, guiding Val into a deep kiss as he began to move, thrusts slicked with the unholy amount of lube coating his cock. He could only take about a third of it to start with, but that was enough to have his own cock stirring again, twitching where it lay on his stomach, occasionally brushing against Valentino's stomach when he thrust in.

It felt good, to be _filled_ and _stretched_ so. To have Val over him, on top of him, rubbing at his ears as he told him how damn pretty he was, and how good, and how much he was loved, he even went so far as to _thank_ Alastor.

Tears gathered in the corners of Alastor's eyes, unbidden, and he clung to his husband, throwing one arm around his shoulders and arching his back to be as close as possible. He kissed him like he was a dying man and Valentino was his only hope of survival.

The change in mood didn't go unnoticed by the pimp, and he stilled, broke the kiss to drop his forehead to Alastor's. His eyes widened at the sight of the smaller demon's tears, "Shit, baby, if it hurts-"

"No!" Alastor quickly interrupted, "No no, I-... I'm just a bit overwhelmed. It's- I can't believe-" He let out a small, frustrated noise, "I just- we're _married_ and this is _real_ and I- I love you so _much_ , my dear."

"Oh, Alastor. C'mere, sweetheart." Valentino cooed, kissing away tears, hands holding Alastor like he was on the verge of falling apart.

Alastor thought he just might, the sheer amount of love and adoration making him feel so _weak_.

But he didn't care, if that was the case, then so be it. They'd been together for two years, and they were the best two years of Alastor's entire existence, he wouldn't change that, wouldn't interrupt it and prevent it from going any further just because of a little weakness.

"Make love to me, Valentino." Alastor pleaded softly, "Please, show me, prove it's not a dream."

"Not a dream, baby." Val spoke, picking up the pace again as he looked into Alastor's teary eyes, "This right here, you and me, it's all real. We're in a Heaven of our own making, and no one can stop us. Not a single damned soul."

Alastor swallowed a sob, "Val, I want to feel you-"

"Bambi-"

"I don't care, I don't _care_ , please- ah!"

Valentino bit down hard on the wound he'd made previously at the same time as he shoved his hips forward, burying himself almost to the hilt. He let go of the flesh in his mouth, panted heavily against damp skin as he waited for a safeword.

When none came, he began moving, bruising grip on Alastor's hips pulling him into each thrust.

There wasn't much of a chance for the deer to get a word in after that, all he could do was hold on and moan uncontrollably, throwing in a butchered rendition of Valentino's name, or his nickname, every now and then. It was everything Alastor had wanted and more, so much better than anything he could have imagined. 

If this is what sex was like, he could understand Angel Dust's obsession with it.

There was a slight discomfort, nothing as bad as what Val had made it seem like it would be, and the longer it went on, the more the ache eased into intense pleasure. He could feel every piercing, every ridge of the hard flesh, and when Valentino moved a hand from his hip to wrap around his renewed erection-

"Oh." Came Val's small gasp of surprise.

Alastor's claws dug into Valentino's skin when he tensed up, drops of blood welling to the surface, "What is it?" He felt teeth against his neck, heard a breathy chuckle.

Valentino splayed a hand against his stomach as he straightened up, and just the feel of it had Alastor squirming. It was so large, so warm, covered so much of his skin.

"Open your eyes and have a look, sweetheart."

The deer did as he was told, hesitantly cracking open one eye and looking where Val indicated.

Underneath Valentino's hand, his stomach was bulging.

Alastor felt his face heat up at the sight, "Is that...?"

"My cock? Yeah." Valentino bent over him, grin far too pleased, "Hot, ain't it?" He took one of Alastor's hands, placed it over the bulge and moved his hips.

Alastor let out a squeak, hands flying to cover his face.

"Just when I thought fucking you couldn't get any better, Bambi." Val moved Alastor's hands from his face, just so he could press his lips to a cheek and keep them there, "You're just _full_ of surprises, aren't you?"

Alastor huffed, pushed Valentino's head into the crook of his neck, "Don't look at me with that smug face."

"It's the only face I have."

"I'm going to kick you out of bed."

"What? And ruin this?" Val squeezed a hand between them to massage at the bulge and Alastor writhed.

"I-I can take care of myself just fine without you, dear!"

"Can I watch?"

Alastor pulled Valentino up by his antennae so he could look him in the eyes, "Are you _planning_ to get kicked out?"

"Well, it's not like I lose either way."

Alastor's small smile widened into a grin, "So you're telling me you'd rather finish into your own hand than inside me?" He wagged his tail for emphasis, fur brushing against the supporting hands around him.

Valentino dropped his head to Alastor's shoulder with a long chirp, " _Fuck_."

"But it's not like you lose either way." The deer repeated, pushing back just enough to take Val inside all the way to the base.

"I hate you." Val groaned, grinding into Alastor, nice and slow.

"You were just singing my praises."

"I've changed my mind."

"What a shame." Alastor chuckled, gave Valentino's waist a squeeze with his thighs, then he paused, "I-... I didn't ruin the moment, did I?"

Val's lips pressed to his neck, "Not at all, Bambi. That little back and forth did nothing to kill my boner if that's what you're worried about." A powerful thrust to punctuate his sentence, "I'm actually pretty close to cumming, you don't mind me filling you up, do you?"

"That's what I'm waiting for, dear."

"Give me a minute." Valentino gasped, grinding every inch of himself inside Alastor's hole, wrapped around him so tightly, "Fuck, baby, I'm gonna fill you up 'til you fucking burst. Gonna ruin this ass, make it an absolute _mess_."

Alastor nodded frantically, "Please, Val- Daddy- _hurry_."

"Say that again."

"Daddy!" Alastor repeated. He could feel the sweat dripping off of him, soaking the sheets underneath them, he'd feel disgusting if he wasn't so lost in the haze of ' _so good, too much, Val is HUGE'_ -

"Again, sweetheart." Val ordered, getting a hand around Alastor's weeping erection to jerk it in time with his thrusts.

"Daddy!"

Valentino let out a ragged gasp, his steady rhythm faltering, "One more for me."

"I love you, Val-"

Alastor was cut off by Val's mouth covering his own, stealing his breath away, swallowing his moans.

The pimp growled deeply, the kind of growl Alastor usually only heard when he was about to maim someone and a shiver raced down his spine. He thrust into Alastor one final time before he came, hot liquid rushing into Alastor, making him gasp and tremble at the foreign feeling.

"I love you." Val whispered into his skin, "Jesus fucking Christ, I love you so much, sweetheart." His hand pumped furiously at Alastor's cock until he was painting his chest and stomach for the second time that night.

"Kiss me." Alastor gasped.

Val did as asked, effortlessly rolling over and taking his husband with him so he was on his back with Al in his lap.

Alastor tried to sit up, but his limbs wouldn't listen to him, trembling too hard to do much except lay where they'd fallen, "That was-"

"The best sex you've ever had?"

"The _only_ sex I've ever had."

Valentino chuckled, four arms wrapping tightly around Alastor, his hips rocking up to drag a long keen out of the smaller demon, the noise drowning out the sound of wet squelching. "Which still makes it the best, sweetheart."

"Stop that!" Alastor growled, "I _will_ kick you out of your own bed."

"Well, if it makes you feel better, that was the best sex _I've_ ever had."

Alastor looked away with a huff, "I am a jack of all trades!"

Val pecked him on the nose, "You don't have to eat your own ass, Al, I'll do that for you." He grinned, "Mm, speaking of that. There's one more thing I want to do before we get to aftercare." He flipped them again, pulling out as he did so. He grabbed at Alastor behind his knees, pushed foward until his ass was off the bed, "Now _that's_ a good sight." Val chirped, licking his lips.

Cum was trickling from Alastor's abused asshole, getting caught in the fur of his tail that the deer was desperately trying to curl out of the way. "I know exactly what you're thinking, Valentino, don't you _dare_!"

"I don't know what you're talking about, Bambi." Valentino said simply, innocent smile on his face. One of his free hands trailed teasingly up Alastor's back until it reached his rump, scooped up the cum that had escaped and pushed it back into the loosened hole.

Alastor clawed at the sheets, slicing through them like butter, "Val!"

"I'm not doing anything."

"Yes you are!"

"You got a safeword."

Alastor scrunched his face up in frustration, corners of his smile twitching, "You're insufferable."

"Mm, I'll risk it." Val dived forward, lapped his own cum from Alastor's hole like a starving man.

"You're vile." Alastor hissed, scrabbling helplessly at the sheets, at Valentino, trying to get him away, "Y-you're disgusting, _nasty_ , I'm going to rip your tongue- ah! _Rip_ your tongue out!"

"Keep talking, sweetheart, you might just get me hard again."

"I'm divorcing you."

A laugh bubbled out of Valentino so suddenly that he let go of Alastor, dropping the deer to the bed with a _whump_. "All right, all right. That's enough _for now_. Next time I get all the time I want with your ass." Val acquiesced, giving Alastor's rump a squeeze with two hands, "Let's get to that aftercare."

Alastor stretched out the ache in his limbs, tried to gather a coherent thought in his muddled brain, "I can't move."

"That's because I did a damn good job." Valentino stated, "Do you want a bath, baby?"

"That sounds nice."

Valentino fondly shook his head as he lifted Alastor into his upper pair of arms. 

He went through the process of bathing Alastor diligently, and the deer revelled in it, savored every kiss, every caress, every knead of tired muscle, every honeyed word. Val provided him with an endless supply of love and praise and care, made sure that Alastor didn't have to do a single thing for himself.

Alastor was well and truly _spoiled_.

He let out a wide yawn, jaw cracking, and leaned into Valentino's touch as he was towelled off, "You know I wanted tonight to be about you, and you made it about me, which isn't fair."

"Are you complaining?" Val asked as he worked on drying himself off.

"No, I'm just saying."

Valentino took Alastor's chin in his hand, placed a kiss on his cheek, "You deserve the spotlight always, Bambi, and I'll make sure you have it." He scooped Alastor up again when he deemed them dry enough, "Do you want my coat?"

Alastor arched an eyebrow, "Do you even need to ask?"

"That was pretty stupid of me, wasn't it?"

Alastor yawned again as he was bundled up and finally deposited on the bed, sheets swapped out for clean, unshredded ones with a snap of his fingers. He was exhausted after the night's activities, but he didn't let his eyes close, knowing he'd nod off the second they did. 

"Do you want me to put anything on, baby?" Val asked as he made his way around the room, extinguishing the candles that Alastor had lit and making an effort to at least pick up the discarded clothes.

Alastor watched him, stare focused on miles and miles of blue skin, "Naked is fine if that's more comfortable for you."

Valentino turned around, arched an eyebrow, "Eyes are up here, love."

Alastor glanced at his face, grinned, "And they're such pretty eyes. Very red. Like fresh blood."

Val pinched out the last candle, left the radio to play its jazz music, then stalked over to the bed, crawled over Alastor and bent until their faces were inches apart, "You think you're funny?"

"I don't think so, dear, I _know_ so."

One of Valentino's hands found its way under his borrowed coat, cupped a pretty, pale cheek, "You're gonna start a round two if you're not careful. Don't think I've forgotten that spanking you mentioned."

Alastor batted his eyelashes, "I don't know what that means. Are we sleeping now?"

"If you can keep your smart mouth shut." Val answered, crawling under the blankets and taking Alastor into his arms. He waited until Alastor had settled comfortably, half on top of him, to tighten his hold, "How's your shoulder, sweetheart?"

"It feels fine." Alastor reassured, reaching up to trace Valentino's bruised lip, "And this?"

"Probably going to look horrible in the morning, but for now, it's all right."

Alastor laid his head on the pimp's chest, "Did you... like tonight?"

A hand came up to rub at his ear, velvety fur still slightly damp, "I couldn't have imagined anything better, and I appreciate all the effort you put into this. Thank you, Alastor." Another hand moved to find Alastor's left one, brought it to his mouth so he could kiss the ring there, "I'd ask you to marry me again if it hadn't already happened."

"Is it too early to renew our vows?"

"Never. I'd do it every damn day if I could." Valentino whispered ernestly, "I swear it. You take my breath away and I'll spend the rest of forever making sure you know it."

Alastor's breath caught in his throat, and lifted himself up on his forearms to look his husband in the eyes, "I do know it. I see your love in every look you give me, and I hear your love in every word you say, I couldn't doubt it if I tried and God knows I tried my best sometimes." The tears spilled over before he could stop them, and he muffled the sob with Valentino's lips. "I love you." He gasped when they broke away long enough, "I love you, _I love you_."

Valentino's laugh was watery, "I love you too, Bambi. With everything I am, I love you."

Alastor swallowed thickly, echoed the laugh, "We're fools, we're hopeless." He ducked down for one final kiss, "And I couldn't be happier."

Two years ago, if someone had asked him what had made him happiest, he might have said a carcass laid out on a table ready to be eaten, but now he had moments like this. The moments when he was clad in a heavy coat with a familiar scent, four arms holding him against a strong chest, and the knowledge that his husband was right there, keeping him safe and warm and providing him with all the love he could ask for.

Without a doubt, the thing that made Alastor happiest was the fact that there'd be many more moments just like that one.

-

"If you keep laughing at me, I _will_ end you!"

"You gotta admit, it's pretty funny."

"It is _not_!" Alastor glared daggers at his husband from his place on the floor, Valentino's borrowed coat the only thing protecting his modesty, "You could have told me my legs wouldn't work."

Val shook his head, still shaking with silent laughter, "Take the day off, let me pamper you as an apology." He hauled the deer back onto the bed, piled blankets on top of him. "I'm sorry for not telling you about the side effects of anal sex."

"Forgiven." Alastor purred, leaning into the kiss that was placed on his cheek before snuggling down to get some more rest.

Maybe _those_ moments were what made Alastor happiest, when he and Val just had _fun_.

Or-

Maybe just _being_ with Valentino was what made him happiest.

Yes, that sounded right.

Just... simply being with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Val: //Is nasty  
> Al: Stop that  
> Val: You've got a safeword, use it  
> Al: //Knows damn well he ain't gonna use it because he loves Val's nasty ass and is just saying stop for the sake of it
> 
> This chapter beat out Val's wedding chapter in wordcount, making it the longest one in this fic, ONLY BARELY, but still, this is the longest PWP to ever come from my hands. 
> 
> There was something that I wanted to add while editing but I forgot it immediately, so that's gonna slap me in the face in the morning and that'll be fun. Anyway I'm gonna pass the fuck out for twelve hours uwu


	47. Beverly Hells Deerhuahua

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Valentino promises to do something for Al's birthday, but forgets, so he takes him on a shopping trip to buy anything he touches as a way to make up for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now with fanart!! [uwu](https://twitter.com/AlThisAestheti/status/1249378651143114752)
> 
> Sorry for slow updates, I can't concentrate to sAVE MY DAMN LIFE, but I am constantly working on new stuff, I assure you uwu
> 
> Lots of sexual tension in this one, but no sex lmao
> 
> [Al's coat roughly looks like this](http://www.cichic.com/red-patchwork-fur-turndown-collar-long-sleeve-fashion-coat.html?currency=GBP&gclid=CjwKCAjw1cX0BRBmEiwAy9tKHmisMD24rZ-KSavu8YvQ0EsObKd8m3dBNHJk1Ay_1o7RgmhMptUhhRoCir8QAvD_BwE)

" _Valentino_!"

Said pimp froze at his desk, two hands pausing on his keyboard, another one holding a cup of coffee suspended halfway between the desk and his mouth. Alastor was glaring at him from the doorway, arms crossed over his chest, and a small part of Val was distracted by how hot that was, but a much larger part was focused on _'What the fuck did I do wrong?'_.

"Baby...?" He tried, turning towards the deer more fully and giving him a sheepish grin.

Alastor narrowed his eyes, grin tightening. He began to tap his foot and Valentino's heart raced in his chest.

His mind raced too, frantically trying to remember if he'd forgotten something or possibly said anything to offend his husband in the past twenty four hours.

"I'm sor-"

"You don't even know what you've done."

Valentino flinched. 

Oh, Alastor was _really_ pissed.

"Al-"

"You promised me, Val." The deer growled, "You _insisted_ that you would do something special for my birthday, now it's been over for two hours and you've been _working_ all day. I wouldn't have cared, I told you I didn't want to do anything, but you made such a big deal out of it, I- I-" He paused, sighed. "Just- don't-... don't play it up if you don't really care."

Valentino stood from his chair, crossed the room in three large strides to wrap his arms around Alastor. 

Al didn't fight the hold, but he kept his arms crossed.

"Baby, I'm so sorry." Valentino whispered into Alastor's hair. 

He remembered last week, when one of Alastor's rambles had turned to how stupid he thought birthdays in Hell were. If you were already dead, why celebrate it? It just didn't make sense to the Radio Demon. At first, Valentino had agreed, he never knew his real birthdate anyway, so celebrating it just hadn't occurred to him.

But Alastor _did_ have a birthdate. August thirteenth. And so Val had come up with the genius idea of celebrating it with him, and he had insisted, had told Al he'd do something so special, so big.

And then he'd gone and completely forgotten, too caught up in work.

"I'm so sorry." He repeated, "I'll make it up to you, I swear. Name anything."

"I don't-"

"No, Al, I promised you we'd do something, and we will. Tell me. Whatever you want."

"Dear, I don't _want_ anything-"

"I'll take you shopping." Val said, "And I'll buy everything you even so much as _touch_."

"Are you even listening to me?"

"Partially." Valentino answered immediately, only to get a huff and foot stomp in return, "Al, please let me do this, I feel like shit for forgetting. I should have paid more attention."

Alastor heaved a sigh, finally returned the hug, "Val, it's fine honestly. I half expected... it's not like we really decided to do anything, I may have gotten just a little too emotional..."

"You had every right to."

"I don't care about material things, I'd rather just spend time with you, my dear."

Valentino pressed kisses to his ears, held him a little tighter, "Then buy stuff for the hotel, I'm sure the Princess would appreciate that." He hummed, "And I wasn't planning to just slap a credit card in your hand and send you on your way, I'd be with you the whole time. Hand in hand if you'd allow it."

Alastor made a contemplative noise, "If you come to bed now, I may allow it."

"Give me two minutes." Val rushed to his desk to turn off the computer there, double checked that he wasn't leaving anything important out in the open, then downed the rest of his coffee and all but skipped over to Alastor, "If you'd be so kind as to let me get the door."

Instead of stepping aside, Alastor opened the door and held it for Valentino, bowing to the taller Overlord.

"Oh, so gracious." Val purred, kissing Al as he passed.

"You're welcome, darling."

Valentino closed and locked his office door, then happily trailed after his husband.

Alastor whistled as he walked, twirling his microphone in his hands, more than familiar with the hallways of Porn Studios by now. He spoke without turning around, "I can feel your eyes on me."

Val chuckled, eye flicking from where they were glued to Al's backside to look at his turned back ears, "Where else am I supposed to look? Give me a little shake, sweetheart."

Alastor turned around just to shoot him an unimpressed look, then carried on without missing a step.

Valentino pouted at his back, until they reached the elevator that would take them to the penthouse, when Alastor lifted up his coat and shirt to reveal his tail, giving it and his ass a little shake. Val couldn't stop the shit eating grin that spread across his face, and he threw his arms around Alastor as he dragged them both into the elevator, "Have I told you lately that I love you?"

"Every single day, my dear." Alastor said softly, leaning back into the pimp. A mischievous edge creeped into his smile as he slipped a hand into his pocket, took out the skeleton key that would open the compartment concealing the button for the penthouse. "You should guard that more closely, don't know who's about these days."

"I think I can manage just fine." Val hummed, taking the key back when Alastor offered it to him. He slipped it back into his pocket once the elevator was moving and it only took them a few moments to reach the penthouse, Val's office on the floor just below it. Once the doors opened, he lifted Alastor into his arms, carried him easily through the penthouse and to the bedroom, where he deposited Alastor on the bed to crawl over him.

Alastor blinked up at him. Didn't move. So Val swooped down to capture his lips, two hands placed beside his head to keep his balance, two on Alastor's hips to pull them flush against his. Alastor let out a soft noise, parting his lips and wrapping his legs around the pimp's waist.

Val took the opportunity to deepen the kiss, but all too soon he was being pushed away, Alastor watching him with half-lidded eyes, "I won't be taking care of you if you get yourself worked up."

Valentino let out an exaggerated whine, "You can't be a tease and not follow through."

"You _did_ ask for a little shake." Alastor reminded him, patting his cheek, "Don't ask to be teased if you don't actually want to be teased." He pouted, "And I'm still mad at you!"

Val leaned to kiss his cheek, his jaw, "I said I was sorry."

"And I believe you, but I can't just... not be angry after that."

Valentino parted with a few more soft kisses, "Will it help if I let you sleep in one of my shirts?"

"Greatly!" Alastor slipped out from under him with ease, bouncing over to Valentino's walk-in closet. He winked, and closed the door behind him with a flourish.

The pimp fondly shook his head at the sound of rattling clothes hangers and began to undress himself, leaving his coat on the bed just in case Alastor wanted the extra layer, while the rest of his clothes were folded into a neat pile. His underwear stayed on for Alastor's comfort.

When the deer came back he was wearing a shirt that looked mostly blue, but upon closer inspection it had a repeating pattern of a black palm tree with a small orange sunset behind it. The material came to just below Alastor's knees, completely drowning him.

Valentino wolf whistled, "You look gorgeous, Bambi."

"As do you." Alastor purred. He reached out, pulled the pimp down by the back of the neck, letting out a small growl as he did so, "It's hard to pull you down when you're shirtless."

"Maybe you should tip toe like a normal person."

Alastor's smile twitched, "Maybe I shouldn't. Get a chain."

A sly grin worked it's way on to Valentino's face as he closed the distance between them, "You want a leash to go with that, sweetheart?"

That gave the smaller demon pause, "Another time maybe, I'll remember the offer."

Valentino's breath hitched and he did his best not to think of the implications of that, he quickly threw the covers back and climbed into bed, held them up for Alastor to climb in after him.

"Is it all right if I- uh... be the _'big spoon'_ tonight?"

"You can be whatever you want to be, baby." Val assured, rolling onto his side and letting Al settle behind him. A pale arm settled around his waist and he took Alastor's hand into his own to kiss the ring on his finger. He felt an answering kiss on his shoulders and the back of his neck and sighed, buried his face in the pillow. "Night, sweetheart."

A firm kiss to the back of his head pulled another content sigh out of him, followed by a small chirp.

"Goodnight, my dear."

-

"Rise and shine, darling, I was promised a shopping trip."

Valentino shoved his face into the pillow, "You better have a cup of coffee in your hands."

"You'll never know if you don't open your eyes."

Val cracked open one eye, zeroed in on the mug in Alastor's hand and reluctantly sat up. It was handed over carefully and Val wrapped both hands around it, chugged down half off the scorching liquid with his eyes closed. "Where do you want to go?"

A lost look crossed Alastor's face, "Oh, I don't-... I don't shop recreationally, I'm not sure where the best places are."

"That's fine, Bambi, I'm more than a little familiar." Val grinned, finishing his coffee with a few more large gulps, "Please tell me you bought another."

Alastor rolled his eyes and gestured towards the bedside table where another still steaming mug was waiting.

"I love you."

"I know, dear."

-

"What're you in the mood for? Clothes? Food? Jewellery and accessories?"

Alastor put a hand to his chin as he thought and Valentino watched him attentively, trying to discern what Al wanted before the deer himself knew. 

"Perhaps we could start with... jewellery? Maybe I could pick something up for Charlie and Vaggie. Angel too." Alastor said slowly, drumming fingers on his chin, "Maybe stop somewhere for alcohol for Husker... I don't suppose you know where to get good quality cleaning supplies?"

"Yeah, I know where my cleaners get their stuff." Val confirmed, "And for yourself?"

"I- hmm." Alastor was silent for a long moment, "Clothes...?"

"Clothes it is, we'll do gifts first!"

Valentino offered out his elbow and the smaller demon took it, sticking close to Val to avoid the crowd of people in Pentagram City's most highclass shopping district, not that it was really needed, given who they were. Still, Valentino certainly wasn't complaining about such a public display of Alastor being _his_. His cane clacked against the ground as they walked, dipping into any store that Alastor showed even the slightest interest towards.

And Val kept his word, buying everything that Alastor touched, whether it was an accidental graze of fingers or an actual pick up to get a better look.

He saw the moment it clicked in Alastor's head that he was being serious and there was a lot more 'accidental' brushing of items, a lot more things that Alastor just _had_ to inspect a little closer, he even employed his shadow's help. Not that it really made a difference, money was nothing to the pimp, and if Alastor was having fun, then Valentino would happily give up his entire bank account.

He'd make it all back within a week anyway.

"I think that's enough for everyone else." Alastor hummed, carefully dropping the last of his haul through a portal. He'd decided early on that carrying everything wouldn't be possible, and so he'd started depositing items directly into people's rooms, with nice little notes attached, of course.

"Your turn." Valentino grinned, taking Al's hands and spinning him before pulling him against his chest. "Oh, the _things_ I could buy for you, sweetheart." His mind raced through images of all the toys, the accessories- he cleared his throat, "Where are we starting?"

Alastor arched a suspicious eyebrow at him, "I'd offer a penny for your thoughts, but knowing you, I don't want to hear them." He paused, lowered his voice, "At least not in public."

Valentino's heart skipped a beat, "Fuck, Al-"

"Ah, ah." Al held a finger up to his own lips, "I promise to hear you out later, but not right now."

"How am I supposed to continue shop-"

"Because you _promised_ me." Alastor purred, tugging the pimp down for a quick kiss, "This way, my dear! I believe I saw a place selling some nice bowties."

-

Alastor had gotten his hands on a lot of things, but almost all of them had just barely been in the double digits, with only a few entering triple, and Valentino was all but begging him to buy something in the quadruple digits at _least_. Only the absolute best for his deer, of course. It didn't help that a lot of the owners of the smaller stores just _insisted_ on giving the Overlords their things for free.

"Baby, I'm _begging_ you, treat yourself." Valentino all but whined, when they once again left a store having only spent a few hundred, "Millions, Al, _billions_ is what I have, if you want to splash out and get yourself a dress worth thousands, you won't be breaking the bank."

Alastor give him a look, "A dress?"

Val paused, "An example. Figure of speech-"

"I'll think about it."

Valentino couldn't help the loud chirp, "Al-"

"But now that you mention it, I do need to get myself some new clothes. Maybe a nice shirt, or two."

"Maybe some nice Hawaiian shirts, so you don't have to steal mine."

Alastor gave him a gentle pat, "Dear, I steal them _because_ they're yours, not because of the print."

"Mm, that's what I feared." Valentino mumbled as Alastor took his hand to lead him down the street.

"Show me where you buy your clothes, dear, and I'll see about... _splashing out_."

-

"If you reach out for one more thing and then stop at the last moment, I swear to Satan, Al, I'll just buy the entire damn store for you."

Alastor huffed, "I only want you to buy things that I'll actually get some use out of."

"I don't care if you wear it once and then decide to burn it, _spend my damn money_."

Alastor crossed his arms, "I'm not opposed to you just buying me things, if you're going to complain."

"Baby, you don't want the things I'd buy for you."

"I'm... quite certain I could get used to them, if you liked them enough."

Valentino groaned, "Stop being perfect for two damn seconds." He moved to snatch a shirt off one of the railings, "You looked at this, so I'm buying it."

The deer set off again, and Val dutifully trailed after him as he wandered through the store, picking up whatever item of clothing caught his interest and handing it over to his husband. Val's four arms were stacked full of clothes by the time Alastor decided he was done for the day and ready to go home.

They were on their way to pay when Alastor stopped in front of a mannequin.

It was nude except for a coat. A fur coat, to be exact, that was thick and a deep red colour, and so long that the material pooled at the mannequin's feet. The collar of it caught the light in a way that let Valentino know it was most likely decorated with small jewels of some sort.

"Do you want it?"

Alastor jumped, blinked owlishly at the pimp, "No, I- I was just looking at it, Val. Let's pay."

"Al-"

But the deer was already walking away.

Valentino cursed under his breath, quickly checked the tag and his jaw dropped at the amount of numbers on it. It wasn't worth _that_ , in his opinion, but Alastor wanted it... he glanced at his husband's retreating form, then back at the tag and cursed again. He dropped it, and hurried to catch up with Alastor.

"You gonna put on a little runway show for me when we get back to the penthouse?" Valentino asked with a grin, in order to take their minds off of... whatever that was back there.

"Actually, I was thinking I should return to the hotel."

"Oh." Val's shoulders drooped, "Oh, that's- that's fine, Al, don't worry. I gotta stop taking impromptu days off anyway." He chuckled, scratched awkwardly at the back of his head. Knocked his hat off.

Alastor caught it, but instead of replacing it, he placed it on his own head, grinned up at the pimp.

"Don't tell me you're gonna start stealing my hat too?"

"Just for today." Alastor purred, gently guiding Valentino towards the door. 

The bags of clothes that Valentino carried were placed inside portals, with great care, so the expensive goods weren't damaged.

"Do you want a ride back to the hotel?"

"I was thinking a walk, but if you wanted to carry me- hey!"

Valentino barked a laugh, tried to manhandle Alastor without getting smacked in the face by flailing limbs, "You said carry, stop struggling!"

"This is embarassing!" Alastor huffed, tugging on Valentino's antennae as he finally came to rest on the pimp's shoulders.

"Ow!" Val growled, squeezing Alastor's thighs, "I thought you'd like to be tall!"

"I _am_ tall!"

"Mm, seven feet versus eleven feet and two inches, not counting high heels. Try again, sweetheart." Valentino gave the deer a pat on the leg and began walking, "Have fun while it lasts, sweetheart."

"No."

-

"The longer you stick around, the harder it will be to- mph!"

Val chuckled into the kiss, four arms wrapped around the smaller demon now standing safely on the ground, "What if I don't want to go?"

"I'll speak to you soon, my dear. Put on that little show you wanted."

"I'll hold you to that."

"I hope you do." Alastor whispered, pulling the pimp down for one last kiss before he tried to shoo him away.

"Not so fast, Bambi." Val tapped his head, "I didn't forget about the breeze up here."

"Oh, of course. My apologies." Al took the hat from his head and gently placed it on Valentino, "Now, get back to work, my dear. I'd hate for that studio of yours to burn down in your absence."

"One more thing, sweetheart." Val kissed him again, let it linger, "Happy birthday, Bambi."

Alastor made a soft noise, "Thank you for taking the day off to spoil me."

"Any time, baby, any time."

-

The longer the fashion show went on, the more excited Valentino grew - not like _that_... okay, maybe a _little_ bit - but mostly, he just couldn't wait for Alastor to see the gift he'd gotten for him. He sat patiently as Alastor showed off each new outfit, told Val what he liked about it, reminded him of the pricetag, as well as regaling him with stories of what the Happy Hotel staff had thought about the gifts that _Val_ had so generously bought for them the previous week.

Alastor disappeared back into the walk in closet and let out a disappointed sigh, "Oh dear, it looks like I've ran out of clothes."

"Actually, sweetheart." Valentino began slowly, "I've got a little something for you."

Al opened the door a crack and peeked in, "Oh?"

Val's heart picked up the pace a bit, "It's in there somewhere. Big red box. Should have your name on it."

The deer disappeared, closing the door behind him and Val's antennae flicked as he listened to the sound of Alastor rummaging about, followed by a gasp, then a few moments of silence.

"Did you find it?"

"Val-"

"Ssshh, baby, just put it on."

More rummaging. More silence.

"Al?"

The door creaked open and Al peered in, cleared his throat, then stepped fully out of the closet. "Darling, you shouldn't have-"

"You wanted it. I wanted to get it for you."

Alastor brushed his hands over the thick fur of the coat, stayed silent.

"It suits you perfectly, baby." Val said quietly, "You look... mesmerizing."

Al crossed the distance between them to seat himself in Valentino's lap, "I don't like it when you spend so much money on one single item for me."

"Well, I do." Val argued, two hands settling on his husband's hips, "And you said you wasn't opposed to me just buying you things."

Alastor looked away, "I... suppose I did."

"Do you like it?"

"I do." Al fluffed up the collar to nestle his face in it, "It's very comfortable. I love it, and you. Thank you."

"I'm glad to hear that, baby, it wasn't cheap. I hope this means I'll be getting to keep my own coat from now on?"

Alastor put a hand to his mouth to smother the chuckle, "Oh, not at all! Did you forget when I said I steal your clothes because they're yours?"

Val pouted and Alastor leaned forward to kiss him sweetly, push him down against the bed, "Do you want to see what I'm wearing underneath this?" He breathed.

Val arched an eyebrow, "You're implying that there's nothing to find."

"Because there isn't." Alastor grinned.

Valentino rolled them over in a maneuver he'd performed so many times before, easily held Al flush to his body to roll their hips together, "I hope you plan to take responsibility for that."

Alastor gasped, clung to the pimp, "Oh, I can assure you, I'm _quite_ eager to. But the coat stays on."

"Then my coat stays on too."

"Deal."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Al and Val fucking with nothing but their coats on, aM I RIGHT?
> 
> Reminder that I have a Twitter you can stalk for much more Valastor content as well as the recent trend I started where Alastor has facial hair uwu [@hunting_people](https://twitter.com/hunting_people)


	48. April Showers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a snow day. In Hell. Fluff ensues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wRITING ABOUT SNOW IN APRIL BECAUSE I CAN, AND APPARENTLY SOME PEOPLE ACTUALLY BE GETTING SNOW RIGHT NOW?? Idk, I don't even like the cold, I much prefer Summer and I'm so glad it's warming up now hgfhdgf
> 
> But here's the obligatory snow day chapter, taking place during their married life uwu
> 
> //Also added fanart links in chapters 18 and 47, so check those out!

"Wake up, sleepyheads, it's snowing!"

The incessant banging and shouting from behind the door was enough to have Alastor reluctantly waking, rubbing at his eyes groggily and attempting to figure out what was being said. Snow...? It _had_ been pretty cold in the last few days, a lot more so than usual, it would make sense.

"Dear." He mumbled, "I believe it's snowing."

Valentino was awake, but his face was pressed firmly into the pillow, the message reading loud and clear that he didn't want to move, "Bambi, I don't care if it's raining actual diamonds and gold, I am not moving."

"But it's been... what? Ten, eleven years? Since the last time. Don't you want to see it?"

Val cracked open an eye, "And be cold? Fuck no." He let his arms loosen around the Radio Demon, "Gimme a kiss and go have fun."

"Guys! Hurry up before you miss it!"

"Coming, Angel!" Alastor called, chuckling lightly. He placed a kiss to Valentino's temple and grinned when an arm wrapped around his shoulders to keep him there.

"There's coffee in the kitchen, Al! I'm sure Val needs it!"

Footsteps disappeared from the door and Alastor gave his husband another kiss, "Join us soon?"

"We'll see." Val mumbled, "Pass my coat before you leave?"

"Of course, darling."

Alastor threw the covers back and watched as Valentino immediately snatched them up to wrap himself up in a tight ball. His ears picked up the muffled _'fuckin' cold'_ that the pimp uttered and it was hard to pretend he hadn't heard. He made his way to the walk in closet, picked out a pair of his own pants and one of Valentino's shirts, one with long sleeves. He quite enjoyed the cold, but he didn't like making the others worry, still, he wasn't going to bother with his own coat.

He took Valentino's coat from the back of the door and draped it over the sleeping bundle, the only part of him visible was his two antennae, that flickered when Alastor lifted the covers a tad to kiss his head. "I'll make sure there's coffee waiting for you when you decide to join us, just how you like it." He whispered, pecking him again before leaving.

-

When Angel had mentioned snow, Alastor thought it had just started, had barely had a chance to settle on the ground, but when he exited the hotel, he found the gardens covered in a foot of the stuff, flakes still falling heavily.

Everyone was bundled up in layers, and everyone, aside from Husk, was participating in a snowball fight, or snowman building.

Alastor's grip tightened on his mug as he took a small sip of fresh coffee, "If any of those hit me, I will not be kind!" He called out to those flinging snow.

"Al!" Charlie squeaked excitedly when she saw him, "Are you going to join in?"

"I don't think so, my dear!" He grinned, "I'm just out here to enjoy the cold."

"Oh, we're having a snowman building competition! Do you and Val want to team up?" She asked, bouncing over to him.

"He's still sleeping and I'll doubt he'll be awake in time to take part." Alastor hummed, supported the weight of his mug in one hand. The hand that he'd just freed was waved through the air, kicking up a flurry off a snow, a twirl of his finger had it spinning and coming to form a large mass, which soon took the shape of a certain Overlord pimp, "How about that?"

Charlie smothered a giggle, "He looks perfect! But that's cheating, I'm afraid, you won't be able to enter it for the competition."

Alastor faked a disappointed sigh, "Better luck next time then, my dear." He fixed the bobble hat on her head, pulling it down and tucking her hair away, then gave her a gentle nudge, "Go have fun, let me be an old man."

She elbowed him playfully and skipped back over to Vaggie, who'd been piling up snow into what looked to be a classic snowman.

The deer dusted off a bench and took a seat, crossing one leg over the other and just enjoyed the cold wind fanning his ears, watched everyone have fun as the snow continued to fall. It was a nice moment, one that would only be made better if his husband was by his side.

Something heavy settled on his shoulders after a few long moments, made him jump, and he whipped his head around to see what it was.

Valentino's coat.

And when he looked up, he saw the pimp himself.

"Don't surprise me like that, my love." Alastor scolded softly.

"Sorry." Val mumbled, bending down to kiss his hair, "The fuck are you doing out here dressed like that though? You must be freezing. You don't even have any damn shoes on."

Alastor looked down at his toes, gave them a wiggle, "I like the cold, it's... refreshing."

Valentino scrunched up his face as he took a seat beside Alastor, long legs stretching out in front of him. One arm wrapped around the deer's shoulders to pull him close, mindful of the mug in his hands. Val had his own mug that he lifted to his lips, holding it there just to feel the warmth. "You worry me enough with how skinny you are, don't be going out in the snow practically naked."

Alastor scoffed, "A little snow isn't going to stop me."

"Demons can still freeze to death, Al, don't matter that it'll only be temporary."

Alastor hummed, drew both off his legs up so his feet were on the bench and leaned back into Valentino's chest, "Are you not cold?"

"I'll survive if you stay right there. You're warm."

"Put one of those hands on my ears and I'll see about staying." Alastor grinned, tilting his head back to steal a glance at Val's face.

Valentino was looking down at him with a fond expression on his face, and Alastor's breath caught in his throat.

He didn't think he'd ever get used to the way Valentino could look at him sometimes, with so much adoration, like Alastor was perfect and there wasn't a single thing he could do to change Val's mind. Val told him as much, on nights when he was feeling a little less guarded, a little more open with his feelings for the Radio Demon.

A snowball hit the bench right beside him and Alastor jerked away from his husband, hissed as he spilled some coffee over his hand.

He glared at the culprit, saw Angel staring at them with panic on his face.

"Shit, I'm sorry, Al! I was aiming for Niffty, she ran past-"

Alastor waved a hand flippantly, "It's fine, just don't let it happen again." He cleaned off his hand that had gotten dirty and took another sip of his coffee.

"Bambi."

"Hm?"

A hand closed around his chin and turned his head to the side, Valentino capturing his lips before he could really process what was happening. Alastor melted into it easily though, teeth nipping at Val's lip, all but climbing into his lap. His free hand moved to Val's cheek and he pulled away from the kiss as soon as it made contact.

"Dear, you're _freezing_."

"I'm fine."

"You're shivering like a leaf in a storm." Alastor tutted, "Honestly, Valentino, it's a miracle you don't die more often." He removed the pimp's coat from his shoulders to hand it back to him.

"I don't need-"

Alastor shot him a stern look and Val sighed, placed his mug on the arm of the bench and shrugged his coat back on.

"C'mere."

"What?"

"Come here." Valentino opened up his coat in invitation.

Alastor rolled his eyes, but climbed into Valentino's lap, let himself be fastened up in the coat. "It's a bit hard to drink my coffee like this."

"Mm, idea." Valentino hummed, gently guiding Alastor to sit with his back to his chest, then he wrapped his lower hands around Alastor's waist, leaving the sleeves empty, "Use those."

Alastor did so, smothering a snicker, "We look ridiculous."

"Ridiculous, but very toasty." Val said, curling around Alastor to take advantage of his warmth. He dropped his chin to rest on his husband's shoulder.

Then noticed the sculpture that Alastor had made.

"You wanna explain that one to me?"

"Snowman building competition. But no one told me magic wasn't allowed."

"Hm. Doesn't look anything like me. Ass is too big for one."

"Well, I never claimed to be an artist." Alastor huffed, sipping his coffee, "You know, I was promised ear rubs in return for being your personal space heater."

"You weren't promised shit." Val retorted, but caught an ear in his hand anyway, rubbed it gently between his fingers. The touch was paired with soft kisses to his cheek and neck, and what might have been a very muffled _'Fuckin' love you.'_

Alastor stretched as much as he could in the confines of his coat, them melted against his husband.

It was the perfect way to spend a cold day in Hell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boys being SOFT and WARM and DORKY
> 
> //Not so subtly references one of my favourite fanfics
> 
> Don't @ me, I'm crying


	49. Hot Spring Hours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Since Hell is getting cold, Val suggests a hot spring vacation, Alastor has no complaints

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter now comes with art! [;o](https://twitter.com/_SugarPimp_/status/1252529112591273984)
> 
> So things happened between this chapter and last and Vivziepop is now aware of Valastor
> 
> [This tweet](https://twitter.com/hunting_people/status/1250545353675464704), [this tweet](https://twitter.com/hunting_people/status/1250560630358229002) and [This tweet](https://twitter.com/hunting_people/status/1250928783193968640) describe the unfolding of events
> 
> WITH ALL THAT BEING SAID, a hot spring sex chapter was requested, so here we are uwu Happy horny day everyone
> 
> Set around the time of the previous chapter!

A hot spring, Valentino had suggested, the perfect place to visit while Hell was having it's little cold spell. Alastor had been reluctant at first, of course, the concept of public nudity not sounding all that inviting, but Val had reassured him over and over that they'd have the place to themselves.

So, he agreed and Valentino had happily packed their things and driven them into the mountains outside of Pentagram City, where the pimp had rented out an entire hotel for the weekend. It was a nice little place, Alastor had seen the pictures, with small cabins dotted about the mountainside, each with their own hot spring.

As soon as they arrived in their cabin, Valentino dropped their bags and began stripping.

"Whatcha waitin' for, Al?" He asked, wriggling his eyebrows as he rid himself of the last of his clothes, then began searching through his bags for his towel.

"I... we haven't even been here two minutes." Al chuckled, "I think you're a bit too eager, my love."

Towel acquired, Val straightened up and moved to the door, "I think you're not eager enough. Join me, baby."

"Soon, let me unpack. Here." Alastor hummed, took a bottle of red wine from the bar and handed it over along with a couple of glasses. "Save me a glass."

"No promises." Val stole a kiss and ducked out of the door, whistling as he went.

Alastor shook his head fondly, humming his own tune as he picked up Val's discarded clothes, folding them neatly to place them on the bed. Then he moved onto their bags, unpacking the few clothes they'd brought with them, as well as the bottles of alcohol they'd tucked away. 

When he glanced outside, he saw Valentino watching him, almost fully submerged in the water of the spring, with only his head and top pair of arms exposed. He had his elbows leaning on the edge, one hand holding a cigar, the other holding his wine glass.

Val grinned when he noticed Alastor watching him, gold tooth glinting in the low light.

Alastor grinned right back as he slammed the curtains closed to cover the glass doors.

Val's answering shout was muffled by the door and heavy curtains, but he didn't complain any further.

The deer took his time undressing, carefully folding his clothes and wrapping a towel around himself, covering his chest with it. The high placement of it barely covered his crotch and rump, but that was just perfect.

All the better to drive Valentino crazy.

He opened the curtains, then the door, one hand holding his towel firmly in place.

Valentino had apparently been watching the door closely, waiting for Alastor, because he perked up immediately, calling out, "Come in, baby, water's hot!"

"Didn't get bored waiting, I hope?"

Val took a drag of his cigar, let out the smoke slowly, "Too relaxed to be bored, but you should hurry up and get that cute ass in this hot spring." He patted the smooth rocks beside him, giving the deer a pointed look.

Alastor sat at the edge, slowly dipped one foot in, toe first, gasping lightly as he did so. Then reached in with the other, sighing as he placed both feet flat on the makeshift rock bench submerged around the edge of the pool.

"Are you being fucking serious, Al?"

"Pardon?"

"Get in the damn water, Al, it ain't gonna bite ya." Valentino said, letting out an exasperated chuckle, "But _I_ might."

Alastor leaned forward to connect their lips in a kiss, deepened it for a moment, and then bit down on Val's lip harshly. " _I'll_ bite if you keep rushing me. Patience." He licked over the wound, deepened the kiss again to taste smoke and wine. Two hands came up to cup his face, another not so discreetly tugged at his towel.

He slapped the hand away, and got to his feet.

"Where are you going?" Val asked with a huff.

"Checking the fence, we're definitely alone right?"

"We are, I made sure."

Alastor hummed as he made his way to the surrounding fence, ran his fingers over it.

"What are you doing?"

"Checking for holes, I don't want anyone watching us."

"I checked myself, we're fine."

"Mm, I still want to double check."

Alastor heard him tut, light up a new cigar and what might have been the sound of him chugging wine straight from the bottle.

He rolled his eyes, picked up the pace of his faux checking just to appease his husband, only taking ten minutes longer until he was settling beside the pimp again. He dipped his feet in first, aware that Valentino was watching his every move, then he stood, untucked the towel and slowly peeled it away, folding it neatly and setting it a safe distance away.

He'd barely submerged his legs when he remembered, "Oh, did you pour me a drink?"

"Drank it." Val hummed, then very pointedly lifted the bottle and leaned back, stretching his arm out as far as it could to set it down out of Alastor's reach.

Alastor stuck his bottom lip out in a pout, quietly revelling in the perfect opportunity that Val had just presented to him. He turned to the side, bent over the edge of the hot spring with his knees on the bench, let his tail flick in the air as he reached for the bottle.

The hand that squeezed at his cheek was entirely expected but still made him jump. When he recovered, he arched his back further, spread his knees just a little more and gave his tail another flick. "Having fun back there?"

"You know it, baby." Valentino hummed, propping his chin on a free hand while the other kneeded at Alastor's flesh. It didn't take long for fingers to start wandering inwards, tracing along his crack and then freezing.

Val let out a soft breath, "I fucking _knew_ you were walking like you had something up your ass." His fingers played with the jewel on the end of the plug, pushed it just a little further, "And it's the biggest one too, _fuck_ , sweetheart. How long have you had this in for me?"

Alastor struggled to think of the answer, "Since before we left. It was very hard not to let it show."

"You're a great actor, baby." Val purred, "Consider starring in a movie some time."

"Absolutely not!"

Val soothed him with kisses to his hair, "Not an official production, more home made, something just for my eyes..."

A movie just for Valentino... Alastor shrugged, "Don't get your hopes up, darling."

Valentino shifted behind him, used a hand to keep Alastor's chest pinned to the ground, two more settling on his hips while the fourth held his cigar, "So what's this about, Bambi? Gonna let me fuck you?"

"That was the intention." The deer curled his tail against his spine, "Feel free to start whenever."

"Lube?"

Alastor snapped his fingers and Val snatched the bottle up that appeared on the edge of the hot spring. He listened to the sound of Val slicking himself up, ears facing back to capture everything, and shivered in anticipation as the plug was slowly pulled out, then pushed back in.

"I'd tease you as much as you teased me, but you're lucky this little stunt has brightened my mood." Valentino whispered, leaning over Alastor's back. "Tell me how much you want my cock, sweetheart." He breathed, toying with the plug.

"I could live without it- ow!"

Val grinned, soothed a hand over the reddening mark on Alastor's rump, pulled the plug out to set it on the rocks, "Don't sass me, sweetheart, I can spank you a lot harder than that."

Alastor kicked out a leg in frustration, "Just do it if you're doing it, or I'll leave you here alone."

He was yanked back harshly by his hips, Val's long, hard cock slotting between his cheeks perfectly, and for a moment, the pimp just humped against him. The piercings on the underside snagged Alastor's hole, pulled muffled whimpers from him.

"I've heard you beg before, I know you can do it, baby."

Alastor pushed back, arched his spine as much as possible, twitched his little deer tail, " _Please_ , Daddy, won't you give me every inch? Fill me up just how you _know_ I like it." He was shoved down, chest pressing uncomfortably into the hard rocks, and the next second, his hole was being stretched far too wide on every inch that Val had to offer.

He gasped, tried to jerk away, but Val held him firmly in place, growled directly into his ear before catching it between his teeth.

The pimp began to move, one hand wrapped around Alastor's tail, thumb stroking at the sensitive underside. He didn't bother starting slowly, immediately going for a punishing pace, and Alastor scrambled to hold onto something, get enough air in his lungs to gasp out.

"Wait- wait! Ah! Val, let me-"

"What is it, Bambi?" Val breathed against his ear, slowing his thrusts only a little.

Alastor dug his claws into the hands on his hip, "Dear, please- mm, ah! Why d-don't you sit back? Let me do the- ah! Do the work?"

"Well, how could I refuse such an offer, hmm?"

Valentino wrapped his arms around Alastor's, pulled his back flush against his torso, and then turned them, so he was sitting on the bench again, their lower bodies in the water of the hot spring.

The sudden submersion made Alastor shiver, made Val rock up into him.

"Gonna ride me, baby?"

"If I can turn around. You know, there was a reason I was trying not to get wet."

"Really, baby? You let me take you to a hot spring so you could _avoid_ getting wet? Why's that?"

Alastor wagged his tail under the water, brushing Val's stomach with the sopping wet fur, "It's not sexy when it's wet, it's just... sad."

Val effortlessly lifted Al and spun him around, cupped his cheeks, "Have I ever said that to you?"

"...No, but-"

"Then you get that thought out of your head right now." Val growled, taking Alastor's chin into his hand, "Your little tail is always going to be sexy, _you_ are always going to be sexy to me, no matter if you look like a drowned rat, or a fluffy little Easter bunny."

"But-"

"Do you not feel the evidence?" Val asked, pulling Alastor down by the hips to grind up into him painstakingly slow, making him feel every piercing, and every ridge of his cock.

Alastor nodded frantically, biting down on a knuckle, muffling his next words, "Y-yes, I feel that!"

"Okay, baby, you gonna do the work now while I relax?"

"If you'll allow it."

Valentino grinned, "Stage is all yours." He leaned back against the rocks, leaving his two lower hands to loosely settle on Alastor's hips. He cursed when he realized he'd dropped his cigar, and manifested another one to tuck between his lips as he grabbed his glass and the bottle of wine. He filled it up to the brim then lifted it to his lips, removed the cigar and blew out smoke to down half of the glass's contents.

Alastor cleared his throat and Val arched an eyebrow at him.

"You know, I haven't had any of that yet?"

"Oh, my apologies, your highness."

Val took a sip from the glass and set it down, crooked a finger at the deer.

Alastor dived forward, forced his tongue into Val's mouth and tried to catch the liquid that spilled out, licked up any drops that ran down Val's chin. For a moment, they just kissed, until Alastor pulled back, licked his own lips, "That's fun, but it's a waste."

"Mm, I don't think you're complaining."

"Not really." Alastor hummed, braced a hand on Valentino's shoulder and raised his hips up, then sank back down again, sighing as he did so. He gestured at the cigar that Val had tucked back between his lips, "I would like to smoke too."

The pimp waved his hand, manifested a new cigar that he held to Alastor's lips.

"How _rude_ , I do all this for you and you don't even share."

"No, I'm doing you one better. A whole cigar all to yourself, how grand!"

Alastor rolled his eyes, but lit the cigar and took a puff, raising his hips again.

Val tightened his grip, jerked Alastor down, pulling a loud yelp from the deer and almost making him drop his newly acquired treat. "Shit, baby, was that too hard-"

Alastor took his cigar in hand, panting, "No, no, my dear! No pain, just- unexpected. Maybe let me control the pace? You _are_ supposed to be relaxing."

"Then let me relax and stop bothering me for booze and smokes."

His tone was harsh but Alastor took it for the joke it was meant to be.

Alastor gently pushed at Val's chest, made him lean back against the edge of the hot spring, Val's top arms resting on the edge to support his body, "Then relax, _sweetheart_." He began to bounce in a steady rhythm, keeping it calm, calculated, so he could smoke without choking.

Val had no complaints, puffing on his own cigar, taking a sip of his wine every now and again.

Alastor studied him as he moved, how Val seemed to have no reaction, but if he looked closely, he could see the subtle twitch of his antennae, the hitch in his breath as he tried not to chirp. There was something almost... _ethereal_ about him, God-like.

That got a half chuckle from Alastor.

Yes, it wouldn't be too wrong to say that Valentino looked like a God in that moment, staring down at his-... his little _slave_.

Alastor put a stop to those thoughts pretty quickly, but Val didn't miss that he'd been thinking something nice.

"What's on your mind, Bambi?" Val asked softly, hand reaching out to stroke over his cheek.

"Just you." Alastor mumbled, and it wasn't technically a lie. He let gravity pull his hips down, easily turning it into a steady grind, ears standing to attention at the loud chirp that Valentino let out.

"Fuck, baby, you keep doing that, I ain't gonna last long."

"Is that so?" Alastor repeated the motion, lifted up, dropped down, rolled his hips.

Valentino let out a long sigh, slumped a little further into the hot spring until he could almost rest his head on the edge. He took a deep drag of his cigar, held the smoke in his lungs for a long while before letting out, slumping just a little further.

Alastor tried to pick up the pace, but the hands on his hips tightened, forced him to still again.

"Keep it slow, baby, nice and relaxed." Val mumbled, lazy grin on his face. He downed the rest of the wine, then discarded the glass and took the bottle in hand. He helped to guide Alastor's movements, slowly lifting him off of his cock and bringing him back down, rolling his hips at the same time Alastor did to produce a delicious grind.

The deer stuffed his cigar between his lips, so he could hold onto Valentino's shoulders with both hands. He let his eyes slip shut, really _felt_ the sensation of Val filling him up so perfectly, piercings grinding against his inner walls, the tip hitting that spot _just right_. He didn't try to mask his noises, letting them slip out unfiltered while also trying not to drop his cigar.

One hand dropped from his hip to start stroking over his tail again, the wet fur disturbing the sensation somewhat, but that didn't make it feel any less pleasurable. His own cock went ignored, but Alastor was just fine with the small amount of friction gained from it bumping Val's stomach. He knew he was leaking a lot, knew his dick would be soaked with precum if they weren't sitting in a hot spring, and he was close, so _close_.

"Val?" He asked, getting a sleepy mumble in reply.

When he blinked his eyes open, he expected to find Valentino half asleep, but the pimp was staring right at him.

He blew out a cloud of smoke when he caught Alastor's eyes, gave him a lopsided grin that exposed his gold tooth. "You look like you're having fun."

Alastor stopped his movements to just grind steadily in Val's lap, "And you look extremely relaxed."

"Booze, drugs and sex, it can't get any better than this." Val hummed, jerking his hips up and cupping the deer's chin to pull him into a kiss, "Mmm, correction: booze, drugs and sex _with someone I love_ , it can't get any better than _that_."

Alastor let out a soft moan as he wrapped his arms around Val's neck, held his cigar in his hand and didn't care if it burned away while they were kissing. He pressed close, trapped his cock between them, humping Val's stomach while grinding on his dick.

Valentino's hands ran up his sides and back down again, "I'm close, you gonna cum for me, sweetheart?"

Alastor shook his head, "You first. Please. I want- I want you to cum first."

"Yeah? Gonna have to stop relaxing then, if that's all right with you."

"Please. I can take it."

Valentino gave him a predatory grin, "Hold on to your cigar, Bambi." He braced his top pair of arms on the edge of the hot spring and his feet on the floor, then thrust up harshly, dragging a loud cry from Alastor. He kept up the new brutal pace, "Just a little longer." Val chirped, pulling Alastor down onto him roughly, "Don't cum, not until I fill this sweet ass." He dropped a hand to squeeze a cheek.

Sweat was collecting on Alastor's upper body, only to be quickly washed away by splashing water. He couldn't stop the sounds slipping from his mouth, loud moans, high pitched gasps and incoherent dirty talk drowning out everything else, "Please, Val- Daddy! Please, ah! Mm, fill me- I need to- ah!" He gave up trying to speak, dug his claws into the pimp's shoulders instead and just focused on holding back his orgasm.

Val panted heavily in his ear, grunting with each thrust, "Ready for it, sweetheart? Gonna stuff you so fucking _full _."__

__"Shut up!" Alastor breathed, "I'm going to- ah!"_ _

__Val snickered, thrust up one last time and did exactly what he said he was going to, spilling deep inside of the deer. He kissed at the skin he could reach, mostly Alastor's neck and shoulder, and held him tightly as he trembled in his arms._ _

__Alastor's tail stuck straight up, but his fur being weighed down by water made it look odd, still, that didn't stop Alastor from twitching it wildly, so desperate for his own release. When he felt a hand slipping between their bodies, he quickly shoved it away shaking his head._ _

__"What? You don't want to cum now?"_ _

__Alastor shook his head, "Untouched."_ _

__"Fuck, okay, Bambi." Val sighed, lifting Alastor off of his cock and quickly filling his hole with his fingers instead, pushing them in deep. His pace was merciless, tips of his fingers pressing on Alastor's prostate brutally. "Cum for me, sweetheart, cover Daddy's chest with it. Show me how good I make you feel."_ _

__Alastor's hips jerked and he reached for his cock to loosely fist it as he came, choking on moans._ _

__Val eased him through it with soft kisses and gentle encouragement, until Alastor was pushing him away, unable to handle the oversensitivity. Val let him go, held up his hand, wiggled the fingers that were coated in his own cum, "You gonna clean this up for me?"_ _

__His answer was a wrinkled nose and a, "Don't be disgusting."_ _

__"More for me." Val made a show of licking his fingers clean, even went so far as to scoop some of the mess from his chest._ _

__"I wish I could disown you sometimes."_ _

__Valentino barked a laugh, swished his hands about in the water to rinse them clean, then pulled Alastor close with a hand in his hair, "You couldn't live without me."_ _

__Alastor closed the distance between them to connect their lips in a kiss, deepening it without hesitation. "Unfortunately." He commented, wiping his mouth off with the back of his hand. "I dropped my cigar."_ _

__Val chuckled lightly, "Yeah, so did I." He stood from his seat on the rock bench, stretched and groaned, "My ass is going numb."_ _

__"All part of relaxing." Alastor hummed as he followed Val to the deeper part of the hot spring, deep enough for him to swim, but it only came up to the pimp's waist. He was a bit rusty when it came to swimming, but he was still able to circle Val relatively well._ _

__"You a shark now?" Val asked, before briefly ducking under the water to wash his body. When he came back up he caught Alastor in his arms, lifted him above the water, "Gonna bite?"_ _

__Alastor snapped his jaws just an inch from Val's chin, the pimp unflinching._ _

__"When you're done pretending to be annoyed, we can get to the best part."_ _

__"I _am_ pretty sore."_ _

__Val pressed his face until Alastor's cheek, chirped loudly as he carried them back to the edge of the hot spring, set Alastor gently in his lap. "How sore are you?"_ _

__"Just a little, I think I'm getting used to it." Alastor hummed, tail wagging beneath the water._ _

__"That's nothing some nice hot water won't fix." Val chirped, "I'm proud of you, sweetheart."_ _

__"Thank you." Alastor purred, settling comfortably against Valentino's chest, letting his eyes close, "Light a cigar?"_ _

__Val huffed fondly, "All right, baby, don't fall asleep."_ _

__"Don't let me drown."_ _

__"I _will_ if you fall asleep after asking for another cigar-"_ _

__A loud sound from behind the fence startled them both._ _

__"You said we were alone."_ _

__"We _should_ be." Val grit out through clenched teeth, prepared to get up and check out whatever the noise had been._ _

__Alastor put a calming hand on his chest, looked in the direction of the noise and watched his shadow dart away to deal with the problem._ _

__There was a loud scream, a crunch, a wet splatter._ _

__Silence._ _

__"I'm gonna have to pay for that." Val muttered, then immediately turned his attention back to his husband, "I'm sorry, sweetheart, I really thought-"_ _

__"I know. It's all right."_ _

__"Do you want to go back inside?"_ _

__Alastor shook his head, "No, I'm comfortable here. I would like to do something about that body before it gets up again though."_ _

__Val kissed his cheek, "Just a few more minutes then."_ _

__Alastor stretched out his arms and legs before curling up again, sighing contently at the hands that gently stroked over his body, massaged away the aches. "A few more minutes." He agreed._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uH, yeah idk shoutout to the VAC Discord server for keeping me motivated and entertained through these trying times and if this chapter is as long as I think it is, then this fic just made it to 100,000 words 
> 
> hELL FUCKING YEAH uwu


	50. Cheese Teeth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A discussion of teeth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cheese teeth is what I affectionately like to call Alastor when colouring his teeth uwu
> 
> This is some moment post wedding~

They were on the couch, Alastor laying with his back to the arm, Valentino laying between his legs, back of his head resting on the deer's stomach, when he thought to ask the question. Valentino had been talking animatedly about something, and there was a moment when he'd stopped just to grin to himself, teeth exposed.

Alastor had caught a glimpse of the golden one neatly nestled amongst the red, and he'd always wondered where it came from. Why he and Angel Dust had a matching one.

"Can I ask about that?"

Val paused, tilted his head back to get a better look at Alastor's face, "Ask about what, Bambi?"

"This." Alastor removed his hands from Val's antennae, used one to prod at his top lip, gently lifting it, the other tapped the golden fang.

"Oh, this lil' thing?" Val licked over the tooth when Alastor let him go, "Pimp's gotta have a gold tooth, right?"

Alastor tilted his head to the side, "I don't think that's a thing."

"Of course you wouldn't get it." Val huffed, "Baby this tooth is _au naturel_ , ain't nothing special."

"Natural, you say?" Alastor lifted his lip again and leaned down to get a better look at the tooth, "You woke up in Hell with this?"

"Uh huh."

"And Angel?"

Val frowned at him, "What about him?"

Alastor tapped at his own teeth, "Angel has a gold tooth in the same place, is that natural too?"

The pimp shook his head, "Oh, no, that's- in the early days, when I was just starting out, I made my whores get a gold tooth as like a, uh... identifier? So people would know exactly who they belonged to. They were just caps though, and not even real honestly, couldn't afford it at the time." He explained, claws lightly tracing over Alastor's knees as he spoke, "I Splashed out for Angel, got him the real deal, permanent, because I _knew_ he'd earn it back. Stopped doing it when I got more well known and people would just know who my girls were, and after that I started losing 'em to exterminations, now I only have- huh."

"Have what?" Alastor urged gently, returning his hands to their previous task of stroking over Val's antennae.

"I... never really thought about it until now, but Angel's the only one left from the original crew." Val finished, fell silent for a long moment, before speaking up again, forcing some happiness into his tone, "Why the third degree anyway, you wanna match me, baby?"

Alastor chuckled at that, grinned widely, "I don't think it would stand out all that much, my dear."

Valentino put on his best thinking face, "A single red tooth then? _Or_ one gold, and the rest red, a full match." His lips curled back to expose each one of his perfect fangs, "Could just be caps, easily removable."

The deer shook his head, one finger moving to gently rub at the space between Val's eyes until they closed in contentment, a soft chirp leaving the pimp.

"I don't need multicoloured teeth for people to know that I'm yours."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cute bois, soft bois- //SOBS
> 
> Can I get a hell yeah for 50 chapters? XD


	51. Bad Things, Good Things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Valentino and Alastor make a deal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Been in a bit of a writing slump the past day or two, and then I asked for song recs on Twitter and OH BOI did that inspiration come flooding back, so as well as this chapter, I have a small unrelated Valastor oneshot to post tomorrow <3
> 
> This takes place a looooong time after marriage

Valentino couldn't sleep, no matter how hard he tried. He just couldn't stop watching Alastor, the Radio Demon breathing so shallowly that Val felt the need to make sure he hadn't stopped.

He just couldn't get the thought out of his head, of what would happen if he died before Alastor, somehow, whether it was angels themselves, or some idiot who'd gotten his hands on an angel weapon. Val knew what he _wanted_ to happen if he were to die.

And what he wanted to happen was for Alastor to eat him.

That was the thought that kept him up, staring down at his beautiful husband, curled up against his chest, sleeping so soundly.

Valentino wanted Alastor to eat him. Every pound of flesh, every bone, every organ. Every last piece. Until there was nothing left but the blood stains on his deer's face.

When he died.

 _If_ he died.

Alastor shifting in his arms drew him out of his thoughts, and a sleepy mumble made his heart almost jump out of his chest, a wave of affection rushing through him.

"Val...? Something wrong? You're not usually up so early, dear."

The sky had starting brightening some time ago and Val knew Al would be waking, but he still wasn't quite prepared for it, an excuse eluding him.

"I... just woke up?"

Alastor squinted at him for a second, then his eyes widened and he sat up. "You look _terrible_ , did you sleep at all?" 

"Would you believe me if I said yes?"

"No."

Valentino sat up, pulled Alastor against his chest, stroked a hand through his hair, over his ears, "Can I... can I ask something of you? And I'm sorry to spring something like this on you, so early in the morning-"

"Stop rambling, dear, what is it?" Alastor interrupted softly.

Val took a deep breath, tightened his arms, "If- would you- I-" He stopped, scrubbed at his face with a hand, "Al, if I died before you, would you eat me?"

The deer stilled in his hold, "Val, if you're under the impression that I just see you as my next meal-"

"No, I'm- I'm _asking_ you to. I want you to eat me."

Alastor pulled back to look him in the eye, "You're scaring me, I don't want to talk about this-"

"Seriously." Valentino insisted, "I'm serious about this, please. I don't want to rot, I don't want to get tossed into a pile with a fuck ton of other bodies. Promise me, Al, promise you'll eat me when I die."

" _If_."

Val swallowed thickly, "If."

Alastor stayed silent for a long while and with each second Valentino's anxiety grew, and the more he believed that Al would just get up and walk out of the door, never to look back.

Finally, he whispered, "I will." And then, "But only if you promise to eat me too. If I die first."

"I promise." Valentino whispered back, without missing a beat. Cannibalism had never been his thing, he'd tried, once or twice, and it hadn't stuck, but for Alastor, for his husband, he'd do it. Eat every last morsel, no matter how long it took. "It's a deal." He took Alastor's left hand into his own top left, the one with the ring, of course.

Alastor shook it, "It's a deal."

The magic thrummed through them as Valentino was pushed back into the mattress, Alastor claiming his lips in a desperate kiss, their hands still tightly clasped together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reminder that I have Twitter and you should follow me because I'm funny and you can talk to me and there's also a lot more Hazbin content there (Specifically Valastor in art form) [@hunting_people](https://twitter.com/hunting_people)


	52. Portrait of a Psychopath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Val's stressed so Al reads to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really haven't been feeling the writing so I took some suggestions on twitter, this one fell in line with an idea I already had hnng
> 
> After marriage

It was one of those days when Alastor just wanted to read quietly, so he let himself into Valentino's office, only to walk right into what could only be described as Val murdering someone with words. 

Val noticed him straight away, but continued to scream into his hellphone for another five minutes before slamming it down onto his desk. He flashed Alastor a sheepish smile, "I'm sorry, baby, did you want something?"

"Just... just to read my book. Are you all right? Do you want me to leave?"

The pimp waved his hands, "No no, this is perfect. Sit."

Alastor did so, sitting with his back propped against the arm of the couch, his socked feet resting on the cushions, shoes kicked off and placed neatly on the floor.

Valentino flopped onto the couch on his stomach, wrapping his top pair of arms around Alastor's waist and burying his face in the deer's stomach. He screamed, the sound muffled by fabric and flesh, and Alastor let out a small huff at the vibration he felt on his belly, squirming a bit.

When the sound stopped, he gently removed Val's hat and sunglasses, gave him a gentle pat, "Do you feel better now?"

"No. Read out loud?"

"Of course, dear." Alastor hummed, he would have kissed his husband then, but he couldn't reach, so he settled for simply patting his head while he opened his book with his other hand. He cleared his throat, and picked up where he left off.

" _Lucien was still pacing his cell, but instead of moving from left to right, he'd started walking back and forth between the back wall and the plexiglass at the front._

" _'Oh, no, I wasn't talking about that, Agent Taylor.' Lucien's lips broke into something that looked like half a smirk, half an amused smile. 'I meant... I wonder how they'll feel when they find out they_ ate _their own daughter.'_ "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Al is reading my all time favourite book called An Evil Mind and it's by Chris Carter and it's so FUCKING good, I urge every one to read it if they like crime novels, and by extension I recommend everything that Chris Carter has written


	53. Peak Marriage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just some simple domesticity with our favourite couple.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love it when things get posted at the most opportune of times uwu [Alastor stop raiding the fridge at 3AM challenge](https://twitter.com/AlThisAestheti/status/1254872096112619520)
> 
> Another suggestion from Twitter, they're really helping me crank out some smaller chapters for ya'll while I work on longer things behind the scenes!
> 
> During marriage uwu

Valentino couldn't sleep and it took him longer than it should have to realize why.

Alastor was missing.

It wasn't too unusual for the deer to go missing in the middle of the night, if the touch became too much for him or if he was needed at the hotel to break up a late night fight, but usually Al would let him know. Val looked around for a note, then checked his phone to see if a text had been sent, but nope, nothing.

Al was just gone.

The pimp rubbed at his eyes and sighed, figured he wouldn't be getting any more sleep that night. Might as well get an early start on work, right? He swung his long legs over the side of the bed and stood, yawned as he picked his coat up from the floor and put it on, but didn't fasten it up. He might have been naked under it, but he'd do whatever he damn well pleased in his own penthouse.

He ventured out of the bedroom, phone in hand to scroll through the news, as he made his way to the kitchen to start making coffee.

He froze when he heard a noise coming from the room he was heading to.

Only to find that it was the missing Radio Demon, stood naked with only the light from the fridge to illuminate him, as he-

"Al, are you eating raw bacon?"

The deer jumped, almost dropping the package in his hand as he whirled around to face his husband, "I... might be."

Valentino blinked, "Care to explain?"

Alastor glanced down at the bacon in his hands, "I woke up feeling a bit wrestless, so I went in search of a snack." A pensive expression appeared on his face, his ears pinning back, "I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't take what isn't mine. Did I wake you?"

"That's better than what I was thinking." Val chuckled sheepishly, mentally berating himself for thinking Alastor would ever leave without letting him know first, "But uh, I couldn't sleep after you got up."

"Oh. Sorry-"

Val huffed a soft laugh, slipped his phone into his pocket as he approached his husband, "Don't worry about it, baby. Are you coming back to bed?"

Alastor hummed, "Can I finish these last few slices?"

The pimp wrapped his arms around his husband's waist, gently pulled him away, "Yeah, but away from the fridge, you're freezing."

"I didn't notice."

"Of course you didn't." Val sighed fondly, pressing a kiss to the back of Alastor's head. He lifted the much smaller demon easily, carried them back to the bedroom, where Alastor was gently deposited onto the bed. Val dropped his coat to the floor and climbed in beside Alastor, tired enough to fall asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow, which is why he kept his head propped up on a hand, "Is there a reason you were feeling wrestless?"

Alastor was quiet for a moment as he sat chewing a slice of bacon, "You always look so peaceful when you sleep, and I got a bit caught up in thinking about all of the things that could ruin that."

"So you went to eat all of my bacon at three AM?"

The deer pouted at him, "Not _all_ of it. There's still a pack left."

"Just most of it, then."

"Just most of it."

The empty package disappeared into thin air when Alastor dropped it and he snuggled up against his husband without a single ounce of hesitation.

It was enough to make Valentino's heart melt as he wrapped all four arms around Al, uncaring that the deer's skin was still uncomfortably cold. He buried kisses in soft hair then let his eyes slipped closed, letting out a final, "Sweet dreams, Bambi."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made the mistake of looking up bacon while I wrote this and now I crave Meat


	54. Leg So Hot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alastor returns the favour for once, and by favour, I obviously mean eating Valentino's ass.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lMAO SO I REALIZED A LOT OF THE RECENT CHAPTERS INVOLVE WAKING UP FROM SLEEP SO U H, don't @ me I just like sleepy bois wHEEZE
> 
> BUT I SWEAR THE NEXT CHAPTER WILL PULL AWAY FROM THAT
> 
> Taking place sometime after their second anniversary, this is an NSFW chapter uwu

Something was touching Valentino's legs, which, given that he hadn't fallen asleep alone, wasn't entirely unnerving. Still, it was just out of the ordinary enough that the pimp couldn't just relax into the touch, so he lifted the covers, only to find his dear husband with two hands on his left thigh, lips pursed like he was about to bend down to kiss it.

"Good mornin', darlin'." Val grinned, the amusement evident in his voice.

"Mmm, good morning, dear." Alastor hummed, fingertips digging pleasantly into the muscle of Val's thigh.

Val reached a hand down to stroke through Alastor's hair, teasingly tugged on an antler, "To what do I owe the pleasure, hmm?"

"I just like your legs." Alastor said simply, slowly running his fingers up, only to drag them back down to Val's knee before they reached the top. Then he placed a heated kiss to blue skin, soon followed it up with another.

Heat curled low in Valentino's gut and he did his best not to roll his hips, "Gonna get me hard if you keep that up, Bambi."

Red eyes flickered to his soft - for now - cock, and a mischievous grin tugged at Alastor's lips, "I'll deal with it." He purred, running his hands up Val's thigh again, letting them linger near his crotch. Then he dragged them down, claws scratching deliciously over his flesh, not hard enough to break skin, but hard enough to leave marks.

Valentino let out a content sigh, threw the covers aside so Alastor wasn't hidden, then brought his upper arms up to cross behind his head, his lower two crossing over his stomach. He let his eyes slip closed, focused on the feeling of the attention. 

The hands and lips moved from his left thigh to his right, gently massaging away tension Val didn't know existed. Fingers slid lower, to his calf, where they kneeded at the muscle, lips connected with the top of his knee, then the side of it, trailed to his inner thigh, where they slowly moved upwards. At mid thigh, Alastor stopped, placed an open mouthed kiss on blue skin, then gently sucked.

Val's leg jerked, but Alastor held him still with ease, reminding the pimp of his immense strength.

"Stay still." Alastor gently chided, claws lightly digging into flesh in warning.

"That's a bit hard."

Teeth pressed against his skin, followed by a smooth chuckle, "Yes, I can see that."

A nip came after the statement and Val shivered, struggled to keep his hands off of his husband. "Don't be a tease, sweetheart, if you're gonna bite me then _bite me_ "

"Be careful what you wish for." Al purred, lips brushing Val's thigh as he spoke. He kept his hands where they were as he trailed more kisses further up, getting dangerously close to Val's rapidly hardening cock.

But he stopped just before reaching it.

He picked a nice sensitive spot on the pimp's upper leg and began to spoil it with attention, licking and kissing and sucking, and just when Val was about to jokingly complain about the teasing, Alastor bit down _hard_. Sharp teeth piercing flesh and drawing blood, Val could feel the hot wetness on his skin, running down to stain the sheets.

When he felt Alastor loosen his jaw, preparing to let him go, he threaded long fingers into red hair, pressed the deer's face into his thigh.

Alastor got the hint, bit down harder than before and stayed latched on until Valentino let him go. He pulled away with blood coating his mouth, dripping down his chin, and his tongue poked out to quickly lap it up, then returned to Val's thigh to clean it of crimson.

Val couldn't resist wrapping a lower hand around his leaking cock, "Shit, sweetheart, you really know how to treat a man."

"I try my best." Alastor grinned, giving the bite mark one last lick. He continued his attention, leaving behind purple bruises in his wake, pairing them with scratches that were just deep enough to break skin.

The pimp kept his hand on his cock, but hardly moved it, too focused on what Alastor was doing to him.

That is until Al's lips found their way back to the top of Valentino's left thigh a little while later. "Be a dear and move your hand for me." He hummed, eyes flicking up to land on Valentino's lazy smile.

"You gonna suck me off now?"

"I just want a taste. I have other meal plans."

Val arched an eyebrow, but Alastor didn't elaborate. He moved his hand out of the way, and Alastor leaned forward, one hand on each thigh to keep his balance, and sucked at the base of Valentino's thick cock. 

He didn't spend too much time on it, licking a stripe from the base to suck at the head then moving back down. Then Alastor's hands slid under Val's thighs, only to shove them upwards.

Valentino yelped, opened his mouth to yell at the deer to go easy, only to gasp and curse when he felt a tongue in the _last_ place he expected Alastor to put it.

" _Fuck_ , sweetheart!" His two lower hands flew to Alastor's head, his top pair scrambling to grab onto the pillow his head was resting on. His attempt at keeping his hips still failed completely and he shoved back on Alastor's tongue, trying to get it deeper. It had been _far_ too long since he'd experienced this last and he was going to enjoy every damn second. It didn't help that Alastor was apparently an expert at eating ass despite having never done it before. "Damn, Bambi, where'd you learn this?"

Alastor pulled away to mumble, "I've just been paying attention." Then went right back to work, sucking on Val's rim, pausing for just a moment to tongue at the piercing in Val's perineum, then going back to his hole. He shoved his tongue deep, hummed and moaned as he went about the task he'd set himself.

Val's mind was being blown and he couldn't quite scrape together the braincells to produce a thought. His brain was too scrambled and all he could get out was a string of curses mixed in with praise for his husband.

"Fuck, that's good, darlin'! That's the best- ah! Don't stop, don't you _dare_ stop! God, sweetheart-!" Val shoved his knuckles into his mouth, bit down hard on them, and though it stopped the words, it did nothing to muffle his noises. He kept his lower hands buried in Alastor's hair, held him close to grind on his face.

Until Alastor tried to sneak a finger in alongside his tongue and Valentino quite literally kicked him off the bed.

"Shit!" Val cursed, scrambling up. He helped Alastor back onto the bed, pulled him close to place apologetic smooches to Al's cheeks, his nose, his forehead, "I'm so sorry, sweetheart, are you hurt?"

"No, I'm just- very surprised. I wasn't expecting that reaction." Alastor spoke slowly, leaning into the attention, "Um, good or bad?"

"That was-" Val paused, stopped himself from saying it was a good reaction because it really wasn't, "I- uh, that's- I only- I don't bottom much." He finally choked out, heart beating hard enough he swore he could hear it, "I've really only ever done it once, ah- with one person, I mean." He let out a bitter laugh, "Fucking Hell, look at me! Getting so caught up over _sex_!"

"Dear." Alastor said softly, leaning back to get a better look at the larger demon, "Val. Don't say that." He took Val's hand into his own, stroked gentle fingers over the ring there, "I don't expect you to be fine with _everything_ just because of your reputation, and I should have asked first before trying something new."

Valentino threw an arm around Alastor's shoulders and tugged him close, quickly blinked away the tears he felt gathering in his eyes, "I love you, sweetheart." He whispered.

Alastor pressed a kiss to his cheek, "I love you too."

"Now _please_ sit on my face and let me return the favour."

That startled a laugh out of the deer, "You didn't even cum."

"I will when you let the pro show you how it's done." Valentino purred, gently tugging Alastor with him as he moved to lay back against the pillows. He manoeuvred Alastor to settle over his face, facing his torso, knees beside his shoulders. His top pair of hands settled on Alastor's thighs to keep him in place, his lower pair returning to his cock.

Val felt Alastor brace his hands on his chest, then push back on his face and he chuckled, finally stuck his tongue out to lick over the deer's hole. Soft fur brushed his forehead as Alastor flicked his tail at the feeling, and that only encouraged the pimp further. He ate his husband's ass like a starving man presented with a banquet, and Alastor was unable to do anything but dig his claws into Valentino's chest and hold on.

Noises toppled from Alastor's mouth, gasps and groans, the ocassional curse word he tried to quickly cover up with an exaggerated moan. 

The entire time, Valentino knew that Alastor's eyes were focused completely on his cock, the way he stroked himself, faster when Al was loud, quieter when he tried to muffle himself. He was getting closer, and he knew the deer was too when his tail wagged against his face, and one hand left his chest.

It wasn't hard to figure out where the hand went when Alastor's breath hitched, when the wagging of his tail became more erratic.

The feeling of hot, sticky cum splashing onto his stomach was what set Valentino off, adding to the mess. He didn't stop working his mouth until Alastor was pulling away, collapsing onto his side. 

Al shuffled around on the bed until he could rest his head on Valentino's chest. A delicate finger lifted to tap at the bleeding marks on the pimp's chest where claws had dug in, "Sorry about that, and um- your legs too. I might have gotten a bit carried away."

Valentino looked down at them as he wrapped an arm around Alastor's shoulders, focused on the vicious bite mark that was scabbed over and not looking at all pretty. An experimental movement of his legs had him groaning at the ache.

So much for the massage.

He placed a kiss in Alastor's hair, "You didn't do anything I didn't want you to, Bambi."

Alastor grumbled, but pressed his lips to Val's chest in a lazy kiss, then settled more heavily against him.

"Not getting up?"

"Five more minutes. Then shower."

Val chuckled, "Can't complain about that."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I mentioned this on Twitter, but of course not all of you follow me there, I have a BUNCH of chapters planned, as well as other whole fics for the series, I just haven't been feeling the motivation to write them + I've been working on a lot of much longer things for this verse behind the scenes, so that's been taking up time, please be patient with me! <33


	55. Jar of Hearts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alastor comes to Valentino and asks for something a little more permanent than a wedding ring to show his dedication.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YOUR BITCH HAD A ROUGH WEEK LMAO, but I finally managed to crank out a little chapter for ya'll, there's a bunch more in the works, please be patient with me! <33
> 
> This takes place roughly five years after the wedding

Alastor slinking into his lap wasn't the most unusual of actions, it was, actually, something that Valentino was pleased to admit he had grown quite used to. 

What _was_ unusual was the fact that Alastor had stripped completely naked, and had pressed the handle of a knife into one of Val's hands as soon as he'd taken a seat straddling his thighs. Not just any knife either, but a holy knife, an _angel blade_.

Valentino's gaze flicked from the knife, to his husband, and back to the knife again. His fingers trembled around it. "Alastor-"

"As much as I hate to admit this..." Alastor started, "As much as I tried to fight against it, and deny it for so long... I'm yours. I will never belong to anyone the way I belong to you." He closed his hand around Val's, guided the tip of the blade to press to his thigh, "And I want more than a ring to signify that."

Val sucked in a breath, held it for a long while, "Al..."

"I'm sure of this." Alastor spoke firmly, "I want this. Let them know who owns the Radio Demon." Then, a little softer, he added, "Let them know who the Radio Demon fell in love with." He cupped Valentino's cheek with a gentle hand, stroked his thumb over his skin.

The pimp turned his head to the side, pressed a lingering kiss to Alastor's palm, "What do you want it to say?"

"Anything, I don't care. Just make sure it lasts."

Val took a deep breath, tried to find a good angle to work with as he thought about what exactly to carve into his husband's skin. He let out a frustrated growl and tapped the desk when he couldn't quite find it, the space too small for his long arms to be able to settle at a comfortable angle, "Sit up here, I can't reach like this."

Alastor repositioned himself without complaint, giving Val the room he needed to work.

His tongue poked out of the side of his mouth as the pimp concentrated, finding a space on Alastor's left thigh that wasn't already scarred up. He found a spot on his upper thigh, big enough for what he wanted, and he got to work.

The tip of the blade was pressed to Alastor's skin, and after a small nod of confirmation when Val gave him a questioning glance, the knife was pressed deeper until it pierced skin and flesh.

Alastor hissed at the pain, but his leg remained perfectly still, the hands he placed on Valentino's shoulders only clutched at him lightly.

A small V was carved into his leg first, followed by an A, then an L. The letters were followed up with a carefully drawn heart.

Bright red blood ran down pale skin to pool on the desk, but Val didn't care for that. His two lower hands stroked gently over Alastor's bare legs, his top pair moving to hold Alastor's face, "How do you feel, baby?"

"Loved." Alastor whispered, "Wanted. Appreciated."

"Good." Val breathed, surging forward to capture Alastor's lips in a hungry kiss. "Do you want to mark me up too?"

"I already have." Al mumbled, indicating the bite scar on Valentino's bottom lip with his tongue. "But maybe another time, if you want more."

"Always." Valentino said, then ducked down to lick over the wound he'd made, cleaning away the blood to get a better look at his name. He slid a hand up to press a thumb into the fresh cuts, drawing a hiss from Alastor and coaxing the deer to grab handfuls of his coat, haul him up to smash their mouths together in a sloppy kiss.

It wasn't pleasant, but Val only chuckled into it, slowly guided Alastor to lay on the desk so he could really show him just how much he was loved. Unfinished work be damned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I say this every chapter but whatever, follow me on Twitter for updates! I recently posted a preview for this chapter and before that a quick summary of all the chapter WIPs I was working on, when I'm not updating about my writing progress, I'm posting or retweeting dope as fuck Hazbin art so it's definitely worth checking out! uwu [@hunting_people](https://twitter.com/hunting_people)


	56. Dress Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alastor wears a dress for Valentino and realizes just how much power that gives him over the pimp.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Cracks knuckles*
> 
> Alright lads, in this chapter we got the typical daddy kink, with a healthy dose of dirty talk and feminization, some spanking, and just a HINT of breeding kink. So yeah, this is obviously an NSFW chapter.
> 
> Apologies for some fucky POV stuff lmao

The question was asked completely out of the blue one day, with Alastor seated comfortably in his husband's lap while the pimp worked. Lips had brushed against the deer's ear, a puff of hot air warming them before Valentino rasped, "When are you gonna let Daddy dress you up, hmm?" He shifted then, letting Alastor really feel the bulge that had grown in his pants.

Alastor's grin had twitched just a tad wider as he leaned back against the larger demon, "It depends, do I get any say in my outfit?"

"I already had something in mind..." Val mumbled, teeth nipping at fur.

The deer spread his legs, inviting the hand that had been playing with the hem of his pants to venture further, "Care to share?" He asked in a hum, relaxing into the touch.

"Do you trust me?"

"Of course, dear, how is that even a question?"

-

Valentino hadn't done anything with the permission straight away, as Alastor had been expecting. It wasn't until a month later, when Alastor was certain he'd forgotten about it, that he finally asked him to come to the penthouse early the next morning, wearing a plug if he was feeling up to it.

Luckily for the pimp, Alastor was.

-

"Hair and makeup?"

"Yeah, baby! Go hard or go home, right?"

Alastor squinted at him suspiciously, "I just agreed to dress up for you."

Valentino pouted at him, "It won't be anything too crazy, sweetheart, I promise, it'll only take five minutes."

"It'll make you happy?"

" _Extremely_ happy."

The deer rolled his eyes, "Where's the dress?"

"Closet." Val grinned, "Thank you, Bambi." He pulled his husband close to smooch his cheek, then let him go with a gentle push towards the closet. He grinned as Alastor crossed the room, a little extra sway in his hips, and Val took a seat on the bed to wait not so patiently for him to return. "You don't need any help do you?" He called after him.

"This isn't my first time putting on a dress!" Alastor answered from the walk-in closet, voice muffled by the heavy door.

Valentino was almost giddy with the excitement, his legs jiggling as he tried to sit still. He could hear Alastor rustling around in the closet, humming faintly to himself, and he summoned a cigar for something to do. He didn't want to rush Al, perfection took time after all, but Valentino _did_ have plans for the day, including a reservation at the deer's favourite restaurant.

Thankfully, Alastor reappeared with enough time to spare, clad in the dress that Valentino had bought specifically for him.

It was a rather modest dress, covering everything that Alastor usually kept hidden under his suit. It was also a deep red colour, Valentino thinking it best to keep with the Radio Demon's typical colour scheme, but it did have accents of black and white in the lace and ruffles.

"Did you put _everything_ on?"

Alastor arched an eyebrow at him, "That's for you to find out later." He hummed, his steps a little awkward as he approached Valentino, proving that he'd slipped on the heeled shoes. "Hair and makeup now?"

"Uh huh." Val purred, wrapping an arm around Alastor's waist to pull him into a kiss. He directed Alastor to sit in front of the vanity once he was able to leave his face alone, and made short work of his hair, simply brushing it and tying it back, the same style Alastor had worn for their wedding. For makeup, he went for some faint pink blush, a bit of maskara, and a deep red lipstick to match the dress, which was hard to apply when the deer refused to stop grinning.

Val managed though, and he couldn't fight off his own grin when he straightened up to admire his work. "Beautiful." He breathed, holding Alastor's chin in a gentle grip, " _Stunning_."

Alastor huffed, "Don't we have somewhere to be?"

Valentino hummed, turned his cheek to the deer and gave it a gentle tap, "Give me a smooch right here."

Al rolled his eyes, but complied with the demand, pressing his lips to Val's cheek and letting them linger. When he pulled away he left behind a perfect lipstick mark and Valentino grinned at his reflection.

"Perfect." He purred, "We can go now, princess." He double checked that Alastor's lipstick looked fine, before he offered out his hand and gently pulled him to his feet.

The nickname earned a small reaction from the deer, but not a negative one, not one that made Valentino think it was unwanted and that he should stop. So he'd continue on, trusting Alastor to stop him if or when it grew uncomfortable.

With one last adjustment of his coat and hat, Val offered his elbow to Alastor, grabbed his cane in a free hand, and lead them out of the penthouse.

Alastor's new look turned more than a few heads from those working on the lower floors of the studio, but no one dared to stare, too scared of what the consequences may be.

The grin that Valentino had on his face felt like it was going to become just as permanent as Alastor's. He felt such a selfish joy at having an amazing piece of arm candy hanging off of him, but it wasn't just any arm candy, it was _Alastor_ , his love, looking as mesmerizing as he always did, just in an entirely different way.

When they reached the limo waiting outside, Alastor climbed in like he'd been wearing dresses his entire life, and Val was tempted to ask if he just adapted that quickly, or if there was something he hadn't told his husband. Alastor _had_ mentioned wearing dresses before, but maybe that was a question for later.

"How're you feelin', sweetheart?"

"Surprisingly comfortable." Alastor answered immediately, turning to Val with an unnaturally wide grin, "There's something about the dress that... just seems to make me _feel_ more powerful. I don't know if that's the right way to describe it..." He trailed off, shrugged and adjusted his monocle, "Either way, my dear, excellent idea! Before the day is out, I'd like to crush at least _one_ head beneath my heel, I've seen you do that many a time and it looks so satisfying!"

Val chuckled, "Do that before we get to the restaurant, I don't want it to become known as the place that the Radio Demon frequents just to snack on the guests, rather than the actual menu." 

"Mm, no promises." Alastor hummed, "Let's hope the other diners keep their thoughts to themselves."

"If not, then I'll deal with them." Valentino reassured, snaking one arm around Al's waist to pull him close and press a kiss to his cheek. "You really do look amazing."

"As you've said, and I don't doubt it." Alastor purred, carefully leaning his head against the pimp's shoulder, wanting to avoid smudging the makeup, "You look ridiculous with lipstick on your cheek though."

"I think I look great and I'm wearing it with pride." Val preened, puffing out his chest. "You should leave your mark on me more often, baby girl."

Alastor blinked at him, but after a moment, he rolled his eyes, playfully shoved his husband, "I'll gladly smudge my lipstick for you later, _Daddy_."

Valentino's grip tightened, a deep groan falling from his mouth that soon turned into a chirp, "Don't do this to me, sweetheart, we still got a whole day to get through."

The deer's grin turned into a cheeky smirk as he placed a hand on Val's thigh to help him keep balance, then tugged him down with his other hand. Instead of kissing him like Val thought he would, Al's lips just barely brushed his neck before he pulled back.

"If I ask nicely, do you think the cook would give me an entire rib cage to eat? I'm in the mood to crunch bones."

That shouldn't have had the effect on Valentino that it did, but he was hopelessly infatuated with Alastor, and there wasn't a single thing the deer could do that wouldn't go straight to Val's dick. He tried to fill his mind with unsexy thoughts, or there was no way he'd get through dinner without shoving his husband against a wall and humping him like a feral dog.

-

First on the agenda was a simple walk around Pentagram City, just to experience the sights and not at all an excuse for Valentino to show off his husband.

Next was heading to the shopping district, mostly to browse, though some things did end up getting bought - and it also was not an excuse for Valentino to show off his husband.

Lastly was dinner, which was a quick affair, with Valentino ordering nothing - it was a cannibal restaurant after all - and Alastor only getting a small rib cage to devour. Though Alastor was a tease the entire time, delicately pulling flesh from bone with his teeth, sucking the ribs clean, only to set them back on the plate to crunch later.

Valentino was glad he had both the table cloth and his coat to hide what was going on down South, but Alastor _knew_ and he wasn't afraid to worsen the situation.

There wasn't much hiding he could do back in the limo, and Alastor didn't hesitate to sit himself in Valentino's lap, being careful to place his ass on the pimp's thighs and no where near his crotch. He happily munched on the leftover bones he'd taken from the restaurant, exaggerating his moans at the taste, catching Val's eye just to make sure he was watching when he wrapped his tongue around a bone.

"Bambi." Valentino growled lowly, claws digging into Alastor's hip, certainly damaging the dress, but he was going to do worse to it soon if Al didn't stop.

"Hmm? What is it, dear?" Alastor asked innocently, "Oh, is it my lipstick?" He leaned close, lips just barely brushing Val's, "Does it need to be reapplied?"

Val grunted, a free hand coming up to grab ahold of Alastor's ponytail, drag him close to connect their lips in a heated kiss, uncaring of the taste. More of his hands descended on his husband, not being rough, but being firm, tugging him against his chest.

Alastor growled into the kiss, bones forgotten as he fisted the fur collar of Val's coat, shoved him back against the seat. Teeth met Val's lips, easily slicing through skin, so Al could get a taste of fresh blood.

He pulled back, panting harshly, and Val couldn't quite tell what stains were smudged lipstick and what was his blood.

"I'm taking us back to the studio, tell your chauffeur I'm not sorry."

They were back in the penthouse before Valentino could even let out a laugh, and he swallowed it down in favour of doing what he'd wanted to do all night, which was shoving the deer up against the wall. Two hands grabbed Alastor's ass through layers of fabric, the other two pinning his wrists above his head.

"Are you gonna take responsibility for this, baby girl?" Val asked in a rasp, pressing his straining pants against Alastor, "Show Daddy what you're hiding under this dress?" He released Alastor's wrists and adjusted his grip carefully, used his upper hands to hold Alastor's hips while his lower pair slid under the dress. Gliding over bare thighs to an equally bare ass.

He stilled.

"Oh." Alastor said simply, "I must have forgotten to put the underwear on. I hope you can forgive that?"

"Show me, sweetheart."

Alastor gathered up the material of the dress, pulled it up to reveal everything below his waist, "Is that what you were looking for?"

Valentino let out a long breath at the sight.

Alastor's dick was free to stand proud, the tip already wet, but he had chosen to put the garter on his right thigh and Val slipped his fingers under it, let out another, smaller, breath.

Abruptly, Val released the deer, let him drop to the floor with a gasp and he wobbled on his heels, before Val was spinning him around and bending him over, lifting the dress to get a better look at Alastor's bare ass.

That little tail stood straight up as soon it was exposed again, flashing the soft, white underside. Underneath it, sticking out of Alastor's hole, was the jewel of the large, purple plug he'd been wearing since that morning.

Val toyed with it for a moment, but he was too impatient to really get the deer worked up about it, sliding the plug out and letting it drop the floor. He replaced the plug with his fingers, drawing a loud gasp from Alastor, and he was pleased to note how slick Al was, practically _dripping_.

"You really had this in for the entire time and didn't bother with any underwear?"

Alastor simply shrugged.

"Gonna be the death of me, baby girl."

The deer impatiently stomped a foot, flicked his tail, "You say that a lot and it has yet to happen, either you're lying, or you don't understand the meaning of the word."

Valentino leaned over Alastor, making sure to grind his still clothed erection into Alastor's slick crack as he did so, "You're on the right track to earn yourself a spanking, young lady."

Alastor looked over his shoulder, locked their gazes. Then he slowly arched his back, tail sticking straight up, "Maybe I deserve it, Daddy."

The sudden slap to Alastor's pale cheek made him yelp, jerk forward to practically hug the wall.

"That one was free for being so cheeky _and_ for teasing me all day." Val growled, prying Alastor from the wall and returning him to his original position, "Now you're going to get five, because you're new to this and also because I'm impatient. Count them all. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes."

"Yes, what?"

"Yes, _Daddy_."

"Good girl." Valentino purred, revelling in the moment. It wasn't often that he felt confident enough to be rough with Al without asking first, and he kept a close eye on his husband, searching for any sign that Alastor wasn't one hundred percent comfortable.

If the bright red blush and faintly wagging tail were anything to go by, Alastor was more than eager to experience what was to come.

"Ready?"

Alastor huffed, "Just get on with it!"

Val hummed a tune as he moved his hands, top left moving to twine fingers with Alastor's left hand on the wall. The top right kept Al's back arched low, bottom left held his hip, and the bottom right would be the one doing the deed. He gently massaged at reddened flesh, half an apology for the first smack, half getting him ready for the next smack that was swiftly delivered.

That time, Alastor didn't jerk away, or cry out, just took it in stride, calmly counted.

The grin was enough to split Valentino's face, gold tooth glinting. He leaned over Alastor, buried a kiss in his hair and gently squeezed his hand, watched the light reflect off of their rings. "Good girl, Bambi." He praised reverently. "Just four more."

A tail flick.

Valentino chuckled, delivered another slap to his favourite ass, waited for the count, then switched his lower hands to make sure Alastor wasn't too sore on one side.

Alastor took it as gracefully as one getting their first proper spanking could, which is to say, by the end of it he was sobbing from the pleasure, chin coated in drool, dick staining his dress.

Val tutted, "Such a mess after _five_ , we're going to have to build up your tolerance, sweetheart."

"Another time." Alastor managed, pushing back against the taller demon, "Right now, I need you."

"There's a nicer way to ask for that, Bambi." Valentino purred, catching an ear between his teeth and tugging on it.

"Please, Daddy."

The pimp gave in with a fond chuckle, dirty talk was still something they had to work on, but Alastor was getting there at least. He eased a couple of fingers into Alastor's hole, delighting in the gasp and the shiver that ran down the deer's spine. Deeming him prepared enough, he removed his fingers and wiped them clean on the dress - it wasn't going to make it to the end of the day anyway - then unzipped and took his cock out, giving it one stroke, then two, just for a bit of relief.

One lower hand then brushed fingers through snow white fur, the others staying in place on Alastor as Valentino lined himself up and slowly sank in, still watching for any signs that Al wasn't into it.

But Al took him without complaint, even went so far as to push back, taking Val deeper.

Val groaned, "So tight, but you take me so damn well, baby girl."

"Stop talking and _move_!" The deer hissed.

"Bite your tongue, princess, Daddy doesn't like being ordered around."

Alastor quite literally stuck his tongue out and caught it between his teeth at the same time as he shoved back harshly, forcing Valentino off balance for a moment.

Valentino shoved back just as hard, getting a gasp in response. He slid two hands down to Alastor's ass, thoroughly abused with forming bruises, heat radiating off of it in waves. Cruelly, he squeezed a cheek, claws digging into bruises, just to feel Alastor clench around him and hear the ragged breath that fell from his lips.

"Are you ready for it, baby? I ain't going easy."

A frantic nod in response and Alastor's tail trying unsuccessfully to flatten against his back, partly because the dress was in the way and partly because Al just couldn't keep it still.

Val closed a hand around it, closed another hand around an antler. The one that was covering Al's own hand stayed in place, thumb gently carressing skin.

Then he pulled out and thrust back in, pulling Alastor against him in the same motion. He didn't give the deer a chance to adjust, taking out his pent up frustration from the day, letting out loud chirps in response to each little noise that his husband let out. Making sure to praise him with each breath he took, keeping the touch of his hands light, while the pounding of his hips stayed brutal.

For the most part though, Alastor was staying quiet, only letting out muffled sounds as opposed to speaking.

A smirk worked its way onto Valentino's face as he leaned over the smaller demon, pressed lips to the back of his neck. He slowed his thrusts, waited for a frustrated growl before he spoke, "Don't you have any words for me, sweetheart? You don't want to tell Daddy how good he fills you up?" Another kiss, teeth just barely grazing skin, "You don't want to tell Daddy just how well he _breeds_ his little princess?"

Alastor whimpered loudly, the claws of his free hand digging deep grooves into the wall.

When Val felt Alastor lift his leg to stomp his foot, he quickly wrapped his lower arms around Alastor's waist and straightened out his own legs, lifting the smaller demon off the floor while staying inside of him.

"Don't throw a tantrum, baby girl." Val breathed, rolling his hips, "Talk to me, Bambi, I may just have to stop if you're not enjoying it-"

"No!"

"Oh?" The pimp purred, "Got something to say? Do you want me to fill this ass until it's dripping?" He gave said ass a light slap, rocked his hips.

"Yes!" Alastor cried out, " _Yes_ , I want that! Please, Val- _please, Daddy!_ "

Valentino moved to speak directly into Al's ear, "Specifics, baby, I don't know what _that_ is."

"You damn well know what I mean!" Alastor snapped, squirming in his husband's grip.

Val set him down on the ground, a chuckle bubbling out of him, "Not very good at subbing are you?"

The deer twisted as much as he could in the pimp's tight hold, "So help me _Satan_ , I _will_ rip your penis off and make you choke on it."

His chuckle turned into a full blown laugh, "Okay, Bambi, okay!" He wheezed, "Okay, no dirty talk, but I _do_ want to hear you. Can you do that for me, baby girl?"

Alastor gave him a strained grin, "If you earn it."

Valentino set about changing their position, switching back to the original one of shoving Alastor against the wall, just so he could see the beautiful mess of Al's face, and maybe make it worse. His lower hands supported the deer's weight while his upper hands pinned Alastor's to the wall, "Is this alright, darlin'?"

Alastor nodded, "For now." Then quieter, he added, "Kiss me?"

"Gladly." Val whispered, capturing Alastor's lips as he eased himself back inside. He set up a slower pace, something more akin to _love making_ than the harsh fucking they'd been doing before. The pace soon picked up though as Valentino's desperation grew, egged on by the moans that Alastor no longer tried to hide. He adjusted his grip, releasing one of Al's hands to wrap a hand around his leaking erection.

Legs tightened around his waist, and the newly freed hand flew to Val's coat, clutching at the fur collar. Alastor alternated between rocking into his hand, and rocking back into the thrusts.

Val started paying attention to one particular spot where the corner of Alastor's jaw met his neck, licking and biting. His antennae flickered as he picked up every noise that tumbled out of Alastor, committing them to memory, especially when they began to distort and stutter, static lacing his voice as he approached that edge.

"Gonna cum for me, baby girl?"

"Yes." Alastor whimpered, claws digging into the back of Val's hand, "Please, _please_ , Daddy, please-"

Valentino latched his teeth onto the deer's neck as he thrust in one last time, emptying his balls as deep as possible, a long chirp accompanying his completion.

Alastor finished into his hand, but the dress still caught some of it, not that that was really a problem. Val would throw the thing out, find something better.

The pimp eased out of Alastor, unashamedly holding the dress out of the way so he could watch. A wide grin exposed his red fangs as he spotted a trail of his cum drip from Alastor's abused hole.

It was the opposite of Alastor's disgusted grimace, "If you could stop gawking and put me down, that would be nice of you, thank you."

"Don't ruin my fun, Bambi." Val huffed, but gently set Alastor back on his feet, keeping his hands on his waist until he was certain Al wasn't going to fall over. "Bath time?"

Alastor opened his mouth, paused, "...Maybe a shower instead, I don't think I can sit."

"Whatever you want, dear." Valentino smiled fondly, "Can you walk?"

"I can do that much myself, yes."

He couldn't, at least not as well as normal. His steps were slow, wobbly, but Val held his hand the entire time as they crossed the penthouse to the bathroom, ensuring that he didn't fall and hurt himself further. Alastor stood in the middle of the bathroom as Val prepared the shower, legs trembling as he struggled to hold himself upright.

"I enjoyed that." He spoke quietly.

Val turned to his husband with an arched eyebrow, "I should hope so, I would hate to think you didn't like any part of that."

Alastor shrugged, "All I had to do was put on a dress and a bit of makeup and I got you to spoil me rotten, I don't see how I could have hated it." He turned to the full length mirror, one made for a demon of Val's size, and studied his reflection. A hand reached up to rub at a smear of lipstick at the corner of his mouth, eyes judging just how much hair had fallen out of the ponytail. "The mess is bothersome, but I like seeing it on you."

"Good to know, sweetheart." Valentino grinned, making his way back to Alastor, "And the nicknames? I hope they were alright?"

"I liked them, but... maybe save them for special occasions."

"Can do." Val nodded, "Need help getting undressed?"

"Of course."

Val shook his head fondly, crouching down to slip off the shoes, chucking them aside, then moved onto the knee high socks, surprised that they'd managed to stay relatively in place. Then he lifted the dress higher, caught the leg garter between his teeth and tugged that down too, letting it drop to the floor so Alastor could kick it off.

"You just had to, didn't you?" Alastor asked, amusement evident in his tone.

"'Course, you never wore one on our wedding day."

"Maybe when we renew our vows." Alastor hummed, "Ten year anniversary sound good?"

"That's a long way away." Val pouted, but he straightened up to peck Alastor on the lips, "But I can wait. Until then..." He took a hold of the dress and didn't bother to undo it properly, simply ripping the material from Alastor's body. He was quick to remove his own clothes, then scooped Alastor up to carry him to the shower.

Valentino took his time worshipping Alastor's body, paying extra attention to his bruised cheeks, until Alastor informed him that he really couldn't stand anymore. 

Alastor was dried off with the fluffiest towel that Valentino owned, then dressed in the softest pair of pyjamas and tucked into bed while Val dressed himself.

"I had a good day." Alastor whispered, moving to rest his cheek on Val's broad chest when he finally slid into bed beside him.

Val wrapped an arm around his shoulders, pressed a kiss to the top of his head, "I did too, baby, thank you." 

"Anything for you, my love."

A few moments later, Alastor was sound asleep.

Valentino wasn't far behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Alastor was too busy seducing Valentino to remember to crush some poor fucker's head.
> 
> But at least he got to crunch some bones.
> 
> And I forgot to mention this last chapter, but due to some issues, I've turned off anonymous comments, I'm incredibly sorry to anyone this effects


	57. A Moment of Peace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first time Alastor falls asleep on Valentino.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A sweet moment early on in their relationship uwu

Alastor had been silent for the past ten minutes. Though Valentino hadn't experienced it before, Alastor running out of steam for one of his many monologues was bound to happen sooner or later. Now they were sitting in comfortable silence, Alastor a welcome weight against Valentino's side as he scrolled through his phone.

It wasn't until he turned to say something to the deer that he realized Alastor had fallen asleep on him.

"Oh." He breathed. Carefully, like he was handling a ticking bomb, he manouevered Alastor so he was laying down, head in his lap, and gently started carding long fingers through his hair. "I guess ya needed the rest, huh?" He asked with a soft chuckle.

The situation didn't really sink in until a few moments later.

Alastor had fallen asleep on him. Alastor _trusted_ him enough to fall asleep in his presence.

Valentino's breath hitched, his hand starting to tremble where it stroked through hair, "I'm gonna treat you so well, Bambi." He whispered, "Shit, I'd give you all of Hell if you asked for it." Something hot and wet touched his cheek and he jumped at the feel of it, a free hand coming up to swipe at his face. Only to find that he was crying.

He let out a watery laugh, dried his face with one sleeve, did his best to savour the moment in case it didn't happen again. 

Alastor curled up so contentedly against him, a faint smile on his lips, breathing so softly.

Selfishly, Valentino indulged himself in touching for just a little longer. He placed his palm on Alastor's cheek, tips of his fingers curling under his chin, his thumb brushing ever so gently over the deer's cheekbone, just beneath his eye. 

Then he withdrew it to let the Radio Demon sleep and settled for watching, thinking of all the ways he could spoil the one he finally got to call his.


	58. Sick Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Valentino gets sick and Alastor takes care of him, that's literally it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A fluffy idea and the other two V's get to make an appearance uwu

"What do you mean you're sick?"

The answer was muffled, slurred, "I mean 'm _sick_..."

Alastor stared down at the bundle of blankets with a suspicious squint, "Illnesses don't effect demons, how is that possible?"

"Don' fuckin' know." Valentino groaned, the bundle of blankets shifting as he threw them off to glare at his husband, "'M sick and 'm _tired_ and 'm gonna sleep _all day_." He flopped back down, taking the blankets with him.

"Oh dear." Alastor mumbled.

The small glimpse of Val's face he'd seen hadn't been pretty. There were bags under his eyes where he'd obviously been deprived of the sleep he craved, and he squinted his eyes like the light in the room hurt them, his antennae pressed flat to his head.

"Oh dear." He repeated.

He was hoping for a fun day of bothering Valentino to pay attention to him on what otherwise would have been a boring day at the hotel, but that clearly wasn't going to happen. It was still something to do at least, it might not be fun to see Valentino so miserable, but taking care of him would keep him occupied. 

"Well, we can't have that now, can we?" Alastor hummed, stepping around the bed to where he thought Valentino's face was hidden. When he lifted the blankets he found he was correct, the pimp's whole face buried in a pillow, making Alastor wonder if he could even breath.

The action produced a loud, annoyed groan from the sick demon.

"You stay right here, and I'll whip you up something nice. I'm sure you're starving, dear." Alastor bent down, placed a kiss to the back of a bald head, then stepped away and let the blankets drop. Watched the large pile shrink in on itself as Val curled up more, before Alastor retreated from the bedroom.

Val usually kept a nice well stocked kitchen, even if he rarely used the penthouse for actual _living_ , so Alastor would have no trouble at all cooking him a nice meal. The deer was delighted to find he had all of the ingredients to make a good chicken and rice soup, so he went about preparing it, humming along jovially to the bouncy music that started up around him. He tried to keep it quiet though, not wanting to disturb his husband's rest.

He was cleaning up the mess he made from preparation when he a very unwelcome distraction appeared.

Neither of them bothered knocking, because _of course_ they didn't, and they loudly announced their presence without a care in Hell.

"Val, get your lazy ass out of bed! We got shit to do!"

"Do you _mind_?" Alastor snapped at Vox, stopping the pair from getting any further, "I think you'll find that Valentino isn't feeling well right now, and the _last_ thing he needs is the both of you yapping your heads off at him."

Velvet pouted at him, stomped one of her feet, "That isn't fair! He was supposed to help me pick out date outfits!"

"He didn't choose to get sick. You'll have to wait."

"How do we know you're telling the truth?" 

Alastor bared his teeth in a snarl, prepared a retort, only to be interrupted.

"Can you not?" 

The voice had the three of them whirling around to face the bedroom doorway.

Valentino was stood there, eyes closed, several blankets awkwardly clutched around his body.

Alastor tutted, "Go back to bed, darling, I'll get rid of these two."

Val mumbled something that sounded like _'they can stay if they shut the fuck up'_ , and rubbed at his face with a blanket covered hand. He made his way to the couch from pure muscle memory and flopped down onto it, immediately curling up until his body was indistinguishable.

The deer stepped back into the kitchen to check the soup, squinting suspiciously at his husband's friends, "I won't stop you from hanging around if you keep it down, but I only made enough soup for Valentino, so don't expect to get fed."

"Who the fuck died and put you in charge-"

A loud growl came from the bundle on the couch.

Alastor grinned triumphantly and Vox just glowered at him.

"That's just boring!" Velvet comaplained, "Are you _sure_ you can't help me out, Val?" She asked, leaning over the back of the couch to shake the pimp.

"He's absolutely sure!" Alastor said firmly, his shadow pulling away from him to curl protectively over Valentino, snarling in Velvet's face.

She put her hands on her hips and glared at it, but it didn't back down. Velvet let out a huff and flopped down in the bean big chair instead, putting her chin in her hands. "Then it's up to you and Vox to help me out!"

"Fuck no." Vox said, before Alastor could decline in a much more polite way.

The deer sighed, "Sweetheart." He started gently, waiting for Velvet's attention before he continued, "Niffty loves you and she loves everything you wear, you don't have to fret so much and you certainly don't need to bother Valentino to help you."

Velvet pouted harder, eventually looked away after a long moment, "I guess you're right," She muttered.

"Now that that's sorted-" Vox jumped over the back of the couch, narrowly avoiding crushing Valentino's feet, and pointed at the television, the device flicking on. With a wave of his hand, the channels changed until it stopped on one showing a particularly bloody game show. Then a finger snap and the volume increased dramatically, muffling the groan that Valentino let out.

Alastor clenched his fists, only just managed to hold himself back from strangling the TV demon, " _Vox_!"

"What?" Vox asked exasperatedly, "Tiny loves game shows!"

" _Not_ when he's sick and you raise the volume loud enough to burst eardrums!" Alastor dragged his hands down his face, "Honestly! I thought you'd both be more considerate of your _sick friend_ , are you really that selfish that you can't give him a _day_ to himself?"

Vox scowled at him, while Velvet simply looked away, Alastor glared until the TV demon backed down too. He didn't say anything, but the volume of the TV lowered to just above silent, and he reached out a hand to awkwardly pat the bundle of blankets beside him. Velvet had pulled out her phone and had started to silently tap at the screen.

"Thank you." Alastor spoke softly. 

He checked the soup again, then removed the apron he'd borrowed - something of Val's that hung too loose on Alastor, even when he folded it over at the waist so the bottom wouldn't drag on the floor - and took a seat on the arm chair to join his husband's friends. He watched his shadow burrow under the blankets, snorted at the muffled chirp he heard from Val, then turned his attention to the TV, tried to enjoy the nonsense on screen while he waited for the food to cook.

At least there was blood and death to keep him entertained, and maybe that was something he and Vox could bond over for a little while.

Or not, because Val's best friend was still incredibly annoying.

A ding sounded in the air and Alastor immediately jumped up to return to the kitchen.

"Are you sure there isn't any to spare?" Velvet asked, putting on her best puppy dog face.

"I'm certain." Alastor answered firmly, "Feel free to raid the cupboards though, or order food." He spooned some soup into a large bowl, and put the leftovers in another to store in the fridge. Then he carried the bowl back to the living room, and didn't even need to dig up his husband from his nest because he shot up as soon as Alastor came close, shadow snuggled up to his side.

A genuine smile found its way to Alastor's lips and he shook his head as he seated himself on the couch between Vox and Val. He held the bowl out for Valentino to take, but the pimp didn't touch it, simply opened his mouth.

Alastor blinked, "Dear, I'm not going to spoon feed you."

Val shut his mouth with a clack, frowned at the deer.

"You have _four_ hands that work perfectly fine, you can feed yourself."

A deeper frown, "But 'm sick."

"That's not-"

"But you love me."

"I-"

"Just fucking feed him, Cupid!" Vox groaned, "Be considerate of your _sick husband_."

Alastor whirled around to glare at the demon, his shadow following suit, "Keep your mouth shut, thank you." He growled, but gave in. He scooped up a good amount of chicken and rice on the spoon and held it to Valentino's mouth.

The pimp let out pleased chirps as he chewed, eyes closing in contentment.

"Ugh."

"Excuse you." Alastor growled without turning around, "You don't hear me making disgusted noises when you think it's okay to grope Husker at the bar."

"I do _not_ grope him at the bar!"

"You kinda do." Velvet commented.

"You kinda do." Valentino echoed, once he'd swallowed his mouthful of food.

"I hate you. All of you. Fuck you." Vox grumbled, crossing his arms and slumping against the back of the couch.

Alastor waited for a bigger tantrum, but when it didn't happen, he grinned smugly to himself and scooped up another spoonful of soup for Val. 

The soup was soon finished and Val curled up on the couch again, his body wrapped around Alastor's shadow. He was asleep in seconds.

Vox didn't stick around for much longer, watching another episode of the game show before he loudly announced that he had business to attend to. He wished Velvet luck and and gave Valentino's blankets an affectionate pat, then disappeared through the front door without even a goodbye for Alastor, not that the Radio Demon cared.

Velvet managed to rope Alastor into giving his opinions on some outfits in the end, and she left a few hours after Vox, after giving the deer a brief hug.

"Finally just you and me again." Alastor hummed.

The pile of blankets snored in reply.

"Dear." Alastor chuckled, "You'll be more comfortable in bed." He lifted the blankets to peek at his husband, found the pimp's face buried in the stomach of his shadow.

The intrusion of light made Valentino awake with a groan, try to hide his face more in Alastor's shadow, "Wha...?"

"To bed with you." The deer ordered, giving the pimp's rump a light swat. "I'll get you some more soup to eat before you go back to sleep if you get up now."

A moment of hesitation, then Val was turning his head so his voice wouldn't be muffled, "Only if you feed it to me again."

Alastor heaved an exaggerated sigh, but bent down to press a kiss to his husband's head, "Deal."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Conspiracy theory: Valentino faked the whole thing


	59. Have A Kitkat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Val takes a much deserved break from work to dance with Alastor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shorty short chapter, but I hope the content makes up for it uwu

"Dance with me, my dear! And don't you dare say _'I'm working'_!"

"But I'm working-"

"Then take a well deserved break!"

The Radio Demon's good mood was ridiculously contagious and Valentino couldn't help the fond smile tugging at his lips. With a dramatic sigh he stood from his desk, kicking his chair out of the way and letting Alastor grab his hand to drag him to the middle of the office, "And what dance are we dancing?"

"Hmm, not sure!" Alastor laughed, lifting Val's hands above his head so he could twirl under his arm, feet moving in a bastardized version of a tap dance. "Something energetic maybe! Bouncy!"

"I don't think we quite have the space for that."

"Not with that attitude, my dear!"

"You know-" Val tried, stopping to huff a laugh when Alastor ducked under his arm again, "You know I'm better at following a routine than I am at freestylin'."

"But where's the fun in that?" Alastor sang, dancing circles around his husband, "Just move your feet, wherever they feel like going! Loosen up!"

Val shook his head, "Easier said than done."

Alastor tutted, mirrored Val's headshake, "You wound me, darling, really."

"What's the reason for the sudden energy anyway?" The pimp asked, wrapping his arms around the smaller demon.

"Just thinking." Alastor hummed, "About you. Us." His smile softened, "It made me happy. So I wanted to dance with you."

In a sudden movement, Valentino dipped Alastor, and the deer cried out, clung to him tightly.

"Then let's dance." Val decided, leaning closer to steal a kiss before pulling his husband back up. He began to lead them in tight circles, the office designed for demons of his size of course, but not necessarily for demons of his size _dancing_. 

Their dancing soon devolved into them just swinging the other around, then Al trying to twirl Val, Val in turn lifting Al by the waist, and not letting him down until he received a kiss. 

Less dancing, and more just idiots having fun, in a world that was constantly trying to prevent that.


	60. Nah Nah Honey I'm Good

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Valentino gets so shitfaced that he doesn't even recognize his own husband in a dress

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHAT'S UP, FUCKERS, LONG TIME NO SEE
> 
> uH, yeah writing's hard idk, a lot's been going on, I closed down my Valastor server and repurposed it to sort of be my Valastor 'archive' and I've been using it to compile info and store ideas and such and it's actually been a great help, so here's a new chapter!
> 
> There's also a brand new WCSY timeline so you can read all of these chapters (and the other fics in this universe) all in chronological order! [Who Could Stop You Timeline](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1q-_PHtt_3xeZvWRnXcfsqJ5Ivtzakh4Kkq4fEVneqjE/edit?usp=sharing) (If you spot any inaccuracies, please let me know!)
> 
> This chapter is also loosely based off of [this song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ejF8Qv6VZk)

"Excuse me?" Alastor blinked at his husband in disbelief. Sure, the deer was dressed differently than usual, in a dress rather than a suit, and sure Angel had helped him into a bit of makeup, but did Valentino _really_ not recognize him?

"I tol' ya, doll." Valentino slurred, squinting at the smaller demon in the low light of the club, "I gotta husband."

"Yes, it's _me_. We're _married_ , Valentino." Alastor growled exasperatedly, reaching out to grab at Val's hand so he could hold it in front of the pimp's face, gesturing aggressively to the ring there. Then he showed off his own ring. "See?"

"Where'd ya find this?" Valentino asked in a low, threatening tone, barely audible above the deafening music, "Al don' take it off."

"I _am_ Alastor!" He snapped, struggling to keep his grin in place with his building annoyance, "Honestly, Val, are you really so drunk that you don't recognize me?"

"I know my husban' better than _anyone_! An' I know that he don' wear dresses _an'_ he certainly don't wear makeup!"

A deep sigh.

"Dear, you asked me to wear this for you tonight, you picked out the dress and everything." Alastor explained slowly, smoothing his hands down the front of the skin tight dress.

The pimp had taken him shopping _specifically_ for the purpose of buying Alastor a dress they'd both like, so the demon could wear it for him on a date to one of Val's clubs. It was a ruby red that sparkled brilliantly when the light hit it, it was strapless too and clung to Alastor's body in an attractive way.

Maybe it was Alastor's fault, he was supposed to have met with the pimp earlier, but had texted that he'd be late because he'd had more work than he'd anticipated. Evidently, that had left Val alone with the bartender.

Valentino squinted harder, large fingers catching Alastor's chin so he could get a good look at his face, take in the curls of his hair, the blush on his cheeks. The large ears that stood to attention and the pitch black antlers. He straightened, let Alastor go none too gently, "Nah, sweetheart, ya ain't foolin' me."

"Okay." Alastor spoke firmly, "Okay. Get up. We're going home."

"Fuck no." Valentino hissed, lurching away from the hands that tried to guide him off the barstool. "I'm sure you'd make somebody's night, darlin', but it sure as Hell ain't mine." He stood, swayed dangerously, "Now I got somebody at home waitin' for me, I hope ya have a good night." He tipped his hat to Alastor, and began to make his way to the exit, so unbalanced that Alastor was sure he'd break both his heels _and_ both his ankles.

It was disappointing to say the least, Alastor had been rather looking forward to their date, anticipating the compliments that his husband was certain to shower him with. They had the rest of their afterlives for good dates though, so he took his hellphone from the small clutch he'd brought with him and typed out a text to Vox, asking him to ensure his friend arrived home safely.

Alastor would return to the Happy Hotel for the night and check on his poor husband in the morning.

-

Val groaned, shoving his face into the pillow, antennae pressed flat against his head. "Why'd you let me drink so much, baby?"

Alastor tutted, gave the larger demon a gentle pat on the head, "Don't you remember? I said I'd be late, you started drinking without me."

"I don't remember anything." Val pouted, turned his head and cracking open one eye, "Did I do anythin' embarrassing?"

"If forgetting your own husband counts as embarrassing, then yes, you made quite the fool of yourself, dear."

The pimp shot up, eyes wide, "I did what?"

"You drank Satan knows how much alcohol and became so inebriated that you couldn't even recognize me in the worst 'disguise' ever."

Valentino flopped back onto the bed, buried his face into his pillow and screamed into it, only to clutch at his head when the ache worsened afterwards.

Alastor rubbed a hand over his back, "I'm sure Vox would be more than happy to share the recordings he made. Nothing like hearing your husband call you a hussy as he struggles to stand on his own two feet."

"Stop!" Val whined "Stop that, fuck, I can't believe- I'm so sorry, Al, really, I'll make it up to you."

"It's quite alright." Alastor hummed, "It was entertaining once I got over the initial disappointment."

"How could I forget you?" Valentino fake cried, " _You_! I love you so much."

"To be fair." Alastor started, "You knew you were married to Alastor, you just didn't recognize him when he was stood right in front of you in the new dress you'd bought."

"You wore it?"

"Of course I did."

"Does Vox have pictures of that too?"

Alastor wrinkled his nose, "Absolutely not!" At Val's pout, he grinned and carried on, "But I allowed Angel a chance to play photographer before I left." At the hopeful look, Alastor shook his head, "You can see them when you feel better, but I'd like you to rest for now." He pulled the covers back up to Valentino's shoulders, tucking him in.

"I forgot you." Val mumbled, as he snuggled up, "Can't believe I fuckin' forgot you..."

Alastor shook his head with a fond chuckle, "I'll be back later."

"Wait! You better stay!" Val huffed, "I ain't letting you leave until I'm certain I won't forget your face the second you leave. And I'll learn to recognize you no matter how shitfaced I am, or how bad the lighting is, or what disguise you're wearing."

Alastor couldn't stop the laugh that escaped his throat, leaning down to press a sloppy kiss to his husband's forehead, "Okay, my love, I'll stay for a while longer."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's good to be back from my impromptu hiatus, but don't expect another chapter so soon! Until then, you can bug me on Twitter to see what I'm doing when not writing uwu [@hunting_people](https://twitter.com/hunting_people)


	61. Being Able to Tell the Future Isn't a Superpower

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Valentino wonders if it's too early for a second date, and then says fuck it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Currently don't have internet at home and have a lot of time to be productive, mostly arting, but just a tiny bit of writing is getting done uwu
> 
> This is taking place very early on <3

Admittedly, Valentino didn't think that Alastor would be the easiest to get along with, being as stuck in the past as the deer was, but Val was determined to make it work, no matter how hard. He wanted to be with the man, for as long as he'd allow, and he'd damn well put the hours in to prove he was worth the Radio Demon's time.

Except, Alastor made it so, _so_ easy.

It must have been his radio host talents that aided him, allowed him to carry on almost any conversation Valentino started, though he did still get a bit lost when the topic changed to current events. He laughed at the pimp's jokes too, genuinely, even when he didn't entirely get the references, because he really thought Val was funny. He wasn't an expert in all things, but he knew a little about a lot, and that was enough. Especially when the lack of knowledge didn't lead to him belittling Valentino for his bizarre fixation on the history of lamps.

If Valentino wasn't in love before, he certainly was now. There was just no way he could feel any differently.

All he thought about was when he was able to next see the deer, it was all he wanted to do. See Al, talk to Al, just _be_ with Al.

Was it too soon to ask Al out on another date? Society had rules and shit about that didn't it? You had to wait a certain amount of time, and it had only been a couple of weeks... maybe Val would wait, he didn't want to scare Alastor off after all.

But he wanted to see him, so he should call him-

No-

Fuck it. 

Val was gonna ask him on a second date.

Alastor had him in his grasp, completely and utterly, and Valentino wasn't about to do a single thing to escape.


End file.
